The Broken Road That Led Me To You
by Beautiful Vixen
Summary: Bella finds herself in a relationship of abuse that spirals into an even more abusive marriage. She finally finds the courage to break free but then must learn to put herself back together, face her demons and live again. She meets Edward and there is an instant connection. Can she take a leap of faith and open herself back up to trust someone?
1. Prologue

_**Lets just get this out of the way now shall we? I do not own Twilight, I am not associated with the author, creators, or producers of the franchise in any way.**_

**Authors (rather long but important) note:**

_This story has dark themes and topics. It deals with abuse, physical, mental and sexual. It starts out very dark but is ultimately a story about a woman finding redemption, hope, and freedom within herself. About finding out she deserves love and happiness after a violent past._

_I hope you will give it a chance and a read because, while this is probably one of the most extreme of circumstances, abuse of all kinds is a story is one that happens far too often in this world and is overlooked by far too many._

_My prayer in sharing this story is two-fold. I hope to make people more aware of domestic violence so if you ever see signs maybe you can help, to give those who have thankfully never been a victim of domestic violence a glimpse into the mind of a victim so maybe you will understand better why some women stay instead of running. My second reason is so if you have ever been a victim of this kind of violence so that you know you are not alone in this world. While every situation is different and no two stories are the same ; there are some very commonly shared feelings and I want you to know you are not the only one who feels them._

_You will see situations of extreme violence during the first part of this story. There are scenes of implied rape but I want to say right now that I never graphically describe the situation as it is not needed, you see the before and the aftermath and that is horrifying enough._

_This story is told mostly from Bella's point of view but occasionally we get a peek into other minds around her._

_This is not an easy story to read and it was an even harder one to write and I spend a good amount of the time with tears pouring down my face but I feel it's an important one to be told._

_Remember as you read...It's always darkest before the dawn and even the darkest night eventually has to break for dawn's morning light._

_The last thing I will say is this...This is a story based on truth and it happened to someone in my life. (And yes, I have their permission to write and post this story)_

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

**Prologue**

Bella awoke from the nightmare with a start, her heart pounding and her breathing harsh, boarding on hyperventilating, her body covered in a light sheen of sweat as she trembled violently. Edward rolled over and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him, and kissing the top of her head. She glanced up, feeling bad that she woken him up and she realized that he was still asleep. This brought a small smile to her face and her heart, that was still pounding in fear, began to calm as it swelled with the warmth and love for the man laying next to her. Even in his deepest sleep he knew what she needed and so willingly gave it to her.

She lay there in the quiet dark room listening to Edward's deep and even breathing, feeling his heartbeat against her cheek, she wondered how she got so lucky. She was safe and loved, she had a man who would do anything in his power to bring her happiness, to protect her, who showed her every single day with his words and actions that he treasured her. Bella loved him so much that it hurt sometimes. She thought to herself with a wry smile "I can never make him see that the thing that makes me the happiest is him, his smile, his cheesy jokes, his kisses, his snuggles...just him."

Her mind once again turned to her nightmare and she shuddered a little, once more causing Edward's arm to tighten just a bit in response. Wanting to let him sleep, "At least one of us should be well rested" she thought to herself. She carefully slipped from his arms and out of the bed, leaning down to place a soft kiss on his lips. Then, grabbing her silk robe slipping it over her shoulders, tying it and padding silently on bare feet out of the room and down to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

Wrapping her hands around the mug of hot liquid Bella stepped out onto the back porch and settled herself onto the porch swing. Using her foot to rock it gently back and forth as her mind wandered back in time to how she got here, to this moment, and the hell that she survived to get to this point in her life. A cool breeze caused her to shiver a little as her mind brought up his name, the one she tried never to think of, the one that she never uttered...

**Jacob Black**


	2. Chapter 1: Subtle Changes

**Chapter One: Subtle Changes**

_Bells POV_

_**June of 1999**_

Standing on the football field in the warm sunshine with the rest of my classmates in our graduation caps and gowns, posing for pictures with our families. I can see Jacob on the other side of the field getting his picture taken with his dad, Billy. He looks over at me and smiles and I smile back at him. I can't believe it was over, no more school! _Well, at least no more high school!_ I remind myself with a little laugh, of course there is college in the fall to look forward to. But now I am free, at least for a bit, to just hang out with Jake and my other friends.

Jacob and Billy make their way over to Charlie and myself, and our dad's being our dads, start talking fishing and hunting. I roll my eyes a little at them with a smile, as they go on and on, and I feel Jake's large hand wrap around mine. I look up into those brown eyes and feel myself melt a little. _He is so handsome and sweet and I think I might love him_ I think to myself again for the millionth time.

"Let's get out of these robes, Bells" I hear him say, and I nod in agreement, following him into the school.

I unzip the gown, shrugging it off, and I feel his eyes on me. I automatically glance down at my outfit thinking something was wrong and then my brows furrow together in confusion. No, the simple white button up blouse and black skirt was just the same as it was when I put it on this morning.

"Why in the hell are you wearing a skirt that short, Isabella?" Jacob snaps.

I again look down at myself. _Short?_ I think to myself even more confused, as it fell to three inches above my knee.

"What are you talking about, Jake?" I ask, the confusion evident in my voice.

"I'll tell you what I'm talking about." He says as he grabs my arm and pulls me over to a mirror. I let out a little yelp of pain. "Look at yourself! Do you want all the guys out there looking at you, thinking how easy you are, like you're a bitch in heat?"

His voice is dark and snarling and I'm taken aback. He has never talked to me like this before and he is really hurting my arm with his grasp. I stare up at him with wide eyes, my heart beating fast in confusion and fear, my head not understanding what I had done that was so wrong. I had thought this skirt was simple and elegant in a classic way, when I had put it on this morning.

"I'm sorry, Jacob" my voice is quiet, and I hear the way it trembles.

Suddenly, he looks to where he is holding my arm and realizes how tightly he is gripping me and finally he releases it. "Bella, I'm so sorry, honey." He rubs my arm gently now, as if trying to erase the spot, where I know tomorrow I will have bruises. I could feel the bruises forming already; I wince a little, pulling my arm completely away.

"I'm just so nervous today, and when I saw you wearing that" he gestures to my outfit "All I could think about was how all the guys would look at you." His voice grows harder now, more menacing and I shiver a little, "And nobody should be looking at you unless it's me." His voice is low now and I had never seen his eyes look so cold before. "You're mine, Isabella, do you understand that?"

My hand reaches up automatically, to smooth away the wrinkles in his forehead caused by the frown on his lips. "Of course I'm yours, Jake. What's wrong? Why are you so nervous?" I feel a tremble in my stomach, something in the back of my mind says that I should just walk out right now, just start running and never look back. I shake my head slightly to clear such silly thoughts. He wouldn't hurt me, it was an accident, and something obviously has Jacob all worked up and I need to calm him.

"I don't know" He mumbles, "All I could think about all morning was how I'm only going to have a few months with you before you're away from me at college and I'm at the academy learning to become a cop." His eyes bore into me "I can't lose you, Bella, you're mine, my girlfriend, and someday you'll be my wife"

My breath catches in my throat _His wife?_ I think incredulously. _We're only 18! I have at least four years of college ahead of me...more if I decide to go for my dream of becoming a doctor_ I shake my head again, clearing it. This isn't the time to bring it up, I just want to get him calm since this had obviously shaken him up.

"Jake" my voice is soft and soothing as I wrap my arms around him hugging him close "Of course I'm your girl, just because we have to be apart while I'm at school and you're becoming a cop, doesn't change that. It's not like I'm going far. I'll only be 45 minutes away. We'll see each other every weekend."

His arms come around me, and he crushes my small frame to his large one, so tightly I can barely breathe. "It will be more than weekends, Bella, I'll be up there every night to see you."

His voice has a grim determination to it, as he says these words and I think how impossible that will be, but let it go for now. There was no sense in arguing with him, when I had just calmed him down. He would realize soon enough, that we would both be busy with my studies and his training. We would see each other as often as we could. He would see that I wasn't leaving him, that I was still his.

"We should get back out there, Jake. Dad and Emmett will be looking for me, and Billy for you. We're all supposed to go to dinner before you and I go to the parties tonight, remember?" I smile at him, and push up on my feet so I can give him a kiss.

Jacob nods slowly, his eyes still intense, and I shiver again suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, and a little...afraid? _Well, that's just ridiculous. I have no reason to be afraid of Jacob, he cares about me. He didn't mean to hurt me, it was an accident. I have always bruised easily_ I think to myself brushing away those feelings. _And, look how sorry he was when he realized that he had hurt me_

He nods again and his voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Yes, we'd better get going. You'll ride with me to the restaurant. On the way we'll stop at your house, and I'll pick out something I think is more appropriate for you to wear tonight."

His tone didn't leave any room for argument so I agreed, although I still, honestly couldn't see what was wrong with what I was wearing. "Yes, Jake, of course." My voice answers him softly, as he grabs my hand, pulling me behind him to go find our folks. It's just easier to agree than to have him get all upset again. After all. it's only a stupid outfit.


	3. Chapter 2: Told Not Asked

**Chapter Two: Told Not Asked**

_BPOV_

_**Present Day 4 A.M.**_

Looking back on it now, I can see all the subtle things that happened between Jacob and myself; but back then, all I could see was that he was getting more and more agitated. All he talked about was how I was going to be away from him. I mistook his agitation, thinking he was worried about me leaving him and I did everything that I could to please him, to placate him. I did all that I could to show him I loved him, and that I wasn't leaving him just because I was going away to school.

I understand now, that he was becoming more controlling of me. He was breaking me down day by day inside, changing the very core of my persona little by little. I was actually scared of upsetting him. When I would see a certain look in his eye, I would cringe and immediately try to fix whatever I had done to make him angry. It started to become that everything I did, was done to please him.

He insisted on going through my clothes and tossing out anything he didn't think I should wear. If I went shopping for new clothes, he insisted on coming with me and picking things out that he deemed proper. When we went out for a date, he picked out my outfits. He told how I should wear my hair, how much, if any, make-up I could wear as well as how much jewelry. If we weren't together he needed to know where I was, and who I was with. If he didn't approve then I wasn't to go. When I did go out without Jacob, there were constant phone calls to check up on me, there were 'surprise visits' to see if I was really where I said I was, and if I was with who I said I was with. I had never lied to him, so I didn't understand where all of this suspicion came from. Things became more confusing by the day for me as I began to doubt everything I thought to be true.

Looking back now, I realized how slowly and methodically he was breaking me down every single day. Telling me that I wasn't pretty, that I was stupid, and that nobody else wanted me. Telling me that I was never going to find anyone who loved me, that I was his. Every day I believed his words more and more.

More than once, I had thought about talking to my Grandmother about how Jake was treating me, but I never did. There was no one in my life that I trusted more than her. She was the mother to me that Renée wasn't. I'm still not sure if I was already too scared to share what Jacob was really like when it was just he and I, or if I already believed so deeply that everything was true, and she would re-affirm everything Jacob had said to me. How life could have been so different if I had just talked to her or Charlie, if I just hadn't been so afraid.

Oh, how many times I wish I could go back to that summer when I pushed that sense of danger away. I wish I could scream at myself to run and never look back. My mind drifts again to the day that my fate was sealed and I didn't even make a single protest.

I rock the swing gently back and forth with my foot, oblivious to the world around me, as my thoughts continue to drift back to that time. My mind tumbling over itself with everything as I remember...

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**Summer of 1999**_

The summer passes in a blur. Almost all of my time spent with Jake and occasionally hanging out with Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Tyler and my other friends. Just trying to enjoy the last bit of freedom before we had before stepping into the more serious role of becoming college students.

Over the summer I've become more quiet and withdrawn. I am afraid to express my opinion on matters, or to speak out if I disagree with something. If I dare to contradict him, his eyes would flash with anger and his mouth would twist in a sneer. and he would tell me exactly how stupid I was. His voice, loud and angry, as he would tell me why his opinion was the only one that mattered and was the only one that was right. I was stupid, I didn't know anything, he knew all. I learned to keep my mouth shut, and agree with him.

Jacob has become more physical in the way that he deals with me. If we were out with other people and he didn't like something I said or did, he would reach around and pinch my arm or side hard enough to bruise me. I almost always had a bruise or two hidden in an out of sight place on my body from these pinches. Sometimes, he would pull me close as if to kiss me, and bite my lip hard enough that I would taste blood, and then with a low and threatening murmur of "Behave yourself" before pulling away.

There is a part of me that wanted to break up with him, and run as far and as fast as I could away from him. Part of me recognizes the danger here, but it is all so confusing because nobody else ever saw this side of him. There is this side that everyone sees, and then there is this side that only I see, and then sometimes he is the same sweet guy I fell for. It makes my head spin sometimes with how quickly he flips back and forth.

Everyone loved Jake. They think he was so mature and responsible, set on his career in law enforcement. A solid and wonderful guy. They all comment on how wonderful of a boyfriend he is, how sweet and kind he is, how he loves and treats me so well.

Slowly my mind starts to think that I am the one that is wrong. That if I just behave a little better, if I am a better girlfriend to Jacob, that he wouldn't have to do these things.

He always appears so sorry when he would see the bruises that he left, his eyes sweet and remorseful. He brings me flowers, or some other little trinket and looks at me with those big brown eyes, looking so sorrowful as he asks my forgiveness. He would say softly to me how I just need to behave myself better so I wouldn't force him to do these things to me.

I would kiss him and tell him of course I forgive him. I tell him that I should know better than to do what I had done. That he was right, and that I was the one who is sorry and I promise to do better. I swear I will be better, that I will be good enough to deserve him.

_**August 23, 1999**_

"Wear the black bikini Bella, and this dress over it" Jacob says as he tosses the chosen items on my bed next to me where I sat waiting quietly. Used to this by now, I nod in agreement and take my clothes and walk into my bathroom to change. "And your hair in a ponytail," He calls out. "You know I love your hair in a ponytail." I do as he orders and step back out into my room to find my flip-flops. He smiles at me, "I have plans today, honey, I'm going to make your dreams come true".

I look at him a bit curiously, but know it will do no good to try to get it out of him. So I smile hesitantly back, "I can't wait." I reply. _Maybe today will be a good day and I won't do anything to upset him _is my thought as I get ready as he instructs.

I'm in a good mood, and I am actually excited about today. Jake seems very happy today, and we were about to meet up with some of our friends to go to an amusement park, one of my favorite things to do. It will be a nice relaxing day, full of fun and laughter. I am very much looking forward to it. I am leaving on Monday for school, and I have been afraid that he would be in a bad mood as he usually was these days. So I am pleasantly surprised to find out differently, and I am determined to just enjoy the sunshine and fun.

We pull into the parking lot, and I grin as I see everyone waiting for us. I am practically bouncing in my seat, and can't wait to get on the nearest roller coaster. "Bella" his voice sharp. "Calm down now!" I immediately calm myself, and sit still. not wanting to ruin his good mood. He takes a deep breath and then smiles at me, "Let's just have a fun day honey, and please behave yourself. I don't want to get upset with you."

I nod in agreement and smile back at him, "I would love that, Jacob." I say sincerely, hoping that is what we can have. We get out of the car and walk to our friends his hand wrapping around mine and squeezing a little tightly, but I knew better than to complain so I simply take a breath, put on a smile, and call out to the group "Hi guys!"

The day passes quickly, and there is a lot of laughter and fun. There is an incident at the water part of the park when Jake accuses me of flirting with some guy. All he did was say hello to me and I answered him back with a hi, keeping my eyes on the ground. This results in what I know will be a pretty ugly bruise on my arms, from the squeeze he give them after he pulls me off to the side and away from prying eyes.

"How dare you!" He hisses at me. "Why were you looking at him, flirting with him?" He shakes my body angrily, holding me by my upper arms.

"I'm sorry, Jake" I plead with him, "I was just saying hello back to him, I swear."

He huffs, and before he lets go of me, he wraps his large hands around my waist, squeezing so tightly that I can barely breathe. "You don't look or talk to any guys, do you understand me?" I nod silently, my eyes filled with fear, and brimming with tears as he lets go of me. A moment, later he gives me his lopsided smile. "Go shower off, change back into your dress, let's get something to eat. It will be dark soon and I have plans for after dark." I nod again, and move to obey him immediately.

Jake is in a really good mood while we eat dinner. Afterwards, we wander around a little more with our friends, playing the games and trying to win prizes. I am getting tired and am starting to wonder if we were going to leave soon. Suddenly, Jacob looks at me and says, "We still need to ride the Ferris wheel!"

"Oh, um, okay," I reply. A bit bewildered by this sudden determination as we walk towards it. Jake gives the man the last of our ride tickets, and we climb into the seat. The ride starts and up we go. My eyes take in the sights as we climb higher and higher, and I think about how pretty it all looks. The car stops at the top letting us see the overview of everything.

"Isabella" I hear Jake's voice, and it's more gentle than I think I have ever heard it. I turn to look at him. He smiles and takes a deep breath "I know I'm far from perfect, and I know that I don't always act the way I should, but that's because I love you so much. I look at you and wonder how I will survive when we're apart with you at school. You belong to me, Bella, forever" He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a ring, taking my left hand and sliding the simple diamond solitaire set in gold on my ring finger and then kissing it. "And now you will be my wife."

I sit in stunned silence as we start moving again, looking at the ring, and then looking at Jake, who is beaming happily. I feel completely blank of emotions and numb. As we get off the ride he pulls me over to our friends.

"Guys! We have an announcement! Bella and I are getting married!"

The girls squeal, and immediately want to see the ring. The boys congratulate Jake, as I sit down still not uttering a word. Jake laughs, "She's still in shock." He pulls me to him and kisses me, pinching my arm as he does as a way to tell me to behave even though I've done nothing. "I had better get her home guys, we'll catch up with you later."

As we drive home that night Jacob sings along with the radio loudly and I stare out the window and the only thing I can think is...

_"He didn't ask me...he told me"_


	4. Chapter 3: Realizations

**Chapter Three: Realizations**

_Bella POV_

_**Present Day**_

"Bella? Aren't you freezing out here, baby?" Edward's voice is soft but I still start from the sound of it. I realize that the mug of tea had grown cold in my hands as I came out of my thoughts, and realize that the sun had risen and I hadn't even noticed.

Getting up from the swing I stretch my muscles that are feeling tense and sore from sitting in the same place for so long. He watches me with a worried look in his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek a bit, he takes the mug of cold tea from my hand and places it on the railing and then holds his arms out for me. I eagerly step into their warmth and nuzzle my face against his chest as his hands rub up and down my back with the lightest of touches. No words are spoken between us, he knows the night I've had and just offers me his comfort and love.

Finally, I pull back from his embrace gently and give him a small smile. "You're going to be late if you don't get into the shower, Sweetness" My voice soft and hoarse from the crying I've done.

"The shower can wait" He says firmly and pulls me back to him. "You are so much more important than a shower and if I'm late to work, I'm late. It's not the end of the world."

I sigh and nuzzle my face back against his chest, closing my eyes and getting lost in his scent as I breathe it in deeply. It calms and warms me, bringing me back to where I am now and out from my past. Another five minutes past and I gently pull away again although reluctantly.

"Go shower, baby, I will get some breakfast for us. I'm okay." He studies me for a moment and knows that statement is not completely true, but knows I'm better than I was when he found me and nods his head in agreement.

"Okay, Beautiful" He kisses my forehead lightly and then releases me, heading inside and upstairs.

I grab the mug from the railing and head back into the kitchen from outside. I see the time is 7:20 and from upstairs I hear the sounds of Edward in the shower. I dump the cold tea out in the sink and rinse the mug out, then wash my hands. I then gather the ingredients from the pantry and refrigerator to make waffles and bacon for breakfast. I busy myself about the kitchen mixing the batter, heating up the waffle iron, frying the bacon, cutting up a mixture of fresh fruit, making a fresh pot of tea, getting the juice out, and heating the syrup.

Edward comes into the kitchen and he moves my hair to the side before his hands slide around my waist and lace together against my stomach and he kisses my neck gently, murmuring in my ear "That smells so good, Bella, almost as good as you". There is playfulness in his voice along with tenderness as he works to pull me out of the sadness I feel.

I am again flooded with warmth throughout my body and I feel safe in his arms. I'm overwhelmed for a moment with emotions and I close my eyes taking slow breath. I turn my face to his and kiss him softly "I'm just about done here if you want to take the fruit and syrup to the table please" I give him a smile.

Edward studies me for a moment and I know he can see the exhaustion in my eyes, feel it in my body as he holds me against him from behind but he just nods and I feel him place another kiss on my neck before he steps away grabbing the plate with fruits and pitcher of warm syrup.

"Sure thing, baby, I am so hungry, you know waffles are my favorite." He gives me a crooked smile that melts my heart before walking over to the table setting the things down and then settling himself into his chair knowing I'll only scold him for helping if he tries. I lift the waffles from the iron and place them on our plates and add the bacon that is draining on paper towels. Picking up the plates, I walk over to the table and set Edward's plate down in front of him and then sit down in my chair. I reach for the fruit and place some fresh raspberries on my waffles and pass the plate to him knowing he'll go for the strawberries.

We begin to eat in a comfortable silence and as I concentrate on my food, taking small bites and chewing slowly. I can feel his eyes on me occasionally, studying me. "They were bad last night weren't they, Love?" His voice is soft and soothing, gently probing and I nod a little in acknowledgement. Looking down and my lips tremble a little.

Suddenly, I hear his chair move back and he's at my side kneeling down pulling me into his arms and my façade is broken as I start to cry. His arms tighten around me and his hand rubs gently up and down my back, his other hand cups the back of my head as he leans his head against mine and he lets me cry knowing I need to release it.

Once I start to calm down he pulls back a little to look at me again and both his hands move to cup my cheeks. "He can't hurt you anymore, Bella, nobody will ever hurt you like that again. Not only will I not allow it, but you my love, You won't allow anyone to hurt you like that again. Do you know how proud of you I am, how much respect I have for you, how much I love you? You are so strong and brave and beautiful. He's gone, baby. He's not coming back and he can't hurt you."

His voice is firm and I take a deep breath nodding as my back straightens with his words reminding myself that yes, I am strong and no, I will never let anyone ever hurt me like that again. I am loved now, wholly and without demands and I deserve this love. I nod again with a little smile.

Edward's eyes flick to the clock and I can see his reluctance when he realizes he has to leave for work or he really will be late and there is a bit of guilt in them too and I can't abide that. He has no reason to feel guilty. I lean forward and kiss him softly "It's okay, baby. Go ahead and go to work, I'll be okay, I'm just going to clean up in here, shower, and then get some work done myself." I give him a smile feeling calmer again.

His eyes study mine again and he lets out a small reluctant sigh as he stands up and then gently pulls me up to him, hugging me tightly and placing a kiss on the top of my head. As he pulls back he kisses my cheek "I love you, Isabella, don't you ever forget that okay?"

My body jolts at the use of my full name and I know it's intentional. I never use that name unless I have to. It's Edward's firm and gentle way of saying that, my full name no longer belongs to Jacob either.

Another deep breath and I swallow, giving him another smile "I love you too, Edward, so much. Now go to work or you'll be late."

He gives me his crooked smile again "I'll see you later, baby" He says as he picks up his cell phone and makes sure he has his keys and wallet before heading out.

Once I hear his car leave and the garage shut I get up from the table cleaning up the kitchen and heading upstairs showering and dressing for the day. It's days like this that I'm thankful I work from home. I just don't have it in me to go into an office and deal with people. I lose myself in my work for a while, and only get pulled out of my bubble when I hear my phone vibrate with a new text message. I pull up the message and smile as I read it. He knows, he always knows when I need him and if he can't be here, he does his best to let me know that he feels me and is with me in other ways...

**-I just wanted to tell my beautiful girl that I missed her. I love you so much Bella-**

I text back **-I miss you too, I love you so much Sweetness-**

Hitting send with another smile and stretching in my chair before getting up. I wander down into the kitchen to get some water and let our dogs out. I wander around the house straightening things and my eyes fall on a picture of myself and my best friend Angela back in college and my mind wanders back in time again...

_**Fall of 1999**_

"Hey, it's Jake and I'm not around. You know what to do and I might call ya back. See ya!"

I sigh as I hear the recording for the umpteenth time "Damn" I mutter under my breath I didn't want to leave a message but I had tried to reach him all day with no luck.

"Hey Jake, it's me. I'm really sorry sweetie but I'm not going to be able to make it home this weekend like I had planned. I have a huge test on Monday that I'm nowhere near ready for, and I'm just going to stay here and cram all weekend. I'll give you a call tomorrow since I didn't get you today." I hang up with a sigh of relief, happy that the task is over. He isn't going to be happy and I knew it but there was nothing to be done about it. I needed to study for this test.

Things had been so tense between Jake and I over these last months. He grew increasingly paranoid about my being away from him, and what I was doing while I was here. He called me almost constantly and if I didn't answer or call him back immediately he would get so upset. We argued like we had never before, and more often than not it would end up with me quietly crying and apologizing, trying to calm him as his words became more cruel. He kept insisting that we were getting married before I graduated and I kept trying to put him off. The only time I wore my ring was when I was home on weekends. I was still so numb about all of that and didn't know what to do. That feeling that I should just break up with him was so strong now and sometimes I wondered why I didn't just do it but somewhere in my head I knew why.

He would come up here and cause such a scene if I did. His temper was getting so much worse and he could be so cruel with his words when he wanted to be. And then just as I would finally decide I had enough, I couldn't do this anymore he would be my Jake again, sweet and so apologetic. Telling me how stressful the academy was and how sorry he was for taking it out on me. He would beg me to forgive him and swear it wouldn't happen. He just missed and loved me so much, and please don't give up on us.

And I would give in. I thought I loved him. I have known him since we were children. I remember the sweet boy who would share his candy with me. Who spent his allowance to buy me a valentine gift. Who nervously asked me to our first dance, on our first date. I thought that once he finished his time at the academy it would all settle down again and he would become that guy I fell in love with.

I sigh as I walk back to the couch where I have my books and notes strewn about and think about this. Truth be told, I'm a little annoyed that I even needed to explain to him why I need to stay here for the weekend. The thought passes through my mind again that maybe we just need to break up. Maybe it's time we went on our own paths and if we are meant to be together then it will happen. But I can't take this fighting anymore, I can't take these cruel things he says anymore. I'm tired of my dreams and hopes never being important, only his. I can't wait for him to go back to being that guy anymore. It's time to move on. I debate this as I go make myself a cup of tea, thinking of all the arguments we've had.

When I told Jake about my dream of being a doctor he immediately shot it down. It didn't matter how good my grades were in school, it didn't matter that I was class valedictorian, I was too stupid to be a doctor according to him, not to mention there was no way that I would have time to do that kind of schooling and be a proper wife. And he was determined that we were going to be married in June of next year. The thought that we wouldn't be or that I would go on without him was unacceptable to him. If I insisted on going to college, I needed to do something that would be productive and bring money into the household, something respectable. So I choose to get my degree in business, and then I decided to add an accounting degree to that as well.

I was loving school, all the new things to learn. Angela and I had opted to find a small apartment to share and not do the dorm thing and we were having a ball living together. She had made friends left and right, going out to parties and having fun. I feel a pang in my stomach as I think about her out there having fun.

She had left this morning with a small bag telling me "I'll see ya Sunday night, Bells, not sure where I'll be sleeping but I'm sure I won't be home." They usually ended up at whatever friend's house was closest to the party crashing on the couches and floor and wherever else they could find to sleep.

I would have loved to make some friends. I wasn't one for a lot of partying, but it would have been nice to go talk to people, but the one time I mentioned going to a party to Jake, he flipped out and yelled at me so loud and hard over the phone it left me shaking and crying. He threaten to come up and make me leave school. To tell Charlie how I was falling in with the wrong crowd and getting into dangerous things.

My father would have believed him. He thought Jake was the best thing since sliced bread and perfect for me. He never saw this other side of Jake, only the side that was sweet and loving toward me. This other side was so foreign to even me nobody would have believed me if I told them about it. I was terrified that Jake would make good on this threat and Charlie would demand I come home for my safety, so I promised him I wouldn't go to any parties, that I was here to learn and earn my degrees and nothing else. With a sigh, I shake my head and clear it before settling down on the couch again and lose myself in my studies.

The loud, angry pounding on the door jerks me from my books. I get up quickly heading to the door with my heart beating fast in my chest. I look through the peephole and see Jake standing there. I sigh and unlock the deadbolt and the door flies open hitting me as Jacob stalks in, his face red and he's seething. I let out a small whimper and press myself back into the wall as he reaches out and slams the door shut.

"Where is he?" Jake yells.

"W...wh...who Jake? Where is who? What are you talking about? What's wrong?" I know I'm babbling, I've never been this scared of him before. I've never seen him like this.

His fist shoots out so fast, hitting me in the ribs and there is an audible crack in the room as all the breath leaves my lungs.

"Don't you fucking lie to me you fucking slut!" Jacob's face is right in front of mine, his hot breath on my face as I struggle to breath. He is enunciating each word slowly and clearly as if I'm stupid and don't understand. "Where is the guy you are here fucking instead of being back home with me for the weekend like you are supposed to be."

I shake my head hard in denial, and I feel the wetness on my cheek as tears start to flow, the pain in my ribs is so bad. He's never hit me with his fist before and I can't process it, I'm in shock. His fist comes out again, hitting my eye and I fall back into the corner by the door sliding down onto the floor, and I instinctively curl myself up in a ball trying to protect myself with another small whimper. Desperately I try to breathe, to get a breath into my body. I let out a howl of pain as Jacob's foot connects with my torso and I feel like I'm never going to be able to breathe again and then suddenly he's gone.

I keep myself curled up in the corner as I can hear him destroying the apartment looking for some imaginary person he thinks is here. Yelling and cursing calling me whore, slut, white trash, bitch, and threatening what's he going to do once he finds this guy. I want to move, to find a phone and call for help, to scream, to get out the door. to go for help but I can't move, I'm in so much pain.

For two hours Jacob rages through the small apartment, he's looked every place imaginable that someone could hide and even then he wasn't happy. He pulls out every drawer dumping them out and going through them, all the clothes from the closets in the bedrooms, the television is laying face down broken on the living room floor, glass is shattered everywhere from dishes, picture frames and knickknacks.

I am still curled in the corner.

Every time I had tried to move he would come back over and hit me with his fist or kick me with his foot. I knew that I had at least one black eye, my cheek felt like it was on fire and I could feel blood drying against it from where his class ring had cut it. I was breathing lightly and shallowly trying to keep the pain down so I didn't make any sound and I prayed silently.

_Please God, let him calm down. Please don't let Angela come home for some random reason. Please God, don't let him hurt me anymore._

I didn't have any tears left to cry, I felt empty. But somewhere in my mind, I also planned. This wasn't okay, I knew that. I had to leave him. I would go to my dad...tonight.

As soon as Jake left I would get into my car and I would drive home, Charlie would see what he had done to me, he would protect me, he would help me, I just needed to hold out until I could get to my daddy.

Suddenly, the apartment falls silent except for harsh, loud breathing coming from the towering man in front of me. His voice was deadly calm and quiet "Get up Isabella...NOW"

I scramble to obey him. _Just hold on a little bit longer Bella, he's almost done and then you can go get help I think to myself._

Jake stares at me for a moment and then takes a step closer, his arm shoots out and his large hand is around my throat squeezing hard and I'm being lifted up off my feet and pressed against the wall.

"If I tell you to come home Isabella, you will come home. I don't care what test you may have or anything else that may be going on. I am your number one priority. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?"

I nod frantically my hands claw at his as they cut off all of my air supply. I am starting to feel dizzy. He leans even closer to me his face right up against mine his hand tightening even more around my throat and I could get no air now. My face feels heated and I know it's red, or possibly blue.

Again his voice is quiet and threatening. "And don't you even think about telling anyone about this Isabella. No one will believe you. You family loves me, I'm going to be a cop. The whole town knows me and likes me. I'm well-respected and no one will give any credit to your words."

His next words fill me with cold terror and I believe every word he says.

"And make no mistake. If you think they will? And tell someone?" He trails off and then laughs and it's dark and frightening as I begin to see spots in front of my eyes and I'm sure I'm about to pass out.

"I will kill your brother. I will kill your father. I will kill your mother. Then I will kill your grandparents whom you love so much. I will kill everyone you love until you are the only one left Bella. I know how to do it. I will never be caught because I know how to get away with it."

Suddenly his hand releases around my throat and I fall to the ground, landing on my hands and knees as I gasp for breath, my throat. feeling like it's on fire. Jake crouches down in front of me and grabs my chin, lifting my eyes to his again.

"You are mine, I own you Isabella. I can do whatever I want with you. Don't you dare ever forget that" His hand shoots out and wraps tightly around my wrist, lifting my hand up. "And if I ever catch you not wearing your ring again" His voice is low and gritty, full of rage "I will break every fucking finger you have. That ring doesn't leave your finger." He kicks me once more, hard in the ribs, and I can't even make a sound as my world goes black. I welcome the darkness that overtakes me.

I wake up an hour later. I'm alone and it's dark. I struggle to pull myself up from the floor and can't do it. I crawl to the kitchen cutting my hands and legs on some glass but all I can think about is the need for water. I open the fridge and pull down a bottle. I'm shaking so hard I can't get it open, and tears flow in frustration and pain. Finally, the bottle opens for me.

I greedily gulp the water down and it burns my throat but brings a little relief. I lay there panting on the kitchen floor, with the light from the refrigerator illuminating the disaster around me. I can feel the dried blood on my face and I don't think I could talk if I tried. My throat is swollen and burning. I'm positive that I have at least two broken ribs, if not more. My instinct is to crawl to the phone and call for an ambulance and then to call Charlie.

As soon as I think about calling though, I remember every word he said to me and I know I can't go to my dad and I can't call for help. He'll do it, he'll kill them if I do. I feel more tears come as I realize what I've gotten myself into. I'll never escape him. He'll never let me go. I open my eyes looking around.

"Oh my god," I don't recognize my voice as I speak into the empty apartment. It's scratchy and barely there. "I have to clean this up, I need to do it now, Angela can't come home to this." I pull myself up and I push the pain, the wave of dizziness and nausea that threatens to overtake me, away as I start to clean up the mess, slowly.

I work through the night, and it takes me hours, I don't even know how long. But finally, I get things cleaned up. I have two garbage bags full of glass and broken things that I haul out to the garbage. I'm going to have to go out and get replacements for them or most of them and come up with a story for the things I can't replace.

Once I've cleaned up the best that I can and made a list of things I need to go out and buy, I make my way into the bedroom and go to my dresser. I feel the tears fall on my cheeks and the feeling of revulsion as I open the small jewelry box and take out the ring. I feel defeated as I put it on my finger. It feel heavy and cold, rather than around my finger, it feels like I've places a rope around my neck and it's being pulled tight. Finally, I stumble to the bathroom and turn on the shower letting the water run warm as I strip out of my clothes, wincing in pain and then...for the first time... I look in the mirror.

I don't recognize the girl staring back at me. Her face is swollen and bloody. Both eyes are black. I slowly pull my shirt off and my chest and stomach are completely black and blue. I gingerly touch my fingers to my ribs and wince with pain. I look back at myself in the mirror and I feel the despair as it overwhelms me once more.


	5. Chapter 4: His Property

**Chapter Four: His Property**

_Bella POV_

_**Present Day**_

A week after the night I dreamed of Jacob again, I am up in the attic looking for something in the boxes I've stored up there. I'm enjoying myself and finding 'lost' treasures of my childhood that have been stored in these boxes for years, and finding some of Edward's as well. I laugh softly to myself looking through old pictures. Memories long forgotten are brought back to light at the sight of old barbies I used to love, the gypsy costume that Nana made for Halloween when I was twelve. I find some of Edward's things, giving me a glimpse of the boy he was growing up and they make me smile and giggle as well.

I see a box pushed way into the corner with no writing on it, and it catches my curiosity. I'm an avid organizer, so for it to not have a label is rare. I make my way over to it and I open it curiously and suddenly stop breathing as I feel myself go into shock. I have no idea where this came from or how it got here. The only reasonable explanation is that it was at Nana and Papa's, and when we cleaned out the house it was given to me. and I just stuck it into storage without looking at it. I never would have kept it if I had known the contents.

Most of the box is filled with white silk and lace of a wedding gown. A few trinkets on top of it, but what send the shock through my system is there, sitting right on top of it all, there is a picture. Staring up at me is Jacob in a tux and myself in a wedding dress, the same one that I am now sure is in the box. I was so sure that these pictures had been destroyed, I had seen to it myself yet somehow this one hadn't been.

My mind spirals and I wonder how this dress and this picture ended up in this box. Why would they have kept it. I'm suddenly back in time again, staring at this picture and remembering that day so many years ago...

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**June 11, 2000**_

My alarm goes off and I hit it groaning softly. I roll onto my stomach and bury my face into my pillow, my body aching and tired. It's 4:30 in the morning and I don't want to get up. Suddenly, I'm pushed out of bed and I hit the floor landing on my hip hard with a sharp cry as pain rolls through my body.

"Shut up and get your ass out of bed, Isabella, I expect you to look perfect today. Don't you dare piss me off, this is supposed to be a happy day, the best day of our lives, so you had better fucking behave today." Jake growls at me before he rolls over and goes back to sleep.

I know he is hung over or possibly even still drunk. I can smell the alcohol from where I am still sprawled on the floor. He and his buddies had been out all night. I had only felt him get into the bed around 3:00. I had spent the previous night pacing the floor and trying to find the courage to just run out the door, and not look back. I didn't want to do this but I know if I don't it's not me who will suffer, he will go after my family. So I resigned myself to playing the part that I am to play.

I pick myself up from the floor quietly, and head to the bathroom attached to the master bedroom and turn on the shower, letting it get warm before stepping in. As I run my sponge over my body, I take assessment of it. Thank goodness Jacob had been careful lately, knowing the wedding was coming up he was even more careful about where he left marks than usual. The bruises on my body are on my hips and thighs and won't be visible to anyone. I finish my shower and dry off my body still feeling half asleep. Next I go to my dresser and I pull on a bra and some panties followed by a pair of black track pants and a red tank top.

I walk out of the bedroom and downstairs silently afraid of disturbing the man sleeping in the bed, and grab the bag containing my wedding dress and veil and then my small bag I packed with the lingerie that Jake picked out along with my shoes and jewelry. I head out to my car and start it up. As I back out of the driveway I look up at the house which I now live and will spend the rest of my life in.

One day Jake blindfolded me and put me in the car. As he drove he told me he has a surprise for me. I felt the car turn and then come to a stop before I heard the car doors opening and closing and I was pulled from the car. The blindfold was then removed and he was grinning, gesturing toward the house. "This is our house, Bells, isn't it great. A real place for us to start as husband and wife"

"I know it's a little much, honey. But soon enough you'll be finished with college and working. With your two degrees I know you'll make good money and we'll have no problem paying it off. Plus we'll need all the room for the kids you're going to have."

I just stared at him in silence as the horror of his words rolled over me. _Never_ I think _I can never have his child. I can never bring a child into this kind of life. I will never make this man a father!_

Jake just took my silence for being in shock and grabbed my arm, tugging on me hard to show me around.

The following weekend he showed up at my apartment with his brother Embry, and they packed up my belongings and moved me into the house. I never had a say and I was far too scared to argue with him. Angela was upset at first, feeling like I had hidden the house and moving from her when the truth was, after I came back home that day I shoved those thoughts as deep into my mind as I could. I didn't want to think about it.

It is a nice house, freshly painted white with black trim, two stories, and a perfectly manicured lawn with a fenced in backyard. Five bedrooms with four and a half baths, completed with a finished basement. One bright spot for me was that Jake had allowed me to have a garden back there. This is my escape and I could spend hours out there tending to my vegetables, fruits, and herbs. I find sanctuary in that small spot.

The house is cold, there was no warmth in it that would make it a home. Jake only wants the best of things, things that would make other people jealous, expensive things that he can brag about owning. He let his mother decorate it, and I'm not allowed to say a word contradictory. I am not allowed to put out anything that would warm up the place, and of course I am expected to keep it spotless and polished at all times. My schooling is to become secondary, the priority is to be him.

He brings friends home constantly, and I am expected to drop whatever I am doing and make snacks for his friends. Dinner is to be on the table within five minutes of him coming home. The first time it took longer than five minutes, he broke my wrist. I was never late with his meal again. I am expected to act my part and anything he needs or requires I attend to...whether I want to or not. I am just grateful that he was going to let me finish school. I was taking extra classes and instead of graduating in four years I will graduate in two. What I fail to realize is he has no choice but to let me finish school. He can't afford his lifestyle and it is the money I will make that will pay for it.

I roll down my window and let the cool early morning air rush over me waking me up more as I think about the day to come. I realize I'm depressed. I know this was the wrong thing to do. I know I don't love him, I know that now, and I've known that for a long time but I can't leave. If I do he will kill everyone I love.

The best thing I can do was stay. To do my best not to screw up. To do everything I can to make him happy so he won't feel the need to hurt me. To protect my family the only way I can. To play the part that is my lot in life. This is my fault after all. If I didn't make him so mad all the time he wouldn't hit me, he wouldn't have to correct me. I have to do better and that was all there is to it.

I yawn, this day hadn't even started and I am already exhausted. The wedding is scheduled to start at ten and there was so much to do before then. I must have my hair, nails and makeup done according to Jacob's specifications, and his mother will be there making sure all is done as planned. Then of course there are pictures to take beforehand. I had stayed up until 2am last night finishing the favors and little odds and ends that needed to be done. Asking Jacob to help me with any of it would of course had been out of the question. I sigh a little as I think of the wedding ahead...it was a dream wedding, but it wasn't my dream.

I hadn't been allowed to plan any of it. I hadn't even been allowed to pick out my dress. His mother and Jacob had planned everything, down to the smallest detail. It was going to be gorgeous, but there is nothing in this wedding that said 'Bella' or anything about me. It will look like a wedding you would see in a bridal magazine but it is nothing like the wedding I had dreamed about as a little girl. There is nothing in this wedding that I would have chosen.

_**10:00 A.M. Wedding Time**_

I stand there with my hand tucked into the crook of Charlie's arm. I feel like I can barely breathe in my dress, and like I may faint. I'm sure to everyone else I look like I am just nervous, in reality I am terrified. My bouquet feels heavy and huge in my hands, cascading red roses. How I hate red roses. Every time Jacob wants to apologize for things he's done, he brings me red roses and I can't stand the sight of them. The sweet smell makes me nauseous, but he insisted on red roses everywhere for this farce of a wedding.

I look up at my dad and for the briefest of moments I want to tell him. I want to let the story come tumbling out. I want to beg him to save me and to take me away from here.

_Please daddy! Why can't you see? Can't you see how much pain I'm in? Can't you see through my lies about the bruises or the excuses I make about why I can't come see you because I can't cover up the black eyes or the make-up can't cover up the damage to my face well enough?_ I pleaded in my head to him, but as he turns to me I remember all of Jacob's threats and I take a breath. I put on the most false smile I can muster and look at my dad pretending to want this.

He leans down and kisses my cheek "You look so beautiful today, Bella, I can't believe I'm giving my baby girl away."

I have to turn my head away now because I only want to cry. I have one more instant, I actually open my mouth to tell him, but then I hear the music start and it's time and I'm again reminded of why I must do this.

I keep my eyes downcast as I walk up the aisle, trying to keep my breathing calm and to not pass out and praying in my head that I don't do anything to anger him today. _Please God, just let me make it through today, I promise I'll be so good, I'll behave, just don't let him hurt me today please._ This prayer rolls over and over in my head. Finally we reach the front of the church, I feel my dad kiss my cheek again and whisper that he loves me before he gives my hand to Jacob.

I feel Jake's hand surround mine and he squeezes tight enough to hurt, but I make no sound. I know better. This is just his little reminder of what he expects of me. I raise my eyes to the minister.

As the minister speaks, I don't really comprehend what he says. When asks me if I take Jacob as my husband my breath catches and I hesitate for just the briefest of seconds. No one else notices, but Jacob does and I feel his fingers squeeze my hand tightly, I hear a small crack and I quickly answer "I do". As we recite our vows I feel nauseous as I promise to obey and I notice that, that wasn't in Jacob's vows.

Finally the minister pronounces us, husband and wife, and Jake kisses me ending with what anyone else would think was a playful nip on my lips, but it stings horribly and I know it was anything but playful. As he pulls back, he says low and dangerously so only I will hear "You'll pay for that later, Isabella." I tremble.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**Later that same night **_

I am standing in the bathroom of our hotel room shaking. I don't want to go out there, he's angry and I know it. "Why?" I whisper to myself. "Why did we have to do the stupid dollar dance at the reception?"

At first it had been okay, it was my Dad, my Brother, Papa and other various relatives paying to dance with me but then...his friends had started to pay to dance with me. They found it hilarious, but Jake kept getting more mad as the songs went on. I had only made polite conversation but of course he had thought I was flirting with them. And then, one of his friends thought it would be funny to slap my ass while he walked away. Even from across the room I could feel his anger. As soon as the dance ended he politely pulled the guy aside, and I don't know what happened after that, but I didn't see him again.

As we danced our last dance at the reception, Jacob's arms had gripped me tightly and I knew there would be bruises on my arms and waist from his fingers. He hadn't said a word to me, in fact, I was sure he was actively not talking to me to punish me and that scared me more. When we got to our room he picked up my lingerie he had picked out for me to wear tonight. Then he grasped my hair and dragged me, before throwing me into the bathroom growling out, "You have 30 minutes, Isabella."

I had spent most of my time trying to gather my courage to go back out there. I know I'll have to have sex with him, he's expecting it, he always expects it and my body shudders again in revulsion at this thought.

Sex with Jacob is brutal. He had no thought for me or what I may be feeling, whether I was ready for him or not. He didn't care if it hurt me, most of the time I ended up bleeding afterwards because he was so vicious...and lately...lately he had liked to choke me during it. There had been two times when I had woken up to him slapping me hard, over and over because I had passed out.

"Isabella, time is up. You better come out before I have to come in there," I hear him call as I take a deep breath and open the door.

The next thing I know I'm being thrown across the room hard into the wall and he's stalking toward me. "How dare you behave the way you did today! How dare you embarrass me like that in front of my parents! How dare you flirt with other men at our fucking wedding, Isabella Black!" His voice is getting progressively louder and angrier.

He backhands me and my cheekbone feels like it's on fire. "You are mine, how many times do I have to tell you that? You are no better than a fucking dog. You are my property according to the law and I can do whatever I want with you, my darling wife." His voice comes out dripping in sarcasm at the end.

He smiles a slow, cold, dangerous smile. "Apparently, those rings on your hand that I bestowed upon you in my generosity aren't enough to remind you. So I'm going to give you something more permanent." I see the light glint of something metallic before he grabs my arm hard and throws me on the bed. Before I can comprehend what is going on he's on top of me showing me the knife in his hand.

Instinctively, I struggle against him. His fist slams into my face, and then my chest, and I can't move as the wind gets completely knocked out of me. I choke trying to breathe. He gets off of me and grabs my hair pulling me up to the head of the bed where he throws the pillows off. "Stay" He orders me pressing my head hard into the mattress and I obey trying to catch my breath and shaking in fear.

He gets up for a moment grabbing something and I hear a clinking metallic noise. My hands are pulled above my head then and I feel the metal cuffs lock around my wrists and to the headboard and I let out a whimper before I can stop it.

"Be quiet!" Jacob orders, as he pulls his tie off and uses it to gag me. It's all I can do to make myself stay calm enough to breathe through my nose. He holds up the knife again and runs it down the center of my chest, cutting through the corset I'm wearing.

It falls away and his hands are rough and brutal, pinching me and hurting me. I close my eyes because I don't want to see. All I feel is pain. Suddenly, I feel it and my eyes fly open in disbelief, the cold metal of the back of the knife blade running down my chest to my stomach.

"Yes." He hisses out. "I think you need a more permanent reminder that you are nothing but a piece of property. Your sole purpose on this earth is to serve me in any way I believe fit."

Then I feel the blade of the skin against my abdomen as it starts to cut and I feel my blood, warm and wet as it starts to flow dripping down to the side on the bed. I scream now, but the gag in my mouth chokes off the sound. My body struggles trying to get away. His fist connects with my face again, and then mercifully everything goes black.

I wake up and the room is dark. Jake is laying next to me naked and snoring and I tentatively move, breathing a small sigh of relief that I'm no longer handcuffed or gagged. I slowly and quietly attempt to get out of the bed and my knees nearly buckle with pain. I grab onto the bedpost for support, while I wait for the room to stop spinning. I try to take a step and I can't, it hurts too much. I lower myself to my hands and knees and slowly crawl to the bathroom.

I close the door quietly and turn on the light. I let out a gasp as I see my body. Almost every inch of skin I can see is black and blue, my legs, my arms, my chest. My stomach and thighs are covered in blood and from the pain between my legs I know that he raped me while I was passed out.

My stomach is throbbing in pain but I can't see anything but blood covering it, drying and tacky. I crawl over to the bathtub and run warm water into it. As it fills I slowly climb my way into it but it brings no welcome relief. I take a washcloth and some soap and gently try to start washing the blood off my body. I have to empty and refill the tub three times because the water becomes so red with it before I can get clean. Finally, I am clean and I pull the plug letting the water drain and get myself out of the tub. I dry myself off barely touching my skin and I look down at my stomach...there carved into the left side of my abdomen is a ** J.**

He has done it...he has branded me as you would cattle...I belong to him now, I am his property...


	6. Chapter 5: Dying Hope

**Chapter Five: Dying Hope**

_Bella POV_

_**May 2001**_

I have the windows rolled down and the wind is blowing through my hair. I'm singing along loudly with the radio, and for a change I'm feeling good. Tomorrow is my graduation from college.

Despite everything the last year had brought, I have done it. I have done both of my four-year degrees in two and I'm proud of myself. I know my Grandparents were also proud of me. I smile as I think of Nana, beaming in pride at me. I am the first female in my family to go to college, and not only had I gone but I achieved not one but two degrees to boot.

I'm also excited to see my brother Emmett tomorrow. He's seven years younger than me and when he had been born I was like a mother hen to him. I love that boy with all of my heart and I hate that I don't see him like I did like before, although heaven knows a teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his older sister. But we have always been close, closer than most brother and sisters I think and we talk and or text each other daily. He still lives at home with Grandma and Grandpa.

I sigh a little, feeling a twinge of sadness that Charlie isn't going to be here to see this. But that had been the case since I was two years old. When the Navy called and said he had to be somewhere he went. He was good about writing, calling when allowed and came back to see us as much as he could. We knew he loved us but Nana and Papa had been the ones to raise us.

Renée will be there tomorrow though and this surprises me a little. Mom is...well flighty is probably the most polite word. As she put it "She is a free spirit and just can't be tied down." "She needs to go where the winds take her and where she can find her inspirations." So she happily left us with Nana and Papa and lived her life, occasionally making appearances.

I think she is coming just to see my brother and Jake. She adores my husband. She is constantly telling me how lucky I am. She stresses that I need to make sure to keep him happy so he doesn't stray, and I need to make sure I never let him go. If she only knew the truth.

My mother and I do not have a great relationship. She has always felt that having me was a mistake and that I held her back in life. She seems to resent me and for what exactly, I'm still not sure. She has never been a real mother to me. She does however, adore my brother. She thinks he walks on air. And she really loves my husband. It's a very odd and strange feeling to be around the two of them, and feeling I don't like to think of.

I think excitedly of my plans after the graduation ceremony tomorrow. We are having a big party at our house. Jake had agreed and I had worked on it for weeks. We are having a huge BBQ and I am looking forward to seeing my family, and the few friends I had left.

The last year has been hard. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I always do something wrong. Jacob always has a reason to correct and punish me. Once upon a time, I had loved my full name but now, I shudder when I hear "Isabella," because I knew that nothing good would follow. I don't understand why I can't please him. I try so hard. I know I am a failure because Papa has never treated Nana like this. I never saw my dad treat my mom like this, so it must be me that is doing this wrong.

If I wasn't screwing everything up and doing so much wrong, then Jacob wouldn't have to correct me like he does. If I could just do things proper and right, then he wouldn't have to hit me. I know the fault lays solely with me and I accept it.

I have never been a good liar so I do my best to avoid going out when I can't cover up my bruises. I have become an expert at applying my make-up, and I tell people my eyes were incredibly sensitive and that was why I wear sunglasses almost constantly even indoors. Even in the worst summer heat I tend to wear long skirts and long-sleeved blouses.

There is never a time I don't have bruises. I pray daily for strength, I pray that I can just be good enough, that I wouldn't screw up today, that I will somehow make him happy. I just want one day without pain. But even if my prayers about not screwing up are answered, it wouldn't do any good. I've learned now that I don't have to mess up for him to hurt me.

He delights in reaching out and pinching me hard enough to bruise me for no reason. When other people are around he will wrap his arms around me from behind and squeeze so tight that I can't breathe or lean down. He'll pretend to kiss my neck but bite hard, sometimes hard enough to even draw blood and I will have to excuse myself quickly to clean it up. My long brown hair hides a lot and he will leave bruises on the back of my neck from his fingers knowing that my hair would fall over it. It seems my body was always hurting now. I know these are all his little ways of trying to correct me and saying he loves me though, so I try to learn from each one.

I only have about three friends left, ones that I had known since childhood. Jake is having a harder time driving them away like my other friends, but I'm allowed to go out with them, without him. If they call the house phone he listens to my conversations from another room. He scrutinizes the cell phone bill and if he feels a conversation had lasted too long he demands to know why. That was followed by a punishment for what he says is, "my lying to him and abusing the privilege he has given me by letting me have a cell phone."

He does the same with my family. I am never allowed to see them without him present. When we are with them he plays his part perfectly. If we were going to see them, and it was never an unplanned trip, he makes sure to not leave any bruises or marks on my face, neck or chest for a week or so beforehand. He plays the loving husband perfectly and everyone thinks that he was my Prince Charming and I was such a lucky girl.

I wonder how they don't see. Don't they see the changes in me? Don't they see that I don't even open my mouth to talk without looking at Jake to make sure it was okay first. How I flinch every time I see his hand come towards me even though I knew he wouldn't hit me in front of people. Just someone cracking their knuckles makes me bite my lip so I don't whimper, it's reflex. That sound is usually followed by the sound of his hand hitting my body.

My thoughts go off on another direction now. I know he only does these things because I am failing at what I should be doing. Maybe that is why nobody sees. Maybe they all see the same thing that Jake sees in me. That I need to be corrected, that I need to be treated this way to learn.

I shake my head clearing my thoughts as I pulled into the driveway still humming under my breath. A little determined that thoughts of Jacob and my marriage were not going to ruin this event for me.

I should be paying more attention. I am so lost in my own thoughts and excitement that I let myself get distracted, I didn't sense the danger I am walking into. My secret that I had kept for so long in desperation is about to come out, and the consequences are going to be horrific...

I walk into the kitchen from the garage and I stop short. It's utterly destroyed. Flour, sugar, coffee, and a host of other things are everywhere. Canisters are dumped out, glass is everywhere from where dishes and glasses have been thrown against the wall. The table is on its side and chairs overturned. Pots and pans are thrown about the room. Every cupboard stands open and bare. Every counter top is covered in spilled food, the appliances thrown on the floor. The sliding glass door leading to the back deck and the yard below is shattered and jagged pieces of glass are sticking out from the frame.

_Oh my god, we've been robbed!_ Then I hear them, the footsteps I know so well and I start to tremble. My mind whirls _What is he doing home? His car wasn't in the garage or driveway. He's supposed to be on shift until ten o'clock tonight._

My mind races through everything, trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I know knew had he destroyed the kitchen and as he walks through the doorway, my eyes raise and when I see what he's holding in his hand makes me stop breathing.

_No no, no, no, no, no, no_ I whimper in my mind. _How did he find out?_ I had been so careful. I made my appointments at a doctors two hours away from where we live. I use the excuse of having to use the library at school as my excuse to be gone. I use my friends address and telephone number for my information"

On instinct I step back and as his eyes flash black with his anger I know just how much of a mistake that is. He takes several long strides over to me and grabs me by my arm and holding up the offending small white compact that contained my birth control pills. "What are these, Isabella?" He shakes me a little as he asks. His voice is too calm. It's deadly.

My mouth opens but no sound comes out. After all, what could I say to him? As badly as I want to be a mother, I can not bring a child into a marriage like this. I will not allow a helpless child to endure his abuse. I can't even protect myself, how would I be able to protect my baby? So I had prevented myself from becoming pregnant. And now I understand why the kitchen is destroyed and I'm sure the rest of the house is as well. He was looking for the pills and anything else I may have hidden.

His voice is cold and calculated and he speaks slowly as if he's speaking to someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to understand the words that he's saying. "I came home on my break, expecting my wife to be here to service me and what do I find instead? "His breath is hot and angry as he leans his face close to mine. I want to recoil from him but I stop myself. That will only make this worse.

"I find a message on the voicemail for a Ms. Isabella Black to confirm her appointment at her gynecologist in Seattle. Why would my wife need a doctor so far away, Isabella?" His fingers tighten around my arm and he starts to drag me from the kitchen, through the dining room, to the living room. My eyes quickly take in the destruction around me.

"Being the good concerned husband I am, I called. Told them that you were very sick and wouldn't be able to make your appointment. They told me that it was no problem, just re-schedule it when you were feeling better but in the meantime they would renew your birth control prescription so it didn't lapse."

_How the hell did they get the home number?_ Is the only thought that goes through my mind for a moment. Then I realize that they probably tried Angela's number which I had given them and she gave them this number to reach me at. She would have had no idea she was doing anything wrong.

He pushes me into a wall hard enough that I can feel some of the wall crumble behind my back, my head slamming hard against it. I bite my tongue to stop any sound from coming out because that will only make it worse. I can feel warm wetness on the back of my head, in my hair as blood starts to flow. I see spots in front of my eyes and this moment seems surreal as I wonder if, when he pulls me away from the wall there will be an imprint of my body like in the cartoons. I have the strangest urge to laugh, and I wonder if I'm going mad. His voice pulls me out of this stupor.

"Did you think you would get away with it, Isabella? Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you think I would just accept the fact that you weren't getting pregnant?" He repeatedly slams me against the wall as he asks me each question, to drive home his words further, his voice getting progressively louder and more harsh. His face is red and his eyes bulging in their anger. I let my body go limp like a rag doll as he shakes me holding back my cries of pain and fear. I think if I tried to stand now my legs would buckle.

Then he suddenly stops and all is quiet. His hand is against my chest and he's holding me in place with it as he stares at me. It is at this moment that I understand the phrase 'the eye of the storm' and I realize that I have never been more afraid in my whole life. I can feel my eyes widen as my entire body goes numb with my fear. It's as if someone has poured ice water over my head. I feel it flow down to my feet until I can feel nothing of my body but the icy cold numbness. I stand still and limp against that wall with his hand pressed hard against my ribs. I can't even shake I'm so afraid. I can't move. His eyes are terrifying and I want to look away from them but I can't.

His hand moves so fast I don't see it, but I feel it as it hits my nose, and I hear the crack and the gush of blood. Next his fist hits my mouth, and my lip splits in two and I taste the blood as my teeth rattle from the force of the hit. He pounds his fist over and over into my face, my eyes begin to swell and there is a ringing in my head. I try to defend my face, but that only angers him more and his hits become impossibly harder.

The breath leaves my body as his fist connects with my sternum and I gasp to breath. This sound causes him to smile and then laugh and he does it again. He pummels my body over and over and I start sliding down the wall unable to keep myself up anymore. I don't know if the wetness on my face is more from my tears or the blood. He left hand shoots out and grabs my throat and he holds me now, choking me, as he continues to hit me.

Just as suddenly as it started he stops and for a moment I think it's over. I breathe a prayer of relief. Then his hands are on me again, he pulls me from the wall and throws me to the floor in front of the couch. My forehead hits the corner of the coffee table and this time I can't stop the cry of pain as I feel the cut split open and more blood flow. He pulls me up by the back of my shirt and throws me so I'm draped over the coffee table. I hear a sound and I'm not sure what it is, my mind already overwhelmed with the pain in my body.

I hear a crack in the air a split second before the thick leather belt lands hard across my lower back and I scream now. "If you're going to behave like a fucking child, Isabella then that is exactly how I'm going to treat you," is his reply.

The belt comes down again across the back of my neck and my upper back. He's in a frenzy now. The belt is whipping through the air coming down on my back over and over. My clothing offers no protection and my skin feels like it's on fire. My skin is burning and I've never known pain this bad in my life, I scream from it continually. Begging forgiveness, begging for mercy.

At some point, somewhere in my mind, I realize that his other hand has dropped down to my ass and is rubbing over it...almost seductively as he beats me, and I feel a wave of sickness.

_No no no no no no no no no no no no!_ Is running through my head over and over _Please not this too, I can't handle this too, please God, not this too_ I beg.

But I feel his hand pulling up my skirt, I hear him fumble with the pants of his uniform and then I feel him against me. I feel the bile rise up in my throat right before I feel the leather of the belt, loop over my head, and pull tight around my throat cutting my air off completely as I feel him push his body into mine hard. I'm struggling for breath and can't get any, I can feel the broken ribs and I know my nose is broken. I can barely see, my eyes are so swollen up and as he starts to rape me I feel the darkness take over me, I am certain I'm going to die this time. He's going to take every last bit of me and I'm going to die and for one moment I'm thankful. I want to die, I can't live like this anymore. I welcome death.

As my eyes close and the veil of blackness starts to fall over me I see the faces of my loved ones. Emmett, Charlie, Renée, Papa, and finally Nana. As her face comes into my mind I know this will destroy her. I've always been her baby girl. I don't think there is anyone in this world closer than her and I and this will break her. As those thoughts cross through my mind and I feel like I'm starting to float away something inside of me snaps. He can hurt me, but I can't let him hurt her.

I let out a loud howl and buck up hard, throwing my head back and headbutting Jacob. I manage to throw him from me. In his surprise he let's go of the belt and I suck air into my raw throat and it burns but I don't care. I just want air.

He lunges at me and lands on top of me again. I claw at him with my nails drawing blood, kicking and fighting with everything I have in me. One of my nails gets his eye and he screams in pain and it gives me the advantage to throw him off me again and I roll to the side as he clutches his eye.

"You fucking bitch! You are dead! Do you hear me, Isabella! I will fucking kill you!"

His pants are at his ankles and I see what I want. I lunge at him now clawing and as he swings I drop to the ground and release his service revolver from his belt. I get myself up quickly and point it at him and he freezes. I reach my finger and unlock the safety, it's cocked and loaded and he knows how good my aim is. Charlie taught me to shoot when I was twelve years old, Jacob has been to the shooting range with me years ago. My aim is better than his and he knows it, not that aim really matters in this short of a distance.

His voice is suddenly calm and quiet like he's speaking to a child. "Give me the gun, Bella. You don't want to shoot me and you know it. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in prison because you killed your husband do you honey? Come on, be a good girl, and give me the gun."

I back up slowly keeping the revolver aimed at him and not saying a word. I feel my back hit the end table and I hiss in pain but I keep the gun steady on him and for the first time he looks scared. I, however, am numb. My entire body and mind is numb and all I know is I've had enough, this man is not going to hurt me anymore. Keeping the gun aimed I reach behind me, pick up the phone and dial 911.

"911 what is your emergency?"

"Isabella" his voice is low and warning now.

"Shut up" I hiss at him before answering the woman on the phone. "I need an ambulance and the police, my husband just tried to kill me"

"Okay Ma'am I need you to stay calm, where is your husband now?"

_Are you fucking kidding me lady? Stay fucking calm?_ I think in my head but my voice is dead flat as I answer her. "He's right in front of me with a loaded fucking gun pointed at him." I give her my address and hang up, I can't deal with idiots now, I need to concentrate until the police get here.

Jake reaches down slowly to pull his pants up and he's smirking. "If I had a gun pointed at me, I wouldn't be so smug," I say but his smirk only grows and he almost seems to relax and I don't understand why.

"Your hand is shaking, Isabella" His voice is low and to anyone else would seem calm but I can see his eyes and they give him away. They are murderous. My fingers twitches a little against the trigger, but I don't know if I'm capable of taking a human life. I did this in a desperate moment but I'm not sure I can follow through with it and he sees the doubts in my eyes.

My hands begin to shake harder, and Jacob looks like he's just about to take the gun from me by force and I am going to have to make a decision one way or another when we are interrupted.

I hear the sirens and the cars pull up in the driveway, the front door bursts open and there are four officers pointing their guns at me and yelling, "Drop the weapon!"

"Thank you God!" I breathe in prayer, "I'm safe."

I manage to flick the safety back on before handing the gun to the officer. Suddenly my hands are wrenched behind my back and I scream in pain again realizing somewhere in the fight my wrist has been broken. Cuffs are slapped on me and there stands Jake calm and collected with a smirk on his face.

The officers are asking what happened and I tell them. They ask Jake what happened and he tells them that he came home on his break to see me, and I completely flipped out, accused him of cheating and started destroying the house. When he tried to calm me down I attacked him and he tried to stop me from hurting him.

He says that all the cuts and bruises are self-inflicted. From throwing things around. that he only tried to restrain me for my safety.

I dispute this but the officers turn to look at me and the one holding me says "You were the one with the gun pointed at his head so who do you think we're going to believe, Mrs. Black? Officer Black is an upstanding cop with a perfectly clean record. Look at yourself and tell me who you would believe?" His tone is scoffing.

"What would you like to do here Jake?" He asks my husband.

Jacob thinks for a moment and then his face looks sad. "Let her go boys, my wife is obviously a little mentally unbalanced and I think she would benefit more from help than going to jail."

"Are you sure sir?" The other officer asks in disbelief, "You're a better man than I am, I would let her ass rot in jail."

Jake answers, looking all the part of a sympathetic husband. "Yes, I'm sure. I love her deeply and I just want to get her the help she needs." The officer nods and hands Jake his gun and Jake takes it looking at him.

"Gentleman, obviously my wife is sick so can we make sure this doesn't show up on the books. I would consider it a great personal favor"

The officers agree and the one holding me releases my hands from the cuffs and I sink down to the ground and curl myself as small as I can on the floor as every last bit of hope leaves my body. I can feel it seep from me and I feel myself give up. There is nothing left. I will never escape. Everything he's ever told me is confirmed true. He owns me. He can get away with anything he wants. Nobody will ever believe me. I absurdly wonder what I am going to do about the party tomorrow.

I hear the front door close and I'm pulled up by the collar of my torn shirt. Jake snarls at me as his fist pulls back and he punches me square in the face. I let the blackness come. It doesn't hurt in the darkness and I welcome it once again...

_**Two Days Later**_

I wake up to a beeping noise and I slowly realize I'm in a hospital bed. I'm alone in the room. I try to sit up and feel dizzy so I let myself sag against the pillow and a nurse comes bustling in.

"Oh honey, you're awake," She clucks sympathetically. "Your husband will be so happy, he just stepped out for a moment"

I must look completely bewildered and I feel overwhelmed as my thoughts swirl_. I'm in a hospital. It must be bad if I'm in the hospital, he wouldn't bring me otherwise. What did he tell them? How did he explain my injuries?_

"You were in a very bad car accident honey." she pats my hand as if answering the question I just asked in my mind. "You have a broken wrist, three broken ribs, a fractured cheekbone, and a few nasty cuts that needed stitches. You just rest now and let me check your vitals. Then I'll go get the handsome strapping husband of yours. I'm sure he can't wait to hold you and see for himself that you're alright."

She goes about her business as I stay silent, in shock. He did it, he covered it up completely and everyone believes him. She leaves the room and a moment later, he walks in. He gives me that cruel smile of his and says loudly for everyone nearby to hear.

"Oh thank God, honey. I have been so worried about you. My poor sweetheart, you look like you're in so much pain. Well, I'm here now, honey and I'll take good care of you."

My eyes are wide in fear and I say nothing. I've learned that is usually best. He continues

"I don't know what you were thinking driving so fast and especially on that road. I'm just so thankful you're still alive, Bella."

I have no doubt that once I'm home again, I will no longer have a car. I'm sure it's been gotten rid of somehow. He leans down now and his voice is a low, dangerous, growl in my ear. "Your fucking family is here. I couldn't keep them away." He is practically spitting the words out "I'm going to let them come in, but Bella," he looks at me, "One word, you say one word about what happened and I will hurt your brother. Do you understand me?"

I nod. looking at him. I know better than to say anything. No one will believe me anyway. I have gotten what I deserve. I should have never done what I did. I should have never lied and deceived my husband. I was so very wrong and he was right to do what he did. I probably deserve worse. I had failed again.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**Present day**_

I wake up screaming. Edward is holding me tightly in his arms, his hands rubbing up and down my back and he is crooning into my ear "It's okay, Love, it's okay. I'm here, you're safe. He can't hurt you, I swear he can't. You're okay, Beautiful, I promise you're okay"

I can hear the tremble in his voice as he tries to calm me down and I wonder how long it's taken him to do it this time. I wonder how much I've screamed in my sleep to have him this shaken. I cling to him tightly as I start to sob. He pulls me into his lap gently holding me tightly and rocking us a little, rubbing my back and murmuring soft words of comfort.

Slowly, I start to calm down and my body starts to relax slightly into his although I stay curled up small in his lap. "I'm sorry." I hiccup through my tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella. You have done nothing wrong. He..."his voice trails off and I know he's biting his tongue at what he wants to say about Jacob, because he's worried about upsetting me more.

"Come on baby." He gently sets me on the bed long enough to get off of it, and then scoops me up in his arms carrying me out of the bedroom and downstairs to the kitchen. He set me on the counter and I watch silently as he makes two cups of hot chocolate. My eyes flick to the clock on the stove, and I realize that it's one in the morning.

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry, you should be sleeping you have to get up for work in the morning. You have that meeting first thing." He turns around quickly and takes a stride over to the counter silencing me with a gentle kiss.

"No!" His voice is gently but emphatic. "You never apologize for me comforting you, Bella. Never!" He holds my face in his hands tenderly, looking at me with nothing but softness and love. I'm overwhelmed with my feelings for this wonderful sweet man. "You are my priority. Always. If you need me, then I'm here, nothing else matters"

He gently lifts me from the counter and sets me on my feet and hands me my mug and takes his own. Taking my hand he leads me out the sliding glass door and we settle on the porch swing. I cuddle into his side and his arm comes around me pulling me tightly to him, and we sit in silence for a while sipping the hot sweet drink. Warmth slowly seeps back into me as I sip slowly and feel the warmth of Edward's body next to mine, and the nightmare starts to fade. I glance up at the man next to me, the one that I know would rather hurt himself than ever hurt me and I feel tears in my eyes.

"I love you, Edward."

He turns to me and lets his hand cup my cheek again, leaning down a little so I can see his eyes clearly even in the darkness. "I love you, Bella. My sweet and beautiful girl" He kisses me softly, sweetly, full of love and when the kiss breaks he rests his forehead against mine. In his kiss I felt things that I know he doesn't have the words to say and suddenly I feel more at peace. "Do you think you can go back to sleep, Love?"

I nod a little, feeling calm again and we get up, walking back into the kitchen and placing our empty mugs in the sink. Edward again reaches down and picks me up holding me close to his body as he carries me back up to bed and I rest my head against his shoulder, my arms around his neck, knowing that I'm safe.

He gently sets me in the bed and I crawl under the covers. He is quick to join me and I again feel those strong safe arms surround me. I curl my body against his side and lay my head on his chest. My hand slips under his t-shirt and rests on his abs, just needing to touch his warm skin.

His hands move against my back almost lazily and he hums softly. I fall asleep again, hearing the soft humming and the beating of his heart under where my head lays. This time I slip into a dreamless sleep.


	7. Chapter 6: Goodbye

**Author's Note**

_I just want to say thank you for the reviews, for the pm's, and for all follows and favorites. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I know it's not an easy one and we have a bit to go yet before we get to the good of the story but we will get there, I promise. If there are any questions you ever have, please don't hesitate to pm me or even ask me in a review. I try very hard to make sure I answer all of them. If you can leave them for me it's only right for me to answer them._

_One thing I would like to note here. I was asked a few times, how the police and the hospital would believe him, How they wouldn't question it. Unfortunately, they do. I think sometimes people really don't want to accept that this happens in our world. You are also talking about a very small town. Everyone knows Jake (and yes, they know Bella too) but all anyone has ever seen of Jake is the mask and façade he puts on in front of them. Abusers are very good at lying and manipulating. They have a face they show to the world and a face they show to their victims and that is why many times that victims are not believed. Then you add to that, he is a police officer. Nobody ever wants to believe the police are bad and I'm not saying they are, but there are some bad ones and those bad ones, tend to stick together and protect one another._

_I think this actually might have been the hardest chapter for me to write. I cried almost the entire time writing it. It's not so much the physical abuse in this one...and out of her story this is up there as the cruelest thing he ever did to her. On with our story now..._

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

**Chapter Six: Goodbye**

_Bella POV_

_**Present Day**_

I open the sliding glass door leading to the backyard and the dogs bound out joyously into the warm and sun filled day. With a little laugh to myself, I follow them and walk over to my garden. I check on my growing plants and mentally catalog what I want to do with each. I note that my cucumbers are coming in nicely and will make fantastic pickles this year. I pluck a few raspberries off of a bush and enjoy the rich flavor on my tongue, making a mental note that these need to be picked in the next few days and made into jam.

I pick up a tennis ball and throw it for the dogs. They run and trip over each other to get it first as I laugh at them, repeating this same thing over and over until they finally tire of it. I wander around the yard a bit more, taking in the warmth from the sun, the fresh air, the green of the trees and grass. A thought comes to mind that Edward and I should go on a picnic soon. Maybe pack a basket, put the dogs in the car and go to the beach for the day and I make a mental note to ask him about it tonight.

I wander back to the end of our property where my lilac bushes sit along the back fence. All shades of purple and white and I breathe deep smelling their sweet scent. I love this time of year when they are in full bloom. As the scent surrounds me, I close my eyes.

I can't see or smell lilacs without thinking of Nana, they were her favorite. When I was growing up and they were in bloom, Emmett and I would go out every single day and bring home huge bouquets of them we had picked for her. She had them all over the house and she was always a little sad when they would start dying out and going away after a few weeks.

I remember how when she passed away, I had contacted every florist, even out-of-state, because I had to find some. She needed to have lilacs on her casket, it was unacceptable that I couldn't find them. I spent a fortune to get them and I didn't care that I knew Jacob would throw a fit when he saw the charge on the credit card. I knew that when he had seen that I had gone into his office and broken the lock on the drawer to get the account number I knew there would be hell to pay. I would endure it because Nana needed them, she deserved them, and I was going to make sure she had them. I owed them to her because I had let her down in the end, I had let my whole family down that day and the guilt and pain still makes my heart hurt so badly...

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**November 2002**_

I place the freshly baked and sliced bread on the table just as I hear the front door open and then close. It's followed by the heavy footsteps toward the kitchen announcing Jake's arrival home from work. I move automatically as I go over to the cupboard and pull down a lowball glass. Next I move over to the freezer and I place three ice cubes in it. I open another cupboard and pull down the bottle of Jack Daniels, pouring the liquid into the glass until it is exactly three-fourths full. I stand at the end of the island silently, with my head down holding the glass for Jake to take when he walks in.

He brushes past me, taking the glass and downing about half of it before he even gets to the table. I move to the stove silently and dish up the beef stew. I carry both bowls to the table and set Jake's down in front of him and the other in the empty spot set at the table. I don't sit down. I stand just off to the side of him with my hands folded in front of me resting on my stomach and my head bowed and stay silent. Jake reaches for some of the bread, spreading it with butter before biting into it and chewing slowly.

We go through this routine every single night. I am not allowed to sit and eat until I am given permission. I am never given permission until he has tried everything and approves it.

I am only allowed to eat a certain portion size that he approves. He is determined that I was not going to become a "fat cow" as he put it, like other wives. If my weight goes above ninety-five pounds I was only allowed water until it dropped back down. He weighs me every morning to make sure I am maintaining his standards. If my weight does go above that number, I am accused of eating food during the day while he was gone and am punished for what he deemed as stealing. I don't eat or drink a drop without permission from him.

The only 'good' part about this is with my weight so low, it affects my health in a way he didn't realize. Even though I had stopped being on the pill after Jacob found out, I realized I stopped having my periods which means that I have not gotten pregnant. My doctor had mentioned this on the occasion that I had been allowed to go for a regular check up but I felt no need to pass this information along to Jacob.

He is going to beat me no matter what. He is completely furious that it hasn't happened and tells me daily how much of a failure I was as a woman. I, however, only feel relief. I know what I am doing is wrong. I know I should give my husband what he wants. I know that it is the right thing to do and I deserve the beatings for not doing so. But I can't reconcile this thought with my belief that I cannot bring a child into this marriage. I cannot put an innocent child in danger.

I love children, I have wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl. My baby dolls were always my favorite thing to play with when I was a little girl, and Papa had even gone to turn one of the spare rooms into a nursery for all my "babies". I just cannot bring a child into this house, this marriage, this life. I would rather die first. I cannot not abide seeing a child hurt and I have no doubt that Jake would abuse a child just as much as he abuses me. So every day I said a prayer of thanks to a God, that I knew existed, but I am not sure listens to me, that I wasn't pregnant. Out of all my prayers I think this was what I prayed for most._ Please don't let me become pregnant. Please don't make me responsible for a life that I cannot protect. Please don't put a helpless baby in this life. _And in return for this answered prayer, I take the beatings without a single sound.

I used to love to cook. To take fresh ingredients and combine them to make wonderful and tasty dishes. I loved to experiment with flavors to come up with food that showed who I was and how I was feeling. I would spend hours in my kitchen happily playing with ingredients and flavors. Baking, cooking, sautéing. I would make meals to freeze and take them over to Charlie when he was home on leave. I would make meals to take to my Grandparents and my brother. I used to get such joy from it. Now, it was is just another chore to be done. Something else to worry about that, if it isn't perfect, if he doesn't approve of it, there will be a hell to pay.

I hear his grunt and it pulls me out of my thoughts. He jerks his chin at my chair giving me permission to sit and eat. I sit perched on the edge of my chair ready to jump up if he needs something and I slowly began to eat, taking small bites as he watches me ready to stop me when he's deemed I've eaten enough.

I jump in my seat, startled as the phone rings, and then I cringe. Jake hates having his meals interrupted by anything. The phone rings four times and then goes to voicemail. I slowly let out the breath I'm holding and watch him warily. As I pick up my spoon to take another bite I realize I'm trembling. I am suddenly overcome with a feeling that I don't know how to describe other than dread.

Jake continues to eat in silence. He doesn't speak to me unless it's to criticize or punish. The phone rings again, I see his hand tighten around his spoon. I immediately tense and hold my breath again. Again it rings four times and then goes to voicemail and I breath out as Jake continues to eat.

The shrill sound of the ring fills the kitchen once more and I know that something has happened and it's bad. Jake pushes back from the table angrily, his hands sweep across the table and dishes fall to the floor shattering and food falling all over. He stalks over to the phone yelling at me.

"Clean that shit up now, Isabella".

I immediately drop to my knees and begin picking up the pieces of dishes l as I hear him answer the phone angrily.

"What?" he barks and then I watch as his demeanor instantly changes. "Oh, hello, Robert, I thought you were one of those telemarketers, they always seem to call during dinner." He plays off his rough answering of the phone with a small laugh. "You know how annoying they can be."

He listens silently for a moment as my Grandfather talks on the other end of the line before responding, "Yes, of course, hold on she's right here."

He gestures to me to go pick up the phone in the living room so he can stay on the kitchen one. I walk quickly, my stomach doing flip-flops. I wonder why Grandpa is calling and I pick up the phone and I am afraid, although at the moment I'm not sure what I am more afraid of. The reason he is calling or the wrath I'm going to face from Jake for my family calling.

"Papa?" My voice is tentative on the line.

One of my worst fears are realized as I hear his reply.

"Bella, Nana is very sick sweetheart. Can you come to the hospital?"

Jake walks into the room with the cordless phone and gives me a curt nod, telling me that yes we can go. He knows to not let me would raise too much suspicion and may result in questions being asked, or worse yet, family members just showing up at the house to see why I have not been there.

"Yes, Papa, of course, which one are you at? What's wrong with her?"

My Grandmother's health had declined for the last year. At first it was attributed to just getting older but is soon became clear that it was much more than that. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and about that same time her physical health began declining as well. Her body just started to shut down. To top it all off, she had developed diabetes. She had suffered a mild heart attack about six months earlier.

I can hear the fear in my voice. "Her heart and the rest of her body is starting to fail darling, it's what we've feared for the last year, her body is just starting to shut down. The doctors say they don't know how long but we are nearing the end. She is in and out of consciousness."

I breath deeply trying to push back the tears that want to come as I try to get the information from him.

"Darling, could you please call your brother, mother, and your father for me as well?" His voice is shaking so hard over the phone, and I don't think he has the strength to make these other calls.

"Of course," I instantly agree "And I'll be there in about 20 minutes, Papa."

We both hang up and I look at Jake. He's not happy, in fact he's annoyed and angry.

"Just another way for you to fuck up my evening when I should be home relaxing." He shakes his head, "Sometimes I don't know why I even bothered with you, it's not like you're anything that special anyway. Hell, the chick I fucked over my car the other night did more for me than you ever could, and I didn't even know her name." He laughs harshly. "Well go on then, get dinner cleaned up so we can leave, if we don't go they will think something is wrong. But believe me, Isabella when I tell you that you owe me for this." I scurry to the kitchen to obey, my mind whirling with thoughts of my grandmother, and I pray for her as I work.

_**Six Days Later**_

It's five in the morning and I'm so very tired. I've spent every moment at the hospital that I could. Coming home only to make sure I'm there to serve Jake's meal, and make sure the house is cleaned and to his standards. In between that I have to make sure my actual work is done so I don't lose my job. I work from home, but I am still required to have things done in a timely manner.

Jacob isn't happy, but there is nothing he could do about it. For me not to be with Nana would only raise suspicion, and he knows it. He has no choice but to let me go to her, but I can feel the anger building stronger in him as days go by. On top of that he has to be careful when he hits me. He has to only hit me and bruise me in places that I can cover up with clothing. He can't even rely on makeup covering bruises now, because I'm always crying.

Honestly, I don't care. My Nana is dying. There is nothing else to be done for her other than to make her comfortable, and I feel like I am dying with her. I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. She has been my rock and my stability my entire life. I have always looked up to her. She is who I admire most, who I aspire to be like. I love her and she is leaving me. But I also don't want her in pain anymore and if I have to let her go so that she can be free of that, then I know I can, but it hurts so badly.

When I am at home, I walk around like a zombie more than I normally do. I mindlessly do what I know needs to be done. I don't even flinch when Jake's fist come at me now. When I'm forced to service him with my mouth or when he rapes me, I don't feel anything anymore. It's like everything inside of me that feels has just shut off. I don't care about anything he does to me, or makes me do as long as I can go to my Nana when it's over.

I lay down on the couch, just a little nap, I'm so very tired, then I will get up and make his breakfast. I fall asleep and am instantly awakened ten minutes later when I hear Jacob's alarm go off from upstairs. I jump up, knowing if I'm caught sleeping it will only mean another beating for me. I hurry to the kitchen to cook.

As we sit at the table eating Jake eating his french toast and sausage and me more or less just picking at it, he looks at me with a smirk and announces, "My car needed a tune-up so I dropped it off last night and got a ride home from Quill. I'm taking yours this morning."

I look up at him with what I'm sure is a horrified expression, "You'll...you'll drop me off at the hospital first?" My voice is pleading and I let out a quiet sob as he shakes his head. He has a wide smile on his face and his eyes glint dangerously and with laughter all at the same time. enjoying the pain and fear on my face.

"No, I feel you've neglected your duties around here. You will spend the day here and if I feel you've done your job correctly, after I'm done with you this evening, I will think about letting you go back to the hospital. Frankly, I'm quite tired of this little family drama. I think it's disrupted my life long enough."

I don't think before I speak the words just come pouring out. "Please, Jake. Please let me go to Nana, she needs me, she's dying! I swear I will do anything you want. I will be so good, I swear, just let me go to her!" I can feel my tears and then I feel his hand as he backhands me, knocking me off my chair and onto the tile floor.

"Just for that, you won't be going tonight. I'll think about you going tomorrow. We'll see how much you please me tonight." He pushes back his chair, getting up from the table as I stay where I am on the floor sobbing. He turns at the doorway of the kitchen and looks at me in disgust.

"You are so fucking pathetic. Get yourself off the floor and clean up my house. I expect this place to shine. I also think I want your lasagna for dinner tonight, it's one of the few things you don't fuck up. And Isabella?" I look up at him slowly trying to stop my tears "Don't you think about leaving this house, if you do I will find out and you won't be able to walk because I will strip the flesh from your thighs with my belt. Am I understood?"

I nod silently, knowing every word to be true. He turns and walks out the door. I let my sobs overtake me again, feeling helpless and worthless and praying for my Nana. I feel weak and disgusted with myself. I feel like a failure as a human being. I feel like nothing.

I finally pull myself together about ten minutes later and get up off the floor. I walk over to the phone to at least call the hospital. Not sure yet what I'm going to say to Papa. Maybe I can tell him I am sick, that I don't want to put Nana at more risk. I pick up the phone and hear silence. I push buttons and still get nothing and I start to breathe faster as panic begins to overwhelm me. I go into the living room and pick up that phone only to find the same silence...my cell phone!

I run to the front door where my purse hangs on the rack, and I frantically look through it but it's gone! I slide down the wall sobbing again. He's cut me off completely. I have no way to contact anyone unless I step outside the house and just the thought of that makes me shake. He will know if I do and he will keep me away from her longer.

I decide the best thing I can do is make the house perfect, cook the meal he wants and maybe when he comes home...he'll let me call...he'll just have to! He knows my family won't accept it if they don't at least hear from me. I get myself off the floor and get to work.

I am in a frenzy. I leave nothing untouched. I clean and polish. I cook and bake adding his favorite dessert of lemon meringue pie to the menu tonight, in hopes that he might find some favor with me. I work until I feel like I'm about to collapse and then I push myself even harder to work some more. I mow the lawn praying that he won't see this as leaving the house only doing extra work to make things easier on him. My eyes start to swell and my throat feels raw and tight as I cut the grass, my allergies kicking in full force but I am determined to finish and I push forward.

After all my work I go upstairs and shower letting the water wash away the sweat from my body. I am again reminded of just how little sleep I've had in the last week and how exhausted I am, but I push it away. I need to make Jacob happy tonight so he'll let me go to her tomorrow. I put on his favorite outfit and pull my hair into a high ponytail just like he likes and I'm waiting with his drink in hand when I hear the front door open and his footsteps come toward me.

He takes the drink from me and walks around the house, room to room, smirking. I stay in my place by the counter in the kitchen, with my head bowed and wait for him to come back. "I'm impressed, Isabella, you finally performed your duties correctly." He glances outside and he narrows his eyes as he takes in the lawn.

"I only went out and mowed the lawn and came right back in, Jake, I swear, I just wanted to make you happy, make things easier on you, one less thing that you would have to do," I babble.

He stays silent for a moment and then nods slowly, "Good girl, you are finally learning I think." He reaches out and slaps my cheek lightly causing me to flinch and him to chuckle. "I suppose you would like to call your family now. They have been calling your cell phone all day."

He sets my phone on the counter and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach as I see I have 62 missed calls all from a mixture of various family members. "It really was quite annoying. I've reconnected the phone lines so you can call them now, and we can get this over with so that I can enjoy my evening. I have other things planned for you tonight, and as long as you behave yourself , you may go see her tomorrow."

"Thank you, Jacob," I say quietly and walk over handing him the kitchen phone knowing he will want to listen in. I then go into the living room and pick up the extension. I dial Papa's cell number quickly. It rings once and as he picks up and answers and I hear a broken man.

"Bella?" For the first time in my life I hear my grandfather cry, and I sink down to my knees gripping the phone tightly in my hand knowing what I'm about to hear but praying that I'm wrong.

"Oh Bella, where have you been? She was asking for you, she wanted to see you and we've tried to call but no one answered. Oh Bella," His voice cracks and breaks again as he starts to sob, "She's gone, Bella, she's gone."

I look up at Jacob standing in the doorway and he shows no remorse, in fact he looks bored and something inside of me snaps and I feel something hot growing inside of me, starting in my stomach and working its way throughout my entire body. It's been so long since I've felt any emotion but sadness and pain that I don't recognize anger anymore.

"Papa, are you alone right now?" My voice is dead and flat.

"No sweetheart, the family is here with me. We have arrangements to make and I just don't know where to begin." His voice breaks again.

I console and sooth him, "Papa I will be there in just a bit okay? I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry I let her down but I will be there and I will take care of everything. Just hold on a little longer and I'll be there, I promise."

At this point I realize I'm making promised that Jake will have to keep and will be furious about but I don't care. His only other option is going to be to kill me because I am going.

I hang up the phone gently and feel very calm. Jake hangs up his extension looking at me amusingly and says, "Well, thank fuck I don't have to deal with that shit anymore. Get my dinner on the table so I can eat. Apparently we now have to go over there, and I have to have another night of my fucking life ruined because of you bitch. You'll pay for this."

He turns and goes back into the kitchen and sits in his place waiting to be served. I stand up slowly and walk into the kitchen to the stove. I pick up the pan of lasagna and with all the strength in my body I throw it at him. It hits the kitchen wall and the glass baking dish shatters, covering Jacob with noodles, sauce, meat, and cheese as I scream at him. I know it's hot and I know it burns him. Somewhere inside of me I find a voice I thought I had lost. Furious anger and hate is all I feel in this moment.

**" I FUCKING HATE YOU JACOB BLACK! DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU!"**

He stands up slowly from the table and part of me knows that I should be afraid but I'm in a frenzy. I should have been there, how dare he kept me from her side! is the only thoughts running through my mind.

Anything I can get my hands on I'm throwing at him with all my might and screaming at him as loud as I can. **"I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WOULD FUCKING DIE! I HATE YOU JACOB BLACK!"**

I call him names that I didn't even know I knew, cursing at him in Italian, French and English. Any bad words I can think to call him I hurl at him. I watch the rage grow in his eyes, his face get red with it and I think he's going to kill me but still I don't stop. I don't care, part of me even wishes for death right now.

He finally reaches me and his fist connects with my cheek and I know instantly he's cracked my cheekbone again. He slaps and punches me over and over until blood gushes from me and then he grabs me and cracks my head against the center island of the kitchen and I black out.

I wake up about a half an hour later. I'm naked and handcuffed to the coffee table laying on my back. Jacob is standing by the fireplace watching the fire and holding something I can't see as his back is to me. He doesn't speak as I struggle against the cuffs holding me in place. Now the fear returns.

When he turns around I can see he's holding the fire poker from the fireplace tool set and the end is red and glowing from being in the fire. My eyes widen and I struggle harder against the cuffs around my ankles and wrists to no avail. He moves to stand between my spread legs.

"Don't. you. ever. fucking. say. you. hate. me. Isabella. You. don't. ever. dare. defy. me. again." His voice is lethal, his eyes excited. "This is your one and only warning, the next time you defy me, someone you love will die and their blood will be on your hands."

I scream as the hot iron is pressed against my inner thigh and he's grinning at me. He pulls it off my skin and I feel sick with the smell of burning flesh in the air. Before I can react, he's pressing it against my thigh again. I'm screaming as he's laughing at me. As he pulls the hot iron away again he looks at me. "Am I understood?"

I nod yes frantically and he stares at me for a moment before stepping back. "Good. Now I am going to uncuff you and you are going to go upstairs and clean yourself up and then we will go to your family's house. You are going to tell them that in your hurry to get there you tripped down the stairs and had a very nasty fall. That is what has kept us and why your face looks the way it does"

He places the poker back with the other tools and uncuffs me. I whimper behind my closed lips. I get up slowly and I wonder if I will be able to walk. My flesh is red, burned, and raw and I have to walk with care making sure my thighs don't rub together as I do. I am not even sure my legs will continue to carry me. My body screams in pain, but I swallow the screams. I know I deserve them. What I did earlier is unforgivable. I said things that I should never say, I shouldn't even think them. I threw things. This will remind me to never do those things again. I was wrong, my actions were wrong.

I carefully clean the wounds and put antiseptic on them before covering them with gauze, wincing as I do. I clean up the blood on my face and look at myself in the mirror before getting my makeup out and working on covering up some of the damage. I get dressed again and walk back downstairs. Jacob is freshly showered and changed and he studies me carefully before nodding.

"Let's go, Isabella, I'm not finished with you yet tonight, and I want to get back home."

_**Present Day**_

I jump as Edward's arms come around me and I wonder how long I've been out here. He kisses my temple and says softly in my ear. "I wish I could have known her. I bet I would have loved her."

"I know she would have loved you, Sweetness" My voice catches and I try to hold back the sob in my throat. Feeling guilt wash over me again for not being there. Edward senses this immediately and knows what I am thinking without me saying a word.

"She's not angry with you, Love, I promise you that. She knows how you loved her. And you didn't let her down. You didn't disappoint her. It was not your fault." He bites the inside of his cheek to stop. I know how he feels about Jacob, I know how he hates him. But he never really says it because he doesn't want to upset me more. He always tells me that if I need to talk, he will listen to anything I have to say but other than that Jacob isn't even worth wasting breath on.

I turn around in his arms and wrap my arms around him hugging him tightly and he embraces me back. His hands rubbing gently on my back as he hold me giving me his support and love. When I pull back he kisses me softly.

"Come on, Beautiful, it's supper time. How about I cook for you tonight?" I look at him a little skeptically and my lips twitch and he gives me a sheepish smile. Edward isn't hopeless in the kitchen, but he doesn't really enjoy cooking and he's a little limited on what he can make.

"Okay, how about if I BBQ for you tonight?" He amends with a chuckle.

I smile now, as I feel my love for him washing over me and shining in my eyes as I laugh and nod in agreement. He kisses me again and smiles before taking my hand and leading me into the house. Just as we reach the door I turn to him "I'll be inside in just a second okay?"

He looks at me a moment to make sure I'm alright before nodding, "Alright Love"

He kisses my temple again and goes inside to see what we have to make, and I run back down the lawn to the lilac bushes. I bury my face into the blossoms breathing deeply and whispering, "I love you, Nana. Thank you for watching over me. Thank you for sending Edward to me. Thank you for always loving me. I'll always carry you in my heart."


	8. Chapter 7: Wings Broken

_A.N. Just one more chapter after this one and we get a break from the abuse, I promise. Not there there aren't challenges ahead in the story but this chapter and the next are probably two of the darkest. We're going pretty deep in Bella's mind on this one. We are jumping ahead about three years from the previous chapter. In all honesty I could probably write about twenty chapters just on her marriage to Jacob and all that he did to her but I don't think emotionally I could handle it and I don't think you need more than I'm giving you to understand the hell she lived do you?_

_Thank you again for all the reviews, follows and favorites. Thank you for reading my story_

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**Chapter Seven~ Wings Broken**

_BPOV_

_**October of 2005**_

I am worthless. I am nothing. The only reason I exist is to serve my husband in any way he wishes. When he hits me it's because I deserve it. My behavior constantly needs correction. This is how he shows me he loves me. I can't do anything right. I'm stupid, I have no talent. I am ugly. I am grateful that someone even wants to keep me, pathetic as I am. I wouldn't survive on my own, I am not worthy of love or affection. I do not have a right to speak unless I am directly asked a question. I do not have a right to think other than what my husband allows me to think. I have no right to any opinion on anything. My duty is to strive to be as perfect as possible for the man who has chosen to keep me. To keep his home clean and to provide for his needs.

Over the past three years I have learned this. I truly understand now. I keep my eyes on the floor on all times unless I am told to look at him. I keep my head bowed in respect for him always for he is always right and whatever he says and/or decides is for the best. Whatever he deems I need to have done to me to correct my behavior is what needs to be done for my own good. I don't speak unless he tells me I may and then I only speak as little as possible and as quietly as I can. I try to make myself invisible as I move about the house performing my chores. When I am allowed to sit, I am to sit in the corner of the living room. I curl myself up as small as I possibly can, my legs drawn up and my arms wrapped around them, my head laying on my knees and I pray. I pray that I can just learn to be good, learn how to make him happy.

I miss my family. I miss my Daddy. I miss Emmett. I even miss Renée. Most of all I miss my Grandparents. Papa passed away six months after Nana did. They said it was a heart attack I think it was a broken heart. He never recovered after she left us. He was just a shell of his former self. I take comfort now that they are together in heaven and I pray they can't see me. They would be so disappointed in me. They would be so sad that I turned out so stupid. That I couldn't keep my husband happy. I know that no one will mourn when I die and that the world will be better of, my husband tells me this daily and I know it's true.

I don't know where Renée is, last I heard she was in Florida, living with some guy and pursuing her dream of making things out of wood. I had gotten a letter from her along with a wooden jewelry box she had made for me about a year and a half ago and I had heard nothing since but this was the norm for her. I just considered no news, good news.

Charlie was stationed in Hawaii although these days he wasn't home much. He spent most of his time out at sea doing, who knows what, as I wasn't allowed to know where he was or what he was doing. He e-mailed regularly and Jake allowed me to read them before he answered them for me. Anytime a visit was suggested, either us to him or him to us, Jake always had a reason why it couldn't happen.

Emmett has graduated high school and decided to join the army. I think it's in the blood of the men in our family. Emmett, Dad, Papa, all my uncles and even my great-grandfather has served in all different branches of the armed forces. Em was now stationed in Iraq and I pray daily for his safe return. I get occasional letters from him and Jacob allows me to write him back dictating to me what to say.

These are the only bright spots in my life now. The occasional times I hear from them. I haven't spoken to my friends in over two years. Jacob has changed our phone number and it is unlisted so the only people who called now were his family and friends.

Whenever he leaves for work he disconnects the phone lines. There are locks on every door in our house that required a key to unlock them and he makes sure they are all were securely locked before he leaves. My cell phone has been disconnected years ago. I rely on Jake for everything. My car has been sold and he bought a boat for himself with the money.

I am allowed two meals a day. I weigh ninety-two pounds. I'm so thin you can see every bone in my body and those bones break easily with loud snaps that Jacob seemed to enjoy hearing. Sometimes he takes me to the hospital and gives them some excuse about how it happened. He plays the concerned and loving husband and other times he sets them himself at home with makeshift items to hold them in place while they heal. Broken bones are no excuse for not moving fast enough when he wants something. They are no excuse for why my work cannot be done. I am just as responsible for all of my duties with any injuries I may have since those injuries are my fault. The result of my stupidity.

I am allowed to continue to work because I can do it from home and the money my job brought in allowed Jake to buy all of his movie props and collectibles that he loved. Every Monday morning he drives to the office to pick up what I would need for the week and to drop off my work from the previous week.

Jacob and I no longer sleep in the same room. I am not good enough to sleep in his bed or his room. Jacob sleeps the master bedroom and he has turned the walk in closet into a small bedroom for me. I have been allowed a bed, a small nightstand with lamp, and a dresser. I am grateful for this. It is better than the floor where I slept on for six months previous to this.

He brings home women often. They know he is married but he tells them I am out-of-town on business. They have no idea that I am in the other room and from my place in the closet I can hear them even though I desperately wish I could drown out the sounds. He is sweet and kind to them. He makes them moan and call out his name in pleasure and this only serves to reinforce my belief that there is something wrong with me. When he uses me for his pleasure, which is near daily, it hurts, it is rough and ends up with blood. I am a whore, I am good for nothing but being used to service him. Even that I fail at. I am not good enough to be worth receiving any pleasure from the acts.

I finally understand my place in life and I accept it. The only part I continue to fight is the issue of children. I will take a beating every day, for the rest of my life, if God will continue to grant my prayers of not getting pregnant.

I'm so very tired. My feet are so heavy, and they take so much energy to lift to move yet I keep moving. My left wrist is currently encased in a white plaster cast and it's throbbing. I'm not allowed to take even Tylenol for the pain. The current pain is there to remind me that I am not allowed to get up unless I am given permission and he has told that he was done with me.

My head is pounding and my eyes hurt with the strain to keep them open. I want so badly to just lay down and close my eyes. Just five minutes but I don't dare. I never know now when he will be coming home to 'check on me'. He does it all the time now, at all hours of the night and day when he is at work. His job allows him pretty much all the freedom he wants as long as he responds to calls when needed. He is a well-respected member of the force, high-ranking, no one has a word to say against him.

Three days ago, I accidentally slept through my alarm and I was ten minutes late serving Jacob his breakfast. For my punishment, my privilege to sleep has been taken from me and I wasn't sure what I had to do to earn it back. But I didn't dare try to sleep at any moment. When I am allowed to sit I try to rest as best I can.

I move from room to room slowly, carefully dusting and polishing furniture. I make sure every item in the room sparkle and shines, that there isn't a speck of dirt or dust anywhere as is my routine every day. After I have finished this part of my routine, I will vacuüm the carpets and polish the hardwood floors on my hands and knees. The kitchen and bathrooms have already been cleaned, scrubbed and shining. I will do the kitchen again this evening after supper has been served.

I open the door to the fully finished basement where Jake keeps his collectibles. I always do this room last because I don't care for it, it is eerie and spooky to me. This room is completely Jacob. It smells and feels of him more than any other room in the house. It's the one room that his mother didn't design, this is completely him. This is where he spends most of his time at home.

Two of the walls are lined with almost floor to ceiling custom-built shelves. Along one of the long wall is a 60" flat screen television and a cabinet containing various video game systems, the base of the surround sound,DVD player and VCR, and cable box. On either side of these are lighted glass display cases that have a revolving plate on the bottoms of them that turned slowly to display everything on the glass shelves. The remaining wall is covered with framed autograph pictures by various actors, personal photographs and Jacob standing with various horror movie actors and below them there is a black leather couch and some matching club chairs. Black and chrome end tables in between them and matching coffee table in front complete his space.

I shudder as I see the furniture thinking of how many nights I have spent on my knees pleasing him or being forced over the coffee table as he used my body while he watched his horror movies, watching serial killers run around hacking up half-naked women turns him on.

The shelves are filled with smaller action figures of all the horror greats and movie props that he has spent thousands and thousands of dollars on. In the corners of the room are life-size animatronics mannequins of some of the movie villains.

I always feel as if I'm being watched in this room. All the figures of various horror movie monsters are represented, Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Meyers, Leatherface, Chucky are the most prominent but there are many others as well. There are also real movie props in the form of weapons, machetes, gloves with razors, guns, chain saws, and others. I work as fast as I carefully can trying to get done with this room so I can get out of it and I breathe a sigh of relief when it's finished.

I bend down to pick up my cleaning supplies feeling the pain in my lower back and hips and I let out a little whimper. I stand back up and suddenly things seem to move in slow motion. I stop breathing. My eyes widen and I watch in horror as my cast knocks against one of the shelves and things fall. I shake my head in disbelief whispering

"No no no-no no no-no no...oh please God no. Why Bella, why are you so stupid, why are you so clumsy, what have you done!" I say quietly to myself.

My body starts to tremble as I pick things up, carefully examining for damage. It's going to be bad enough that I knocked things over. He will know because I cannot place them exactly as he had them. He always knows if I've moved something even a fraction of an inch. He has spent hours deciding where each thing should be placed and just how. I know I will be punished for that but if I broke anything it will be so much worse. I slowly start to breath again as I carefully set the figures on the shelf. It appears nothing is wrong with them. I reach for the last one and I stare in disbelief at Freddy Kruger and more specifically at his hand where three of the razors on this glove are bent and one is broken completely off. At that moment I wish he was real. I wish he could come to life now and kill me like he does all of those teenagers in the movie because it would be so much more quick and probably less painful than what Jacob is going to do to me.

I am waiting for Jake with his customary drink when he gets home. My knees are trembling and I am fighting my tears as I stare at the floor. He takes his drink without even glancing at me and sits down at the table waiting for his dinner. I debate what to do but I know if I wait I will be accused of lying to him, of trying to hide it and he will use that to hurt me even more than what will happen.

"Jacob" my voice is soft, trembling, and meek and he looks up sharply at me. He knows I know better than to speak without being spoken to first. He raises his eyebrow and his hard eyes glare at me. His face is a mask of disgust and contempt. I start to shake more as I reach behind me to the counter and then hold my hand out. Holding the broken figure in my trembling hands and my voice is barely a whisper as the tears spill on my cheeks and I try to control the sobs that want to come from my throat.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I was being so careful. It was an accident. My cast bumped against the shelf. Please, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't"

He silently lets me finish but his eyes get blacker and harder and his voice is deadly calm and pure ice as he answers me "Set it on the counter, Isabella"

I do as I'm told and then fold my hands in front of me. my one hand wrapping around my cast as I hold it against my stomach and bow my head. He stands up from the table and just stares at me for a minute

"Strip" he orders in the cold flat voice.

I feel like my fingers don't work as I fumble with the buttons on my shirt awkwardly one-handed with my uncasted hand and he gets more impatient with me.

"Now, Isabella!" he barks out.

I get my shirt off and then my bra, I unzip my skirt and let it slide off followed by my panties and I stand there shivering in the cold kitchen and wanting to cover myself but I know if I do it will only make him angrier.

He walks over to me slowly and deliberately, looking me over and debating. His body is tight and tense, his fist clench and unclench and his breathing is heavy, harsh, and loud.

"Why is it, Isabella, that you are so determined to fuck up my days? Why do you go out of your way to make me mad? Why can't you do the simplest of tasks without fucking them up?"

He grabs my upper arms and shakes me hard, my head rocks back and forth like a rag doll and I keep my mouth shut knowing that I am not to answer. He releases my right arm and I watch him draw his hands back and I know it's coming. I watch his hand get closer to my face and I hear the loud sound of his palm cracking against my cheek and my head turns to the side with the force of it. He draws his hand back the other way and backhands me across my other cheek. Over and over he slaps me and I can taste blood in my mouth as my teeth cut my tongue but still I stay silent, taking my deserved punishment.

He grabs my hair and pulls me by it over to the table using his huge hands to sweep things on to the floor and pushes me down until I'm bent over it, my chest pressed against the wood. He uses his foot to kick my ankles apart hard and I hear a crack as the bone breaks in my right one. I'm unable to stop as now I do cry out in pain and I start to fall. He holds me in place.

"If you fucking move this is going to be worse. Stay you fucking mutt, do you understand me?"

I nod with a small whimper

"Actually that statement is an insult to dogs, even dogs are better than you are, Isabella!"

I hear the sound of him undoing his belt and it sliding through his belt loops. I try to brace myself. He takes a step back and I hear the crack in the air before it hits across my back. I close my eyes tightly and press my lips together so hard they go numb trying to keep in my sounds. But as the belt comes down over and over crisscrossing over my back I can't stop the crying. It hurts and my back feels like it's on it feels wet and I know he's drawn blood. Now the strikes are accompanied by a wet sound as the leather hits my skin. Still he keeps hitting me and a voice in my mind begs for someone or something to come and take me away. My prayers go unanswered and I know it's because I deserve this.

As the blood starts dripping down on the kitchen floor he stops hitting me, breathing hard. I can barely breathe while I'm crying. My back feels like it's ripped open and the blood hits the floor steadily. I know better than to move though. I know this is not done.

I hear him take another step back again and swing but this time he swings lower. He works methodically whipping the backs of my legs swinging one way and then the other working down them and then back up only to start working down again. I grip the table with my good hand for support and pray that I don't fall. If I fall I don't know what he'll do. The leather hits me over and over ripping into my flesh until my legs are raw and bloody too and then he stops.

"Have you learned yet, Isabella? Have I gotten it through your thick fucking skull you dumb bitch?"

I whimper, nodding frantically.

"No" he hisses "I think you need another reminder."

I hear him walk away from me and then I hear the refrigerator door open and shut. He walks back and I feel him behind me. Suddenly, a cold liquid is being poured down my back and then it burns. I smell the lemon juice and register what it is. I scream until I'm hoarse as it runs into the cuts all over my back and legs. The pain is too much. My body too exhausted from lack of sleep, from fear, and now from the overwhelming pain. It shuts down. The darkness falls over me and my body crumples to the floor.

I whisper softly as I feel my body sliding "Thank you"

I wake up in total blackness and disoriented. I don't know how long I've been here. I don't know where I am. I'm laying on my stomach and I'm not sure I can move. I can feel the blood crusted on my body, I try to lift myself up from the floor and I fall back down passing out again. This time I stay asleep twelve hours.

**"ISABELLA!"**

I start awake at the sound of his voice. The jerky movement of my body causes the pain to roar up in me again. I open my eyes and see by the light coming in from the open door where Jake is standing that I'm laying on the floor of my little room. It's been stripped bare, all the furniture is gone. It's empty.

"Get up!" he growls. I struggle to obey through the pain but I get myself up, my body shaking with the effort it takes to hold myself up

"You have ten minutes, get your ass in that bathroom and get cleaned up. Just because you're a disgusting whore, doesn't mean that you're going to look like one in my house"

I stumble to the bathroom and step into the shower and my hand shoots out against the tile for support at the searing pain. I manage to get myself washed and I treat the open wounds on the back of my legs but I can't reach my back. As I look in the mirror my eyes widen, I can't even see the skin through all the open angry wounds.

"Time up!"

I hear him yell and I scurry as fast as I can, pain shooting through my body out to the bedroom. He's standing by the door of my room and he jerks his chin indicating that I should get in there. I walk in. Placed in the center of the empty room is a bottle of water and an orange. I look at him before bowing my head and accepting my fate. The door closes and I'm encased in darkness again. I sit down on the floor as slowly as I can and try to find someway to sit or lay that doesn't hurt. The best I can do is to just lay on my stomach. I know better than to drink all the water at once and try to pace my sipping. I eat the orange slowly, not sure when I will be able to eat next.

For six days he keeps me in here. He lets me out in the morning to use the bathroom and I get ten minutes to shower and clean my wounds. Every morning when I come out there is a bottle of water and an orange waiting in my empty room. He lets me out at night for three minutes to use the bathroom once more. He then comes into the room with me enjoying the look of pain on my face as he rapes me.

One week later the door opens in the morning. "Will you ever break one of my belongings again, Isabella?"

I shake my head and answer him in a hoarse voice "No, Jacob, never again"

"Who do you belong to, Isabella? Whose property are you?"

I reply quickly and without hesitation "Yours, Jacob. Thank you for teaching me, for correcting me when I'm wrong"

He smiles at me. "You may come out now. I am throwing a party tomorrow night. I expect this house to be spotless when I come home this evening. I have left you a list of food I want at the party and the ingredients are in the kitchen.

" Yes, Jacob. Thank you" I answer and I blink as I see sunlight, my eyes trying to adjust.

"If you're a good girl and you please me tomorrow night you may have your furniture back. Now give me a kiss, Bella"

I lean up obediently and kiss him without hesitation and with gratitude for his generosity...

_**Present Day**_

"A woman is in critical condition tonight after she was nearly beaten to death by her husband. The man is now in custody and expected to be charged tomorrow."

The news anchor continues with the story and I feel my heart contract with pain and empathy and tears come to my eyes as I listen. "That poor woman...that poor poor woman" I whisper.

My eyes move from the screen and fall on the wedding picture of myself and Edward that is sitting on the mantle. He's dipping my body down romantically and playfully. He's cupping my cheek with his hand, leaning down to kiss me. His eyes are full of love and tenderness and my eyes mirror his as I smile at him waiting eagerly for his kiss. I wipe the tears from my eyes.

My phone rings and it startles me. I take a deep breath before picking it up and can't help but smile when I see it's Edward calling me.

"Hi Sweetness"

"Are you alright, Beautiful?" his voice sound worried and anxious on the other end of the phone. "I'm almost done for the day and will be home soon but I can feel you baby. You don't feel okay to me. What's going on?"

"Oh" my voice is soft and it doesn't matter how often this happens I am always in awe that he knows without me saying a word that I'm not okay. It doesn't matter if he's in the same room, the same building, across town, or even in another state. He could be an ocean away from me and he would know that I'm not okay because he would feel it. Just like I feel when he's not alright. When he's stressed, or tired, or just having a bad day. I always know.

I take another deep breath "I'm alright, Edward. There was just a story on the news" My voice catches and I feel a tear fall. "There was a man and he hurt his wife badly"

"Oh, Beautiful" his voice is soft and there is sadness in it. "I'm sorry baby, I know that must have brought up memories"

I nod, forgetting for a moment he can't see me. His voice continues.

"I'm just about done here for the day, Love. How about I come home and we pick something up for supper tonight. Maybe take the dogs to the park to just get out for a bit? Have a little picnic? Just spend some quiet time together?"

I smile as images fill my head brought on by his idea. "That sounds wonderful baby" I say softly. "That sounds perfect"

"Five more minutes and I'm on my way home to you. Okay, Beautiful?" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"That sounds perfect baby. We'll be waiting for you when you get here"

"I love you, Sweet Girl and I'll see you in about a half an hour"

"I love you too, Edward. So much. We'll see you soon"

I can hear his reluctance to hang up. I know he wants to be here to wrap his arms around me. To comfort me and tell me it's okay. That Jacob can't hurt me anymore. It's always hard on him when I have a bad moment and he's not here to do that. When he's forced to only be able to call me.

"Edward" there is a smile in my voice now as I feel a rush of warmth run through me. It's a feeling that only this man inspires in me. A feeling of love and safety.

"Yes, Love?"

"The sooner you hang up, the sooner you can get home"

He chuckles softly now and I hear him let out a breath I'm not sure he knew he was holding. It's the sound of him relaxing and knowing that I am okay now.

"I'll see you soon, Beautiful"

"Bye Handsome"

I push end call and hang up and look at the dogs. They are looking expectantly at me and start wagging their tails. I smile at them.

"Dad is coming home. Want to go to the park tonight?"

Their tails wag more excitedly now and Tex lets out a little bark as they start to turn in circles doing their little happy dance they do when they get excited for something. It makes me laugh and I slide off the couch, heading to the bedroom to change into something comfortable and warm and wait for my love to come home to me.

_**Authors Note:**_

_**As I said, a hard chapter. But hopefully I've given you some hope at the end of it to see through all the darkness. One more really bad chapter and then we get a bit of a break. Then we are out of the constant abuse. Click that little review button and give me some thoughts if you will?**_


	9. Chapter 8: The Final Piece

_A.N. I know this is a very difficult story and this is a difficult and heartbreaking chapter. I promise in the next chapter you will find what you have hoped for this whole time but this is a very important piece of it. This chapter took me weeks...actually months to right and even now, a year after it's written I still don't have all the words to truly convey the feelings of it. I wish I did but I've done the best that I can._

_We are going ahead again, about two years now. Jacob and Bella have been married for seven years._

_Thank you for all the kind words I've gotten. Thank you all who are reading this story and sharing it with your friends to read. Thank you for coming on this journey with me_

* * *

**Chapter Eight~ The Final Piece Shatters**

_BPOV_

_**Present Day**_

I love to take the dogs to the park. I love to walk around. I love to feel the warm sunshine fall on my shoulders. to see the green grass and the pretty flowers, and the smell of the clean air. We walk by the play area on our way to the dog park and I stop and watch the children playing. So happy and carefree, laughing and calling out to one another in their play and merriment.

I sit on a bench for a bit, the dogs rest at my feet and I watch the parents and the children interact and my heart hurts. I feel it crack and break as it recognizes something that it longs for but it can never have, something that he took from me that surgeries can't fix, a reminder that I carry every day that I lived that life.

My doubts creep into my mind, the ones that I've tried so hard to overcome. To not recognize anymore but that voice in my head whispers them and I feel my eyes fill with tears as my heart recognizes them.

_"You aren't good enough for Edward and you know it. You can't give him what another woman could. You don't deserve to be with him. If you really want him to be happy you should go home now, pack all your things and leave. Never darken his doorstep again. You'll be easily forgotten, easily replaced by someone better, someone stronger, someone more worthy of him. Someone prettier than you, smarter than you. You aren't worth his love..."_

I shove these thoughts away with a small and quiet sob. I fight them. I know that it isn't true. Edward knows and still loves me. He wants me despite what Jacob took from me. I know this but sometimes, sometimes that little voice just won't be quiet.

_**January of 2007**_

I lay on the bathroom floor, my body is hot and flushed with the effort I just exerted and I press my forehead to the cool tile on the floor seeking some relief. My stomach muscles clench and roll again and I feel it. I sit up again and lean over but there is nothing left for my stomach to empty and I dry heave. I wait for it to pass and lay back on the floor, a light sheen of sweat covering me, the room is cold and I shiver uncontrollably as I pant and hope that it's over for now.

I wait about five minutes, trying to steady my breathing and feeling my heartbeat beginning to calm. I think it's okay now. I pick myself up off of the floor and move to the shower turning it on. I step in and wince as the water hits the bruises covering my back and hips. I raise my face up to the water and let the warmth wash over me. I wish it could wash away the feelings inside of me. I wish it could wash away the dirt I always feel is on me.

I don't even remember what my body looks like without bruises anymore. I'm dangerously thin now. I'm down to eighty-eight pounds. I'm always so cold even in the heat of summer. My eyes are sunken in and so dark you can't even tell they are green. They are dead, there is no life in them. My brain feels numb, I don't really think thoughts anymore. I don't have to.

I am told what to do and when to do it and I obey. The only time I exercise thought was when I am working and then I concentrate my mind on the numbers that are in the columns. In a way that is a relief. Numbers make sense, they either add up or they don't and if they don't then you have to find out why.

My life no longer adds up. I don't understand why I was even born since I can do nothing right. I don't understand why God would waste life on me when I so clearly don't deserve it. I don't understand anything anymore. It's easier to just not think. To just obey. It's also safer.

My days and nights are filled with work. Work around the house. Work in the yard. How I dread the winter when I have to go out and shovel snow. It is so heavy and hard for me to move but I do it without complaint because it would only be worse if I did, and making Jacob happy that was my most important job. What good would it do to complain anyway? He would only beat me and then make me do it anyway. No, it's better to just do it silently the first time as quickly as I can and hope that maybe it will please him.

Unless he wants something from me he doesn't even want me in the same room as him anymore. If I am not doing some chore he has assigned me I am to sit in my corner and wait for him to need something. I looked forward to these times, in the corner or in my little room, I may not be allowed to sleep but I could at least rest. It is the only relief I receive. There are still daily beatings and almost the same amount of rapes. But now he no longer requires the sight of me after them. He simply tosses me away as if I'm a rag doll and tells me to clean myself up and get out of his sight.

I move the sponge over my body washing slowly and carefully, trying to cause myself as little pain as possible as my mind goes over my chores for the day. I move to check the timer on the counter and see that I have eight minutes left and I start to hurry to finish. Jacob may not be home but I always kept to the allotted time I was allowed, because if I didn't he would find out. I knew this without a doubt. I don't know how, but he always did and I was punished.

I live my life on a timed schedule. Every chore I have or privilege I am given had a time limit on it. Five hours to sleep. Ten minutes at meal times to eat. Thirty minutes in the morning to shower and attend to my bruises and wounds and my other needs.

I step out of the shower, turning off the water and glancing at the timer again seeing that I have five minutes left. I take a towel and dry off my body. It feels heavy with exhaustion. This flu I've somehow gotten is really taking its strain on my body, I haven't been able to keep much food down for a while now. Which is hard when you are barely allowed food as it is and need as much as you can get. The nausea is so much worse in the mornings.

As this thought crosses my mind I stop dead in my tracks and inhale sharply. My hand moves to my lower abdomen and my other hand reaches out for the counter to support me.

"Oh my god" I whisper in the room "Oh no...oh please no, this can't be"

I fall to my knees hard, the pain shoots up my legs and I start to sob "Please God, please no, not this, let me be wrong" My mind whirls as my arms cross over my stomach protectively as I start to rock back and forth my body shaking. I'm racked with my sobbing as I beg and plead inside my head "Please no, please. I can't do this, it's too much, I can't protect a baby. please no" But even as I plead and beg I become more certain.

I don't have the flu, I'm pregnant...

That evening I set Jacob's dinner in front of him and wait for him to taste things. He gives me a nod that I may sit in my chair after a few moments. I breathe out a sigh of gratitude. Tonight he has come home and seems to be in a good mood. He hasn't criticized anything. I take a deep breath and gather my courage but my voice shakes

"Jacob?"

He set his fork down and looks at me. His eyes cold and a little surprised that I would speak. "Yes?"

I lick my lips nervously and my hands twist on my lap under the table "I think I need to go to the doctor"

He looks at me more intently and time seems to freeze. I stop breathing. His eyes narrow and harden a bit but he stays calm."Why is that?" He asks me with ice in his voice.

My body trembles and I can't look at him. I wish with everything I have in me that I am not saying these words. I feel sick saying them. This is my greatest fear come true. I feel the nausea in my stomach again but I fight against it.

"I think I'm pregnant" I choke out.

"You're what?" he looks at me in disbelief.

"Pregnant" I whisper again feeling more sick.

Jake on the other hand is starting to smile "Well it's about fucking time!" He looks at me. "It took you long enough bitch. Seven fucking years!"

I simply nod in agreement and ask hesitantly "May I please make an appointment?"

I haven't been to a doctor in almost four years except for the occasional time Jacob had to take me to the emergency room. I think he is worried that too many questions will be asked with a regular doctor. I have scars, permanent reminders of my punishments things people might question if they see. I don't know how I will explain these things but I know I have to see a doctor.

He gives me a long look, I can see him debating things in his head and I hold my breath. Finally, he nods "Yes, we will make one in the morning and I will be going with you and present for every moment, is that understood?"

I nod in agreement "Of course, Jacob"

The timer on the counter goes off indicating that my time to eat is over. He looks at my untouched plate and leans back on his chair grabbing the timer and setting it for five more minutes. "I think you deserve a reward tonight"

I pick up my fork and eat because I know it's expected of me, I know if I am correct the baby will need the nourishment but it doesn't sit well in my stomach. I fight against the urge to get up and run to the bathroom to throw up.

That night, for the first time in years that I can remember. Jacob doesn't beat me. He doesn't rape me. He even lets me to go bed early. I gratefully look at him and go to my little room. I curl up on my bed and am sound asleep within minutes. My mind can no longer debate this question. I can no longer think tonight. My exhaustion takes over everything.

The next morning Jacob makes the appointment for that day and accompanies me.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Black you are indeed pregnant" The doctor smiles at us as he looks at the results of the test that just came back. Jake actually leans down giving me a kiss just as a husband would and I have to stop myself from flinching away from it. All I can feel is dread.

"Now, Isabella if you will just lie back on the table and place your feet in the stirrups we'll just check a few things and make sure everything is okay. Alright with you"

What else can I do but nod and do as I'm asked to. Jake takes my hand and to anyone else it looks like he's holding it in support but his nails are digging into my palm painfully. I bite my lip to prevent the whimper of pain.

The doctor looks up at me a bit sharply "These scars on your thighs, where did they come from, Mrs. Black?"

Jacob looks at the doctor just as sharply and his voice is clear, firm, and leaves no room for argument. He has thought this out already and has a story ready.

"My wife had some...problems when she was a teenager with self-mutilation. She has sought help for it and is fine today, I'm sure you can understand how she doesn't like to be questioned about them"

I look away and stay silent as the doctor "tsks" at me, reprimanding me with his eyes. "I certainly hope so, you wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize the baby's well-being"

He finishes the uncomfortable examination and stands back up. Pulling off his gloves and tossing them in the garbage before washing his hands. He begins talking to us again with his back turned.

"Well everything appears to be normal for the most part. You are about 6 weeks along. I would say that you are due August sixth. Now, Isabella, you are extremely and dangerously underweight and you must remedy that immediately."

He looks at me sternly "You are not just responsible for yourself young lady. You have a life growing inside of you that is completely dependent upon you. You must be more responsible"

He chastises and I feel my eyes fill with tears. I blink them away and nod again silently as Jacob speaks up.

"I will be making sure she is taking care of herself and my baby doctor, don't you worry"

He looks up at Jake and smiles "It's so nice to see a father have so much responsibility Mr. Black and take it seriously. I wish I had more father to be's like you. I will send home some instructions and the best food to eat as well as giving you a prescription for a prenatal vitamin for you to be taking every day, Isabella" I nod again silently. The doctor gives me an exasperated sigh and Jacob a look of sympathy. As if I'm obviously a problem, not even responding to him and he hopes my husband has better luck with it.

"You are carrying something precious, Mrs. Black. Take care of him or her" These are his parting words as he leaves the room allowing me to dress again so we can leave.

As we drive home from the doctor we stop at the grocery store and pick up things on the list that the doctor gave us, telling us what I should be eating. Jake tells me that I may eat three meals a day for the time being but he will still be watching my weight carefully to make sure I don't gain too much. He also informs me that I am expected to lose all the gained weight in a timely manner after the baby is born.

I nod and murmur in agreement with all that he says but my mind is whirling. I unconsciously protect my stomach with my hands as I think about this helpless little baby inside of me. I love him or her already and I have to protect them. I can't stay here, I can't let this innocent child be brought into this situation. I have never felt more helpless in my life. I have to protect my baby...but how?

After the grocery store we stop at the drugstore and Jacob tells me to wait in the car while he gets my prescription filled. As I stare out the window it suddenly hits me.

"Emmett!" I whisper to myself.

I could go to Emmett's house. It's in Port Angeles so a little more than an hour away, he's still stationed in Iraq but I have a key to the house and I also have a secret that I have managed to keep from Jacob.

I have a bank account that Jake has never found out about. It is in Charlie's name with my name as a secondary account holder on it. He opened it for me and deposited five thousand dollars in it as a wedding gift to me with strict instructions that it was mine and mine alone. He meant for it to be used for a trip for us, something fun. Or new clothes. He never dreamed I would keep it secretly untouched. Trying to figure out a way to run from my marriage. I never had much hope for escaping but if I ever did I knew that money was there.

When Papa died I received a substantial inheritance from he and Nana. Maybe God was looking out for me that day the will was brought up. Jacob was outside with my uncles talking about cars and my dad brought it to my attention after the funeral since he was dealing with all that. We were sitting quietly in the kitchen alone for the moment and he told me about it. I was so numb and I couldn't deal with it. I asked him if the money could just be put in that account. I really didn't give it much thought at the time but something in my mind must have been working. Somewhere there must have been some hope left.

I'll never forget the way the father looked at me that day. I think for a moment he might have seen through all the lies and he asked me very quietly if I was happy and okay. I so desperately wanted to tell him the truth but Jacob's words rose up in my mind to haunt me. I had already lost Nana and Papa, I couldn't bear to lose anyone else, especially since it was in my power to prevent it. I looked my father in the eye that day and lied to him and he believed me. Maybe he wanted to believe me. Maybe he didn't want to really face that his daughter had been living like this and he hadn't seen it. I don't know but for whatever reason, that day he chose to believe my lie.

I thought again of that money in the bank. "I can do this. I can use that money to get away. Start a new life somewhere with my baby." I would start by just getting to Emmett's. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay long. Jacob will come looking for me. But it was a start. I can go there and make a plan. I have to get out.

_**Five and a half months later (seven months pregnant)**_

I look at my body in the mirror in the bathroom. I am showing now. It's obvious I'm pregnant though I'm not very big. I worry about that, worry that something is wrong. Jacob still limits my food intake although I am allowed more. I worry that the baby isn't getting enough. Fortunately, he allows me to take additional vitamins to help supplement things. And I am also allowed to drink milk instead of just water. And I am allowed three more glasses a day rather than just at my meal times.

The doctor has continued to comment on my weight and Jacob keeps telling him he is trying to get me to eat. That I am so worried about becoming fat. And it is a frequent argument in our house. This earned me a very disgusted look from the doctor and another lecture on my responsibilities.

My hands move down cupping the small curve of my tummy lovingly and protectively. I rub softly as I feel him moving around inside of me. I still don't look healthy and glowing like most pregnant women but I had put on some weight.

"Today's the day, sweet pea" I coo softly as I rub over my stretched skin. "Mommy is going to get us out of here. I'm going to make sure you're safe little one"

I have planned for months now. I silently again thanked God that ever since he had found out I was pregnant Jake has kept the hits to slaps to across my face. When he uses his belt it is to my legs and ass. The beatings didn't stop but he is more careful with them now.

My plan is really fairly simple. I have to get to Emmett's first. From there I will call Dad. I will tell him everything and beg him to let me fly out to Hawaii and stay with him until I could figure out my next move. I just needed to get us to safety and then I could think, I could plan. Hawaii is far enough away that I think Jacob won't follow immediately. I think I can get some protection with my dad.

I know that Jacob has left for work and I have at least three hours before he comes home to check on me. I don't even need that long. I get dressed and then I go up into the attic. I retrieve the suitcase that I have carefully and slowly packed over the last few isn't a lot in it. Most of it is sentimental things from my family that I have managed to hang onto by hiding them before he could destroy them or throw them away. I have a few clothes but if I can do this right I will be on a plane tomorrow heading out to dad and I can buy what I need when I get there. I have a bit of money. About fifty dollars that I have taken in small increments while Jacob was sleeping. Just a bit here and there. Enough to make sure I have enough for cab fare to get to my brother's house.

I make my way downstairs and I go to the door in the kitchen that leads to the garage. I set my suitcase down and retrieve a butter knife from the cutlery drawer and the mallet that I hid when Jake was repairing something and forgot to put it away. I place the tip of the knife in the lock and I smash the end of the knife with the mallet. It dents the lock. I swing over and over as hard as I can against the butt of the knife until I destroy the lock so much it finally releases.

Tears pours down my face from both my desperation and relief and I drop the knife and mallet on the kitchen floor and pick my suitcase. My hands are shaking hard and my breath is coming hard as I push open the door and step into the garage. I take a few deep gulping breaths focusing my thoughts. I reach for the button that will open the garage door. Now is when I have to move fast, as soon as this door opens I need to run. I need to run until I reach someplace where I can use a phone or hail a cab. I need to move as quickly as possible and get out.

My whole body trembles and I take a deep breath "Dear God, please give me the strength I need to do this. Please let us get out safely" I pray and then I hit the button.

I get ready to run as the door starts to rise but what I see makes me freeze, drop my suitcase and instinctively I wrap my arms around my stomach tightly. There is Jacob's police car sitting in the driveway and there is Jacob sitting on the hood of it twirling his asp. "Going somewhere, Isabella?"

He gets off the car and walks slowly and deliberately towards me as I start to back up into the house and all I can think is "I'm so sorry precious, mommy failed you, I'm so sorry"

"Oh, my wife, did you really think I wouldn't know? You've been too good lately. I knew something was going on in that head of yours. Do you know how tiny they make surveillance camera's these days Isabella? Pin size. So small you will never see them. I watched as you packed your little suitcase and hid it in the attic, I noticed when a few dollars would go missing from my wallet. I've watched you plan and scheme to take my child away from me. You fucking whore. Did you really think you would get away with it?"

He swings the asp and it hits my jaw with a sickening crack and I howl in pain. He kicks the door shut with his foot as he swings again this time breaking my nose with the metal wand. I can feel the blood pouring down my face as he keeps hitting me and I drop to the floor curling myself up protectively hugging my stomach and begging him.

"Please, Jake. I'm so sorry, please don't hurt the baby. Hurt me all you want but don't hurt my baby please, I'll do anything, anything you want just don't hurt my baby"

His foot connects with my lower back and the pain ripples in waves over my spin. I stay where I am, hugging my stomach and begging for the life of my child as he works himself up into a frenzy hitting me over and over with the black metal and kicking me with his steel toed boots.

I'm suddenly pulled up by my hair and thrown across the room and the sliding glass door cracks when my body hits it. "You know what you filthy cunt? You aren't good enough to carry my son"

I whimper and continue to hold my stomach as he stalks to me, picking me up by my throat and slamming my body down on the kitchen table. He repeatedly slams my head against the wood until I can't fight it anymore and darkness comes again, overtaking me, my last thoughts are of this precious little baby inside of me and how I couldn't protect it, how much I loved it even if it was his and how sorry I am. How I failed.

I start to come to a bit. I don't know how long it's been. I am in more pain that I ever have been in my life. My legs are sticky and wet and I smell blood. Lots of it.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I can hear Jake muttering over and over agitated. Somewhere in my mind, I realize he's scared and flustered. "Why did she have to fucking push did she have to run away. What the fuck am I going to do? I can't let the bitch die, it would raise too many questions. What the fuck do I do though?" He continues talking to himself as I start to feel dizzy and woozy again as blackness rushed up at me, overtaking me once more...

Again I surface a bit. There is a frenzy around me. I hear lots of voices.

"She's lost a lot of blood. Pulse is weak, but she still has a heartbeat. Mrs. Black? Isabella? Can you open your eyes? What happened here?" I hear an unfamiliar voice asking these questions as I try to swim up from the sea of pain and darkness.

I hear Jacob's voice "I came home to check on my pregnant wife and I found the garage door open. The door to the kitchen busted and my wife like this. Is she going to be alright? Is the baby alright? Oh my god, why would someone do this. She's never hurt anyone why would someone hurt her? There's so much blood. Tell me my wife and child are going to be okay please?" He actually sounds distraught. These thoughts pass through my head and I'm confused. Then everything starts to come back to me and my eyes fly open and I struggle against the paramedics.

"My baby, oh please, my baby, is my baby okay?" my voice is hoarse and I can barely talk and I know from the burn and pain in my throat that I've been strangled again. There is so much blood, I'm covered in it. The table is covered in it and I can still feel it running down my legs. I start to cry, then to sob, at some point I scream. They try to calm me down but I don't comprehend anything other than I know my baby is gone and I go into hysterics. I can't feel him moving. I know without being told. I feel a prick in my arm and suddenly the darkness comes again as I feel them lift me onto the stretcher.

_Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep.. .Beep.. Beep...Beep... Beep...Beep... Beep.. ..Beep...Beep..._

I hear the oddest most annoying beeping noise as I start to wake up. I feel like I can't move and there is something very uncomfortable stuck in the crook of my arm. I open my eyes slowly, blinking a few times before my eyes focus and I realize I'm in a hospital room. The beeping is the monitor for my heart and pulse and there is an IV in my arm. I lick my dry lips and my throat feels like it's on fire. I struggle to sit up. As I do my heart goes crazy which brings a nurse into the room

"Oh no, no, no, sweetie, you just lie back. You've been through a horrible ordeal."

I try to talk but I can't. I feel like there is a desert in my mouth and I gesture feebly to the pitcher of water on the tray by my bed. The nurse understands and pours some water into the cup with a straw and brings it to my lips where I suck on it greedily. It burns as it goes down but I need it. She takes it away from me in a few moments and I make a protesting noise.

"Just a little at a time sweetheart or you'll get sick" she chastises gently.

"What happened?" I croak out, I can remember nothing and all I feel is pain all over my body.

"You were viciously attacked by an intruder in your home, honey. Oh, it was horrible. We weren't even sure that you were going to make it. Your husband and family have been so worried about you. You've been out for four days! I'll let them come in, in just a bit. First the doctor needs to check some things okay?"

I nod a little, trying to remember something, anything_."I'm married?" _I think for a moment and realize that I don't even know what my name is. After a few moments the doctor comes in, he looks kind and his voice is soft

"Well hello, Isabella, it's nice to meet you finally and see you awake. You've given us a scare"

"Isabella?" I think, well that must be my name so I just nod a little. He checks a few things and then pulls up a little stool to my bedside and takes my hand gently and looks at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Isabella, I'm sorry, but during the attack you lost the baby. He was still inside of you and we had to remove him but he had already died"

_"Baby?" Oh, I must have been pregnant" _I think sadly as my hand moves down to my stomach on reflex but something starts to nag at the back of my mind.

"Isabella" the doctor says again gently drawing my attention to him again. "I don't know how much your remember. During the attack, they used a knife. They butchered you pretty badly and to save your life we had to perform emergency surgery. I'm so sorry, we had no choice but to take everything to save you. This means that you will be unable to conceive again, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this"

I nod again, feeling numb and confused. There is still something nagging at me in the back of my mind, something important and it's getting closer but I can't quite grasp it. He pats my hand gently and gets up.

"I'll let your husband come in and see you now. We're going to need to keep you for at least another week or so, and we'll try to make you as comfortable as we can."

Again I nod and as he leaves the room I realize I should say thank you. I open my mouth to call out the words when suddenly, there is he looming in the doorway and it all rushes back to me, everything and instead, I scream as loud as my hoarse voice will let me.

The nurse comes rushing past Jacob with a needle in her hand and talking to him "It's finally hitting her, we thought something like this might happen when she first woke up and finally remembered."

She sticks the needle into my IV and I feel a rush as the medication hits my blood stream and I stop screaming as I start to feel sleepy and my eyes close. I feel her pat my hand

"She just needs a little time to process everything. Don't worry your wife is going to be okay"

I hear her move out of the room and I hear Jacob come up to the bed and lean over, his hot breath against my ear and the last thing I hear before I fall asleep again is his voice. "I should have just let you die, what good are you to me"

_**Present Day**_

I shake my head clearing my thoughts as a ball rolls my way. I smile and pick it up, holding it for the little boy coming to retrieve it. His mother talks on her phone and keeps an eye on him. I hand him his ball and he asks if he can pet my doggies.

I tell him yes and he spends a few moments giving the dogs scratches and pets before running off to play again. I think of the little boy I lost again and feel sad. I hear my phone ring and know without looking its Edward.

I let it go to voicemail. I need a bit of time before I can talk to him. It's very rare but once in a while there are times I just need to deal with things on my own. I know he will worry though so I send him a short text.

**-I'm okay, I just need a bit of time alone. I'm at the park and will be home soon. Love you-**

I get a reply back almost immediately. **-Okay Beautiful. Take whatever time you need, I'll be here when you get back. Love you too.-**

I know there is much more he wishes to say to me and he knows I'm really not okay now but he knows the best thing is to let me be. This is one of those things he can't make better. We had looked into adoption but the process is very strict and they do thorough background checks. With my history we were denied.

Jacob even took that from me. I may have never harmed anyone in my life but the fact that domestic violence is in any way associated with me taints me. Because I was a victim of it. and for so long it counts against me.

Edward has told me many times that it doesn't matter. I am what matters to him. He has never given much thought to having children. If I could have them or we could adopt then it would probably feel different to him. But if he can't have that with me then he didn't want it with anyone. He wants me first and foremost.

We have three dogs that I spoiled beyond rotten and treat like my babies. I am actively involved with volunteering at the local hospital, specifically with the children. And every August, when my son would have been born, I make a large donation in his name to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. None of this ever takes away the pain completely but it helps. I would like to think my son would have been proud of me.

I carry my son with me always. I will never let him die in my heart.


	10. Chapter 9: Breaking Free

_A.N. When I originally started writing this story, I intended it to be solely from Bella's point of view. After all, this is her story. As I said, this is based on a true story and I wanted to do it the justice it deserved. To do that though, I had to talk to more than just "Bella" about what she went through, what she experienced and how she even feels now day-to-day. I had to talk to those closest around her to get their views of what they see to try to give you the best and most rounded view of her life I could._

_Anyone who is a writer will understand what I mean by my characters speak to me. Every character in this story is based completely on a real person. I've changed some dates of things and worked around some other things to maintain the privacy for those involved. But this story is truth._

_But as I began writing these people into my story they became my characters in a way as well. When we writers sit down to write, our characters talk to us, they use us to tell their stories. Bella was the only one that talked to me for the first eight chapters and I assumed that she would be the only one talking to me. I used my notes and memory from all the other conversations I taken and listened to and used those to fill in the other parts._

_An interesting thing happened when I got to this chapter though. Edward wanted to be heard. In fact, he was a little pushy about it. (Not in a bad way just an insistent one) He said that up until now we've seen bits and pieces of him from Bella's perspective but he wanted you to see her from his perspective so he was the one that talked to me for a good part of this chapter. I hope you will like seeing into his mind._

_And this is the chapter you have all been waiting for._

_I hope I do her story justice._

_Thank you all for the reviews, the follows, and the favorites. I didn't sit down to write this story for the praise (although, lets be honest, who doesn't want to be told that people like their work) I sat down to write it because it was such a strong pull on me. It needed to be written. It's not a subject that a lot of people will touch for obvious reason. It's not a story that, at least in the beginning is easy or comfortable to read. It makes you mad and/or sad. It may bring up emotions you didn't even realize you could feel towards someone. If I have done this in you then I have done my job. I have done what I've tried to set out to do. I wanted you to experience what an abuse victim feels and what they go through. Why it's not as easy as "just walking the hell away". Thank you for sticking it out with me, for coming this far. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you._

* * *

**Chapter Nine~ Breaking Free/ What She Means To Me**

_Present Day_

_**EPOV**_

Our bedroom is just starting to lighten with the morning sun as I wake up. I groan a little as I roll on my back. It's way too early to be awake for a Saturday morning and I lay there with my eyes closed trying to go back to sleep. My mind seems to have other ideas though as I come into consciousness and I know that falling back into dreamland isn't going to happen. My thoughts become more pronounced and clear and begin to focus on the petite brunette next to me.

My beautiful girl. I let out a slow relieved breath as I listen to her soft and even breathing signaling that she's sleeping well and without nightmares.

It's been a rough few weeks for her and because it's been rough for her, it's been rough for me. Just like with life, there is an ebb and flow to her sleeping. She will go through periods of restful deep sleep. Then she will go through spells of her nightmares. There isn't always rhyme or reason to why they come, sometimes they just do. Sometimes something will set off memories in her mind but sometimes they just come unbidden.

I was glad that we seemed to be coming out of this current spell fairly quickly. I worried about her more than usual during the times she suffered from the dreams. I hated that I couldn't just comfort her and tell her they were nightmares. I could tell her and reassure her that he would never hurt her again but I couldn't say that the things she dreamed never happened and I wish so badly I could. What made things worse sometimes is her dreams are memories that she has blacked out of her mind. Things that are just too painful to remember so her mind doesn't let her. But in a state of sleep, the subconscious takes over and she is forced to remember and relive those moments. All I can do in those time is hold her as tightly as I can, to push my love past all the fear and panic she feels, to tell her I will never let anyone hurt her like that again.

I roll on my side toward her and my lips curl into an involuntary smile as I open my eyes to watch her sleep. I reach out and place my hand on the curve of her hip. Her skin is warm from sleep underneath my fingers and I caress the skin there softly and tenderly. She's kicked the covers off in her sleep as she almost always does and she lies naked before me in our bed. I stroke up and down her side gently and she shifts in her sleep as I accidentally brush over her ticklish spot. Bella wiggles and rolls on her stomach burying her face into her pillow and I let out a low chuckle.

I gather her hair up gently and smooth it down and slightly to the side of her, off her shoulders as she makes a small noise and shifts a bit again getting comfortable. I love to look at her and I could spend hours or even days doing it. I memorize every inch, every curve, every part of her daily. Touching her was an addiction that I never wanted to get over. The fact that she even lets me touch her at all still amazes me. The fact that she lets me touch her in the most intimate of ways astounds me.

I let my fingers roam down her back, tracing along her spine, just brushing softly. I touch her lightly, more comforting and in awe of her than anything else at the moment. My eyes however can't help but roam down further, over her shapely cute ass and down her legs, taking in the most beautiful sight they will ever behold that is my Bella. I move my hand to her lower back stroking softly back and forth. In her sleep she hums a little and then falls into a deeper sleep with a sigh that brings a smile to my face. Her skin is soft and smooth but even as I take it in with my eyes and fingertips, there are thoughts in my mind. I know it hasn't always been that way. I know that she's had surgeries so that she no longer carries the scars of her past life.

But even if she hadn't had them removed. Even if she was still covered in the scars. She would still be the most beautiful woman on the planet to me. They are nothing to be ashamed of and I hate that she feels like they are. Of course I wish she had never had to carry them at all but even if she still did, they didn't define her. They were marks of how strong and brave she really is. Underneath that soft and quiet exterior is a warrior. It doesn't come out too often but I see glimpses of it peeking out of her eyes. I see it when she is passionate about something. She could still have every mark he left on her and I wouldn't love her any less, find her any less spectacular, be any less obsessed with her.

I also understand why she had them removed though. She didn't want to look at them daily. She had enough of a battle dealing with her thoughts and memories. She didn't need to see the physical reminders. She still has scars, they are just hidden from the world.

My other hand, the one not on her skin, clenches in a tight fist before releasing as I think about him hurting her. Marking her skin. Of him treating her as anything less than precious, which is exactly what she is to me. She is the most precious gift I have ever been given and I will spend every day of my life showing her in every way that I can just how I feel about her.

She thinks she hides it so well. That I don't know when those memories rise up in her. That I don't always know when she has the nightmares, but I do. I feel it even when we're apart. I feel it, I feel her. When she's in pain, I'm in pain. The connection between us is so strong that I know.

I know when she hurts. I know when she's happy. I know when she cries. I know when she's smiling. I know. I feel it all with her just as she always know how I am feeling because she feels it from me.

When she wakes up with her nightmares, I wake up too although she doesn't always know it. There are rare times, and it kills me when I have to do this, but there are times when I know it's better to let her be alone. To let her get out of bed and sort through her own thoughts without following her. When she finally comes back to bed on these nights I just pull her close to me again without a word, wrap her tight in my arms and let her feel my love for her. Even though she thinks she hides the hurt and pain, I know. I feel these things with her and they hurt me too.

Her nightmares are frustrating and they make me feel helpless. I can't make them go away for her. I can make sure that no one hurts her now, but I can't protect her from her own mind and her memories and I wish so desperately that I could. I only want her to feel love and happiness. She should never know pain or suffering.

She shifts a little again on the bed getting more comfortable. It pulls me from my darker thoughts and I smile softly feeling all the love that I have for this woman well up inside of me. It fills me with a warmth that is purely my Bella. It makes my heart beat faster with my love as I pull her into my arms and hold her to me kissing her hair softly. I think about how brave she is and how strong she is, how loving she is. I think of how she escaped that hell she lived in for so long...

_**March of 2008**_

_BPOV_

I stand in the kitchen chopping vegetables, mindlessly cooking Jacob's dinner and trying to ignore the pain in my body from last night's beating. My eyes fall to the knife in my hand and I stop moving as I stare at it, my mind starts going crazy with thoughts.

"How easy it would be? I can slice open the veins on my wrists, length wise not cross wise works better I know. I can bring it up to my throat and slit it. I can drive it deep into my gut. I can slice and slice at my skin until there is nothing left. I can slice until I don't have the strength to cut anymore. I can end this pain. If I'm dead he can't hurt me anymore. If I'm dead he will have no reason to hurt anyone I care about."

Killing myself won't hurt anymore than things he's already done to me, it certainly couldn't hurt more than the pain I live with everyday inside of myself. I bring the knife to my wrist and I trace over the vein with the tip lightly. I have it in my power to end it now. Maybe it's time for that. I can take away his punching bag.

I was raised to believe that if you commit suicide you go to hell but I don't know that I believe that. In spite of everything I believe in a merciful and loving God. He will understand won't he? A mere human can only withstand so much pain in a lifetime. The desperation I feel to end my pain pushes back any doubts I have.

I bring the knife to my wrist. The tip of the blade presses into my skin and I know if I press just a little harder it will start the blood flowing. I'll start with my wrists. Then my femoral artery. Then my throat. There will be no coming back. I can't do this anymore. I need to end this.

**"**_**NO!"**_ a voice screams inside of my head suddenly. It shocks me. **"**_**ENOUGH! NO MORE!"**_

I start to breathe harder, as a feeling I haven't felt in years begins to course through me, pounding through my veins. I feel strength. My mind starts to come alive for the first time since I came home from the hospital, hell, for the first time in years.

He's tried to take everything from me and I've almost let him succeed. I've let him beat me down in all ways possible. I've let him ground me into almost nothing. I've let him take away my feelings, my thoughts, my rights. I've let him take me from being a human to being lower than an animal. He took my child from me. I will not do this anymore. He will not take anything from me anymore. He will not win anymore.

"No" my voice is loud and clear in the empty kitchen and it echoes. I feel my spine straighten.

"NO" I say again louder.

Suddenly my mind is so clear it takes my breath away. I haven't felt this clear in I don't know how long. I'm determined. I'm either going to leave and get out or I'm going to die trying. But I am not spending one more day here. I'm not letting him lay one more hand one me. I am not letting him take one more thing from me. I'm done.

The knife drops from my hand and clatters to the counter loudly as this revelation hits me. Some would call it an epiphany. What happens next is surreal to me. Some may even say I've completely lost my mind but I don't think its' true. In fact, just the opposite, I think I've found it again.

I hesitate for just one second as the thought runs through my mind. _"Can I really do this?"_

Suddenly I smell lilacs, the scent surrounds me and I hear Nana's voice in my ear, it's urgent and it leave no room for argument "Run Bella, just run now. Don't think. Don't pack. Don't take anything. Just run!"

My eyes scan the room. "How do I get out?" I'm locked in. My eyes focus on the sliding glass door and then to the table and chairs. My bare feet slip on the floor and I run over and pick one up, I feel strength that I didn't know I had as I swing the chair as hard as I can. The glass doesn't break but it shakes.

I swing again and a crack appears. Again. The crack gets bigger. Again. I'm panting hard now but I don't stop. I feel everything I've been made to feel for all of these years well up inside of me and I use it. I feel anger. I feel hate. I start to scream out as I swing over and over against the glass.

**"HOW DARE YOU! WHAT RIGHT DID YOU HAVE? YOU TOOK EVERYTHING! I LET YOU BREAK ME! NO MORE JACOB BLACK! NO MORE! I HATE YOU!"**

With the last one scream and swing, the glass finally shatters. I drop the chair and I run. I don't feel the glass as it cuts my feet, as some of the shards cut my arms and legs I don't stop, I just run.

I make it to the fence and I don't even think, I just scale it. I pull myself over it and land hard on the ground on the other side. The wind gets knocked out of me but I don't stop. I get up and I run as hard and as fast as I can as my mind starts to think. I know I can't go to the police. Where can I go? I need help but I don't know where to get it, who to turn to. I know I need to get to my brother, but he's over an hour away. I don't even know if he's home. I don't know where he is. Even if he is home, even if he speeds it will take him at least forty-five minutes to get to me and I don't have that kind of time now.

I realize I don't know what time it is. I never looked. But if I was making his dinner then I don't have more than an hour. I need to move quickly.

I realize that I'm running down the street and I think that I must look the sight, I know I have cuts from the glass. My hair is flying everywhere crazily and I'm covered with bruises from head to toe. I'm scared now and starting to shake but I'm more scared to ever go back.

My head whips around and I see a house with a car in the driveway and I shake harder as I start to move towards it and I pray harder than I ever have in my life. I beg God for mercy now. "Please God, let them be home. Please let me use the phone. Please let her answer. Let her number be the same. Help me God, please help me."

I reach the front door and I knock frantically against it, trying to calm my breathing a little so I can talk. My eyes dart around everywhere. Looking for his car. Waiting to hear his voice yelling my name. Waiting for his hands to reach out and grab me.

A man opens the door and I see a whole host of expressions cross his face as he takes in my appearance and I instinctively cringe. Nut I gather every last bit of courage in my body to choke out the words "Please. Your phone. Can I please use your phone?"

"Are you okay miss?" he asks me, clearly concerned.

I nod a little and I look at him, begging him with my eyes. My body is visibly shaking and I'm on the verge of sobbing. "Please, I need to use your phone"

I don't know what he sees in my eyes but whatever it is he moves to the side and gestures with his hand for me to come in "Yes, of course. Are you in trouble? Can I help?"

I shake my head a little as adrenaline races through me and I know I don't have much time. "I just need to call someone to come get me"

He leads me to the kitchen and hands me the phone "Okay" he says looking at me. He looks bewildered. He doesn't know what to make of me.

I say a prayer of thanks for my memory as I punch in the number and I pray that in five years she hasn't changed her number. I hear the ringing on the line and I hold my breath. One. Two. Three rings. I let out a small whimper. On the fourth ring I hear the phone being picked up

"Hello"

I feel my stomach flip at the sound of a voice I haven't heard in so long "Angela?"

I hear her sharp intake of breath "Bella?" she answers me back "Oh my god Bella! I've been so worried about you, I've tried to get a hold of you for so long. Why haven't you called me? I've told Jake time and time again to have you call me!"

I cut her off "Please Angela, I need you come and get me. Can you come and get me please?" I beg.

"Where are you?" she asks and I look around helplessly realizing I'm not even sure. The kind man who let me use his phone is still watching me seems to understand what I need and tells me his address. I relay it to Angela

"I'll be there in ten minutes Bella, just hold on and I'll be there soon" She sounds a little bewildered and confused but something in my voice must have reached her because she doesn't ask questions. We both hang up and I feel my eyes well with tears. My body doesn't lose its tension. I can feel my freedom so close I can taste it on my tongue.

"Would you like a glass of water miss?" The man asks me in a gentle voice and I nod giving him a grateful look as I grip his counter for support, feeling like my legs are going to go out from underneath me.

He moves slowly and cautiously toward me to reach for a glass and then moves over to the refrigerator to pour some water from the pitcher there. He moves to hand me the glass and in my mind all I see is Jacob's hand coming toward me, smashing the glass against my face and I cringe away with a whimper.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I'll just set the glass right here for you" He sets it on the counter and backs away.

I cautiously approach it and I feel ashamed of myself for my feelings but I can't stop them. I take the glass and a little spills as I drink from it, from my shaking. My eyes watch the clock and the house stays silent, I can hear the ticking of a grandfather clock somewhere in the house as time seems to move so slowly and I begin to pray again.

Suddenly there is knocking on the door and my knees almost buckle again as fear roars up at me. "It's him, he's found me, he'll kill me!" my mind says. I hear the man go to the door and open it and some low murmuring of voices before I can make my feet move and I walk out of the kitchen slowly.

"Oh my god Bella!" I hear Angela gasp and she starts toward me with her arms outstretched but I panic and I press myself against the wall, shaking my head and starting to protect my body with my arms. She stops, letting out a small sound from the back of her throat. Her voice turns soft and she speaks as if she's talking to a wounded scared animal.

"Okay sweetie, it's okay, I won't touch you. Come on, let get you out of here okay? Do you want me to take you to Emmett?"

At the sound of my brother's name my head lifts and I nod frantically. "Okay sweetie, come one. I'll take you there" she gestures to the open door and I slowly start to move toward it cautiously.

As I pass the kind man I look up and whisper "Thank you" before dropping my head and stepping out into the outdoors where I see Angela's car in the driveway.

"You'll take care of your friend? She's obviously been hurt and needs some medical attention but I was afraid of calling the police. I suggested it and she completely panicked. I was afraid that she would run if I did"

I hear Angela take a sharp breath and mutter "I have a feeling that would have been the worst possible idea" she clears her throat and addresses the man "Yes, I'll make sure she gets help, thank you for helping her"

The man looks at me, I can feel his eyes on me "It will be okay miss, whatever happened, it will be okay. Take care of yourself"

Angela leads me without touching me to the car and I curl myself up small, bringing my knees to my chest and hugging myself as she starts the car and backs out of the driveway. Somewhere in my mind I know I should put my seat belt on but I can't uncurl my body and Angela doesn't push it. The car stays silent for about a half an hour and I can see by glancing at the speedometer that she is driving far above the speed limit and I panic "Slow down! Please! You can't get pulled over!"

She glances at me and sees the look on my face and instantly slows down "Okay sweetie. It's alright. Just calm down. I'm slowing down, see? Oh Bella, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have taken Jake's word for things that everything was fine and you were just busy, I should have insisted on seeing you, I shouldn't have let it go so easily. Please forgive me. What has he done to you!"

I take a deep gulping breath and my voice shakes as it comes from my mouth "Please don't Angela. It's not your fault, you have nothing to be sorry for. Someday...maybe someday I can tell you but please I can't talk now, I just want Emmett"

She nods and looks at me again before concentrating on the road and I close my eyes resting my forehead on my knees.

I feel the car start to slow eventually and I look up as we turn onto a street. Then she slows down even further looking for the address. She pulls into the driveway and turns to me "Just stay here for a minute okay Bella? Let me make sure he's home"

I nod a little in agreement as she releases her seat belt and slides out of the car, closing the door and walking up the sidewalk. I peek out from through my hair and I see her knock on the door. After a moment it opens and she steps in. I can hear my breathing and it sounds loud and harsh and I'm shaking again.

"What am I going to do if he doesn't believe me? What if he won't help me?" My mind races and suddenly I hear a roar of anger from inside the house and I curl myself up into a ball trying to hide rocking back and forth as my body trembles with fear so hard my teeth are chattering.

I hear pounding footsteps and my door is ripped open and I'm pulled from the car. Emmett falls to his knees on the driveway with his arms circled around me, he's holding me and he's rocking me

"Oh sissy, oh my god, I'll fucking kill him, I'll tear him fucking apart, he's a dead man, that fucking bastard, I'm so sorry sissy, I'm so sorry" I can hear the tears in my brother's voice. I haven't heard my brother cry since he was a small child. My last wall of sanity breaks as I start to sob in his arms.

I don't know how long we sit there like that, with me sobbing loudly and him rocking us on the front lawn. Finally though he tightens his hold on me and slowly stands up carrying me into the house. Once we reach the living room he sets me on the couch as if I'm made of china and gets down on his knees again in front of me. His gently lifts my arms and legs taking in my injuries and then lifts my face and he lets out a small strangled sound as he looks at me.

"Oh Bella"

The phone rings causing me to jump and Emmett looks at it before looking back at me. "Hold on sissy, let me get rid of whoever is on the phone and then we'll get you cleaned up. I promise, I'll take care of you"

He gets up and walks over picking up the phone "Hello?" He's silent for a second before his voice drops to an angry growl "You fucking son of a bitch,. You ever come near my sister again and I will not hesitate to shoot you. Do you understand me? You come near her and I'll fucking kill you"

He slams the phone down and takes a deep breath coming back over to me and lifting me up again into his arms "You're safe Bella, we can talk later, let's get you cleaned up and see what we need to do for those wounds"

I suddenly realize that Angela is no longer here and I look around. Em seems to read my mind and answers me as he starts to carry me to his spare bedroom "She said she would call a little later and check on you and when you're ready she'll be here"

He brings me to the guest room and sets me down gingerly on the bed. He goes to the bathroom and I hear him rooting around for things before coming back to me. My eyes feel so heavy. I just want to go to sleep. Emmett's whispers to himself as he begins cleaning the cuts and bruises on my arms and legs, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"How did I not know? How did none of us see? Has this been going on the entire time? Why didn't she tell anyone? Why didn't we pay more attention?"

I slowly am able to make out what he's saying and I say quietly. "It's not your fault Em. It's none of your fault. I didn't want you to see. He said he would hurt you, would kill you so I lied. I didn't let you see. Please don't blame yourself brother bear."

He finally looks at me again as he moves to begin cleaning the wounds on my face. There are tears in his eyes. "That's not an excuse" He says simply. "We should have seen through it all"

I feel a sob rise up my throat and finally come out as my tears start to flow again. I don't know if it's what's happened today, I don't know if it's the pain from Emmett cleaning the cuts and bruises, I don't know what it is. But it's all suddenly too much and the room spins crazily. I feel the darkness coming up, ready to overtake me. I pass out.

I wake up a few hours later. I'm laying more fully on the bed with a blanket over me now. Emmett is sitting in the chair in the corner of the room watching me. I'm disoriented for a few moments before I remember what has happened. I sit up suddenly causing another wave of dizziness and nausea to wash over me. I let out a quiet moan.

Em is over to me in a flash. He moves cautiously to touch me and I flinch, he pulls his hand away fast. He looks away for a moment and I can tell he's fighting tears. He takes a deep breath and looks at me again. His voice is quiet, more so than I've ever heard it in my life.

"I don't want to leave you to go get clothes for you right now so I brought you some of my sweats and a couple t-shirts. I've cleaned your injuries the best I can and treated them Bella" His voice catches again and I wonder just how much he's seen of my injuries. He clears his throat and continues.

"I know a nice long hot bath would probably be good for you now but you are exhausted and weak and I'm afraid to leave you that long alone in there. I think what would be best is for you to try to eat and drink a little something and then sleep sissy"

I nod a little "Okay" My voice is small and frightened.

He looks at me silently for a few minutes and sits down on the edge of the bed. His hand moves very slowly towards mine and he keeps his eyes on me. I flinch a little and inhale sharply when he gently touches my hand but I don't pull away.

"He will never hurt you again Bella. I promise you that. He will have to kill me first if he wants to get to you ever again."

"Don't say that" I whisper. "Because he will"

"If he shows up here, I'll be ready for him" Is his only reply before he gets up.

"I'm going to go warm you up some soup sissy." He pauses again "When was the last time you ate? You're so thin"

I have to think but I can't remember. "I don't know"

He just nods sadly and his head bows as he walks out of the room. While he's gone I take some of the clothes and go into the bathroom. Em had gotten to my arms, legs, feet, hands, neck and face and cleaned them, treating what he could with what he had. I knew there were more bruises on my back and chest...and other areas that he wouldn't have looked for and that I should take care of. I'm glad that is all he's done. What he's seen is bad enough. It would probably break him to know that this is by no means the worst I've looked. Right now the only thing I have is a couple of cracked ribs, nothing seriously broken.

I slowly strip off my clothes and turn on the water running it to a warm temperature. I get a washcloth and give myself a sponge bath of sorts. Washing away the physical dirt and blood is easy. Trying to wash away the mental dirt and grime that I always feel is a different matter entirely. I do the best that I can for now and change into the clean clothes with a grateful sigh.

I climb slowly back into the bed, wincing and arrange the pillows behind me just as Emmett comes in with some food. I eat slowly, my hands shaking. I can't even finish the full bowl, it's more food than I think I've had in weeks. I drink the water and ask quietly for another glass as he moves to take the dishes away.

Before he can come back with it though, my eyes begin to feel heavy again. I lay down and curl up. It's the first time I've slept in a bed in I don't even know how long now. Not since I was pregnant. It's so comfortable. I feel myself fading into sleep.

I hear a soft voice and my hair being brushed away from my face. "Sleep sissy, you're safe now"

_**Present Day**_

_EPOV_

Bella begins to move again on the bed, bringing me out of my thoughts and I see her one eye slowly open and peek at me. I reach over and brush her hair out-of-the-way again and give her a smile before leaning in and kissing her shoulder. I see her eyes glance behind me at the clock and she lets out a little moan when she sees the time and rolls on her back.

"What are you doing up? It's way too early, Sweetness" Her voice is sleep filled and groggy and I keep mine quiet as I answer her.

"I know, I just woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep"

Bella stretches a little and I feel my body react to her but I ignore it wanting to let her go back to sleep. She, on the other hand seems to have other ideas as she looks at me, a slow lazy smile spreading across her face that makes my stomach flip and her green eyes a little mischievously. Ah...playful Bella. My mind thinks. One of my favorites sides of her.

"Well, maybe you just need to be tired out again so you can fall back to sleep" She says a with a hint of teasing but I can hear the desire in her voice and I feel my body start to hum in response.

"Oh?" I raise my eyebrow "And how would you suggest I get tired out again" I tease her back as I run my hand over the skin of her stomach and I play with the piercing in her belly button.

She lets out a soft sound and arches up a little before her hand reaches down and takes my hand in hers. She entwines our fingers together and pulls me to her. I look down into my wife's eyes and she looks back at me. I see nothing but trust and love there. Again I'm overwhelmed with my feelings for her. I lean down and kiss her softly, pouring my love for her into my kiss.

Our lips move together in a way that has happened thousands of time yet each time is like it's brand new. Her soft, sweet voice murmurs. "I can think of a few ways to tire you out, Handsome."

"I love you so much, Beautiful" I whisper to her before I press my lips to hers once more.

The playfulness that was there fades and in its place is soft and sweet love, It pours from her like water falling over my skin. "I love you too, Edward"

Kisses become deeper and more tender, a slow building fire that gets stronger in both of us. And when we're both ready, I try to show her with my body, my heart, and my soul just how much she means to me.…...

_**Author's Note:**_

_**So there we go. I hope you enjoyed seeing how Edward sees her. This is also the point in the story where we will quit going back and forth in time. I wrote the beginning chapters this way because I knew how dark they would get and I wanted you to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to give you something to hold on to. Now that Bella is escaped we will just focus on the story. I can't promise it's going to be all sunshine and roses. You know Jake isn't going to give up this easily but now you know it's going to be okay for sure. Again, thank you for reading and I would love to hear your thoughts if you want to click that little review button and leave them for me.**_


	11. Chapter 10: Baby Steps

_A.N. As I said in my last chapter now we will just focus on Bella's story instead of jumping back and forth in time like we were. So we will pick up shortly after Bella made it to Emmett's house following her escape from Jacob._

_I've had several people send me a message asking me where Charlie is, that question will be answered in this chapter. You need to remember in this story, Charlie is not the chief of police, he's in the navy. He's gone for long periods of time and many times cannot be reached._

_Also, please remember, just because Bella is out does not mean she is okay. She is still very much broken right now. She's endured years of hell, years of torture, physical and mental. That doesn't magically just go away. Now is the part of the story where we begin to see her take those steps to heal, to learn to live again._

_Thank you for all of your kind words, reviews, and messages. Thank you to all the new followers and readers. You humble me and I'm so honored you've chosen to read my story_

* * *

**Chapter Ten~ Baby Steps**

_BPOV_

The house is quiet and I sit at the kitchen table by myself. Em has left for work although it was reluctantly. I told him he needed to go, he couldn't continue to stay home with me. He's been home for a week now with me, never leaving my side. The only other person that I have seen in the last week is Angela. I needed clothes and other basic necessities. I couldn't send Emmett out to get them because he would be completely lost so I asked Angela if she would and she was kind enough to agree.

I haven't left the house once in the past week. I've barely looked outside. After that day I arrived, I slept for almost three days. The deep, unconscious, no dream, sleep of the dead. I suppose doctors and psychologists would say that it was my body and mind shutting down for a while to process things. I know my body needed it. It had been deprived of sleep for so many years, and even when I had been allowed to sleep it was never deep or restful. I was always on alert for Jacob's every move. I know my mind needed it. Just as my body had been broken by him so had my mind. I still didn't know how to wrap my head around it all. But at least now I was rested enough to begin to try.

I know that Em had woken me up occasionally to make me drink some water and he had tried to get me to eat but all I wanted was sleep so he had let me be for the most part. He let me be and he worried about me and kept watch over me.

He woke me up once that second day because he insisted on taking pictures of my bruised and battered body. I was too tired to fight him so I let him. He also taped up my broken ribs for me. He had wanted to take me to the hospital but I had refused. I knew that Jacob knew where I was and as long as I was with Emmett I was safe. I didn't dare think he would come here. He knew better. One thing Jacob is not; is stupid. That is also what makes him so dangerous.

So when Emmett tried to insist on taking me to the hospital, I fought back against him. If I go to the hospital, Jake will know. If they keep me for more than one day, which they undoubtedly will he will have access to me. The hospital will also insist on calling the police. I may be an hour away from him but Jacob has many friends here too. I am not safe. I do not want the police involved. The thought of involving any police terrifies me. The thought of involving anyone else besides my brother terrifies me. The fact that my brother is involved terrifies me. Jacob is not just going to let me go. I know this. I know that if he ever gets his hands on me again he will kill me.

So here I am, sitting at the kitchen table in the quiet house with a cup of tea in front of me and looking out the window into the backyard. Trying to let my mind wrap around things.

I feel free but fear still rules my life. Getting to my brother's does not make me feel instantly safe. If anything, in some ways, I am even more afraid. I'm afraid for myself and I'm afraid for my brother. I jump at every little sound. I cringe at every shadow I see in the corner. I shake when I think I hear someone at the door even when it's nothing but the wind.

Emmett had dropped a spoon in the kitchen last night while he was cooking and I, in immediate response, had jumped off the couch where I was sitting and instantly gone into the corner curling myself up tightly into a ball and whimpering.

When he had tried to get near me, to tell me it was okay. That he had just dropped something. That I was safe. I had cried and begged him not to hurt me. It took almost ten minutes for me to realize I was in my brother's house and not the house I lived in for so long.

I had looked up at my brother with tears streaming down my cheeks and begged him not to come near me. I felt so ashamed of myself and weak. This is my brother, I know he loves me. I know somewhere inside of me that he won't hurt me but I can't make my mind understand that.

Emmett, however did seem to understand perfectly, he backed up slowly and sat on the couch quietly for almost an hour until I uncurled myself and slowly made my way back over to the couch sitting on the floor kneeling, close to the arm away from him. "I'm sorry, brother bear" I whispered, my voice catching with my tears.

"It's okay, sissy" he kept his voice low and gentle "It's going to take time. I'll never hurt you and someday you'll know that and be okay with me being near you. I swear I won't let him hurt you anymore, Bella" I had nodded a little but I still didn't believe it completely. Eventually he got up to finish what he had started in the kitchen and I got back up on the couch. We spent a silent evening, he watching television and me reading.

I lived in fear that Jacob would kill Emmett and then come for me.

Yesterday Em had insisted that he had to call Charlie. I knew he was right but I didn't know how to do it. I stared at the phone for ten minutes trying to pick it up and dial his number. Finally Emmett dialed, he and our father talked for almost two and a half hours. Several times Charlie asked to speak to me but I couldn't do it at first. Finally, I was able to get on the phone with my dad.

"Hi Dad" My voice is barely above a whisper and I'm not sure he can hear me.

His voice is silent for a moment and I wonder if he has hung up.

"Bella" His voice is choked. "Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me?"

Emmett came out of the kitchen with the extra extension silently asking me if it was okay if he was on the line too and I just nodded. I knew there would be questions and it would be better to just get it over at once than have to do it twice.

"I...Dad...He said he would hurt you and Em. He said he would hurt Renée. He said he would hurt Nana and Papa. He said your blood would be on my hands if I ever told." I choke on my words through my crying.

"Oh, Bells. Do you really think he could have..." Charlie doesn't finish his thought but I hear it anyway. He was about to chastise me. To ask me if I really thought Jacob could have done all that. If I really thought he could take down both him and Emmett who had military training.

"Yes" I answer him. He could have dad. You don't understand. You don't know what he's capable of. You don't know what he's gotten away with in the past. He used to brag to me about things he would get away with on the job. I believe him. I think he can do anything he wants to do."

Charlie sighs again and I don't know what to make of it. I don't know what it means. I don't know if he's sighing because he doesn't know what to say or if he's sighing because he wants to argue with me about what Jacob can and cannot do. He doesn't know though. They don't understand what he is capable of. I do. The biggest mistake you can make when it comes to my husband is to underestimate him. I know never to do that.

"When did it start, sweetheart? When did all of this start?" He finally asks me.

I take a deep shaking breath and begin to speak.

I only tell them the basics. I don't know if I am trying to protect them or myself from all the horrors that had happened in that house. And part of the problem is I have many times that I cannot remember. It's just a total blank in my mind. The only reasonable explanation for this to me is that it was so horrendous in those time my mind had blocked it out. But that was an issue for a future date not this conversation.

By the time I manage to get it all out Charlie and Emmett are stunned silent. I can see the guilt on my brothers face and know that the same expression is probably on my fathers, which in turn, made me feel even worse. They keep repeating that they don't understand how they never saw.

I try to explain to them that it was because I didn't want them to see. Yes, I had always been a bad liar but in my protection of them I had lied well. There are things that we normally aren't but in moments where we must protect those we love be can become those things. When it came to protecting my family I could lie to them.

Charlie wants to come immediately but is scheduled to leave for six months at sea in just a few days. He says he can try to get an emergency leave but the Navy will likely refuse which I know is true.

I tell him not to bother. That I am alright with Emmett. In all honestly I don't think I can handle seeing my father right now. My brother wants to go kill my husband and it has taken everything to stop him. If my dad comes I can't stop the both of them. I will not let them go to jail, get hurt, or even worse end up dying because of me. I tell him to go to sea as planned. I will be alright.

"Bella, I would like you to do something for me"

Charlie's words catch me off guard as I had just been about to end the conversation. "What is it, dad?" I ask warily, not sure what he wants of me.

"Promise me you'll stay with your brother. Promise me you won't try to go out on your own. Not now. I know you think Em is in danger but don't you dare leave there and try to make it on your own yet sweetheart. Please. Emmett can take care of himself and he can take care of you. Do this for me and I can go to sea at least with that much comfort"

I forgot how intuitive Charlie is. I had thought all day that I needed to go somewhere else and get my brother out of the danger he was in by me being here. I lift my eyes and meet my brother's eyes. He knows too. I have a feeling this is what they were talking about when Emmett went into the other room.

I know this is a battle I won't win and if I'm honest with myself I don't want to leave. This is the only place that I feel even an ounce of safety right now. "Okay Dad" I agree quietly.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I love you. Take care and stay close to your brother. Emmett you kill that son of a bitch if he comes near."

We both say our goodbyes and hang up the phone. We just look at each other for the longest time. Then Em clears his throat. "I'm just going to call and talk to my boss. I can get some more time off sissy"

"No" I know my voice is sharp and his eyes flash up to mine again. "No. I will stay here but we have to find some semblance of normalcy, Em. I will be okay here on my own, while you're at work. Go to work tomorrow"

He wants to argue with me. I know he does. But he also knows he's not going to win. I'm determined on this. He just nods and tells me he's going to go shower and go to bed.

Now this morning, Emmett has left for work and I am here by myself.

I pull myself from my thoughts and finish my tea. As I set the mug back on the table the sunlight hits the diamond in my engagement ring causing refractions in the room. My eyes flash down to where the two rings sit on my finger. They have been there for so long now that I don't even feel them anymore. Suddenly I do though and they feel like they are tightening around my finger just like his hands used to tighten around my throat. They feel heavy on my finger.

I feel a sudden surge of anger and disgust course through me. I feel as if the gold is burning my hand. I yank at the rings trying to get them off but my knuckles are swollen and they won't go over them. I twist and turn them, yanking some more as tears of frustration come to my eyes.

I make myself take a deep breath and calm down although it is hard, then I get up from the table. I walk over to the sink putting some soap on my hands and lathering them up well. It takes me a bit but with the slippery soap and some turning the rings finally slide off and I fling them across the room, sinking down to the floor and crying.

After about fifteen minutes I pull myself back together and stand up rinsing off my hands. I then search until I find the hateful rings. I bring them up to what Em now refers to as "my" room and I put them in the drawer in the dresser until I can decide what to do with them. I walk back down into the kitchen and I get a piece of paper and pen, sit at the table again and begin to make a list.

_Things To Do_

_1. Go to a doctor_

_2. Find a psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, someone I can talk to about this_

_3. Contact a divorce attorney_

_4. Find a job_

_5. Get a car_

_6. Someplace to live_

I know some of these things would not be immediately obtainable. I know that finding a job wasn't an immediate thing. I still had that hidden bank account and there was more than enough there for me to live on for quite a while. I know I'm not ready to live on my own yet and I had promised my dad and brother I wouldn't try. Emmett had said this morning I could stay as long as I like, in fact he wanted me to stay with him where he could keep watch over me. A car wasn't immediate either. It is spring now so I had at least several months of Em riding his motorcycle and me having access to his truck, not that it really mattered. I hadn't left the house and didn't know if I could.

I let out a sigh as I look at my list again seeing the number one thing. I am terrified to go to a doctor but I know I need to. I not only to check that my body was healing after the major surgery I had to have a few months ago when I lost my baby but also to assess other damages that had accumulated over the years. I also wanted to inquire about a plastic surgeon, I don't want to carry these scars and marks any longer than I have to. I know erasing them wouldn't make how they got there go away but if I didn't have to look at them, it would help.

I also know I need help dealing with all of this. I have gone through years of hell being treated like I am nothing and no one. I have been raped, beaten, emotionally and verbally abused for years. I know that these things leave scars and more than just what can be seen on my body.I know I need help but this too terrifies me.

I am going to have to talk, to tell someone about everything , I am going to have to open doorways that I didn't want to open, remember things that I have tried so hard to forget. So much so that I have blocked them out with my mind. But there is something else I know, something even stronger than the fear that is leaving my body trembling at these thoughts. I do not want to live my life like this, scared of my shadow and afraid to live. There is a determination in me greater than those fears and I know that if I want to get past them then this is what I have to do.

I close my eyes for a moment and let out another sigh and say to myself in the empty kitchen "One step at a time Bella." A small smile flits across my face as I remember a move that had me and my brother laughing for days when he had seen it as kids. I remember Bill Murray in 'What About Bob' A small quiet giggle pushes past my lips as I whisper. "Baby Steps"

I push back my chair and go the refrigerator to get something to eat. I peer into it I realize how bare it is. I open the freezer and see that all that's in there is the ice-cube trays, a couple of frozen pizzas. and some ice cream. I shut the door and say out loud "Well this just won't do. If I'm going to be staying here and not working then the least I could do was clean up the house and cook."

I smile as I think about Em and his attempts at cooking the past couple of nights. Bless his heart he tried but the man could not cook. I suddenly feel excitement. _"I can cook again. Truly cook again and not for someone who demands it but for someone who appreciates it. I can do what I want not what he wants."_ I smile to myself as these thoughts float through my head.

I look back into the empty refrigerator and sigh. If I'm going to cook, then I need food to do it with. I'm going to have to go out.

I go upstairs and change into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, pulling my hair back into a braid. I study myself in the mirror. Most of my bruises have faded and there is only a faint one on my cheek that is visible now. I go into Em's room and into his closet where his baseball caps are lining the shelves. I pick one at random and pull my braid through the hole in the back and pull the brim down so it shadows my face. Walking back to my room I grab my sneakers and put them on and then head back downstairs.

I look at the door leading into the garage and I swallow hard as I feel fear ripple through me _"What if he's out there? What if he's just waiting for me?"_ Those two questions run over and over in a loop in my head. My mouth feels dry as my knees begin to shake. I close my eyes and take some deep even breaths trying to calm myself down and I reach up hesitantly to grab the keys off the hook. I open the door and then slam it shut again as the fear overwhelms me.

I run to the living room and peer outside around the curtains. Looking for any sign of Jacob. I see nothing. I take another deep breath and go back into the kitchen, my hand on the knob of the door to the garage again. My eyes flicker to the counter and I see the butcher block of knives. I walk over to it and select the chef knife and I hold it in my hand as I walk to the door again and slowly open it.

I let out a long breath as I flick on the light but leave the garage door down and closed. The knife trembles in my hand as I make my way over to Em's truck. I open the door and I look in seeing the cab is empty. I walk further back and look into the bed of the truck, only seeing the black liner on the bottom of the bed. I find the key for the long shiny metal toolbox attached to the bed of the truck. I can't reach it from the ground so I pull myself up into the bed of the truck and I unlock it peering inside of it. Only seeing various tools that belong in there. I shut and lock it again and let out another breath. I climb out of the bed of the truck and walk back to the cab. I climb in and shut the door. I slide the knife I have been carrying under the seat, then proceed to make sure the doors are locked. I slide the key into the ignition and only then do I reach up and find the automatic garage door opener and push the button and wait with bated breath as the door rises.

I let out a small sob of relief when it only reveals an empty driveway and a clear blue sunny sky. I start-up the truck and back my way out of the garage, hitting the button again to shut it and then making my way to the grocery store.

The store is a nightmare and it takes everything I have in me not to have a panic attack. I bite my tongue to stop myself from screaming when a guy accidentally bumps into me. My eyes dart around constantly, watching for any sign of my husband. I start hyperventilating for a moment when I think I hear him but realize it's someone else. I hurry as fast as I can through the store, throwing stuff into the cart and then making it up to the checkout line not making eye contact with anyone.

As I walked back out to the truck with my bagged groceries I start breathing hard _"What if he's out here waiting for me? What do I do?" _My brain asks continuously and I don't have an answer for it. I just pray. It's all I can do.

Once I am back in the truck with the doors locked I let out a slow harsh breath and try to get my shaking hands under control. I finally get the truck started and head home. I pull into the garage and shut the garage door again. I slide out of the cab of the truck reaching underneath the seat to carefully extract the knife from where I had placed it. I leave the groceries where they are for a moment and cautiously approach the door, turning the handle and stepping inside the kitchen then stopping as I listen.

The house is silent except for the sound of my breathing. I creep from room to room with the knife in my hand checking in closet and under beds and anywhere else someone could hide. I realize that I'm being completely illogical yet I can't stop myself from doing it. Once I'm sure the house is empty I make my way back to the garage and bring the groceries in and put them away.

Once this is done I slide down onto the floor and pull my knees to my chest hugging them as I bow my head and let my sobs overtake me. _"I don't want to live my life this way, this is almost as miserable as..."_ I stop that thought in its tracks. "No, nothing is as bad as that." I say this out loud and with conviction.

I feel completely exhausted again and I make my way to my room to lay down for just a bit. I feel like I've run a marathon. I kick off my shoes and lay down on my bed. I just want a little nap. I fall into a deep sleep. I sleep for another three days.

_**One week later**_

I went to the doctor two days ago. I had to admit to him what my life has been like until now. I broke down and could barely make it through. The sense of shame I feel is overwhelming. He told me, just as Emmett has that it is not my fault. That I don't have anything to be ashamed of but I can't help the way I feel. He was very kind to me and called a nurse in to hold my hand while he examined me. Letting him touch me to look at me was horrible. It was shameful. It left me shaking and crying but I knew it was necessary. The nurse quietly spoke to me and held my hand gently. He really was nice, explaining what he was going to do and how he was going to have to touch me so I would know what was going to happen before he did it. He said that given the circumstances I am doing okay. He looks at my sympathetically as he leaves the room.

I had asked him for a referral to a plastic surgeon and he had given me one. As chance would have it, they had an immediate opening which is what leads me to sitting in this waiting room with Emmett at my side.

"Isabella Black" the nurse calls out in a clear voice and I stand shakily.

Emmett barely touches my hand and whispers "I'll be right out here if you need me, sissy"

I nod my thanks and follow the nurse back to the exam room. She takes some basic information and then turns to look at me "And what did you want to talk to the doctor about today?"

My voice trembles as I answer her "I...I have some... scars...on my back, legs, arms and stomach that I want removed"

She nods and jots it down on the form "Okay I'm just going to give you a gown to change into, you should strip out of everything except your underwear and the doctor will be in shortly" She lays out the gown and then walks out of the room leaving me alone.

I get down from the table and slowly start to undress. folding my clothes neatly and placing them on a chair and putting the horrid gown on making a face. I sit on the table and then there is a tap on the door "Come in" I say quietly and the door opens revealing a lovely woman with a kind face.

"Hello, Isabella, I'm Doctor Rosalie Hale" She gives me a smile and I return it with a shaky one of my own.

"It's nice to meet you, you can just call me Bella" I reply softly.

"Okay, Bella. I see you are interested in having some cosmetic surgery to cover up some scars?"

I nod in response. "Alright, well why don't you show them to me and I'll go over your options with you"

I slowly turn away from her, letting her see my back through the opening of the paper gown and I hear the sharp intake of her breath. I feel her fingers as she traces over them causing me to shudder and her voice is a little shaky when she asks me "Are there anymore you need to show me?"

I nod a little and turn around. I lay down now and my hand shake as I pull up the gown to show my stomach, where he carved his initial into me. Next I show her my inner thighs where the scars from the fireplace poker among other things that were used. She makes her notes and turns away clearing her throat and I think I see her wipe her eyes but I'm not sure. I smooth the gown out to cover me again and look down.

She turns around to look at me again "Okay, Bella. We are looking at some pretty extensive surgery, in fact you will need three to four surgeries for all the work that will need to be done"

She goes on some more about how they will do it. How long each surgery will take and the recovery time in between each surgery and I relax a little. She explains that it will be painful but I know it won't be as painful as carrying these scars with me every day. We schedule the first surgery for two weeks from today.

_**Four Months Later**_

I sit in the chair in front of the desk tensely, waiting for the lawyer to come into his office. These past months have been such a roller coaster for me. In two weeks I am having my third and last surgery. This one is also the most complex one. It's the one to remove the "J" carved into my stomach and the deep scars on my inner thighs. Dr. Hale was right, it has been incredibly painful but it has been worth it.

She has never outright said it but I know that Dr. Hale knows my scars are from abuse. She is always sympathetic and kind but does not give me pity. I don't want pity, I just want to be fixed. To find myself again. To make sure that no one ever hurts me like this again.

Slowly my flesh is healing and it was clear and unmarked again. She was a true miracle worker and I said many prayers of thanks for her. She also gently recommended a therapist to me and I have begun having therapy three times a week. It's helping but it's not immediate. It too is incredibly painful but in a different way. We have really only scratched the surface so far. I had a very long way to do. I was still getting comfortable with Dr. Brandon. There are times when I don't do much talking at all and we sit in quiet. But very slowly I am opening up.

I still flinch constantly. I can still barely tolerate being touched by anyone unless completely necessary. I am still scared when I go out. I still have panic attacks. I still look for Jacob around every corner but I can function in the outside world. He has been strangely quiet. He's left me alone and this scares me even more. I know what I am about to do will really send him over the edge. But I also know I must. This is the one thing that Dr. Brandon pushed me about. I must do this if I am truly going to take that first step into finding my life. To learning to live free.

The nightmare's though, the nightmares still wake me up almost every night screaming. Poor Em is always having his sleep disrupted by my screams. Having to come into my room to comfort his sister but he never said one complaint about it.

"Alright, Mrs. Black, I have reviewed your case and it's fairly straight forward. I have to tell you though I feel as if you are making a mistake."

The lawyer comes into the room startling me and sits behind his desk with an open folder. "There were a lot of items of value accumulated during your years of marriage and you are entitled to half of them or the value of half of them. At the very least"

I shake my head no vigorously in response to him.

"No" There is an almost desperate tone in my voice "I only want a divorce and I want to go back to my maiden name. I don't want anything from him" My voice may be shaking but it's also firm.

I leave no room for argument even as my mind screams at me _"Once he gets served with the papers he's going to come after you, Bella, you know he will, he's not going to just let you go, you know this deep down in your soul"_

"Mrs. Black?" Mr. Dwyer's voice pulls me out of my thoughts "Are you alright?"

I nod "Yes"

He looks at me a moment and then nods a little pushing out his chair to stand up and hold his hand out for me to shake "Alright then, if you're sure, I can have these papers filed and your husband served with them next week"

I stand and take his hand "Thank you sir, I very much appreciate it"

As I leave the lawyer's office I feel it. That sense of dread that I ignored the first time Jacob hit me. It's that feeling you get when you stand outside looking at a storm coming toward you in the horizon. You know it's going to be bad but there is nothing you can do to stop it. I take a deep breath and get into Emmett's truck and head home.

At least this time, I won't have to face it alone, at least this time, I'll have help. I just pray the coming storm doesn't destroy us all in its wake.

_**Comments? Thoughts? Suggestions? Questions? Just click that little review button to send them to me**_


	12. Chapter 11: Where is the Girl?

**Chapter Eleven~ Where Is The Girl I Used To Be**

_BPOV_

_**August of 2008 (Shortly after she has filed for divorce)**_

I take the box from the delivery man smiling politely even though I want to scream.

"I've sure been here a lot ma'am, someone must really like you" his voice is jovial and upbeat and he's grinning at me.

I nod slightly with a quiet and polite trying not to visibly shake. "Thank you" I murmur before shutting the door and taking the box with me.

I walk through the living room and straight to the kitchen. I pull open the door to the garage and walk out to the garbage can, dumping the box into it without even opening it. I know what's in it. The same thing that has been it the boxes for the past three damn days.

The started the day after I knew he was served with the divorce papers. I can smell the cloying smell of the long stem red roses through the box and I gag a little. I hate red roses and I have for years. For most people they signify passion and love. To me, they signify the color of pain, the color of blood, all of my blood that was spilled for his pleasure.

When we were dating, when he would hit me he would bring me a dozen long stem red roses. I used to think they were romantic and beautiful, I used to think he was truly sorry for what he had done, I used to think he would change and that he wouldn't do it again. I learned the truth quickly.

On my wedding day I thought I would choke and vomit surrounded by the same flower that he insisted upon using. He wanted them everywhere, on the tables, on the ends of the pews of the church, anywhere there was flowers it was to be red roses. I had almost thrown up that morning when I finally saw my bouquet, it was huge, draped, and full of them. I knew on that day as I carried the dreadful things that he wasn't sorry. I knew he liked it, I knew it would keep happening. I knew it turned him on. I knew he would never change. As I walked down that aisle to tie my fate to his, I knew he got off on causing me pain.

But in that moment I had thought I had to do this. I thought I had to marry this hateful man to protect my family or he would hurt them. I wish to God I could go back to that day and tell Charlie everything. I wish I could go back even farther than that day and tell myself to run as fast and far as I could. But I couldn't and here I am now, still trying to get away from him. I don't think I will ever be able to see a red rose without thinking of Jacob Black.

The first day I received the flowers I called the police and tried to file a report for harassment. They had all but laughed at me and one of the officers suggested maybe I needed to pull the stick out of my ass and appreciate a good man who was trying to get his wife to come home.

I slam the lid down on the garbage can and turn around going back into the house. I wasn't falling for it this time. No matter how many flowers he sent. No matter how many letters pleading for me to come back. Swearing that he would treat me right this time. Swearing that he would love me. No matter how many tearful phone calls. I was never falling for his lies again. I knew that if I ever went back, he may stay sweet and kind for a week or two but it wouldn't take long for it to go back to what it was before and it would be worse, that it would end up with my death either by his hand or my own.

I also knew that this was all an act. Jake should have gone into acting instead of becoming a cop because he could pull it off like no one I had ever seen. He had the police believing that I was the crazy one. They refused to believe that a fellow officer would harass his wife. My brother thought I should tell them everything but I knew better. I remembered that night so long ago all too clearly. I had told them, they had believe him over me.

I think about that night sometimes. I wonder if I knew then what I know now if I could have pulled the trigger. Not for me but for the precious little boy that I lost because of him. I am still tormented with my guilt over my child. I still feel like a failure. I think that if I somehow knew that night what he would do to my baby I could pull it. I have never thought of myself as someone who could ever take a life but I know that I could for my baby. I still cried every night and asked for forgiveness, although I'm not sure what for. For not doing it when I had the chance or for wishing I did.

The guilt and shame of my marriage hang over me like a heavy black cloud. It is a constant struggle from day-to-day and moment to moment. There are mornings I don't want to get out of bed. There are nights when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

Emmett does his best. He encourages me. On days I can't make myself leave the house, he makes me leave. Makes me go to my doctors and therapy appointments. He pushed me in a way only a sibling can push another. He pushed me sometimes to the point where I do get mad and I turn and snap on him. And then he lets me get it out and holds me when I end up sobbing on the floor ashamed for lashing out at him when all he's done is protect me. He tells me it's okay.

I feel so lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I remember the time before Jacob. I remember how it used to be. I've always been shy but I had my group of friends. I remember loud laughter and happiness. I remember having a bit of a daredevil streak in me. I remember having fun. I remember not living in fear. always looking over my shoulder for the coming storm. But I don't know how to go back there.

I feel as if I'm broken and I'll never be fixed again. I feel as if Jacob crushed me and broke me into a million pieces and even if you put them back together there are some that are forever lost.

But I do have something that I didn't have for all those years of my marriage. I have hope. I know I will never be that same girl from before but nor am I the same woman who let her husband beat her and destroy her. And I have determination.

I am never going back to that. I am never going to be treated like that again. I deserve more than that. I am worth more than that.

Once I'm back in the kitchen I sit at the table and I let out a shaky breath. I close my eyes and try to breath in deep and exhale slowly as I had been taught. Calming myself down and trying to hold back my rising panic. I keep running those thoughts through my mind. Thoughts that I am strong and that I am worth more than Jacob ever let me think I was. Thoughts that I will be okay. I don't know that I really believe them...yet, but I'm working on it.

Once I'm calm, I stand up from the table and go to the sink, washing my hands and taking out the steaks for dinner tonight. I make up a simple marinade, just a few things to enhance the flavor of the tender beef and then put it in the refrigerator. Then I get out the potatoes to being working on one of Emmett's favorites, my twice baked potatoes, as I think more about the past few months and my progress.

I still have panic attacks every time I had to leave the house but once I get them under control I can do it. It may take me longer than it would a regular person but I can do it. It doesn't matter if I'm going alone or with Em, I have the attacks. I wonder if I will have the attacks for the rest of my life and sigh tiredly. I hope not.

Therapy is helping but it is by no means a miracle cure. The sessions are completely exhausting and I usually end up coming home and curling up on my bed and sobbing for a few hours after they are finished. I am remembering things that I have blocked, things that I have buried so deeply because they were so hurtful. I am ashamed of them. I am ashamed to admit what he had done to me, what he had allowed to be done to me, what I had let him do to me. There are also is a good chance there are a lot of memories that will never come back to me. I don't know whether to be grateful for this or not. As hard and as painful as it is to remember, it terrifying to have so much unknown in your own mind. What is so terrible that I will not remember it?

Logically, I know that I am caught in a cycle of abuse. I know that he had manipulated and lied to me. That he had broken me down so far there was almost nothing left of me. That I had believed him when he said he would hurt and/or kill people I loved so that was why I stayed and why I put up with it. That he had brainwashed me into believing I was nothing, that I was worthless. that I should be grateful for things he had "given me the privilege of having". But it also hurt so much that I had let that happen to myself and that hurt was almost as bad as the hurt of what he had actually done to me. I still had a hard time looking into a mirror at myself. Most days I can't do it except when necessary and even then for as brief as time as possible.

I hate my reflection. I despise the girl looking back at me. How could she have been so weak? Why did she let herself be treated lower than an animal, how could she have been so stupid? More than once I had screamed at her as I looked at myself. The only thing that keeps me from shattering the glass is that I knew I would injure myself and that I would probably be then taken to a hospital. If they found out how I had hurt myself they might lock me up. Sometimes I am afraid that I am losing my mind, that I am truly going insane.

My therapist keeps telling me that this is all completely normal, that these are all okay thoughts to have but I have my doubts. I am on medication for anxiety and if I feel a panic attack coming on I have a pill for that too but that is as far as I would go and this frustrates my doctors to no end. I refuse to be completely medicated. I understand the keeping my anxiety at bay, I need to be able to learn to function in day-to-day life, to be able to do simple things like go shopping, run other errands and even to go on job interviews. But I do not believe medicating me is the right way either.

At this last thought I smile a little. I have found a job, a very good job actually and the best part about it is that for the most part I work from home. Now to some, this might not seem like such a great thing but it really is. I still have to go into the office at least once a week so it does force me to go out there in the real world, it gives me reason and purpose to go out there even if I didn't feel like doing it. But I'm not forced to do it on a daily basis which was also good because there were times, even with the medications I just can't do it, the panic and fear is too overwhelming and I can't face going out there. Also, it allows me to work at any hour of the day I want to with the exception of if I was needed on a conference call or something like that and this was good because my sleep is all sorts of screwed up.

This is one thing that I fight my therapist on fiercely. I will not take sleeping pills. I had tried, they make the nightmares ten times worse and unlike when I have them in my regular sleep, the pills drug me out so much I can't wake myself up, I'm trapped there, forced to relive the names he called me, the threats, the punches, the slaps, the burning of my flesh and worst of all, the rapes over and over with no way out. So these I refuse to take.

I had also taken to trying to sleep during the day when Em is at work and doing my work at night. This is simply for my poor brother's sake. The poor man deserves an uninterrupted night of sleep. He has done so much for me, he protects me in any way that he can, sometimes even to the point of annoying me and it was only me stopping him that prevents him from going out and extracting revenge on Jacob.

Part of me would love to let him go, would love to see Jake get the shit kicked out of him for all that he had done to me, but I know if Em went that he would be the one in jail for assault if not worse. My other fear is Jake would shoot him or hurt him in some other way and I couldn't have that.

So I sleep during the day while he is working and keep myself up at night doing my work so he can sleep. He knows what I was doing and isn't happy about it but he doesn't argue with me on it.

The smallest thing can trigger flashbacks for me. Looking outside at the rain falling one day, I suddenly remembered when Jacob had been upset with me for the cake he had wanted me to make. It hadn't been ready yet and he wanted it right at that moment. He had thrown me to the floor before picking up the cake plate and hurling it down at me. It shattered and my face and arms had been cut from the broken dish, frosting and cake covering me. He had repeatedly kicked me with those steel toed boots he always wore in my stomach and then my back when I had curled to protect myself until I was black and blue. He had then dragged me outside to the back deck and told me to stay there until he told me I was allowed to come inside.

I had stayed there for two days never moving from the spot he told me to stay in. It had rained and I was so cold my teeth were chattering and my fingers and toes were blue and numb when he finally allowed me in the house again.

Another time, I was rinsing off strawberries in the sink and I remembered the time I had been preparing for one of his summer BBQ's with his friends. I was making a strawberry shortcake for one of the deserts and he had come home in a foul mood. His dinner wasn't quite done yet because I had been so busy preparing other things and he had dragged me through the house and up the stairs by my hair. I remembered how it felt, my back hitting each one of those stairs on the way up. He had handcuffed me to the shower curtain rod to hold me in place as he had used a bull whip on me. I shuddered standing at my brother's kitchen sink and tears poured down my face as I remembered every lick of that whip on my flesh.

These episodes usually end up with me curled in a ball rocking myself back and forth until reality comes back into focus. They are also draining and it was usually after one of these episodes that I would truly sleep. My body and mind would completely shut down for a day or two giving me some sort of peace. I was also told this was normal and that I was making tremendous progress but it sure didn't feel like it sometimes.

The next month and a half passes and my fear and panic builds as we get closer and closer to the court date for my divorce. The flowers haven't stopped, they still arrive every other day. The phone still rings and I've just stopped bothering changing the number since he always finds out what it is somehow within a day of it being changed. I've seen his car driving by on more than one occasion, just driving through the neighborhood as if he's on patrol but I know he's just waiting for me.

The panic attacks have escalated. I don't even sleep in the daytime anymore. I rarely sleep and when I do the nightmares are worse. I feel like I'm ready to fall completely apart.

_**September 13, 2008**_

I have never particularly liked my birthday. I obviously haven't celebrated it in years but that was nothing new for me, everyone in my family has birthday's in March, April, and May so mine was often forgotten even by my parents until a few days had passed. Even as I kid, they would forget until a day or two after and then I would get presents and apologies. I learned to just not care about it.

But today is different, on this particular birthday I am about to get the best present I could ever ask for. I am about to break another link in the these chains that I can still feel binding me, hell, I am about to break the handcuffs around my wrists.

Emmett turns and gives a dirty look to someone behind him before turning back to me and giving me a supporting smile as I take a deep breath. My palms are sweaty and my whole body is shaking slightly as I wait on the wooden bench waiting for the case to be called. I can feel Jacob's eyes burning into the back of my neck from somewhere behind me and I feel too hot in my suit. I feel fear deep in my stomach just being in the same room as him. I haven't seen him yet, I've kept my eyes forward. I don't need to, I know how he'll look. He'll be in a freshly pressed suit, looking perfectly composed and like a sweet gentle giant. An upstanding officer of the law, his perfect mask that he shows to the world.

I, on the other hand know that I am pale even beneath my carefully applied make up. I'm sure I look shaky, my hair is pulled back into a bun against the back of my neck tightly holding it off my face and although I know that my skirt and jacket are pressed and with no wrinkles I still feel frumpy and not well put together.

My lawyer, Mr. Dwyer leans over and pats my knee in what I'm sure is supposed to be a reassuring move but it only causes me to tense and inhale sharply, I still don't do well with people touching me, especially unfamiliar men and he catches on to that quickly removing his hand and murmurs lowly.

"Just calm down, there is nothing to worry about this should be short and simple".

I nod curtly and take another deep breath pushing back the tears that I can feel in my eyes as emotions of all sorts rush over me.

Suddenly, I hear it, the loud firm voice of the bailiff "The next matter before the court is Isabella Black vs. Jacob Black."

I close my eyes for a moment saying a quick prayer that my legs will hold me up and I stand with Mr. Dwyer. I watch Jake and his lawyer move up to the front and as he passes his eyes lock on mine.I see so much hatred in them that I stop breathing; then he gives me the sweetest smile and mouths "I love you, Isabella. You are mine. You will always be mine."

I feel sick, my hands curl into fists and for just a moment I want to lunge at him. I want to scratch and claw at him with my nails. I want to scream. I want to kick him. I want to punch. I want him to feel even an ounce of the hell he has put me through, but just as suddenly as the anger rushed over me, fear overtakes me again and I feel like I'm going to faint. I feel the room sway and my breaths come fast and panicked.

Emmett catches on right away and he moves a little closer to me putting his hand carefully against my lower back and supporting. Whispering quietly. "It's okay, sissy. I'm right here, he's not going to hurt you, it's almost over"

Once we get to the table in the front, Mr. Dwyer pulls my chair out and Em leads me to it. He then goes to sit directly behind me. I can feel the love and support he's directing at me. I fold my hands on the table and sit quietly as the lawyers talk to the judge.

It's a fairly straightforward matter. He can't deny me a divorce and I'm not asking for any marital property or alimony so there is nothing to argue over, nothing that will cause this to drag on. The judge glances at me over his glasses occasionally as he goes over the papers. Even though I'm not asking for any of them, all of our marital assets have to be listed. I feel a surge of guilt because I have technically lied on these papers. I have that bank account and I haven't listed it. Jacob's lawyers haven't found out about it.

My dad is the primary person on that bank account. I am only listed as an authorized user on it and that is my security right now. I'm so afraid that if he finds out, Jake will try to use it to cause trouble or he'll try to take it from me. I and my dad are the only people who knows about this account, not even Em knows about it. I wait with bated breath praying that he hasn't somehow found it. The judge clears his throat and looks at me again before addressing me.

"According to the papers filed, Mrs. Black, you aren't asking for anything? You are entitled to half of the value of these items listed as they are all marital property"

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I take a deep breath and try again "No, your Honor. I want nothing. I only want my name legally changed back to my maiden name of Swan"

He looks at me a long moment before asking me in a questioning tone "And the reason you are seeking divorce is irreconcilable differences?"

I have the strangest urge to laugh at this. _"Yes, you could say that your Honor" _I think in my head but I merely nod my head in agreement and answer softly "Yes, your Honor"

He looks at me again and I see something in the judge's eyes. He looks at me like he sees through the mask, like he knows there is a lot more to the story but he thankfully lets it go with a curt nod.

"Alright then, in the matter of Black vs. Black" The judge is suddenly interrupted.

Jacob suddenly stands up and his lawyer gives him a look that he ignores, time seems to stop and I don't breath, wondering what it is that he is doing.

"Sir, there is one more matter to discuss, a few pieces of property I would like back"

The judge looks at him with a raised eyebrow "And what might that be, Mr. Black?"

And for one brief moment Jacob's mask slips as his mouth slips into a twisted smile "The rings I gave my wife. since she left me and is divorcing me I believe I am owed those rings back"

I could swear I hear his lawyer let out a little groan and there is a small thrill of triumph through me as I let out my breath I'm holding and the thoughts run through my mind _"He doesn't know about the account! The rings? He can have the damn things, I will certainly never wear them again"_

The judge however seems to have a different view as he levels a look of pure contempt at my soon to be ex husband and I think he's actually holding back a laugh at him.

"No, Mr. Black. Those rings were a gift to her, the were given in good faith in a contract of marriage. Mrs. Black has more than fulfilled her part of the contract and those rings are legally hers. You are walking away today with thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of property including" He looks down at the paper "An almost $200,000 dollar house. A 2007 Cadillac Escalade. A boat. All of the furniture, appliances, and electronics within the house. This movie memorabilia collection that you have." He levels another look at Jacob again. " And you have the audacity to ask for those rings back? I think not. It is the order of the court that the divorce between Mr. Jacob Black and Mrs. Isabella Black is hereby finalized and from this day hence Isabella Black will be known as Isabella Swan"

The gavel comes down with a loud thud causing me to jump and I glance over at Jake and I can see he is furious but trying hard to hide it.

He turns on his heel and storms out of the courtroom. I stand up, feeling a smile slowly spread across my face as I turn to face Mr. Dwyer holding out my hand to shake his "Thank you so much, sir"

He takes my hand and shakes it with his own smile "You are very welcome, Ms. Swan. I hope that this will help you move on with your life now."

"I hope so too" I answer quietly before turning to my brother and throwing my arms around his neck as he picks me up and spins me around hugging me carefully.

"I'm so proud of you, sissy. Now come on, let's get out of here" I nod in agreement as we turn to leave the courtroom.

On the way home we stop for lunch. As we pull into the driveway on the house we are laughing and talking. We get out of the car and I tell Em to go ahead, I'm going to check the mail. I run down to the mailbox at the end of the driveway and open the box and my heart stops. There; laying on top of the letters is a single long stem red rose.

"No" I whisper to myself "It's over, he has to leave me alone now. He must have left this before court this morning." My eyes move quickly scanning the street down both sides but I see nothing. I quickly grab the mail and drop the rose down on the street and let my heel crush it as I turn and walk up the drive again to go inside.

But there, in the pit of my stomach is that warning again, that same warning I had all those years ago on graduation day. The one that I ignored. It's not over yet.

_**Later that same night**_

"Come on, Bells. You're ready" Em's voice is firm but also a little cajoling as I sit on the edge of my bed taking deep breaths, my head down, and trying to calm myself. He kneels down in front of me and takes my hands in his "Look at me, Bella"

I look up at him with fear in my eyes "It's time, you deserve this, not only are you finally divorced from that stupid fuck but it's your birthday. It's time for you to go out with some friends, to have some fun. You can't stay locked in this room, this house forever. I will be with you tonight. You will have people around you that you know and that care about you. You will be perfectly safe, I promise you"

I look into my brothers eyes and I know he's right, I can't hide forever and even though I had made little trips out into the world it was time to take another step. I was never going to get over this; I was never going to move forward if I didn't push myself. "And it would be fun to see my friends that I haven't seen in so long." I think as I let out my breath and nod "Okay" I smile and nod again more confidently "Okay, I'm ready"

His answering smile is brilliant "Yes! Let's go, sissy" He pulls me up off the bed and I let out a little laugh and gather all my courage along with my purse to follow my brother out for a night of fun.

We get to the restaurant and at first it's a little awkward. Some of these people I have seen since my wedding and all of them with the exception of Angela I haven't seen in years. Nobody quite knows what to say to me, and I'm not the same girl that they knew. I'm even quieter and my eyes are constantly watching around me. These aren't things that I can help, the fear is there but manageable. Em takes the reins and starts engaging people in conversation and then including me in the conversation as well. Soon the air loosens and we are talking and laughing, my body is starting to relax; although that may be due to my third glass of wine.

I've never been a drinker. I have almost no tolerance for it at all. Two glasses of wine has always been my limit. I don't know what has come over me tonight. I think I'm just tired. I don't mean tired in the sense that I want to go to sleep but tired in the sense that I'm tired of being me. There is almost a determination in me to get drunk as I finish my third glass and order a fourth. Maybe if I get drunk enough I can find me again. Nothing else has worked thus far, so why not try this?

As the night gets later and everyone is at the very least tipsy. everyone is getting louder and more animated. Somehow the talk has turned to strip clubs. This peaks the interest of us girls and we start asking them questions about what it's like in the clubs. They grin wickedly and excitedly at each other and then look at us.

"Do you girls really want to find out?" This comes from my brother and it kind of surprises me although it really shouldn't I guess, I mean he is a typical male.

The other girls send out a chorus of "Yes!" My brother leans over to me and whispers that he'll get me a cab home before they leave for the club and I glare at him...or at least attempt to glare at him as I hiccup a little.

"Uh-uh. No way, Brother Bear. If you all are going to the strip club so am I! Why should all of you get to have the fun and leave me sitting at home alone in the dark." I demand a lot louder than I intended to speak.

Emmett has a look of astonishment on his face and then looks down mumbling something about not my kind of place, and going there with his sister. I drain the last of the wine from my glass and tell him he can sit at another table if he wants but I want to see what the inside of the strip club looks like.

He asks me how much I've had to drink and I tell him it's none of his damn business. He brought me out tonight to have fun and fun is what I shall have. He looks at me again and then smiles a bit with a resigned sigh.

"Alright ,sissy, if you want to go to a strip club let's go to a strip club" He looks around the table. "I'll bet this will be a birthday she'll never forget" He laughs heartily at himself and I sit back with a smug look on my face happy to have won the argument.

The club is dark and badly lit. Music blares from the speakers so loud the floor is vibrating. All eyes are on the girl on stage who is dancing, guys waving bills in her direction as she grinds her way over to them to collect. The bouncer takes our ID's at the door and tells us to have a good time. I walk tentatively behind the group but close to my brother my eyes taking everything in. My eyes are wide and taking in everything.

We find a table and a server comes over. "Well, I think this calls for a bottle of tequila. This is a celebration after all" My brother's voice booms loudly over the noise. "A bottle of Cabo Wabo, six shot glasses, a salt shaker, some lemon wedges, and a round of beers as well"

I interject briefly, "Limes please, not lemons" I look at the group apologetically "I can't stand lemons I'm sorry"

I feel it on the very edges of my consciousness. The fear, the memory of the lemon juice being poured over my back and I shove back my memories with a hard push. He will not ruin this night for me.

The server nods and comes back a few moment later with our drinks. Em pours a round of shots and I hesitate for just a moment before thinking _"What the hell"_ Sprinkling some salt on my hand, I lick the salt, down the shot, and bite into the lime and sit back a little hidden in the corner but determined to enjoy the night.

The alcohol burns at it goes down and I try to think when the last time I've even been tipsy probably more accurately drunk. I find my body moving a little in my chair to the beat of the music as I watch a new dancer take the stage and start to dance as Em pours another round of shots.

One hour and six shots later and I'm feeling pretty fucking good. I'm more animated than I've been in years, laughing and talking with my friends, giving some cat calls out to the girls and even buying my brother a lap dance laughing my ass off. Suddenly there is an announcement over the speaker and the DJ announces that its amateur night any ladies that would like to see if they got what it takes should come on up and sign up.

There is some joking back and forth at our table, giving the girls around our table a good ribbing about going up there. I don't know if it's the rush of freedom I feel from earlier today, the alcohol in my system, or just simply being tired of being this shy timid woman afraid of everything, but I stand up.

"What are you doing, sissy?" my brother looks at me amusingly.

"I'm going to sign up" I reply matter of factly and do my absolute best not to sway as I start to walk over to the DJ.

"What?" is the gasp around the table and my brother goes pale.

"You're joking right, sis?" He reaches out to stop me and lets out a relieved laugh.

"Nope" I say as I move away from the table and determinedly walk up to the DJ booth where a couple of girls are signing up. I sign my name to the sheet along with the song I've chosen and give the DJ a smile before going over to the bar and ordering a scooby snack and downing it followed by a bazooka joe. I have never felt this light and giggly before.

I wait at the bar and watch the other girls get up there and dance. As I do, my confidence grows and I feel the same way I used to before I would get on stage before a show when I performed in high school and college and I know that I can do this. I'm sure all the alcohol in my system is helping these feelings along quite nicely.

Finally I hear "And now, please welcome to the stage, Miss Isabella Swan" I strut...yes strut up to that stage like I own it.

I keep my head dropped as I stand on the stage letting the beat of the music run through me and starting to swing my hips in rhythm as Annie Lennox sings.

_I look up to the little bird, that glides across the sky,_

_He sings the clearest melody, and it makes me want to cry_

_It makes me want to sit right down and cry, cry ,cry_

I start rock my hips back and forth with more feeling now letting my hands glide up my body and over my neck lifting my hair and letting it drop before shaking it out.

_I walk along the city streets, so dark with rage and fear_

_And I, I wish that I could be that little bird and fly away from here,_

_I wish that I had the wings to fly away from here_

I shift my stance with my legs and dip down low letting my fingers grip the hem of my dress and sliding it up my thigh as I work my way back up giving them a glimpse of skin before I let it drop back down and reach behind me unzipping my dress before turning around and letting the straps slide down my shoulders seductively and turning over my shoulder to give the audience a wink and I hear some catcalls, whistles, and cheers and it only fuels the "performing excitement" in me.

_But my my I feel so low, my my where do I go?_

_My my what do we know, We reap what we sow._

I let myself completely get lost in the music as I dance. Shaking my ass and rocking my hips, feeling the lyrics roll through me and say exactly what I don't have the words for. Keeping my back to the people I let my dress fall to the stage and kick it with my heel off to the side leaving me in my black lace strapless bra and matching thong.

_They always said that you knew best, but this little birds falling out of that nest,_

_I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed, So I've just got to put these wings to test._

I spin on my silver heeled open toed sandals, my hair flying out softly behind me and settling around my face in a cloud of soft curls as I smile coyly and start moving back on the stage as I dance toward the pole as the cheers from the crowd egg me on. I reach behind me above my head and hold onto the pole as I let my back slide down dipping low and slithering back up until I'm standing and moving so I'm to the side of the pole really glad I took those pole dancing exercise classes back in college. Angela thought it would be a laugh and I was finally going to get to put to use what I learned.

_For I am just a troubled soul, Who's weighted, who's weighted to the ground,_

_Give me the strength to carry on, Till I can lay this burden down_

I hold the pole with my hands and my feet at the base in a firm stance and let my body rock and move in an "S" shape with the music.

_Give me the strength to lay this burden down, down, down_

_Give me the strength to lay it down_

I move one leg stepping around the pole and then hooking my knee around it loosely and letting the weight of my body carry me swinging me around the pole

_But my, my I feel so low, my my where do I go?_

_My my what do I know? My, my we reap what we sow._

I bring my right leg up letting it slide up the pole until I'm doing the splits before sliding it down again a bit and hooking my knee around it and letting go with my hands my back arching away from the pole and I hear the crowd get louder with their cheers and I'm feeling so good now. Nothing in this moment but confidence and excitement as I bring my body back up and let my hands slide up the pole suggestively giving a sultry look out at everyone as my hands slide high above my head.

_They always said that you knew best but this little bird's falling out of that nest,_

_I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed so I've just got to put these wings to test..._

I swing my leg hard around the pole and let my other foot leave the ground completely as I swing around the pole again and I keep swinging as I move lower and lower as the music starts to come to an end and I end on the floor sitting with one leg outstretched and the other bent at the knee and folded in still around the pole and I drop my head down again as the music ends completely. It's silent for a second and then the deafening sound of cheers and whistles and I feel high on it as I look up with a myself up gracefully from the floor of the stage and taking a little bow before retrieving my dress and stepping off stage to behind a curtain to put it back on.

As I step back out the cheers are still going and the DJ calls me onstage proclaiming me the winner and I feel giddy. I laugh as I'm handed the thousand dollar cash prize and take another bow before heading back to the table unsteadily as I really begin to feel all the drinks now that the rush of adrenaline is fading.

My friends are laughing and cheering and Angela holds up her cell phone yelling "I got it all recorded, hot stuff!"

My brother, my brother who was so keen on coming here, on making this a birthday I would never forget, is sunken in his chair muttering things like "Never want to see my sister do that. What the hell has gotten into you? I like you better when you're shy" And he is a pale as a ghost which only causes me to laugh harder, throw my arms around him hugging him tight and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"You're right, brother bear, this is a birthday I will never forget!" I reach over and do one more shot of tequila before announcing that I think it's time to go home.

Emmett quickly agrees and pays the bill. We walk out and there are hugs and promises to get together soon as Em hails us a cab and practically pushes me into it. I laugh as I stumble and practically fall into the seat giving the driver our address. The driver pulls away and before he's even gone a block, I'm passed out.

I have no memory of coming home. I have no memory of my brother putting me to bed.

The next morning I wake up with a headache and I groan burying my face into my pillow as the memories of last night come back to me and my face feels hot as I flush red in embarrassment. "How could I do that? What was I thinking?" I want to sink down into my bed and disappear. Shame wells up inside of me and tears sting my eyes.

That wasn't me. I don't know who what was but it wasn't me. I don't want to be who I am but I don't want to be her either. I just want to find me.

I sit up wincing at the pain in my head. "Yeah...no more drinking" I mutter and stumble to the bathroom for some Tylenol. I finally feel up to going outside my room and facing my brother.

My brother looks up from the television "I don't want to talk about it. I never want to think about it. It never happened" He mutters.

I sit down heavily on the couch and burst into tears. He looks shocked and comes over to me looking unsure of what to do.

"I'm so sorry, Em. I'm so sorry"

"Bells" his voice is softer. "Hey...it's okay. Really, it's not that big of a deal. You had far too much to drink and you did something stupid. It's not the end of the world. Believe me, I've done things far more insane when I was drunk"

I sniffle and don't know how to explain how I feel guilty and ashamed of myself so I just nod. "Okay, lets just pretend it didn't happen"

He looks at me a moment longer as if trying to decide what is really going on but must feel it's better to just leave me be about it. He gets back up and sits in his recliner.

"Do you want something to eat" He asks me "We could order a pizza or something"

Just the mention of food sends my stomach rolling and I jump up heading to the bathroom.

I will never get drunk again.

_**March of 2009 (One Year After Bella Left Jacob)**_

"Emmett! It's just across the street, I'll be fine!" My voice is loud and angry and my brother matches me with his own tone and anger.

"Bella Swan! He still isn't leaving you alone! And the police are no fucking help. You need to stay here where I can protect you. You know dad agrees with me on this"

I let out an annoyed huff and actually stomp my foot like a three-year old because I'm so mad at my brother right now "You won't always be here. You know you could be deployed at any time too! I can't live with my baby brother forever. I need my own life!"

I stop, take a deep breath and look at my brother. His eyes only show love and concern and I know that he is only worried about me but I also know that it's time. It's time for me to take another big step in life, it's time for me to move forward again.

"Em, please understand, It's time for me to live on my own. Look how well I'm doing. I have the panic attacks under control now. You'll be right across the street if I need anything and before I move in I will have a security system put in. You know I'll be careful. I know he's not leaving me alone. He probably never will but it's time for me to move on, to start living truly free. Please, please understand this." My voice is soft and calm as I say this and I see my brother ponder my words and his shoulder slump a little and he nods.

"Maybe you're right, sissy, I'm just worried. I don't like it. You would think he would just leave you alone but no these stupid flowers still show up occasionally and I know that I've seen that fucker driving by here"

I take a step toward him and place my hand on his arm "Nobody is going to be more careful than me, Em. You know that"

He nods again and pulls me into a hug "I just couldn't handle it if something happened to you, sissy, not after what you've already lived through, but I know you need to do this" He pulls back and smiles at me and I grin back at him.

"Thank you. Okay so I close on the house next month and there are some alterations I want to make to it, so I need to find a good contractor and I need to find an architect to draw up the constructions plans." My voice is filled with excitement as plans run through my head.

Em releases me from his grasp and goes over to his phone picking it up and hitting some buttons before bringing it up to his ear and waiting while I stand there wondering what he is doing.

"Hey, Ben. It's Emmett. When you guys had that work done on your house last year you had that great architect that you and Ang just loved. Do you happen to have his name and number? Bells is moving and needs to have some work done on the house"

He writes something down on a piece of paper and he and Ben talk for a few more minutes before he hangs up the phone and hands me the piece of the paper. I glance down at it and on it is a phone number and a name.

Edward Cullen.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Okay before all the question and possibly angry comments start I hope you will read this note.**_

_**I know some out there are probably going "What the hell?" and "This is so out of character"**_

_**Remember something. Not only is Bella feeling terrified now but she's also feeling incredibly lost. Think about this. She got married when she was barely 21 years old. She has been with Jacob since she was 17. Those years when we graduate and go on to find what we want to do with our lives. those years where we truly begin to find ourselves, those years when we are free to do stupid crazy things that sometimes don't make sense but unless they are truly horrible are forgiven and chalked up to learning experience. Bella never got those years.**_

_**During those years she was defined by Jacob. By what he wanted her to be, what he expected of her, what he molded her to be. We don't always do what is in character for us, especially when alcohol is involved.**_

_**Bella doesn't really know who she is anymore and that is so frustrating to her. She can remember a time before Jake where she was shy but she still had fun. She wasn't terrified to be out around people. She can remember laughing and hanging out with friends, she remember "being normal" but she doesn't know how to feel that way anymore. She doesn't know how to find who she used to be and merge that with who she is now.**_

_**Add all of those feelings to a lot of alcohol, especially for someone who almost never drinks? Yeah...you get some crazy out of character behavior. I know because I was there the night this happened.**_

_**As for why her brother or friends didn't stop her because I know some of you are wondering this. They were in shock. They honestly thought she would never do it and then once it started they got swept up in it. (Okay, well not Emmett, he wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and hide but that's only because it was his sister up there on the stage)**_

_**They caught a glimpse of their friend they used to know. The girl who had the daredevil streak in her before she was so broken and they just went with it.**_

_**Almost anyone who has ever been drunk has done something they've regretted or wondered why in heaven's name they did that. And in the scale of things? What she did really wasn't so bad. It was embarrassing to her the next day but it didn't hurt anyone and it didn't hurt her. For one moment she didn't care about anything. She was just having fun. She felt confident and sexy and she went with it.**_

_**One last note. I have said time and time again that if you are patient you will see Bella get her justice. Her getting her divorce is part of that but not what I was referring too. Unfortunately we have not seen the last of Jacob Black.**_


	13. Chapter 12: Taste of Freedom

**Chapter Twelve~ Taste of Freedom**

_BPOV_

_**April of 2009**_

"How are the panic attacks?" Dr. Brandon's voice asks me gently.

"They are a little more frequent than they have been" I look up at her "I thought they were getting better, they seemed to be. I mean, it always takes me some time to actually get out of the house but now, they are more like they were almost a year ago when I first left. I can't breathe. I can feel the sobs in my throat, and the overwhelming fear"

I have tears in my eyes as I look at my doctor in hopes of an explanation as to why they are coming back so strongly again.

Dr. Brandon looks thoughtful for a few moments as if searching for words. When she speaks her voice is quiet and caring. "Well, Bella, there are a lot of changes on the horizon for you. A lot of changes and that is most likely what is causing the attacks to become more severe. For the last year you've made changes in your life and none of them small but this really is a big one. Moving out of your brother's house and into your own is huge. I think it's a good step though and I believe you are ready for it. You won't be far from him but you'll have your own independence, and that's important but it's also scary for you."

She grimaces a little. "What is going on with Jacob?"

I sigh frustrated. The flowers still show up. They aren't even delivered anymore, they just show up on my doorstep or in the mailbox. My brother and I have both seen him driving past the house but there is no proof. He still calls all the time. The police aren't any help. He never says anything threatening. He just sends texts or leaves messages about how much he misses me and we can work this out but he always adds that I belong with him... I know he really means I belong to him"

I let out a soft sob, bowing my head as the tears flow down my cheeks and my voice is a hoarse whisper "And sometimes I feel like he's right. Everything I do seems to revolve around the fact that I live my life in fear of him and of what he will do."

"And I'm so damn sick of those fucking red roses " My voice holds a hint of anger as well as tiredness, "I'm so tired of these games he plays. I gag at the smell of them. The sight of them makes terror run through me. I've tried to use them as harassment but the police said there is no proof it's him putting them there and even if it was it's not a crime to give a woman roses"

Dr. Brandon pushes the box of tissues to me and lets me cry until I take some deep breaths to calm down. "You don't belong to him, Bella. You know that. You belong to you and no one else. It's him intimidating you and unfortunately he knows his ways around the laws so that he can do it legally. But you do not belong to him. You know this. You are, Isabella Swan. You are strong, independent, and completely your own person" Her voice is very firm and a little loud in the small comfortable office we meet in every week.

I take some more deep breaths and nod again, slowly rolling the words over in my mind and trying to believe them with all of my heart.

"Now, I want to talk to you about something else, Bella. Something you've been avoiding for months now." Her voice becomes a little more stern now and I lift my head to look at her in response. "Have you gone out with your friends again yet?"

She looks at me expectantly and I flush as I remember the debacle of my birthday and shake my head."I can't ...I made such a fool out of myself that night. I can't believe that I did that. I got on stage on front of complete strangers and took off my clothes while I danced" I shudder a little at the memory "I know I was pretty tipsy. No, I was drunk, but still...how could I have done that?"

Dr. Brandon's expression softens a bit and her voice is quiet once more "Bella, what were you like when you were in high school, before Jacob came into the picture?" She asks thoughtfully.

Her question takes me by surprise and I close my eyes to think. That time seems like a lifetime ago. "Well, I've always been shy but with friends I'm much more outgoing. I loved to go out and have fun. I alway had a bit of a daredevil streak. I got into my share of trouble I guess, but never anything serious, just innocent kids having fun."

She nods; "Go on, tell about when you were in school. What kind of activities were you involved in?" She prods gently and this brings a smile to my face as I remember. My posture straightens and my voice become a little more animated.

"Oh, I was a cheerleader for football and wrestling, on the volleyball and softball teams. I was in choir and glee club as well as drama club and I was always in the plays and musicals we did."

She nods again "And back before all of this time with Jacob, tell me, if you were tipsy and having a good time with your friends and in the same situation as you were on your birthday, would you have gotten up on that stage?"

I'm silent for some moments this time, turning the question over in my mind and thinking about it. "Yes, I probably would have...but I'm not that person anymore"

She stops me from talking with a little gesture. "No, you're not. None of us are the same people we were in high school. My point is this though; that is still part of you."

"Not only that but that day for you last year, that day was incredibly emotional for you. You were granted your freedom for lack of a better word, legally from this person who has made your life a living hell for years. You were out with your friends which you hadn't been in years, and you had some drinks. I really believe that it was just a moment when you dropped your guard. You let that old you come out, to hell with the consequences, and you went up there and had some fun."

She continues. "And why shouldn't you have? Why do you think that you don't deserve to do something wild and maybe even a little insane once in a while? There is nothing wrong with that. From what you told me, you didn't get completely naked. It's not like you went home with a strange guy and had a one night stand. You didn't do something like drugs. You didn't do anything that was harmful to yourself or anyone else. You got up on a stage and danced for a song. You let yourself be seen and noticed instead of hiding in a corner scared and alone."

I look at her a little incredulously but her words ring with truth in my head. I listen intently as she continues. "Your friends saw that part of you that they haven't seen in years. Even your brother" She pauses and chuckles softly "As embarrassed as you say he was and I'm sure he was, saw you alive and having fun. Something I'm sure he wondered if he would ever see again and he's the only one you've even told a portion of what you went through to. Even with the embarrassment he felt, I would be willing to bet, came some relief. His sister is still there, maybe right now she's buried deep inside under a lot of hurt and fear but she is there. You have not let Jacob break you completely, Bella. I know it feels like you did but you didn't. Not if you can still find that girl in there. You just hid her away very well for a very long time"

I inhale deeply as these revelations go through me and I feel a sense of peace about the incident when I realize the her words are right. It's not something I would ever do again but still...it's not the worst thing I could do. For a few brief moments I just had fun and felt free on that stage. I didn't worry about the future or even the past. I just lived in the moment.

_"And you did win first place"_ A proud little voice in my head reminds me and I feel a small smile on my face.

With that thought I also think of the surgeries it took to bring my body back to how it looks now, without marks and scars, no longer bruised and beaten. Even though most of the outward physical reminders are now gone, there were still some. I have a few bones that hadn't healed completely properly because they hadn't been set by a doctor but I didn't know if I wanted to go through with their recommendations of having the bones re-broken in order for them to set them again. They aren't causing me any damage and unless you are looking at my x-rays you can't tell they aren't healed quite properly. I had bones that were broken so many times they were never going to be as strong as they should be or once were. My wrist is a good example of this. On rainy or really cold days, parts my body aches so badly sometimes it's hard to move. Yoga has helped a lot with that but sometimes it still hurt so much it would bring tears to my eyes.

"Bella, Bella" The Doctor's voice calls me out of my thoughts and I flush again embarrassed.

"I'm sorry" I murmur and she lets out a soft chuckle

"We are going to work on that someday. This constant need to apologize for yourself. It's okay, but we are out of time for this week. Here is what I would like you to do before our next session. I would like you to call just one of your friends and go out to dinner. Nothing big or fancy, but out to a restaurant for a few hours and a nice dinner, do you think you can do that?"

I nod with a small smile "Yes, I think so" I reply and she smiles back at me.

"I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, Bella, but you really are making remarkable progress, I'll see you next week"

Later that afternoon I sit on my bed staring at my cell phone. "Come on, Bella, just pick it up and call her, it's not that big of a deal" I give myself this little pep talk and reach for the phone with a shaky hand, swallowing hard. I dial the number and listen to the rings in my ear. Just as I think it's going to go to voicemail I hear the phone being picked up and then dropped. I let out a small laugh as I hear Angela curse as she picks up the phone again and I hear a breathless "Hello?"

My voice is quiet "Hey Ang, it's Bella. How are you?"

Angela's voice answers me cheerfully "Bells! I'm so glad you called, I'm good how are you?"

I smile at her enthusiasm " I'm fine..." I hesitate before taking a deep breath willing myself not to back out. "I was wondering if you would like to pick one of these night to hang out, grab some dinner?" I ask hesitantly.

"Oh that would be fun, yes we need to catch upon so much" I cringe a little at these words but she continues "How does Friday night sound?"

"Um, that sounds fine with me, do you have a particular place in mind for where we should meet?" I ask.

"Hmmmm" she answers thoughtfully. "Let me think on it and I'll get back to you tomorrow okay? I'm so glad we're doing this Bella, I've missed you so much" There is a lump in the throat as I answer her back.

"I've missed you too, I'll talk to you tomorrow and see you on Friday, Ang" I hang up the phone letting out a long slow breath. That wasn't so bad, but the phone call isn't what I was so afraid of. I'm afraid of when the questions start...about what happened with Jacob, because I know they will.

I think this is the real reason I have avoided everyone for so long, I don't know what to say. I can't tell them, I won't even tell my brother or my dad what has happened, not really, only basics.

Then of course I remember the conversation with Renée. It went nothing like I thought the conversation would go. But then again, this was my mother we were talking about. Nothing ever went the way it should when I was dealing with her.

Renee...didn't take the news so well. She blamed me, it was just another example of how Jacob affects my life. I stare out the window and think back to that phone call...

_~~~~~ Flahsback~~~~~ June 2008 (about one year ago)_

_"Hello?"_

_I take a deep breath as I hear her voice on the other end of the line. She sound the same as she always has. I have to hold back the sob threatening to burst out of my chest. No matter what, she's still my mother, and I want my mom so badly right now._

_"Hello, is anyone there?" Renee's voice has a bit of an irritated tone to it now and I realize I have to answer her._

_"M..mom? It's me, Bella" I say quietly into the phone._

_"Bella! Oh, how are you? How is that handsome husband of yours? You never call me anymore, why don't you call me? You know that I hate not knowing what's going on. I mean really Bella, how could you be so selfish?"_

_I can see her in my mind standing there with her hand on her hip, her grey blue eyes glaring at me in annoyance. I knew this stance and look well having seen it my whole life._

_"Actually mom, I'm calling to tell you something kind of important" I keep my voice calm and I know immediately that I'm not going to get what I need from my mom but either way I do have to tell her what's going on._

_"Important? What is it Bella? Something wrong with your brother or father?" She sounds interested._

_"No, Emmett and Dad are both fine, it's about..."_

_My voice trails off and I close my eyes taking a deep breath calming myself and forcing the words out of my mouth "It's about Jake mom, I've left him"_

_I hear her sharp intake of breath and then her loud angry voice in the phone._

_"Why would you do something so stupid Isabella? What is wrong with you? You have a good man. A man who takes care of you and you screw it up like this? You listen to me and you listen to me right now girl. You go back to your husband and you get down on your knees if you have to and you beg for his forgiveness. You beg him to take you back"_

_My head lowers even though I know she can't see. I feel shame and hurt wash over me and I feel the tears behind my eyelids "Mom, I'm not going back, I can't go back. Mama please...he hurt me" Now my tears start in earnest and I can't stop them "He hurt me so badly, he's done things...very bad things to me. I can't go back, I won't go back"_

_Her voice is sharp in response "Isabella Marie, what are you saying? How could you say such things about Jacob Black? He's never been anything but sweet and loving to you, I've seen it with my own eyes. We all have. What is this you're trying to do? What have you done? You better not be going around telling people these things. Do you know what it could do to his reputation as a police officer? Really Bella. Are you really this starved for attention? How could you be so selfish to say such things?"_

_I feel so defeated. My own mother doesn't believe me. Everyone thinks he's so wonderful and perfect, nobody sees the monster he keeps hidden._

_"Isabella, did you hear me?" my mother's voice pulls me from my thoughts. I feel like another piece of my already shattered heart breaks._

_"Yes mom, but I'm not going back and I'm not lying, Emmett can tell you, he saw my bruises. Jacob is not a good person. I'm your daughter. Why can't you believe me on this?"_

_This time her voice sounds disgusted with me. "Jacob already called me Isabella, I know what's going on, I just wanted to hear from your own mouth that you were really saying these lies about him. He told me how he came home early to surprise you and found you in bed with that man. Really Bella, grow up and don't bother calling me back until you do. You better fix this or as far as I'm concerned I have no daughter"_

_She hangs up on me and I start to sob, sliding off of the bed and curling myself up on the floor. Emmett comes running in and is trying to get me to calm down but I feel so dizzy, I see spots in front of my eyes and suddenly, mercifully all is black..._

_~~~~~ End of Flashback~~~~~_

I shake my head to clear that memory away and work on calming my pounding heart. Swiping the back of my hand across my cheeks to wipe away the tears I didn't even realize had fallen. Things are somewhat better now. After I had passed out that night Em had brought me back around and finally gotten the story of what had happened.

He made me some hot chocolate and wrapped me in a blanket. Then he settled me on the couch and we had watched movie together. It was the same thing I used to do to him when we were younger and he was upset about something. Sometimes it's hard to remember I am actually the older sibling.

I fell asleep during the movie and when I woke up I could hear that he was in the kitchen on the phone with her. He was having a pretty heated discussion about the condition that I had been brought to him in. About the tormenting Jake had done since then.

I had never heard him sound so upset with her as he did that night. Out of the two of us he was always mom's little angel and I was daddy's girl but he was really going at her this time. I felt like I should get up and stop him. I didn't want anymore fighting, especially over me. I wasn't worth it, but I was so tired. I tried to call out but my voice was barely a whisper even as my eyes started to close again and I fell back asleep. At some point during the night Em must have moved me to my bed because that's where I woke up the next morning.

None of us talked about that night again and my mom has never apologized for what she had said. I talk about once a month but kept it brief and on safe neutral topics.

My mind turns back to the subject at hand. How I will deal with it if Angela starts asking questions of me on Friday night.

"Well, I will just have to deal with it when it comes up, I'll just say I don't want to discuss him and that is that" I say to myself in my empty room with a nod. I didn't have to worry about that for another day or so though so I push it from my mind for now.

I want to get started on starting to pack up my belongings. I move into my new house in a week and I haven't even started to pack up. Not that I have a lot. There is so much I have to buy. And I still have to meet with the architect...what is his name again?

Oh yeah, Edward Cullen. I meet with him on Monday to explain what I want remodeled in the house so he can draw up the plans and hopefully he can recommend a good contractor to me as well.

It's moments like this that make me think of Papa and how much I miss him. He used to tell me when I was a little girl that he would draw me up the plans for my dream house some day. I used to love to sit and watch him draw up plans. He was always so patient with me and would explain what he was doing, how to read the plans. I grew up on construction sites. He would take me with him when he would go visit them and we always stopped for ice cream after lunch, it was our special time together. I sigh and bring myself back to reality yet again, so much to do but it will be nice to be busy. I go down to the garage and find some boxes bringing them back to my room and start to pack up my books and some clothes.

The week passes quickly and before I know it, It's friday night. And I'm standing in the restaurant looking around for Angela.

"Bella" I see Angela stand up and wave at me from across the room and I make my way over to where she is sitting back down and reaching for her very pink cocktail in front of her. I smile as I reach her and take my seat as a waiter appears on my left side and I resist the urge to jump.

"Something to drink for you miss? Perhaps a glass of wine or martini?"

I shake my head a little, "No thank you, ginger ale please"

Angela shoots me a look of disbelief which I choose to ignore, after the last time there is no way I am drinking tonight, besides that I'm driving and that is something I will never do even if I've only had one.

"Ginger ale?" she questions me and I nod again.

"Yes, it sounded good and I'm driving" she shrugs a little and lets it drop as she picks up her menu.

The waiter comes back with my drink and takes our order and suddenly it's that moment that I've dreaded.

"So, Bella" Ang fiddles with her napkin and I reach for my water-glass taking a sip to buy some time and calm my thoughts. She looks at me, "What happened with you and" I stop her right there, my voice quiet and firm

"Please don't say his name, I don't even think him if I don't have to. I don't really want to talk about it. All I will say it was very very bad. It went on for years and it was life or death for me to get out. Please, Angela"

My eyes look to hers begging "Please leave it at that, I'm so grateful to you for coming and getting me that day but please, I don't want to talk about it"

Angela is quiet for a moment, my eyes are on the napkin in my lap but I can feel hers on me. "Okay, Bella, it's okay we won't talk about it. So tell me about your new house and your plans for it."

I feel myself start to relax and for the first time, I feel like this could be a really fun night, I lift my head with a smile and proceed to tell her in an excited voice about the house and all I have planned and the shopping to do to furnish it.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

Monday afternoon finds me very irritated with my brother.

"Dammit, Emmett, where are you?" I growl into my phone as it goes to voice mail yet again. I glance up at the clock. I'm due across the street in five minutes to meet with this Edward Cullen and Em had promised to be here to go with me.

Sighing in frustration I get up from the table where I'm working pushing my glasses to the top of my head because I'm not sure if I'll need them or not. I straighten my grey skirt and red capped sleeve blouse and take some relaxing breaths. "I can do this, I'll be fine, Everything will be fine" I chant to myself, grab the keys for the house and move to the front door.

I step out and blink a few times my eyes adjusting to the sunlight and then head across the street. A black SUV has just pulled up into the driveway and a very tall, very gorgeous man is stepping out of it. I reach the end of the driveway and my stupid heel catches on something and I stumble.

He's there in an instant, his hand on my elbow steadying me.

"Are you alright, miss?"

I don't answer him at first. I'm in a bit of shock, he's touching me and I don't flinch. I don't feel afraid of him. I don't know what I feel but I know it's not fear. I know he won't hurt me.

My inner self raises her eyebrow at me_. "Really? You don't even know his name but you know he won't hurt you? Bella, you have well and truly lost it"_

"Miss?" He asks again and I quickly look up into a pair of startling green eyes that are looking back at me with concern "Are you okay?" He has a small smile on his very handsome face.

I shake myself from this stupor and blush deeply "Yes, sorry, stupid heels, but when you're 5'3" you have to make up for it somehow" I can't believe I just said that, I've always hate how I babble when I don't know what to say and flush a deeper red.

I search for something to say and finally come up with "Are you by chance Mr. Cullen?" he lets out a chuckle and releases my elbow and nods.

"Yeah, I am. Wait are you Miss Swan?" I nod and stick my hand out to shake his without a thought. I don't even really hug my friends let alone off my hand to strangers but apparently I have lost all my senses today.

His hand is so large it engulfs my small one and his handshake is warm and friendly, normally by now I would be desperate to pull my hand away from a stranger's touch but I'm not afraid of him. His touch is firm but gently and I automatically smile at him which rewards me with another smile of his own.

I can't help but immediately like this man, I don't understand it but there is just this air he exudes about him. He's warm and friendly. His eyes are clear and bright and the most gorgeous shade of green. They hold a hint of laughter and I find myself wondering what his laugh sounds like. His smile is genuine and makes his whole face light up. As I continue to look at him I realize he's even more good-looking than I first realized.

_"What the hell are you thinking about, Bella? The man is here to do a job of course he looks like this, it's part of his image. He's wouldn't be interested in someone like you, so just get over it"_ My snide inner voice says and again I'm a little taken aback.

_"Interested? No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! I am never ever going down that road again, I will never trust someone again let alone with my heart. No, I was simply admiring this man's good looks and pleasant demeanor and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't want him interested in me because I'm not interested in him like that...just no. I will never be interested in someone like that ever again."_ My inner voice says vehemently and then I realize that he's still waiting for me to answer him and I flush again

"Yes, I'm Miss Swan but please call me 's very nice to meet you Mr. Cullen."

He smiles again and I feel my breath hitch at the sight of it. "Alright, Bella, please call me Edward. If you're sure you're alright and think you can walk in those heels" His eyes twinkle with his teasing and I again feel this instant feeling of at ease with him. It's such an unfamiliar feeling to me but it feels so nice. "Shall we go inside and you can explain to me what you would like to have done to the house?"

I grin shyly at his teasing and nod and we walk to the front door where I unlock it and open the door. He gestures for me to go first. I smile in thanks and walk in with him closely behind me.

I lead him upstairs and show him the master bathroom and bedroom explaining that I want a walk in closet and a bigger bathroom with a separate shower stall and a garden tub. He listens very carefully to everything I say writing notes and taking some measurements, nodding and giving me that smile occasionally.

As we move to go back downstairs so I can tell him what I want in the kitchen I see his lips twitch and the mischievous glint in his eyes becomes more pronounced "Maybe I should carry you down the stairs so we don't have a repeat of that almost happened outside. I'm not sure I could get to the bottom of the stairs to catch you before you get there"

I look at him and I can't stop the giggle that bubbles out of me. "I can walk just fine on my own thank you. I can't help it if the road tried to kill me. Inanimate objects are always trying to kill me. Wall move, floors jump up" I can't believe I am teasing and laughing back at this man. I can't believe how at ease I am. I can't believe how natural it all feels.

There is a place inside of me though that is frightened. There is a place inside of me that keeps whispering that it's all an act. There is a place screaming at me to just finish this and go home and hide where it's safe. Don't trust anyone you will only get hurt.

For the first time in a very long time I tell that voice to shut up. I begin walking down the stairs with one last comment. "I will be fine going downstairs as long as they don't suddenly go flat and become a slide like they do in the cartoons."

He laughs hard and loud as we walk down to the kitchen and I join him in his laughter.

We're standing in the driveway by his SUV talking about a last couple of details when I see it out of the corner of my eye coming down the street and I automatically tense. The grey Escalade drives slowly by the house. I see Jacob behind the wheel of the car. His eyes catch mine and he speeds up driving away fast.

"Friend of yours?" Edward asks me with a slightly raised eyebrow and a hint of a smile which automatically drops and his eyes become concerned "Hey, Bella, are you okay?"

He reaches out for me. This time I do flinch a little taking a step back and stumbling. He's there to catch me immediately and the fear wells up inside of me as I feel his touch and I start to panic now. The voice in my head screaming more loudly at me this time.

He senses my uneasiness and his voice is soft and low as he releases me making sure I am steady on my feet. 'Bella, it's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Wow, you're white as a ghost. Here let me help you"

Amazingly his voice seems to help calm me and bring me back to reality. "I...I'm okay" I stutter, "Sorry."

Edward looks at me curiously "Did you know that guy?"

I nod a little still feeling shaky. "Yeah, but.." my voice trails off

"It's okay" He says again. "You don't have to explain. But please, you look very pale and shaky let me make sure you get home safely" He looks up and to the road. "Where is your car?" he asks.

"Oh, I'm staying with my brother until I move in next week, it's just across the street" I point and notice my hand is shaking. I pull it back so he doesn't see. "I can make it, thank you for offering though, it's very kind"

He shakes his head. "Please, Bella. Let me walk you over there. For my piece of mind" He adds and all I can do is nod, maybe it would be best to have a little help over to the house.

We walk silently over to the house where I unlock the door and I'm at a loss about what to do. He's been so kind to me and it seems rude to just say goodbye and shut the door even though I really want to just go to my room and curl up and cry. I gesture awkwardly to the inside of the house.

"Would you... would you like something to drink?" I offer and hope it sounds sincere because I truly am grateful someone was with me today when this happened but I still feel shaken to the core.

He looks at me a minute as if assessing me and shakes his head. His voice soft and so kind. "No, I really should be going. If you're sure you're okay...I mean if you're not...I could stay" He stumbles over his words as he offers and I can tell by his voice that he means it and I detect no threat in his manner, he very much just seems concerned.

I swallow hard and look up at him giving him a smile although I know it is very shaky. "I'm fine, thank you so much, you've been so kind" I blush because I think about what an awful impression I must have made on this man today.

He smiles back a little and tilts his head looking at me. "I'm glad I could help. You know you look very cute when you blush" He seems surprised that this comment came out of his mouth and it's his turn to blush now.

Before I can even process what he had said he clears his throat. "So, um what you want isn't too complicated and it should only take me a week or so to draw up the plans. As for contractors, I have a good friend of mine, Jasper Hale who is just ending a job. He's not cheap but he won't rip you off and he'll do excellent work, I could give him a call for you if you like?"

I nod "That would be wonderful thank you, so I'll hear from you soon then?"

He nods in response "Well, have a good evening, Bella" He holds his hand out for me to take and mine trembles as I shake it.

"You as well, Edward. Thank you" He turns and walks back across the street. Before he gets into his SUV again he turns and looks at me. I'm still standing in the doorway and he gives me that spectacular smile again and waves. I return his wave with my own smile and realize that I'm feeling calmer. I marvel at that. I go into the house and shut the door making sure I lock it behind me and set the alarm.

_**EPOV**_

I pull up to a very nice, pale yellow, two-story Victorian style house. My mind is on the upcoming meeting with this new client. From my understanding with my conversation with the woman on the phone, this wasn't going to be a complicated job. She wanted her kitchen and master bathroom remodeled as well as putting in a walk in closet. Glancing at the clock in my car I see that I'm five minutes early. My muscles feel tight and tense from driving to all my different appointments today so I take the opportunity to step out of my car and stretch a bit.

I notice a small brunette walking up to the driveway. Her head is down and she seems to be concentrating on taking deep breaths. She is petite and I can't help but notice her incredible figure, dressed modestly in a skirt and blouse.

I can't help but admire her a bit and then I watch as the heel of her shoe sinks into a small hole in the road. I immediately react knowing that she didn't notice it and is about to fall. I make my way quickly to her to catch her elbow just as she starts to stumble.

"Are you alright miss?" I ask and she looks up at me blushing pink with embarrassment and seems startled. "Miss?" I ask again.

She finally responds to me, mumbling about her heels and about when you're this short you need to do something like wear heels like this. It causes me to chuckle and my eyes take in her face and I realize how beautiful she really is.

She has wide green eyes. High cheekbones, a soft sweet face, a small nose, and plump pink lips. But there is more to this woman, I sense it instantly, there is something warm and sweet about her, but she also reminds me of a scared rabbit. Ready to jump at any sound and I feel an urge to wrap my arms around her and protect her.

I shake my head clearing these thoughts from my mind, I mean I just met this woman, what is wrong with me. She flushes a deeper pink as I watch and again I think about how beautiful she is. She isn't wearing any makeup but she doesn't need it. Her beautiful blush is the only thing that should adorn her face.

Her voice catches me off guard and pulls me from my musings.

"Are you by chance Mr. Cullen?" I had expected her voice to be higher pitched and more...what was the word I was looking for...bubbly? But it's warm, soft and lower with a hidden husk behind it, it's actually quite sexy.

Again I clear these thoughts from my mind with a chuckle and nod then realizing that if she knows my name she must be my client. "Yeah, I am. Are you Miss Swan?" I ask.

She nods in affirmation and holds out her hand for me to shake. I take her hand in mine. Mine pretty much engulfs her much smaller one. Her handshake is firm and the feel of her hand in mine is so soft. She smiles sweetly at me and her whole face lights up. I can't help but smile back at her. I don't think there is anyone in the world that could resist smiling back at this beautiful creature.

She tells me to call her Bella and I, in return ask her to call me Edward and ask her if she is ready to show me what she would like to have done. I can't resist teasing her a little about walking in her shoes without stumbling hoping to get her to smile again.

We go through the upstairs and she explains what she wants done as I take notes and measurements so I can draw up her plans. I steal glances at her occasionally out of the corner of my eye.

As we start to head downstairs I again tease her again and I'm rewarded with her giggle. I know immediately I want to hear it again. It causes a rush of warmth through me and I think to myself that this is how this woman should be. She should always be happy and laughing.

Then I wonder where in the hell these thoughts are coming from. I just met her.

As she makes a joke about the inanimate objects trying to kill her, trying to sound insulted by my teasing but failing miserably I let out a hearty laugh.

At the conclusion of our meeting standing by my car discussing some last details. I have the most intense desire to just keep her talking. About anything. About nothing. I don't care I just want to hear her voice some more.

I see Bella's attention shift to a grey SUV coming down the street. She almost seems to stop breathing and her eyes follow it as it drives slowly by and then speeds away. I glance back at her to tease her again about secret admirer's. "Friend of yours?"

My expression changes immediately as I take in her appearance. Her breathing is shallow and her eyes are full of fear. She looks like she's trying to curl into herself and she's as white as a sheet. I touch her arm and ask her is she's alright and she practically jumps out of her skin. Her eyes wildly looking around as if she's going to bolt and again I feel protectiveness rise up in me for this woman I just met an hour ago.

I keep my voice low and calm as I talk to her. She seems to come back to herself and looks at me embarrassed. When I ask her if she knows the guy she confirms she does but seems stuck on what to say after that. I look at her eyes and there is so much fear and pain in them it breaks my heart a little to look. I know there is so much more to this story. Somehow that man has hurt this beautiful and kind woman.

I tell her it's okay, she doesn't have to explain, although I really want to know. I just know not to push her. Besides that I'm still practically a stranger. Just someone she hired to do a job. I want to make sure she gets home safe though. I am determined to follow her home and makes sure she is okay getting there, worried about her driving in the state she is.

I glance around and ask her where her car is and she tells me she's staying with her brother across the street until she moves into the house. She tries to persuade me from walking her over there but I am determined. I try very hard not to sound threatening in any way. I try to convey my concern for her and he gives in pretty easily. We walk in silence and I can tell she is still so scared. She's trembling even though she's trying hard not to show it.

I feel a flash of anger run through me and whoever it was in that car. He obviously scares the hell out of her. I focus again on her as we reach the door and she opens it awkwardly asking if I would like something to drink.

I really would like to come in, but not for a drink, I would love to sit and talk to her. To find out about her. I want to get her calmed down again and make her smile and laugh but I sense that she needs to be alone now.

It wouldn't really be appropriate of me anyway since we just met. She blushes again and I blurt out the words before I can think about them. "I'm glad I could help. You know you look very cute when you blush"

Now it's my turn to look embarrassed and I do so. I stumble my way through a few last minutes things about her house hoping to make her forget I said that. After making sure once again that she's alright I leave her and walk back over to my SUV. I can't resist turning to around once more before I get into the vehicle. She's still at the front door watching me so I smile and give her a little wave and I am rewarded one in return.

As I drive away I can't help but have a sense that I have met someone incredible today. Someone who I really would like to know more of. I clear my thoughts with an annoyed chuckle and say to myself "Just focus on the job at hand, Edward"

_**BPOV**_

I sit down in a chair as I remember seeing Jacob. I knew he had been around, this isn't the first time. But this is the first time I had seen him be so blatantly obvious about it.

Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I had gone quietly. I hadn't told anyone the worst of what he did. What I did tell was only out of necessity and only to a few people. I had kept quiet. I had given him everything in the divorce. Why couldn't he just let me alone?

I slide down to my knees from the chair and turn my face upward "Please God, just let him leave me be. Please let me just live my life in peace, in quiet. Please help me, give me strength because I'm so scared"

I feel the tears on my cheeks and the only thing that pulls me from my prayer is the sound of the garage opening and Emmett's truck pulling into it. I sit back in the chair and wipe my eyes just as he comes rushing in.

"Sissy, I'm so damn sorry, my phone is dead and I got caught in traffic" He stops short when he sees me "What happened?" he demands, "What's wrong"

I shake my head a little with a sigh "Jake just decided to drive by this evening and it shook me up. It's okay, I'm okay. I understand about the traffic thing. I met Edward and he was very nice. He'll have my plans ready for me in about a week and he knows a good contractor I can use"

Emmett let out a small curse as Jacob's name is mentioned and he looks at me "You are not moving in that house until a good security system is in place do you understand me, Bella?"

I nod too tired now to take offense to his tone because I know it's only because he's concerned for my well-being. "Yes, Em I agree with you completely. The alarm company is coming out Thursday to install it"

He nods and pulls me in for a hug carefully and judging my reactions to it. I hug him back although it's weakly.

" How about we order in for supper tonight, sissy. I don't think you're up to cooking and if I cook it will just end up burnt"

I think for a moment and then nod. "Yeah, that would be good." He gives me his goofy grin and I can't help but return it with one of my own as we stand up.

"Okay then, I'll order and then we'll get in our pajama's and just veg out tonight" I smile and head up to my room to change.

The next morning I am running around the house trying to find my stupid keys because I have to be at the office today and I woke up late. I finally find them and grab my purse and attaché case and pull open the front door and stop dead in my tracks.

There on the front mat are eleven blood-red roses and one black one.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**There was some argument about who would get to tell about their first meeting. Both sides wanted to so I decided to let them both tell you *smiles***_

_**I know a lot of you out there that wanted them to just meet and fall instantly in love and everything is okay. But that's not the way it works. There is a very strong and instant connection between them but Bella is scared out of her mind and Edward doesn't know what the hell these feelings he's having are about. And with Bella's past they are going to have issues to overcome before we get to where they are today but we'll get there.**_

_**As for you know who *sighs* Well, we all wish he would just leave her be.**_

_**Want to let me know your thoughts? Got questions? Click that little review button. It's going to be a few days between now and my next update but the first five reviews for this chapter will get a little special preview treat that is still a couple of chapters away**_


	14. Chapter 13: Beginnings

**Chapter Thirteen~ Beginnings**

_BPOV_

It's Monday morning and I find myself standing with my hands on my hips as I survey the mess around me with a sigh. "Now that everything is moved into the house, what do I do with it all?"

I laugh a little to myself at my thoughts. I knew I had bought far more than necessary, in fact I had gone a little...okay maybe a lot crazy at the stores but it was a whole new experience for me. It had been so much fun to get the things I wanted to get not what I was told to get by someone else. I had spent hours looking for just the pieces of furniture I wanted and hours more looking for all the little things that would make my house a home. And I really did have to buy a lot of things. The only real possessions I had owned was my clothes and my laptop and a few other little things.

I frown as my eyes fall on the boxes and bags kitchen stuff I had purchased. Where was I going to put it all? I can't use my kitchen, my master bedroom or bathroom yet because they were about to be torn apart. On Monday they are coming to gut the rooms to begin the remodel. For now I had set up my bed and stuff in the guest bedroom and there is would stay until all the construction was done.

As I think about all of this I realize I haven't heard from Edward yet. He said he would need a week so and it's been a little over that so I should be hearing from him any day now. My thoughts turn to this mysterious man and I absently wander into the kitchen to get a bottle of water thinking about him.

Yes, I have to admit that part of it was his looks, he is very attractive but there was something else about him. The way I felt...safe with him. I shake my head a little in confusion. "I don't know this man from Adam, in fact I'm only spent about an hour of my life with him, yet I feel safe with him?"

I shake my head quickly muttering to myself _"You're being completely ridiculous Bella. Don't be stupid, you aren't interested in anyone, let alone this stranger. And you can be damn sure he isn't interested in someone like you. You can't trust anyone. You know better. You never thought Jacob would hurt you and look how that turned out. No, you are better off staying alone."_

As these thoughts pass through my mind another part of me chimes in snidely. Reminding me of who I am really. _"Besides who would want you anyway? You're broken, damaged goods. You can't have a real relationship, nor do you deserve one. Even if you found someone to fall in love with, to build something with, he would leave. You aren't even a complete woman anymore, why would anyone fall in love with you once they find out about him and the things he's done to you?"_

I stop myself as I feel the sob start to rise in my throat feeling helpless. I hated these thoughts, I tried not to think them but there was always that little voice in the back of my head whispering them to me and in my heart I felt they were right. _"Who would want me after they found out my story? Would they see me for what I really am? Broken and worthless."_

I impatiently wipe the backs of my hands across my cheeks swiping away the stray tears and take a deep breath to calm myself focusing on the task at hand. I begin doing what I can to organize my house. For now I will store the kitchen stuff in the dining room, going across the street to cook and eat meals with Emmett. I also want to get the guest room a little more settled with my things so it feels more like home before I go to sleep tonight. With these thoughts in my mind I set out to start working.

An hour later I almost miss the ringing of the doorbell as I dance around the room, music blasting through the ear buds of my Ipod. I was in the living room organizing the dvd's. Em was to come over later tonight to hook up the dvd player as well as the game systems to the t.v. so I run to the door and throw it open fully expecting that it's Emmett, that he's early and hopefully he has pizza with him because I'm starving!

I stop short and blush furiously as Edward stands there on my front porch in a white button down shirt and black pants with thin black suspenders looking crisp and clean. I realize that I'm wearing a t-shirt and jean skirt. my hair pulled back into a messy bun that I can feel tendrils escaping from it. I suddenly feel grimy from all the work I've done.

"Oh..um" I stammer "Hello" I look down blushing deeper pink.

He grins at me. "Hey. Bella. I have your plans ready and I was in the neighborhood so I thought I would just drop them by your house for you. I'm sorry if I've caught you at a bad time"

I realize that he's standing there and I'm being rude so I step back opening the door wider for him. "I'm sorry, please come in and you'll have to excuse the mess" I blush again. I hate people seeing my house in any state of disarray "Everything just got moved in and I'm just working on getting somewhat settled."

He smiles at me as he steps in and I think I stop breathing for a moment. _"He is s so gorgeous when he smiles. His eyes crinkle up a bit and his eyes are so clear and green."_ I shake my head again to clear it and smile back. "Could you give me just a moment please and we can look at them?" I ask

"Of course, how about I spread them out in the kitchen since that has the best lighting?" Is his response.

I nod "I'll be right back"

He smiles at me again as I make a mad dash upstairs to the bathroom and groan as I look at my reflection. Just as I suspected, my hair is out of control, there is some dirt or dust smudged on my cheek and I look like a complete mess.

_"Why do you care?"_ My inner voice sneers at me _"He's not interested in you so what does it matter, nor should you be interested in him"_

I tell my inner voice to shut the hell up but it makes me pause. I shouldn't be interested in this man, and I'm sure he isn't interested in me so why do I care? Why do I want to know more about him? Why am I so concerned with how I look? I shake these thoughts from my head as I wash my face and brush out my hair pulling it into a neat ponytail.

Next I head to the bedroom where I root around in the boxes until I find a green button up shirt switching it for the t-shirt I've been wearing all day and then hop around trying to pull on a clean pair of jeans almost falling over in the process. When I finally feel presentable again I head back downstairs after stopping in what will become my home office to find my glasses so I can actually read the plans.

Edward is standing in the kitchen with the plans spread out on the center island, his back to me, and I take a moment to admire him. His strong shoulders and the line of his back. "Geez he's tall. I know he's over six feet" I think but then again everyone is tall compared to me at only 5'3". My eyes travel further down and I blush again when I realize I'm staring at his ass.

_"But oh what a..."_ I stop myself right there. _"No, no, no-no, no, we are not going there."_ My thoughts are firm. I clear my throat and he turns to smile, gesturing me over to show me what he's drawn up for me.

Thirty minutes later he's rolling up the plans for me with another breathtaking smile. "If you're okay with it, I like to come by and check on the work as it progresses in case Jasper has any questions about anything or any problems arise"

I nod "Thank you, that's very kind, you did a wonderful job with them"

He chuckles again "I'm going to sound like an ass saying this in this way and I don't mean to. I'm very impressed that you actually know how to read them so well"

I smile because I do understand what he's saying, plans aren't easy to read if you don't understand what you're looking at.

"My grandfather was an architect, he taught me a lot. I used to love to watch him draw up plans and he would explain it to me"

"Well that explains that then" He nods and seems to hesitate for a moment. We stand in this moment of silence and it's the most curious feeling but it leaves me confused. He has no reason to stay now, not really even a reason to come back except to briefly check on the progress or if there is an issue. Our business is pretty much concluded. But I don't want him to go because if he does I may never see him again and the thought of that makes me incredibly sad. I don't understand these thoughts and feelings I am having one bit.

I've never felt this way about another person before, this intense desire to sit down and ask him everything about himself. I want to know this man, not because he's so damn good-looking which, lets face it, he is, but because I sense this side of him that is hidden a bit. I have a feeling it's a side he doesn't shows to a lot of people. In his own way he also seems shy and I want to know about it, I yearn to know...him.

My mind is swirling with confusion at what these feeling are._ "Why should I want to know this total stranger? Why do I feel this pull to him?" _My eyes glance down at his arms and I think about how it would feel to have them wrapped around me in a warm hug and I start a little, practically jumping as this thought passes through my mind. "What the hell? Nobody touches me, not even Emmett could come near me unless I prepared myself for it and I'm thinking that I want Edward to hug me? I must be more insane than I think."

I hear Edward clear his throat and I look back up at him. "How long have I been standing at here staring at him and talking to myself in my head?"

He rubs his hand across the back of his neck and seems shy and...is he nervous? "Bella" He starts and then stops for a moment seemingly to gather his thoughts. "Bella, I realize this might come off as unprofessional but technically I'm done with this job except for if there are any adjustments to be made"

I'm wondering where he is going with this exactly and so I nod a little in encouragement, curious about why he is suddenly nervous like this "Well, I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out to dinner some time with me?" He looks at me and runs his fingers through his hair again.

I'm frozen, I don't know what to do and I probably look like an idiot standing there and staring at him. He looks down and blushes himself mumbling.

"Never mind...I'm sorry... that was uncalled for...I'll just be going now" He turns away and I can see rejection in his eyes and it hurts my heart to see that and spurs me out of the shock I'm in and into action.

"No, Edward, wait, please" I hesitantly reach out my trembling hand and touch his arm and he turns back around to look at me, his eyes a little wary but not hostile. I notice the look in his eyes but more than that I notice the feeling of warmth that happened through my body the moment I lightly touched him. I blink a few times trying to focus my thoughts again. I reluctantly pull my hand back from his arm once I know I have his attention again. "I...well,I would...but you see..."

I sigh because I really don't want him to walk out my door. I really want to see him again but I don't know what to do here. I don't know if I can date someone. If I date someone and we hit it off I would have to tell them about Jake and about everything. I would have to trust them and I'm not sure I can ever trust anyone ever again. I can feel my lips tremble and my voice is quiet.

"I really want to Edward, but I'm not sure I'm...ready. My last relationship..." I trail off.

He watches me quietly for a moment before responding, it feels like he is assessing me. "It was that with the guy who drove by that day wasn't it? I mean, your last relationship?" I nod a little in answer and look down at the floor. I can feel his eyes studying me and I wonder what he sees.

Does he see this broken woman who I am? I want to curl up in myself.

I hear him take a breath and he says very quietly. "Please look at me, Bella?" His voice sounds like a plea and I am helpless to resist. I look up in response. I see something in his eyes that I don't understand it. It's not pity though and for that I am thankful. I hate that look and I'm so relieved not to see it that I slowly let out the breath I'm holding.

"Okay then, how about a compromise?" He asks and I look at him curiously waiting for him to go on, "Well, how about we go out to dinner and just get to know each other? Not a date, just two people going to dinner to see if they can become friends?"

I mull this over in my mind and I realize just how badly I want this but the thought of going out still terrifies me. Anything could happen. I would be alone with him. Jacob could show up. I can feel the edges of a panic attack coming and I force it back taking some deep breaths. "I would really like to have dinner with you but,um, do you think you could maybe come here instead? I could cook" I pause and look at him pleading a little with my eyes "It would be more comfortable for me that way"

And it would. Not only would I be in my home and feel safer but I have my extra safety net of my brother just across the street if I need him. I know it may seem silly for me to feel this way but it's just the way I feel.

He furrows his brows a little trying to get a read on me before he responds "I don't want you to have to go to all that work for me, and your kitchen will be a mess with all the work going on. How will you cook? I mean." He actually blushes and he is so cute " I don't want to wait until the remodel is finished for dinner" I smile a little as he shuts his mouth and I realize the gesture well. He starts to babble when he's nervous just like I do. I hold back my giggle

"Oh, I was thinking I could grill. The other dishes I can make ahead of time over at my brother Emmett's house and just bring them over, if that's okay?"

He gives me the most brilliant smile and I feel my breathing stop again for a moment "In that case, I would love to come for dinner, when would you like to have me, Miss Swan?"

I have to giggle a bit this time because he looks so enthusiastic. I run through things in my mind thinking that I would like to put my house together a bit more first and I ask shyly "How about Saturday night? Say six o'clock?"

He nods "Is there anything I can bring?"

I smile suddenly feeling excited about cooking for him and I shake my head "No, but is there anything you are allergic to or that you don't like?"

He looks a little shy again "I don't care for fish or seafood at all. And I reserve the right to not eat anything that is slimy"

I laugh this time "No worries there, I can't stand seafood either. I also promise not to make any slimy foods that night" I giggle again. " So I'll see you on Saturday then?"I ask nervously and start to wonder if I've lost my mind and I'm dreaming this whole thing.

He grins at me. "Saturday at six, I'll be here." I walk him to the door and open it for him feeling nervous and bashful again. He looks at me again with that look that I don't understand but I have to admit, I like it. I don't think anyone has ever looked at me the way he has.

"I'll see you later, Bella, I look forward to it" his voice is warm and I feel my cheeks flush again.

"So do I, I'll see you Saturday" I watch him walk out to his SUV and he turns and gives me a wave which I return before shutting the door, leaning against it and breathing a little hard and my heart pounding wondering just what I'm doing.

By Wednesday I'm fairly settled into my house and I love it. I love having my own space that is all me. I had taken the week from work to get completely settled in so I find myself with time on my hands. I think about my upcoming plans and decided to go to the market. I'm still not sure what I was going to prepare but maybe walking around and looking at things might inspire me.

As I drive down the road I have the windows rolled down and I'm singing along with the radio just enjoying the beautiful weather when I see the cop car pull behind me. My breath hitches. I realize I'm shaking when my hand reaches for the control on the steering wheel to turn the music down. I can't see the driver clearly but I have no doubt who is in that car.

I swallow hard and my eyes keep glancing back and forth from the road to my rearview mirror as he follows my every move and stays right on my bumper. I don't know what to do and I'm terrified. My first thought is to call Em but I don't even want to reach for my phone. I'm afraid to do anything that he can use as an excuse to pull me over. So I stay on my course.

By the time I reach the store I'm breathing hard and visibly shaken. I'm on the verge of a panic attack and the only thing stopping me at the moment is I know I have to keep control of the vehicle.

I flip my turn signal on to turn into the parking lot when suddenly those lights go on behind me and I hear the siren. A sob bursts from my throat. The cop car quickly whips around me and speeds off but not before I glance out my window and see Jacob glaring at me as he rushes by.

I pull my car in and stop it and my head bows. My forehead rests against the steering wheel and my hands grip it as sobs rack my body. I don't know how long I sit here like this.

I am suddenly jarred out of it by a sharp knocking on my window. I let out a startled scream and look up, sure that I am about to see my ex-husband but it's a strange woman.

"Are you alright dear?" She calls through the window.

"Yes" I nod and take some deep gulping breaths. "Yes, I'm fine thank you"

She looks at me skeptically and I reach over and start my car again. Pulling out of the lot slowly and heading home. Once I'm there I practically run into the house and check to make sure every door and window is locked and the alarm set before I let myself collapse on the couch and completely break down again wondering how I'm ever going to live my life.

When Emmett gets home that night I tell him what happened and I see his jaw set as he clenches his fist a few times. He repeatedly asks me if I am alright and I don't think he believes me when I tell him I'm fine.

I ask him if he can take me to the grocery store tomorrow and he agrees with a sad tired sigh. I know it's not because he's unwilling to take me. I know it's because he's just as frustrated as I am with what Jacob is doing. He always manages to stay on just this side of the law so nothing can be done.

But I'm not even sure if he crosses that line that anything will be done. He is untouchable. I don't understand how nobody can see what he hides. This demon inside of him. He has everyone fooled and everyone loves him. This is a fight I know that I will never win. All I can do is hope he will finally tire of me, leave me alone.

I make it through the next few days and thankfully there is no sign of Jake. I don't relax but I begin to look forward to my plans with Edward. "There is nothing wrong with just making a friend right?" I question myself over and over.

There are so many reason to be terrified yet I want this more than I've wanted almost anything in my if I don't understand why I want it. There is just something about him that demands for me to know him.

It's Saturday morning and I'm over at my brother's house trying to get ready for dinner tonight and deal with my brother at the same time.

"Emmett" I growl a little turning around with the knife I'm using still in my hand, threatening my brother with it. "If you go near that apple pie I will use this knife on you. I told you, I will make you one tomorrow, this one is for tonight!"

My brother gives me an indignant look and huffs "Explain this to me again. I can't have any of this pie because you need it for tonight. You're having this guy who drew up the plans for the remodel of your house over for dinner?"

I nod and turn back to the cutting board to finish chopping up the onions and garlic for my steak marinade "Yes and his name is Edward" I add softly. I don't like the way my brother referred to him as 'that guy'. He has a name and a quite lovely one at that. I can feel Em's eyes on my back as I work and his silence unnerves me. The knife slips and slices into the palm of my hand.

"Ouch!" I cry out and immediately bring my hand over to the sink letting cold water run over it.

Emmett comes over and takes my hand washing the cut clean and looking at me. "What has gotten into you, sis? You're as nervous as a baby rabbit. I've never seen you cut yourself in the kitchen" He wraps a towel around my hand "Press it firmly there and once the bleeding has stopped we'll wash it again and I'll bandage it for you"

I nod with a sigh and sit in a chair at his kitchen table holding my hand up to stop the flow of blood "I just had an accident that's all, nothing is wrong with me" I retort probably a little more sharply than I should and he narrows his eyes at me.

"Oh yes. You are acting all jumpy and nervous. Why would you be having this guy over for dinner anyway? That isn't exactly customary is it? I mean people don't invite the people who do construction on their houses over for dinner once they are done."

The words slip out of me before I can stop them "Well, he wanted to take me to dinner but I just don't think that I am quite ready for that so I invited him over instead"

I stop as I watch my brothers eyes narrow further and his voice drop lower as he responds. I know this look and this tone. Protective Brother Bear is coming out to play now.

"So this is a date?"

I stammer a little in my answer "Well...no...we are just having dinner and getting to know each other...becoming friends. That's all, just friends." My heart starts to beat a little faster when I realize that against all my better judgement I do want this to be a date. I quickly push those thoughts deep into the back of my mind.

"Uh-huh" Emmett answers me skeptically "I don't like it, Sissy"

His tone annoys me and sets me on edge "And I don't care if you like it or not. It's my life and I'll what I damn well please with it."

The hurt look on his face immediately makes me regret my words and my voice softens. "I'm sorry Brother Bear. I know you're only trying to protect me. I shouldn't have said that. It's just, I'm so tired of people trying to run my life for me. I have enough holding me back right now without the people I love most trying to, even if it comes out of love"

My brother's eyes soften as they look at me and he lets out a long breath "I know, Bells. I just can't help but worry about you. You still seem so...fragile."

I give him a little grin, "I'm supposed to be the one worrying about you little brother, after all I have seven years on you"

He laughs "Yeah well, we always were kind of a backwards family. Just promise me you'll be careful Sissy. And that you'll call me if you need anything or he gets out of line with you."

I meet his eyes and nod "I promise. It's just dinner, Em. And it's just friends"

He looks at me for a long moment as if he sees something I don't. As if he sees what I am trying to fight so hard in my head. He finally nods and lets it go changing the subject.

"Have you seen or heard anything else from him" He makes a face and says 'him' as if there is a bad taste in his mouth he is trying to spit out and I know without asking who he is referring to.

I shake my head. I haven't gotten anything from Jacob since that last batch of flowers, the one with the black rose surrounded by the red ones. And I haven't seen him since the day he followed me to the grocery store. "Maybe he's finally given up" I say hopefully.

Em looks skeptical "Maybe." I know by his tone that he doesn't believe that anymore than I do but we can hope right? He looks at me again and sighs getting up from his chair. "Come on, let's get your hand wrapped up so you can finish prepping this amazing dinner in my kitchen that I don't even get to eat"

I laugh at his pouting as we head to the bathroom to get the stuff to wrap my hand "I'll save you some of the pie and ice cream, Brother Bear, don't worry"

"You better, sissy or I'm going to be awfully mad at you" He teases back.

A few hours later I find myself fluttering around the house straightening things that don't need it. Nervously smoothing out my dress and hair for the millionth time. It's ten after six and Edward isn't here yet.

I feel nervous, terrified, and excited all at once. I don't really know how to do this and I don't know what to say. I don't even really know what I'm doing at all having him over here tonight. I send a silent prayer up for strength to get through the night and not make a total fool of myself. My thoughts following this are of fear as I wonder if maybe he's changed his mind and isn't coming.

Just as I'm about to work myself up into a tizzy there is a knock on the door. Taking a deep breath I walk to it and pull it open smiling softly.

"Hello Edward"

He smiles at me shyly holding a bouquet of beautiful flowers in his arms. "Bella, I'm so sorry I am late. I should have called. I stopped because I wanted to bring you flowers tonight and I couldn't decide on what to get you. Nothing seemed quite right for you. I didn't want to get you something ordinary or predictable. I drove to three shops before I found what I wanted"

He practically snaps his jaw shut as he realizes he's babbling and I can't help but think how cute it is.

"Hi, Bella. these are for you" He says awkwardly as if trying to start over and holds the flowers out for me to take. "I hope you like them. I wanted, well, I felt like you should get something more special than just the normal roses or something"

I take the flowers gingerly from him. I can't take my eyes off of them because they are simply gorgeous. Birds of Paradise. Simple, beautiful, exotic and I love them. For the first time in my life I love that I am getting flowers from someone.

"They are simply stunning" I breathe out softly and I look up at him giving a genuine smile. I step back. "Won't you please come in?" He visibly relaxes at my reaction to the flowers and steps inside shutting the door behind him as I smile softly again.

I gesture with my one hand toward the living room and the kitchen beyond that "I just want to get these in water and then I need to get the steaks on the grill. It's so nice out tonight, if you have no objections I thought we could sit out there and eat? Maybe you would be willing to keep my company while I finish the meal?" I shut my mouth quickly realizing I'm about to start babbling now.

He chuckles but when he does, I don't feel as if he's laughing at me but just happy in the moment. It's a warm feeling and I can't explain it

"I would love to keep you company he nods towards the kitchen Ladies first"

I duck my head smiling again and walk ahead of him, feeling him right behind me. He's following me yet I feel no fear to have him this close to me. I ponder this quizzically again. What was it about this man, that makes me feel like this? I feel alive again. I feel like I felt all of those years ago before Jake started to make me conform to his standards. I feel like I can just be Bella and it's okay.

"Sorry about the mess but you know" I laugh softly indicating the kitchen that is basically empty except for the materials for the impending remodel.

"It's quite alright" He answers me and his voice follows me as I get a vase from the china cabinet in the dining room and bring it back to the kitchen sink filling it with water and setting it on the counter.

"I'll be right back" I head upstairs and grab a bottle of aspirin out of the medicine cabinet and coming back down to the kitchen.

Edward notices the bottle in my hand "Do you have a headache? I mean if you do, I can go" He starts to get up from the stool he's sitting on at the center island and I motion for him to sit again with another soft laugh.

"No, no, these aren't for me they're for the flowers. Crushed up aspirin keeps them alive longer"

"Huh" He replies "Well, I guess you learn something new every day" I laugh again feeling myself relax more as I crush up two tablets placing them in the water. I then retrieve some scissors I cut the stems under running water at bias realizing that I want to keep these flowers alive as long as I can. I will be heartbroken when they die. I get them situated in the vase and move to set them in the living room smiling as I set them on the end table near where I usually sit.

"What would you like to drink?" I ask as I enter the kitchen again and he thinks for a moment.

"I would love a beer if you have one" I nod and grab one from the fridge handing it over to him. I then take the steaks out leading him out on the porch where the patio table is set for two and I have some Japanese lanterns hanging overhead for light when it gets dark out. I get the grill going and take a deep breath and think to myself.

"Okay here goes nothing."

"How do you like your steak prepared, Edward?" I ask sweetly.

"Medium well please" He replies and when I glance over my shoulder I see he's looking out at my yard. I turn back to the grill and concentrate for a moment on getting the temperature right and then placing the steaks on to cook.

My back is turned to him watching the meat cook when I hear his voice again. "What's your favorite movie, Bella?"

It throws me for a loop for a moment and I pause before I answer "Well, I suppose I would have to say it's a toss-up between The Wizard of Oz and Gone with the Wind. How about yours?"

"Sin City" he answers quickly "Although I enjoy Star Wars as well" He chuckles "Gotta love someone as awesome as Han Solo, he's almost as cool as me"

I can hear the laughter in his voice and I turn to look at him sitting there drinking his beer and looking utterly content. His eyes on me and I give him a smile. "And you're favorite color?" He asks?

"Green" I blurt out as I look into his gorgeous green eyes. I blush as he smirks a bit. "Yours?" I counter.

"Green" he smirks again. The questions keep going back and forth. General generic things. Safe topic. Favorite books, favorite food, pizza toppings, snack and so forth. Each time I answer him he smiles at me happily and I relax more. Each time I answer him he gives me his response as well. Once in a while I even manage to get a question in between his.

I take another sip of my wine with a smile as we finish dinner. Thankfully everything has turned out perfectly and I haven't made a fool of myself. For the last hour it's been light and easy, just getting to know you back and forth questions. Age, what else are you interested in type of things. Are you from around here and is your family still here? All those little things I've wanted to know about him he's seemed to want to know about me as well.

We have so much in common and while there are differences it's nothing too big and I'm feeling completely relaxed. When Edward mentioned that he liked to go salsa dancing I know my eyes lit up. It's been so long since I've danced, well out dancing and not just dancing around the house with a broom for a partner. When he casually mentioned that we should go sometime I found myself agreeing without thinking twice about it. Maybe I can work up enough courage to do it, I hope I can.

We both sit back a little in our chairs with our drinks in hand letting our food settle and enjoying the coming on of night. "So tell me more about Bella"

And with those six words I freeze, this is the part I was dreading, I don't know what to say and I start to feel panic.

He senses the change in me instantly. "Hey" he says softly "It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with okay? I just want to know more about you but nothing you don't want to tell me. Well, unless you're a serial killer or a George Clooney fan, because those are deal breakers" He chuckles trying to lighten the mood again and I can't help but laugh with him. His laugh is infectious.

"No, no hidden bodies to tell about. And what do you have against George Clooney?" My lips twitch and I ask curiously.

"Horrible actor" He mock shudders "Completely horrible, I don't know why people like him"

He seems very strong on his conviction and it makes me laugh again. "Well, I can't say I dislike him as you do but I am not a fan no"

He laughs again. "Well good, we're okay then. So will you tell me more about Miss Bella Swan then? Just whatever you are comfortable telling me, nothing else" He looks at me sincerely and I know instinctively there will be no pressure from him.

I turn his question over in my mind feeling very conflicted. I mean of course I'm not going to spill my whole story to him but at the same time I realize that I would really like to see him again and if that is going to happen I have to tell him something. There is some part of me that wants more than just a friendship with this man. A very big part of me if I'm honest and I don't think I can fight this feeling even though it terrifies me.

I have to be honest with him about some of my past. If we're going to ...continue seeing each other, then I need to explain why I don't go out very much. Why I couldn't go out to dinner tonight. Jacob is still out there and even though I desperately want to believe that he has finally let me go, I know better.

I take a deep breath and lower my eyes." Well, I'm divorced" My voice is quiet and I can hear the tremble in it. "I was married for about eight years but we were together for almost ten but it didn't work out. I moved here to be closer to my brother. I...I don't know what else to say about me" I rush the words out at a fast pace and I peek up at Edward and see him watching me his eyes telling me he knows there is more to the story than that.

"Can I ask you just one thing about that for now?" His voice is more gentle and I nod a little in response "Your ex-husband, he..." He pauses in his thought almost like he's searching for the right words and I look up at him "He still comes around and bothers you a lot doesn't he?"

I exhale shakily and nod again, feeling so frustrated. This is a mistake. What was I thinking doing this? That we could actually date?

I get up and pick up my plate before reaching over to pick up his and his hand gently touches my wrist, just his fingertips grazing against it. I flinch in response and I can feel the tears before I see one fall on the plate in my hand. My body trembles as I get hit with some memories of Jacob grabbing my wrist. My instinct is to drop down and curl up into a ball but I make my body freeze. I don't even breathe as I wait for the moment to pass.

Edward immediately takes his hand from me "I'm so sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just wanted to say, let me do this part. You cooked such a great meal the least I can do is help take the dishes in." He runs his hand into his hair looking a little lost at the moment before looking back at me "I don't know what he did to you but I'm so sorry. I won't hurt you, Bella, I promise. I could never hurt you."

I swallow and nod, lifting my eyes to meet his and I see no sense of danger in them. "Okay" I say very softly. "I'm sorry I reacted like that. My marriage" I choke on those words. "It was really bad" I finally finish.

He looks at me, not with pity in his eyes but with just genuine sadness for the pain and fear I am showing. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me anymore unless you want to and are ready okay? I just want to get to know you but we'll take this at your speed"

My eyes meet his again and they are so clear. I see nothing but honesty in them "Okay" I say quietly "Thank you" I don't know what else to say but the fact that he isn't running out the door means so much to me right now.

He smiles and pushes his chair back picking up his plate and a few other dishes quietly. We carry them inside setting them in the sink before we go back out the patio and sit back down to talk about lighter more neutral things.

I walk him to the door a few hours later and he turns to me again. "I had a wonderful night, thank you so much for inviting me Bella. I would love to see you again if that is okay with you?" He seems to realize what he's said and he stammers a little backpedaling. "I mean...it can just be friends, I don't want to put any pressure on you of any kind" He appears to be biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

I summon all the courage I have and say softly "I would really like to see you again, Edward. I...I'm not sure what this is but I would like to find out." I stop short of telling him of the draw I feel to him. I don't want to sound like a complete lunatic or something. "I just need to go really really slow"

"We go at any pace you want, Beautiful. You make the rules here, I will gladly follow"

I blush deep pink at his words. He slowly and carefully reaches out his hand to mine, hesitating for a moment with his palm just underneath mine giving me a chance to pull away if I want to. I'm not really scared in this moment just curious about what he is going to do.

His hand ever so gently lifts underneath mine, our palms touching lightly together. I let out a small gasp as it feels like there is a current running from one to the other and I meet his eyes in surprise. He looks the same, staring at our hands a little in shock before meeting my eyes again. Then he brings my hand up gently as he bows his head and he very softly presses a kiss to the back of my hand. His lips feel like fire against my skin and so good. He gently brings my hand back down and releases it.

"Was that okay?" He asks me quietly.

"Yes" I smile shyly. "I think it was. Thank you, Edward. For the wonderful night"

"Oh, Sweet Girl, the pleasure was all mine." His eyes linger on mine for a moment before he opens the door. "Can I call you tomorrow?" He asks as he steps out on the porch.

"Yes please" I smile softly at him.

"'Till tomorrow then, Miss Swan" He tips an imaginary hat at me and I giggle.

"'Till tomorrow, Mr. Cullen"

I watch as he walks out to his car and gets in. I know I should close the door but I can't help but watch him drive away. Just as I'm about to shut and lock the door something catches my attention a little ways down the block. I strain my eyes to see what it is but can't tell. I listen for a few more moments but hear nothing so I close the door again, locking it firmly behind me.

When I crawl into bed a few hours later I still have a smile on my face. It's the first night that I sleep without nightmares.

The next morning finds Emmett calling me and I pick up my phone and answer groggy. "Hello?"

"Sissy" He is whining this morning "I really really want waffles and I don't want to go out. Will you come make them for me?"

"What time is it, Em?" I ask sleepily

"Um...it's ten thirty I guess. So will you come over?"

"Ten thirty? Holy crow! I haven't ever slept this long undisturbed unless I was in shutdown mode." I realize my brother is still waiting for my answer. "Uh..yeah okay, Em. Just give me about twenty minutes."

"Good, I want to find out what happened between you and that Cullen guy anyway" He is getting that Brother Bear tone again and I smile. "You remembered to save me some pie and ice cream right?"

I laugh. "Yes Em, there is plenty left. I'll bring it over with me."

We hang up and I head in to shower quick before pulling on some clothes. I grab my phone and leave my house to go across the street to my brothers. Just as I'm about to step into the street to cross it a cop car pulls in front of me and the window rolls down.

My eyes widen and I feel frozen.

"Hello, Isabella. You've been a very naughty girl haven't you?"

I do the only thing I can think of and I scream at the top of my voice. "EMMETT!"

My brother comes barreling out of his house with a snarl. Jacob merely looks at me, his eyes never leave mine.

"Never forget who you belong to, Isabella. You are mine" He speeds off just before Emmett reaches the car leaving me shaking and crying.

"Come on, Bella, we need to get you inside. I need you to walk, come on, Bella" My brother's voice is urgent in my ear and I feel him tugging me gently toward his place.

I follow him woodenly into the house and sit down. I don't cry, I just go numb.

After about an hour I begin to be able to think again and Emmett brings the conversation around to last night. "Bella...are you really serious about wanting to see this Edward guy?"

Now I begin to cry softly. "Yes, but I don't see how I can. He knows, Em. Jake knows. What if he goes after him?"

Emmett is silent for a long time and I finally peek up at him. He says the last thing I ever expected him to say. "If you want to see him, Sissy, you have to tell him. I can see you really like him but you have to tell him the truth before it goes any farther. He needs to be aware what he's walking into with this. And if he can't see that you're worth dealing with your jackass of an ex then he doesn't deserve you anyway. But you have to tell him Bella and soon. You can't risk Jake just showing up somewhere and saying shit to him."

I nod, knowing he's right. I can't even put this off for another day. "Okay" My hands shake as I reach for my cell phone and I hit his number and listen to it ring.

"Hey, Bella! I was just getting ready to call you. I had such a good time with you last night and I was wondering if maybe you would like to hang out today."

I pause and he catches it immediately. "Bella, what's wrong?" His voice sounds worried.

"Edward. I... Can you come over? We really need to talk. You need to know the story and then decide if you want to continue to see me" My voice is barely a whisper and Em touches my hand lightly in support.

His breath catches but he answers almost immediately. "I can come over now. And, Bella? You can tell me anything. Whatever it is...I still want to see you. Whatever it is, it will be okay"

"I hope so" I whisper. "I'll see you soon then okay?"

"I'll be there in thirty minutes" He replies and we hang up. I look at my brother and take a deep breath. This is happening a lot quicker than I wanted it to but Em is right. Edward deserves to know what he's getting into before he gets into it.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**There is a link for the flowers that Edward brings Bella on my profile page if you want to check them out.**_

_**I know all of you are screaming at there. "Why isn't he dead yet? Can't he just fall off a cliff or something?" If it were up to me he would be dead but I told you in the beginning. This is a true story. To deviate from what happened in reality would not be doing the justice this story deserves. It has to play out the way it did in real life. Just have faith. Not even monsters can hide forever my friends.**_


	15. Chapter 14: Small Steps

**Chapter Fourteen~ Small Step, Giant Leap Of Faith**

_EPOV_

I roll over on my bed stretching leisurely as I begin to really wake up. I lay back on the pillow with my eyes closed just reliving moments of last night and the beautiful brunette who has managed to ensnare me completely without realizing it.

I was so frantic when I realized I was going to be late to her house but I really wanted to bring her flowers. Even though this wasn't an "official" date I couldn't deny that I eventually hoped maybe we could get there. I looked at roses and immediately dismissed them. Too ordinary. I looked at the carnations. Too plain. I wanted something beautiful and exotic, something different from the norm. Bella deserved something different, something special like she is Finally at the third shop I saw them. Birds of Paradise. I knew I had found what I was looking for.

And even though I hated being late to her house, the look on her face when I had given her those flowers made all my looking worth it. I will admit her reaction surprised me though. It was her eyes that gave it all away not her face although she smiled at me beautifully when she thanked me. Her eyes though lit up and sparkled. _"Has anyone never given this woman flowers? How is that possible?" _Were the thoughts that ran through my mind.

The dinner had been absolutely delicious but I had been more focused on the woman across from me than the food. I wanted to know absolutely everything about her. I know I barely gave her a chance to speak unless she was answering my questions but I couldn't help it; I wanted to know everything about her.

I don't believe she has any idea of how stunningly beautiful she looked last night. She had been dressed in a simple blue dress that hugged her amazing figure. I'll admit I was looking while her back was turned but it wasn't her body that kept me so captivated. It's something that no makeup or surgery can give a woman. It was simply Bella. Sitting there quietly sipping her glass of wine or taking a bite of food. Surrounded by the soft glow of twilight and the lanterns strung above us.. The very essence of her pouring from her without her even knowing it. It was like the warmest hug where you always felt safe and happy and she had no idea she was doing it.

I'll also admit to being incredibly confused by my feelings but I just went with them. I didn't want the night to end. I could spend hours with her not saying a word, just spend them with her and be happy. I know this without a doubt although I don't know why I feel this way.

As I lay on my bed thinking about her, I suddenly remember the look on her face when I had asked her to tell me about herself. She had looked petrified. I couldn't for the life of me think what could be that wrong to make her respond to that. But I knew I needed to make it right. She should never look like that, frightened and small. No one should ever feel or look like that but especially not Bella.

I tried to reassure her instantly telling her she didn't have to tell me anything she didn't want to. I wanted her to understand I wouldn't push her. I knew enough to know that she had obviously been in a bad relationship and it was one that left its mark on her. I knew there was more to the story of her relationship with that guy I saw that day I met her then she let on but obviously it was upsetting to her so I wouldn't push. Maybe in time she would be ready to tell me. I gently calmed her down and thought I had done a good job until she got up to take the dishes.

I only meant to stop her, to get up and help her. She shouldn't have to gather up the dishes while I just sat here. I just touched her wrist and was about to speak when I felt her go completely stiff and the fear that came from her in waves was overwhelming. I knew right then and there that this man had hurt her, hurt her more than in the sense of a normal hurt that comes from a bad relationship. I knew without anyone telling me that Bella had been abused and the realization had made me furious.

_"How dare anyone ever lay a hand on her that wasn't done in tenderness. How dare he hurt her?" _These feeling shocked me as well. It's not that I didn't get angry, of course I did from time to time but these were powerful and hateful feelings and they were about a woman I hardly knew. I pushed them to the back of my mind to analyze later. I had wanted to focus on Bella. I was afraid she was about to pass out.

I made sure my voice was soft and as non-threatening as I could. I apologized for touching her and explained I had only wanted to help. Her voice sounded so small when she answered me and it felt like my heart broke a little. I don't know where the words came from when I promised I would never hurt her but I needed her to know this.

Truth be told I had no idea what I was doing. I was just going to come over here for dinner and see this woman. Hoping maybe we had some things in common, maybe we could become friend or maybe even more if things clicked with us. I knew in that moment that what I felt for Bella Swan was deeper than that. I didn't know what is was, it scared the hell out of me, and I wasn't going to deal with it then and there but I knew it was something powerful.

I couldn't resist later that night at the door though. I knew I couldn't kiss her but I wanted so badly to touch her. I made sure she saw every move I made as I brought my hand to her own and instead of bringing her hand all the way up to my lips, I lowered my head to her hand. I'm still not sure why, I just know it felt right.

I groaned softly as I think of her light touch. Her hand over mine and the feel of her skin against my lips. It was so warm, like a comfortable blanket you wrap around yourself and bury yourself in and that is just what I wanted to do with Bella. I wanted to keep touching her. I felt this almost electric current run between us, it was warm and soothing with other underlying feelings I still don't know how to express.

I finally made myself pull away from her and tell her goodnight even though I didn't want to. I didn't want to overstep my welcome and I had no idea what these thoughts and feelings were running through me. I wanted to go home and see if I could figure some of this out in my mind. I couldn't resist asking if I could see her again. And there are not words invented yet that can explain the ecstatic feeling I had when she said yes.

As I was walking out to the car I had another weird sensation. It felt like I was being watched. I glanced around. I knew Bella was watching me but that wasn't it. I figured I was just going crazy and shook my head. I had a lot of things to sort out in my mind. I gave her one last wave before climbing into my SUV and driving off.

Now I am lying around in bed on Sunday morning and thinking about her. I remember the movie I had laying on my coffee table in a random thoughts. It is due back tomorrow, maybe I could see if Bella wanted to watch it with me? I decide to give her a call just as my phone rings and her number pops up.

I answer the phone cheerfully but my demeanor instantly changes. That same tone is in her voice as last night. She sound so small and scared as she asks me if I can come over to talk. I know this is about that guy.

When she says I need to know the story before I decide if we can continue seeing each other my words come out instantly that whatever it is it will be okay, that I will still want to see her.

_"Where is this coming from?"_ I ask myself puzzled and then shake my head focusing on her again. I tell her I'll be over in a half and hour and we hang up. I head for a quick shower then just throw on a pair of jeans and a black button up. I grab my keys and head to her house.

Standing on the porch I take a deep breath before I hit the bell. I have a feeling this is going to be a very hard and very long day.

_**BPOV**_

I let out a shaky breath as I hung up the phone and look at Em. "He'll be here in about a half an hour" I say quietly and he nods.

"Do you want me to be there, Sissy? I could maybe help you tell him?"

I shake my head. "No, I need to do this by myself" He sighs but for once he doesn't argue with me.

"Let me at least walk you back over there in case dick weed shows up again" He grumbles.

Maybe it's inappropriate given what I'm going to do in a little while, but I burst out laughing at Em's name for him. Whenever it comes to Jacob, Em always resorts to calling him any and every childish and dirty name he can think of.

My brother gives me an amused smile and stands up. I stand up as well and we head out the door. He leaves me at my doorstep after I've unlocked it with a very gentle hug and he whispers to me.

"Just remember you are worth it, Bella and if he can't see that then you call me and I'll come over and kick his ass before I kick him out"

I can't help but smile again at my brother but there is a part of me that knows he's being serious so I humor him. "I'll remember that, Brother Bear"

He nods again and turns around heading back to his house as I slip inside. I then pace for the next twenty minutes until I hear the doorbell ring. I jump about four feet in the air but I stop myself before I scream. I take a few deep gulping breaths and go to the door.

_"It's make it or break it time, Bella"_ I think to myself as I pull open the door to reveal Edward standing there. He tries to give me a smile but it's small and I can see he's nervous. I gesture for him to come in and he does. I close the door behind him discreetly locking it. It's not to keep him in...I just can't be in a house without the door being locked.

I pause, not sure what to say or how to begin and he doesn't seem to know either. Finally I move towards the living room. "Why don't we talk in here" I say softly and he murmurs in agreement. "Please make yourself comfortable anywhere" I say and he sits himself down on the couch.

My eyes dart around the room. My mouth feels very dry. "I'm...I'm just going to get some water before we begin. Would you like some?" He just nods and I go into the kitchen to grab two bottles of water. When I come back, I'm at a dilemma. I don't know where to sit. I'm just about to sit in one of the chairs when Edward finally speaks.

"Bella? Would you maybe sit on the couch with me while you tell me? I won't touch you I promise. I" He pauses. "I would just really like for you to sit here if you are okay with it"

I contemplate this for a moment and realize I would rather sit on the couch with him. This stops me again for a minute in confusion. This wanting to actually be close to someone. I can't think about this now and I push it away. I need to focus on what I need to do.

"Okay" I agree softly and set our waters down on the coffee table. I sit on one end of the couch and turn my body towards him. I have one legs curled up a bit on the couch and one resting down on the floor. He mirrors my position on the other end of the couch leaving space between us which is good.

I wonder when I'm done telling my story if he will want even more space between us and that thought brings tears to my eyes. I blink them away and try to figure out where to start as I stare at my hands. I open my mouth several times to try to talk but no words come out.

Edward hesitantly puts out a hand, he doesn't take mine but rather waits to see if I want to give it. I instinctively take it. I just rest my hand on his, neither of us holds the other's tightly and there is a sense that if I want to pull away I can immediately. There is that same warm and wonderful feeling from last night and I close my eyes. Finally I open them and hesitantly meet his.

I can see the remorse and hesitation in his eyes. It's like he's afraid to ask me or to know the story but he needs to. He holds my hand very gently and there is so much tenderness in his touch. His green eyes looking deep into mine and he talks in a low quiet voice.

"Bella, there is nothing you can tell me that is going to make me think any less of you. Nothing that will change the way I look at you. I need you to know this, sweet girl. You can tell me anything and nothing will change the way I feel. Please understand this, okay?"

His word run through me and he looks as if he's feeling the same way. Like he can't believe those words came out of his mouth. But he keeps holding my hand and looking at me.

My eyes search his for a long time and I see nothing but truth there. It doesn't make me any less frightened but at the same time it gives me some strength. I close my eyes and take some deep breaths trying to draw all of my courage and then open them up to meet his once more as I begin. "To tell my story I need to start at the beginning of it"

Edward nods and squeezes my hand just a bit with his in encouragement. I silently pray that what he said is true. That there is nothing I tell him that would change the way he looks at me. I drop my eyes and they focus on our hands resting on the couch between us. One more deep breath and I start to talk.

"I grew up in a small town. Everyone knew everybody else and there really were no strangers. I've known Jacob Black since the day I was born. We were friends throughout our whole life growing up. In tenth grade we started dating. It just seemed natural to do and it seemed like everyone expected it of us as well. Like they always knew this was how it would happen. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. He was the quarterback, the hometown football hero, he had his sights set on becoming a police officer."

"I was the cheerleader and the smart girl all rolled into one. I had my sights set on going to college and making something of myself. Everyone thought Jake was perfect, always so polite and kind, sweet and attentive. I thought so too."

"In the beginning he was kind and sweet. I thought I was so lucky because he chose me out of everyone. We were together for about a year before little things started happening. He was always jealous. I couldn't even say hello to a guy without him getting upset. Little comments started coming from him about the way I looked, my weight, how I was dressed, how my hair was. He slowly started controlling what I wore, how I acted, who I hung out with. He started to control everything about me. I didn't even realize it at the time but at some point it before I would do anything I would make sure the Jake was okay with it first."

"I don't know if I didn't see or if I chose not to see, maybe it was a mixture of both. I tried to make him happy in any way that I could. I tried not to do things that would upset him but I always seemed to fail. He would always apologize after making his cruel comments. He would say he was stressed about tests or the upcoming game. He always seemed so sorry after he said those things. I always accepted his apology. I really thought he meant it and didn't mean to treat me this way."

Edward stays silent and as I glance up briefly at him. There is something in his eyes but I don't know what it is. He nods a little encouraging me to go on. His thumb has begun rubbing against the back of my hand, I find it soothing and not frightening. I don't want him to stop. Taking another deep breath, I continue.

"Graduation was the first time he physically hurt me. He grabbed my arm. He was upset about the outfit I was wearing. He left a bruise. Again with the apology and my accepting of it. He blamed it on the fact that he was stressed with high school ending. Him getting ready to become a police officer, me going away to school and him afraid of losing me. That was the real beginning. The day after that was also the first time he brought me red roses."

The tears stream down my cheeks steadily as I try to tell the entire story. There are some things I only allude to. He doesn't need to know all the details. He doesn't need to know about all the rapes or every single beating. When I glance up at him through my lashes I know he knows there are things I'm leaving out. He doesn't push me though. I am as honest with him as I can. I may not tell him every detail but I think he understand how bad it was.

When I get to the pregnancy and my attempted escape. To the part about me losing my baby my voice cracks and shakes. I have to pull away from him now and against the arm of the couch. I curl up holding myself together as I choke on my own sobs trying to get the story out. He lets me go without any hesitation but he doesn't lean back, he continues to lean forward toward me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella" His voice sounds like it's choked and he's blinking rapidly as if to prevent tears.

I have to stop for a moment now. I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe. I glance up at Edward, he's shaking a little as he looks at me and I don't understand what I see in his eyes. He reaches his hand out to me hesitantly again but I instinctively pull away and tighter into myself. I see the hurt and helplessness flash in his eyes as he places his hand back in his lap. I take a deep breath. I need to finish telling this. I need to do it now while I still have a little strength left to be able to do it.

"One day I was in the kitchen. I think I was chopping vegetable for something and I started staring at the knife. I started thinking about how I could use it to end my pain. I could use it to slit my wrist or my throat, stab myself, I just wanted it to end, I couldn't take anymore. I felt like if I had to live through one more day of this I would lose myself forever. I couldn't do it anymore."

Edward lets out a sound like a painful whimper but I can't look up at him. Not if I am going to finish telling this.

My voice drops to just above a whisper now because I'm afraid what I will say next will make me sound crazier than I probably already do but if I'm going to tell him I might as well tell him everything because I know what happened that day in that kitchen.

"I heard my Nana, clear as day, telling me not to do it. Telling me to run. Not to plan. Not to take anything. Just to get out and run and I listened. I used a chair to shatter the sliding glass door and I ran. A very nice man helped me. He let me use his phone to call my friend Angela and she came and got me and brought me to my brother Emmett. That was how I left, how I got out"

"I obtained my divorce and then bought my house" I finish weakly.

My breathing is heavy with my crying as I rest my head against my knees that I have pulled up to my chest with my arms are wrapped around them. Suddenly, I'm so tired, so drained. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up for hours and hours or even days.

"What has he done since that day, Beautiful?" Edward's voice is quiet and choked. He sounds as if he is in pain. I can tell he doesn't want to ask but it needs to be asked. This is the last piece of what he needs to know.

I can't look up at him.

"You're almost done, Bella. Please tell me the rest and then you can stop. I promise you can stop after that. But I need to know so I can help protect you. Please tell me. You're so brave, Beautiful. You've been through so much but you don't have to do it alone anymore. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here and I'm staying here. I'm not going to leave you."

I finally look up at him and I hope he's telling the truth. My walls break and I suddenly start sobbing even harder as the rest of it pours out of me. All of the harassment he has done and how nobody will help me. I go on to tell him how scared I am. And now I'm scared he'll go after him too. I dragged him into this and I'm so sorry.

I hang my head again sobbing against my knees. I feel him slide off the couch and my thoughts run rampant. This is it. He's going to walk out that door now and never come back. Why should he stick around? I only pray Jake will just leave him alone as long as he doesn't see him here again"

But through all my thoughts is the most painful feeling on my heart. The thought of him walking out my door feels like it tears me apart and I don't understand it. I'm confused and tired and nothing is making sense anymore. I don't know what to do.

I feel arms very tentatively come around me. I realize that Edward is on the floor in front of me kneeling and his arms are wrapped around me. I tense for a second and then collapse into them. Wanting the warmth they promise. Even my fear feels too tired now. Edward pulls me just a little closer and holds me carefully. I can tell he wants to hold me closer and tighter but he wants to make sure that I know I can escape them at anytime so he holds back.

He doesn't try to hush me or stop my crying. He just holds me through it all. I can feel his chin resting on the top of my head lightly and his hand moves very gently against my back, rubbing up and down soothingly. He seems to be hyper aware of my every reaction and making sure that I am okay.

For the first time in years I give into affection, even if it's just a simple hug. I take what he is offering me gratefully and lay my head against his chest. I gingerly bring my hands up to rest against his arms as he keeps rubbing my back and I cry until there is nothing left.

He whispers things occasionally. Just soft words about how he doesn't want to leave. How it will be okay. How he won't hurt me. Most of the time I can't understand what he's saying through my crying but there is comfort in his words nonetheless.

Finally it all becomes too much and the room begins to spin. I can feel myself about to pass out and I murmur his name. "Edward"

_**EPOV**_

I know the moment she says my name and I look at her she is about to faint. My arms are still around her and I tighten them just a bit as I feel her body go limp against mine. Part of me freaks out and another part of me is oddly calm.

I gently lay her back against the couch and take inventory. She is breathing and doesn't seem to be in any distress. I realize that it had all just been too much for her. I decide to give her a few minutes to see if she will come around on her own before I try anything more drastic or panic.

Truth be told, I could use a few minutes as well. I knew it was going to be bad but I hadn't even imagined it would be this bad. The pain and torment that this small woman has endured is unimaginable. She is so strong and I am in awe of her. I know there is even more to the story than she is telling me. I know that she grazed over parts not going into details but it's alright. I don't think I want to know those parts. I get the idea of what she has gone through and it's more than enough to make me feel sick.

As I sat on the couch listening to her talk I felt nauseous. I felt emotions that I didn't even know I was capable of having. I felt intense hatred toward Jacob Black. I wanted to find him and hurt him and those thoughts alone shocked me. I have never in my life been a fighter but I wanted to fight for this woman.

I also knew as I sat on that couch, holding her hand carefully and listening to her struggle to get her words out that I loved her. I realize just how crazy that sounds. We barely know each other yet I know I loved her. I honestly don't know how anybody could meet Bella Swan and not love her.

But I think the thing that made me most sad was when I realized she didn't love herself. When she talked about that day and about how she thought of ending her own life, my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. To think of her not in this world was unimaginable to me. To think that he almost destroyed something so good and sweet made me furious again.

The way she talked, you could feel the shame rolling off of her. The fear and self loathing and it hurt me to see it. He did this to her. He made her feel like this. He tried to destroy this intelligent, strong, beautiful soul. He tried to break her down to nothing.

_"Here comes that hatred feeling again."_

I sigh and rub my hands over my jaw, idly realizing I hadn't didn't shave this morning, I was so intent on getting over here after her phone call. I also realize that if I wanted to try to build something with Bella that it is not going to be an easy road. This was never going to a simple story of boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl live happily ever after.

_"Wait, wait wait. Fall in love? Okay, I kind of get the loving her part. Who wouldn't care about her? But being in love with her? You've known her for a week? And in that week you've only had one real conversation...well two real conversations with her! How can you be in love with her?"_

I close my eyes and let out a groan at my mental voice. I don't know. I just know that I am. But that is unimportant now. What's important is Bella laying on the couch unconscious and what we are going to do next. I will not push her in any way. I will go as slow as she wants to go. But I can't leave her. I can't walk away from her and pretend I never met her. I don't want to.

My hands find purchase in my hair and I tug a little in frustration because I don't know what to do and these feelings are foreign to me. Sure I've dated before, even had serious relationships but the feelings I have for Bella are nothing compared to those other feelings I had in the past. My head is spinning and I have no idea what to make of anything now. A small sound comes from her and it brings my attention back sharply as she begins to wake up.

I breathe out a little relieved that she is coming to on her own. I stay kneeling on the floor by the couch. I want so badly to place my hand on hers again. I want to take her in my arms and hug her, to just hold her but I don't. I realize that even the smallest gesture could scare her so I make myself go still as she comes back to consciousness.

Her eyes flutter open softly and she looks at me with those green eyes that seem bottomless and I feel like I could drown in them. "Edward?" Her voice is hoarse and she looks confused for a moment. She struggles to sit up and I automatically reach out to help her. She flinches just a little but doesn't pull away from me. As much as I don't want to as soon as she is sitting I take my hands away from her knowing it is making her uncomfortable.

I realize that this is another thing that we will have to deal with and it will never be easy. She was okay with me holding her hand for most of the time she was talking. It actually seemed to help her relax just a bit and get the words out. But at a certain part in her story she had to pull back and I let her. I knew I had to let her make the decisions as to when she was okay with me touching her hand and when she wasn't.

The way she curled up and sobbed as she told me about what he did to her and her baby broke another part of me heart. I couldn't comprehend someone as cruel as Jacob was.

I knew I probably shouldn't do it when I got down on the floor and hugged her but I couldn't stop myself. I tried to compromise and not hold her tight, I tried to let her know that she could pull away at any time she wanted to. I wanted her to know I won't hurt her in any way. I felt the way she stiffened and panicked at first and I was just about to pull away when the most amazing thing happened. She let herself give into the hug.

I felt her press again me very lightly as she cried and I felt her accept the comfort I offered her. Her tiny body shook with her sobs.. It felt like she was letting out years of emotions and I knew better than to stop her, I knew she needed this. It's an incredible moment looking back on it. She let me in and I will never be able to describe how that feels. But I also realize that just because she let me in then, doesn't mean she will now. Just because she let me hold her then, doesn't mean she will be comfortable with my touch now. I will have to watch her and see how she reacts every time. I will learn to read her, to know when I can hold her hand or hug her and when I need to let her be in her own space. Hopefully in time she will come to realize I will never hurt her. Hopefully in time she won't hesitate to let me in.

_"There you go planning for the future again with a girl you don't really know" _My inner self reminds me. _"Well, I give up trying to talk any sense into you. I guess we'll just go with it and see what happens then."_ I guess that is as good as plan as any. I answer myself silently.

I realize Bella is looking at me now, searching my eyes and I know she's looking to see if I'm going to run away now. I will just have to show her I won't. I realize I really have no idea what's in store. I don't even know that I fully understand what I'm walking in to but I know I will not walk away. I cannot walk away. I want this woman in my life.

I reach over and grab her bottle of water, twisting the cap off for her. I hand it to her and she takes it gratefully, drinking it slowly as she seems to be thinking her own thoughts. I realize I'm still kneeling on the floor and I'm just about to get up and sit back down on the couch when there is a knocking on her front door.

Bella actually jumps and spills a little water on her shirt. She closes her eyes for a moment as if trying not to cry and then looks at me fearfully, her eyes darting from me to the hallway that leads to her front door. In that moment, I realize the full terror she must live in every day and it's overwhelming.

"Hey" I say softly keeping my voice calm. "It's okay. I'm here. Nobody is going to hurt you okay?" She swallows and nods keeping her eyes on me. The person knocks again. "Do you want me to see who's at the door?" She nods and I'm just about to get up when I hear a key slide into the lock and the distinct click of the lock sliding to allow the door to open.

"Emmett" She says quietly and calms down immediately.

I'm confused. "Who the hell is Emmett and why does he have a key to her house" Just as these thoughts pass through my mind my eyes fall on a picture on the end table of Bella and a big guy. They are making a face at each other and look happy and it suddenly click in my mind that Emmett is her brother. As I relax I realize I had tensed up almost defensively. "What is that all about?" I question myself but let it go for now.

"Bella?" I hear a voice call out booming and she winces a bit.

Oddly this makes me feel a little better and then I immediately feel like an ass for feeling that way. I don't want her uncomfortable in any way, it's just comforting to know that it's not just me that she reacts like this too. "Buddy, you have some issues" My inner self chimes in and I just nod a little in agreement because I know.

I hear the footsteps and I stand up just as he rounds the corner and our eyes meet. He's about my height but he seems bigger. Maybe it's because he has a protective look in his eyes but whatever it is he comes across as huge. I don't move though, I hold my ground.

His eyes dart to the couch at his sister, back up to me, and back to her again. "Are you okay, Sissy?" He shoots me an almost accusing glare. Bella catches the look in her brothers eyes and sigh giving him a glare of her own. It's really very cute although I don't think she is intending on being cute right now.

"Yes, Emmett. I'm fine. I think I just passed out for a moment." She looks at me for confirmation and I nod a little. "Edward was just helping me." She starts to get up and I automatically hold out my hand to help her. She surprises me by taking it and giving me a little smile as she gets to her feet.

Emmett's eyes narrow further and he lets out a huff. "Why did you faint?" He looks at me accusingly again.

"Emmett!" Her voice is surprisingly sharp and I look at her in almost disbelief. It's hard to believe that this soft-spoken, quiet girl can sound that sharp. "That's enough. You can't just come in here like this and be rude to my guests. And to answer your question you should know why. You know why he came over here and what we had to discuss. How many times have I passed out on your watch Brother Bear? So just drop the attitude now!"

I have to bite the inside of my cheek not to grin. It's really something to see her like this. She is obviously not afraid to put her brother in his place if she feels it needs to be done. I can blame him though,. I would probably be doing the same thing if I had a sister and she had been through what Bella had been through.

"And I'm being terribly rude. I'm sorry" Her voice softens. "Edward, this is my brother Emmett. Emmett this is Edward"

I reach out my hand to shake his and he takes mine almost grudgingly. I can tell he uses more pressure than normal but I just match it and shake his hand giving him a bit of a smile. He pulls away from the handshake and looks at his sister again.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a moment?" He glances at me. "Privately"

She rolls her eyes at him and his tone and I have to resist the urge to laugh at her reaction. "Fine" She turns to me. "Edward, I'm sorry my brother is such an ass hat and is so rude. Would you please excuse us for a moment to talk? I'll be back in just a couple of minutes"

This time I can't stop my lips from twitching at her tone and I nod. "Of course, Beautiful. Take all the time you need"

I hear Emmett mutter under his breath and Bella shoots him another look before turning to me again. "Please make yourself at home. I'll be back as soon as I can"

She steps away from me and walks to her brother. She grabs his wrist and pulls him toward the direction of the kitchen. He shoots me one last look over his shoulder but my eyes are completely on her. There is a lioness inside that lamb and it's really something to see. I shake my head immediately of these thoughts and sit down on the couch again. At least I'll have a few moments to try to sort out these thoughts and feelings running through me.

_**BPOV**_

I cannot believe my brother. I practically stomp my feet as I drag him out of the living room and through the kitchen. I pull him outside on the deck and shut the sliding glass door behind us. I don't want Edward to hear.

"Emmett! What the hell is wrong with you?" I hiss at him.

"It's been hours, Bells! I've been worried about you. You didn't answer your phone when I call and you don't answer the door. I come in and you look like death, laying on the couch and he's right there! What was I supposed to think?" He glares at me.

"I turned my phone off so that is why I didn't answer. I'm sorry. And I can understand your first reaction but after you knew? What was with that handshake and those looks?"

Em suddenly finds his feet very interesting and he mumbles. "I'm sorry, Sissy. I just want to protect you."

I feel all my irritation leave me because I know that he only has my interest at heart. My voice softens. "I know, Brother Bear but I'm okay. It...It's was just really hard to tell him. It got to be too much"

He looks up at me again earnestly this time. "How much did you tell him, Bella, about Jacob I mean? What does he know?" His question is gentle but insistent upon an answer.

"Well, I told him enough." I stammer "I mean he knows that we were married. He knows that he hit me. I'm certain he knows that there were other things that were done. He knows about how I escaped and what Jake has done since then" My eyes look at my brother beseechingly and I whisper.

"Em, what if he sees me for what I really am now? How broken I am?" I can feel the tears come to my eyes and the pain that grips my heart at this next thought is so intense, it feels like I can't breathe

"He'll leave" I can feel a tear fall on my cheek as I whisper this. I realize suddenly that I love Edward. I don't know how, I don't understand it. It makes no sense. I don't even really know him but it feels like I've found a part of me that is missing. It's really very confusing and I'm not ready to deal with it. But I'm terrified that he'll leave and I may never get a chance to figure it out.

My brother suddenly looks mad "If he doesn't stick around then he's the biggest fucking fool on this planet."

Em's hand takes mine and he forces me to look at him

"You are not broken Isabella Swan" I wince as he says my full name. "No, don't do that. Don't let him take your name from you Isabella. You are not the messed up one here, that fucker is. You didn't deserve anything he did to you, do you understand me?"

I let out a sob as my tears start to fall in earnest. His tone is turning harder and his volume is rising. His hands grips mine and I start to panic. He immediately sees it and releases my hand, his voice dropping and his eyes showing remorse.

"Shhh, it's okay, Sissy. It's just me. I won't hurt you. I'm sorry I frightened you, I won't hurt you Bella, I promise, it's okay. Calm down, deep breaths, in and out"

I do as he says and I start to calm again wiping away my tears from my cheeks with the backs of my hands and taking deep shaking breaths.

We stay silent for a moment, each of us in our own thoughts. Emmett looks at me carefully and his voice is quiet and calm again. "He means this much to you already, Bella? You really care about him? You don't even really know him."

My eyes meet his steadily as I nod yes in response. "I know I don't" I whisper "And I don't know how to explain it. It scares me so much but yes. I really do. I don't know if I can do this but I know I want to try. I just know if I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if it's right. I only know I want to." I plead with my brother. "And you acting the way you did isn't helping me."

"Alright, Sissy. I'll be nice. If he's this important to you. If he can make you happy, that's all I care about and I'll be nice. And Bella? Nobody knows what they are doing when it comes to relationships, that is just a fact. We all have to learn as we go. You." He pauses before continuing. "Well Sissy, you just have extra challenges ahead of you is all" He sighs and tentatively holds out his arms for me. I step closer and hug him.

"Thank you, Emmett"

His next word cause me to freeze though. "I want to talk to him, Bella"

I look up at him and he tries to reassure me. "I promise I'll be nice but I want to talk to him. How about if you both come over for dinner tonight. It's getting late and we need to eat. We'll just have a nice dinner and I can just talk to him and get to know him a bit" I must look as skeptical as I feel because he holds up his hand. "I'll be good, scouts honor"

I sigh and think to myself. "Oh well, it's going to happen eventually. Maybe it would be best to just get it all over in one day"

"We have to ask Edward. I mean he's been through a lot today too" He nods and pulls away from the hug.

"Lets go ask then" He opens the sliding glass door and calls out. "Edward!" I cringe, sometimes I swear all the manners Nana taught us are completely lost on him.

Edward comes into the kitchen looking concerned. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's okay. Listen, it's getting late and I thought maybe we could all head over to my house and get something to eat? Maybe you and I could get to know each other a little better. If you are going to be in my sister's life I want to know who you are."

Edward looks a little wary but nods in agreement. I realize that he looks tired and suddenly think this isn't such a good idea. "Em, maybe we should do this another night" I say softly.

Edward looks at me and there is so much tenderness in his eyes. All I can do is stare into them. He says very quietly. "Bella, if you want me to go I will. But if you are okay with it, I would like to spend some more time with you. I would like to get to know your brother a little as well. Only if it's okay with you though. I don't want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable."

The only word I can find in my head for how I feel is "Safe" I feel safe with him. His focus is completely on me now and I don't want to shy away from it, I'm not afraid of it. Along with this safe feeling though is fear and confusion. "Is this just the calm before the storm? Will he go home tonight and after he's had time to really think about things decide what I already know? That I'm not worth it?"

Emmett interjects pulling me back before these thoughts take over.. "Great, it's all set then. Lets go!" He starts walking to the front door and looks back at me. "Bella? Coming?"

I nod and grab my keys. I set the alarm. locking the door and we start across the street. Emmett leads the way and Edward is walking right beside me. Every once in a while his hand will brush ever so lightly against mine though I am not sure if it's by accident or not. I know it feels nice though and I don't want him not to do it. As we get to Emmett's front door and he's opening it, Edward leans down and says softly into my ear.

"Are you alright, Bella?"

I look up at him and answer him honestly. "No, but for me, I'm doing pretty okay now."

Edward gives me a small smile and his hand deliberately catches mine gently. He looks at me to make sure I'm not scared and gives it a small squeeze before releasing it as we step inside my brother's house.

"So...yeah. Should we order pizza or something?" Em scratches the back of his neck and looks bewildered at what to do.

I shake my head. "No. I'll make something."

"You don't have to cook" Both of their voices ring out together and it actually causes me to giggle.

"I want to. Just give me some time to whip something together." I look at my brother silently asking him again if he'll behave himself. He nods a little and I head to the kitchen as I hear the boys settling down comfortably in the living room. I hear Em ask Edward if he wants a beer and Edward saying yes.

_**EmmettPOV**_

I listen to my sister go into the kitchen and open the refrigerator and cupboards looking for the options available for supper.

"She really shouldn't feel like she has to cook. She's had a really hard day" Edward says quietly.

I chuckle a little. "You can go in there and try to convince her if you want but she'll just throw you out of the kitchen and tell you she wants to. It relaxes her and it's something she likes doing. Just let her go with it man"

He nods a little. "Okay, if you say so"

"I do" I nod and my head turns to the doorway of the kitchen where I can see my sister moving around doing things. It really would do no good to tell her she doesn't have to cook or to tell her to calm down. I can see she's tense and I feel bad because I'm sure that tension is from me wanting to talk to this guy.

"I'm going to get a beer. You want one?" I ask and he nods again in response. I get out of my chair and go into the kitchen grabbing a couple of bottles and stop. Bella is ignoring me at the moment, lost in pounding out some chicken for whatever it is she's making. I think about my sister. What most people don't realize is my sister has never really had an easy life. She has always had to be the responsible one. And it started long before that fuckhead Jacob came into her life.

It was hard on Bella growing up. When we were with Grams and Pops it was good. She was allowed to be a kid and we were always showered with love. But the times that Renée would reappear in our lives and decided that we needed to live with her were a lot more difficult and truthfully unfair for her. With Charlie being gone so much because of his career in the Navy, well, things weren't easy for my big sis.

She was the mother and our mother was the child in their relationship. I know that Grams and Pops tried time and time again to convince mom to just leave us with them, I know it even went as far as them going to court for it once but mom always won.

I wish I could say Renée isn't a bad person but the truth is I just don't know anymore. Her reaction when Bella called to tell her about Jake made me think back on the way she's treated my sister her entire life. I realized just how cruel she could be to her at times with her words. My sister was an accident and she never had any hesitation at reminding her of that or that she felt having Bella hindered her life. She always seemed to be looking for faults in her daughter and if she couldn't find them she would make them up. To this day, I don't think she believes Bella about what Jake did to her she just isn't saying anything more about it. I know they don't talk often and if they do it's because Bella calls her.

That always makes me so sad. I don't know if Bella ever gives up on anyone. She always says everyone has some good in them you just have to look harder to find it sometimes. She always tries so hard to please Renée and I watch her get her heart-broken every time. I think it hurt her even more that mom is nothing like that with me. She calls me all the time although in the past year I've cut the phone calls more and more short. I can't stand the way she treats my sister and I don't really want much to do with her to be honest.

Renée was not cut out to be a mother. She always cared more about her fun than taking care of us. When she was in the mood she would play games or take us to amusement parks. She wanted to do the fun things but not the things that she deemed boring and routine. She used to laugh and say Bella was much too serious for a little girl. That she was boring and she needed to learn how to have fun. I think my sister would have loved to have fun but she has always had an air of responsibly. I think she felt that someone had to make sure the things that needed to be done were done. She felt like that responsibility fell to her since Renée wouldn't do it.

Bella was always the one to take care of me, even in my earliest memories it's of my sister taking care of me. All those embarrassing picture they take of you as a kid, you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones of you eating with a mess everywhere, naked as a jaybird in the bathtub, stuff like that, it's my sister in those pictures with me, taking care of me, holding me.

I have very clear memories of my sister getting up early in the morning and getting me up and ready for the day as she got herself ready for school. Of Bella getting us breakfast and cleaning up the house before finally going to wake mom up because she had to leave for school and I couldn't be left alone yet. Mom would drag herself out of bed and lay on the couch watching t.v while I played on the floor. As soon as Bella was home from school mom would spend a couple of hours getting ready and then go out while my sister cleaned some more and cooked us dinner.

After supper was cleaned up she would sit us both at the table and give me my toy cars to play with or later when I was older she would give me those books that were supposed to help kids learn their number and letters and she would work on her homework. Then she put us to bed every night, reading me a story and sometimes singing to me until I fell asleep.

Bella was the one who taught me my letters and numbers. When I was older she was the one that taught me to read. She helped me with my homework. All of it was done by my older sister, not my mom or my dad. I guess Dad at least had the excuse that he was just never there.

I never saw resentment in my sister though, she simply did what she needed to do and found joy in things as she could. She had the most amazing ability to look at something, no matter how dark it was and finding something good in it.

I believe, that growing up the way we did is part of the reason that she accepted what she had called her "fate" with Jacob. I think that because she had always lived in a way where she just accepted what was given to her and did her best to make it work that she just accepted what her life would be with him. I think that's why she never told anyone. I think it was why he was able to break her down like he did.

_Jacob_

As I think his name, my lips curl up in disdain and I can feel the feel the look of revulsion on my face as the anger brings my blood to a boil. I wish she would let me go after him. I would kill him and not think twice about it for what he did to her. But she insists that I don't. She insists on calling the police time after time and trying to file reports that never get filed. This thought pisses me off further. He was a fucking cop and all his friends protect him. The police don't do anything to protect her from that fucking monster.

I still don't know everything that he did to her. I honestly don't know if I want to. On the rare occasions she would open up and talk to me a bit about it I held it together but the moment she was out of sight I would have to run to the bathroom and vomit.

That day that Angela had brought her to my house I went into shock. I have never seen someone look so broken and lost. I didn't recognize her that day when I first saw her. My own sister, underneath the swollen and black and blue face.

Before she had her surgeries to remove them she tried to hide all the scars she carried but sometimes I saw. If she bent over a little to get something and her shirt lifted up on her back you could see some of the scars. I saw some that very first night when I was cleaning her up and she was passed out. When I had gently pushed her shirt up just a little to see if I needed to clean any cuts on her stomach I had to drop the cloth and run for the bathroom. I threw up until there was nothing left when I saw that "J" etched into her skin. I felt so much shame at myself and my family.

I was so angry. How did we not see? We should have known something was wrong. Bella was never clumsy growing up, in fact, during the times we were with Grams and Pops she took dance and gymnastics. In high school she was a cheerleader and played sports and then suddenly she became clumsy and was always hurting herself?

I was disgusted with myself but even more so with my parents. I was seven and a half years younger than she was. When she and Jacob married I was only thirteen. My parents however, or at least my father should have seen. They should have recognized the difference in her immediately. The way she became quiet and withdrawn. She shouldn't have been able to lie away the bruises.

I really think that if Grams hadn't started getting sick around the time they were married that Pops would have seen. Bella was always Gram's girl, she wouldn't have been able to lie to her. She wouldn't have been able to hide it from them if they hadn't been so distracted with her health. I just don't understand how we didn't see what was going on. How did we let her live in that hell for all of those years?

I clear these thoughts from my mind and focus on my sister again moving around the kitchen with confidence. This is the one place that I never see her falter, never see her nervous, this is the place I see my sister alive. She is humming under her breath as she works. I think about Edward in the living room waiting for me and realize the two beers were still in my hand. Bella suddenly turns as if she just noticed I am here and looks at me quizzically. I hold up the beer in answer and start walking toward the living room again.

I had been very skeptical when she told me she was having him over for dinner. I mean is she ready for this? She still jumps at shadows. And lets face it; guys can be assholes. I should know, I am one. The last thing she needs is someone to come around and taking what he wants from her and leaving her even more hurt. But even I have to admit this guy seems decent and seems to care about her. But I am still concerned and I resolve myself to have a one on one talk with this guy before things get any more serious than they already were.

I sit back down in the chair facing the direction of the kitchen so I'll be able to see if she's coming out as Edward looks at me from the couch and runs his hands into his hair. I hand him a beer and decide to cut right to the chase. For starters, I don't pussyfoot around things and two I don't know how long Bella is going to be in there and this needs to be said.

"So, Edward. You and my sister" I take a drink from my bottle and look at him. He meets my eyes without looking away and I can tell that he's at least had some inclination that I intended to have a conversation with him tonight.

"I really care for her man. I'm not screwing her around. I know she's been through a lot and while I don't claim to be perfect I really do care about her and will do my damnedest not to hurt her. I know we barely know each other but I want to get to know her better. I want to date her."

"How much has she told you?" I ask bluntly "I mean about Jacob"

He shakes his head a little and his eyes glance at the kitchen where she is and when they look back at me I can see sadness in them. "Enough that I understand. I know they were together for a long time. I know that he beat her badly. She's told me most of it generally but not really any details. I know he won't leave her alone and I know it's much worse than she has said"

I nod slowly taking another sip of beer "Here's the deal, Edward" My voice drops to a quieter tone. "It's not my story to tell, hell she hasn't even told me most of it. I just need you to understand that it was bad. It was worse than bad. He abused her in every way possible. The day she showed up at my door I didn't recognize my sister she was beaten so bad. I don't know how she was standing or even still breathing"

He nods and I can tell that he's intently listening to me which is good so I continue. "You know she's had surgeries to take away the scars? Did she tell you about that?"

His eyes widen a little "It was that bad?"

"Yeah, it was that bad. Four fucking surgeries to remove what that fucker did to her and there's other damage that can never be removed. Again, this isn't my story to tell and I don't even know the half of it. I know this though" I nod toward the kitchen "I haven't seen her happy like she was yesterday ever."

He nods and says "She's still terrified though. Last night, I'm sure she had fun with me but there was always tenseness to her. Her eyes always dart around and she's on guard. I scared her by reaching out to help her with the dishes and I didn't mean to."

I nod in response. It doesn't surprise me that something happened like that but I have to admit I am very impressed with the way he handled it because obviously my sister isn't scared of him now.

"You know he won't leave her alone right?" I sit forward a little in my chair toward him. "The sick bastard still torments her, I don't know that he'll ever give up. So I'm going to say something to you now and I hope you won't take offense. Well honestly I really don't care if you do take offense. I gotta say it."

His eyes are a little weary of me but he nods his head for me to continue.

"If you can't handle it, walk away now. Because if you hurt her I'll come after you and you won't know what hit you. She is not your ordinary girl and I'm not just saying that because she's my sister. She has been through the deepest fires of hell and she's carrying those scars for the rest of her life. She is not always the easiest person to deal with, especially when her inner thoughts get the best of her. When the words that asshole said creep back into her mind and she starts to see herself like that it's hard and it can be frustrating. She will continue to get better, it's amazing how far she's come already but it's not an easy road. It's always two steps forward and three back with is a pretty good chance at some point you are going to run into her ex or he may seek you out. I'm not going to sugar coat it or lie to you. He's dangerous as all hell. But if you want to continue to see my sister it's something you have to be ready for. So if you aren't willing to deal with that; walk away now. Before you are going to hurt her more. Because if you hurt her, I'll kill you."

He's quiet for a few moments, letting my words roll over in his mind. I know most men would have wanted an immediate response, or reassurance that he wasn't going to hurt her. I, however, respect that he is really thinking about this. That right there proved to me just how much my sister means to him and I like him even more.

His eyes looked toward the kitchen and then back at me. His gaze doesn't waver as they met mine in a steely gaze. "I'm not walking away. She's too special"

I hold his look for just a moment longer and then I relax into my chair taking another sip of beer with a nod. "Just remember what I said. I don't expect you to be perfect, I don't expect there not to be little things but you seriously hurt her, your ass better run because I'm coming after it"

He nodded "I would expect nothing less, Emmett"

Just then Bella comes out to tell us supper is ready. She looks back and forth between the two of us with her eyes and her brow furrows a little as she tries to figure out what has just gone on. We both just give her a smile as we get up and I hear Edward say how something smells delicious and I watch her blush and look at him through her eyelashes.

_"I wonder if she realizes she's already in love with him."_ My inner voice surprises me with this thought but I realize it's right. She is. I don't think she knows though or if she does she's confused as hell about these feelings and doesn't know what they are or what to do with them. I take a glance at Edward and see the same look in his eyes towards her. This makes me feel better but I know that these two have a long road ahead of them if they really want to make a go of it.

It's so early in their relationship, if you can even call it a relationship yet, and they have to deal with hurdles that most couples don't ever have to deal with. I sigh and just send up a silent prayer that it works out somehow. Because truth be told, I really like Edward and I don't want to have to kick his ass.

Later that night, I peek out my living room window and watch Edward walk Bella back to her house. He says something to her at the door that makes her blush and smile again before nodding yes and he looks very happy.

I am pulled out of my spying with the ringing of my phone. "Hello?"

"Son, how are you? How is your sister?"

"Dad?" I say surprised, I had forgotten he was due back any day. "We're good. Bells is all moved in to her house and getting settled in. Or as settled as she can with the construction going on. How are you? When did you get in?"

"Last night. How is she doing otherwise?" My dad's concern is in his voice.

"As well as can be expected dad. Just taking things one day at a time." I hesitate for a moment. "It looks like she is seeing someone"

The air goes silent on the other end and I wonder if he's hung up. Finally he responds. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

I sigh. "I don't know dad but he's a good guy. He knows the story. It's still very early on. They just started seeing each other so I guess all we can wait and do is see."

"And Jacob? He still bothering her?"

"Yeah, he's still around. Nobody will do shit about it"

My dad stays quiet for another moment. "Well I'm coming to visit. I want to see you and my baby girl. I'll be in on Wednesday. Think you can put your old man up for a week or so?"

I answer that of course I can. I wonder how Bella is going to take this news though. She's talked to dad in the last year but they haven't seen each other yet. And if she thinks I can be overprotective she has another thing coming once he's here. We finish our conversation and hang up. I take another peek outside and Edward's SUV is gone from her driveway and her house is almost completely dark so I know she's probably in bed.

I sigh once more and again, just hope all will be okay.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**So wow...there was a lot going on in that chapter even though it was only one day. Let me know what you think. And what did you think about getting a glimpse into Emmett's head?**_

_**I said this in my other story. I know my characters have a lot of inner monologue. I talk to myself all the time. I might be crazy, I admit this is possible but I do. (And lets face it, sometimes you just need a sensible answer and the only place you're going to get it is in your own head) I don't know if everyone talks to themselves as much as I do but *shrugs* it is what it is and that's why my characters do it too.**_


	16. Chapter 15: Meet The Parent

**Chapter Fifteen~ Meet the Parent**

_BPOV_

I sit in Dr. Brandon's office twisting my hand together and looking at them as I speak. It's a habit that I continue to display although I try not to. But sometimes it's really hard for me to look at person when I'm talking with them. It's a combination of my shyness and years of being trained by Jacob that I was never to look up. I feel her eyes on me from her chair across the room. They are not unkind, in fact they are comforting but I still am unable to look at her.

"It sounds like this Edward if a very nice guy, Bella. What has you this upset?"

My voice is soft, barely above a whisper. "What if I'm not ready? What if I'm too broken? I don't understand all of this stuff I'm feeling. I've only known him a few days, how is it possible to feel like this about someone you have only knows such a short period?" The words come tumbling out of me and I can hear the desperation in my voice.

Dr. Brandon's voice is calm and soothing as she replies. "Nobody is really ready to fall in love, Bella. You will find no one in the world who will say they were ready for it even if they had looked for it. It happens when it's meant to happen and there is no real timetable for it. I suppose by societies standards you are thinking that it's too soon but sometimes, I believe, we just recognize the piece of our missing souls when we find it."

I look up at her confused. "So you think Edward is what? My soul mate?" I don't scoff at the idea I'm just genuinely wondering what she is trying to tell me.

"Only you can answer that question, Bella and you don't have to rush into an answer. I know this is all new for you. I know its very confusing, overwhelming and maybe even a little frustrating and that is all okay. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't look ahead into your life and make plans but you also need to just live in the present. Instead of all of this worrying about these feelings, why not just go with them? Spend time with him. Get to know him better and see what happens. Let nature take it's course as they say."

I nod a little, understanding what she is saying but wondering if I can do it.

"Bella, look at me again please" I look up and meet her eyes and they are kind. "You constantly refer to yourself as broken and that isn't entirely wrong. What you are failing to recognize though is how many pieces you have picked up and put back together. I wouldn't so much say you are broken as fractured. But little by little you are putting it all back together in one piece."

I frown, letting her words run through my mind.

"And just because you are fractured doesn't mean you aren't ready for this if it's the right person Bella. I believe that certain people are meant to come into our lives for different reasons. Maybe it was the right time for Edward to enter your life. My advice is to take it at your pace, whatever you are comfortable with. I'm very proud of you for telling him about Jacob."

I start to interrupt and she holds up her hand to stop me gently. "I know that you didn't go into great detail and that is okay. Maybe as more time goes by you will want to tell him more and maybe not. What is important is that you told him the basics of your story. He understands what you need and how this cannot be rushed with you. From what you've told me about him I would venture to guess he may understand even more than you think he does."

I nod a little again. Edward seemed so understanding when I told him. That night when he had walked me back across the street from Em's house we stood talking for a few moments on the front porch. He asked me if he could call me this week, if we could talk. Then he asked me if we could spend some time together next weekend. I had started to panic a little at this because I thought it meant that he wanted to go out but he had seen it immediately in me. He quickly reassured me that we could just watch a movie or have a game night. Maybe order something in for dinner, that he just wanted to spend time with me and if I was most comfortable doing that in my home than that is where he would gladly come. I had relaxed then and couldn't help but smile at him as I told him yes.

I realize Dr. Brandon is still speaking and I pay attention again. "As long as you take it slow and you keep an open communication with him, Bella, I see no reason you shouldn't pursue this" She smiles kindly at me and I smile back a small part of me feeling relieved that she thought I should.

I'm certain that I would have even if she hadn't approved of it but it's nice all the same to know that she does. She glances at the clock and changes the subject.

"I would like to talk about something else before we have to close for the day"

I bite my bottom lip because I know what is coming.

"How do you feel about your dad coming to visit?

And there it is. I gnaw a little on my lip with my teeth as I worry. I finally answer truthfully. "I don't know. I'm not sure I'm ready to see Charlie."

"I've noticed that you refer to him sometimes as dad and sometimes as Charlie. I think that is significant. Tell me how you are feeling Bella."

I sigh. "I know that he loves me and I love him. But sometimes it's hard with my dad. He doesn't mean to but he comes in and kind of decides what he thinks is best and I don't know...presses until he gets his way. I don't know what he is thinking now. I'm not sure what he is expecting of me."

"How else are you feeling, Bella? Honestly." She pushes me. She doesn't do this often but sometimes when she feels I need it. To be completely honest not only with her but also myself.

"Angry" I whisper and she sits forward in her chair.

"This is good. Tell me why you are angry."

The words come out of my mouth suddenly stunning me. "Because he should have been there. All those times when Emmett and I were younger he should have protected us from Renée. He shouldn't have let her do that to us. I get that he had to go away because of his job, I really do but he should have left us with my Grandparents not her. He never wanted to stand up to her. He never wanted to call her on her shit. He let her do whatever she wanted to do no matter who it hurt. He should have been there to protect us and he didn't! And he is still defending her now! After the way she believe Jacob over me he defends her!"

I begin to cry and Dr. Brandon comes around taking the chair next to me. She moves slowly and takes my hand and I let her. "What else, Bella. Come on, say it because I know it's in there and you need to get it out."

"Why didn't he know? Why didn't he see? Why didn't anyone see? I know I lied about how I was injured and maybe the first couple of times they would have bought it but for years? How did they not see the changes in me? Why didn't he see and help me?" I almost yell into the room before breaking down completely and sobbing.

Dr. Brandon continues to hold me hand as I cry. As I begin to calm down she hands me some tissues to wipe eyes. Her voice is the calm in the wake of my storm. "You have every right to feel that way, Bella. Every right. Your father failed you and you have every right to be angry. He failed you and your brother by leaving you with a mother who didn't properly care for you. Who abused you emotionally. And later on, he failed you again by not noticing when you were in so much pain. You know as well as I do that the blame for what was done to you falls on your ex husband alone but you have the right to be upset with other people too who saw all the signs and chose to look away and believe the lies they were given."

The room is quiet for a bit except for my heavier breathing and small cries that sometimes come from me. "So what do I do about it?" I finally ask. "Do I tell him?"

Now she is the one who sighs. "It's always tricky when you are dealing with families to give you an answer to a question like that. I believe you should to some extent though, Bella. You have grown so much in this past year. Your progress really is astounding. The sheer determination you have to make a new life for yourself alone is incredible and then you add in all that you are learning how to deal with when it comes to your past. "She trails off for a moment. "There are a lot of people who aren't that strong and you should be so proud of yourself."

I look at her again. "But if I tell him it could ..will cause a huge fight" I whisper.

"And maybe it should. You remember how when you first came to me we talked about how we have to work on tearing down the foundation to build a new you? We have to tear down all of those things that Jacob had you believing about yourself? How we are still working on tearing those away?"

I nod and she continues. "If you want to really have a relationship with your dad you need to do the same. I know it's painful. I know it's scary but if you really want to build a relationship with him you need to almost start over. I'm not saying it's easy but I believe it's what needs to be done. In some ways you had to do that with your brother. You and he have had more than a few arguments and fights and each time you've come out stronger than you were before in your relationship. You've set boundaries and he is respecting them. You are no longer allowing anyone to dictate what you do with your life."

I sniffle and nod again. Deep inside I know she is right. Charlie and I may love each other deeply but we need to get past this and work on building a new relationship. I tremble a little at the thought. I wonder if it comes down to it if my dad will try to bring my brother in, to bully me. I know he doesn't mean it to be that way but that is the way it always has come across to me. I wonder if it's because he's used to being in charge of a lot of men under him that wouldn't dare contradict his orders. I look up at Dr. Brandon again and nod more firmly this time. "Okay"

"You have my emergency number, Bella. If it's becoming too much you can call me anytime day or night. Please know that. Otherwise we will see each other next week" She gives me a smile and I give her a shaky one in return. I wipe my eyes again and gather my purse before standing up.

"Thank you, Dr. Brandon"

"No, Bella, You have no reason to thank me. You are doing all the work. I am merely helping you a little here and there." She smiles again at me and I begin to relax more.

"I'll see you next week then" I say before slipping out of the door, closing it quietly behind me.

Later that night I lay in bed trying to read but having no real success at it. I am restless and my house felt very big and lonely at the moment for some strange reason. I jump a little as my phone rings on the nightstand but I can't stop the smile that crosses my face when I see that it's Edward.

"Hello" I say happily.

"Hello, Beautiful, how was your day?" His voice is smooth and cheerful on the other end.

I again blush as he calls me that name but secretly adore. I don't know if he says it intentionally or not but I don't want to call any attention to it lest he stop calling me that. "Long" I sigh. "Long and boring" I laugh lightly. "How was yours"

"Long and lonely" He says quietly and I wonder if he means what I think...hope he means. I wonder if he missed me.

"I know we talked about getting together this coming weekend but I would really like to see you this week if you would be up for it? Just dinner or something. Nothing fancy, maybe we could get a pizza and just hang out?" He sounds hopeful on the phone and I think I melt a bit at his voice.

"I would love that! Oh...but" I hesitate.

"What is it, Bella?" He queries.

"It's just I found out this morning that my dad is coming on Wednesday and well, you know how my brother was?"

He chuckles and it makes butterflies do a flurry in my stomach to hear that sound. "You're afraid if your father sees me he's going to give me the third degree about my intentions with his daughter?"

A giggle escapes me but I am very serious when I say. "Yes. Edward, I'm so sorry. We only barely know each other and have only had one date and you've already been subjected to my brother. Isn't stuff like meeting the parents supposed to happen a lot later in the relationship?"

I bite my lip as I say the word relationship. I know that he pretty much told me on Sunday night that he would like to have one with me but this is all still foreign ground. He chuckles again. "Who wants normal anyway, Bella? Besides, if my parents lived closer I would love for them to meet you."

"Really?" I breathe out.

"Uh-huh. My mom especially would love you. I told you the other night Beautiful. I know this isn't going to be like most normal relationships and that's okay with me. We take this at your pace. And if I have to get the third degree so be it. You're worth it." He chuckles again.

I sigh softly.

"What's wrong, Beautiful? Do you not want me to meet your dad yet? I don't have to. We can wait until he's gone before we see each other if that is what you really want." He sounds hurt but trying to cover it up.

"No, no, no" I am quick to reassure him. "It's not that. I, well. I'm not sure how to deal with my dad." I say quietly.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks me but doesn't push. But I realize that I really do want to talk to him. Before I know it the story comes out from childhood to earlier today at the therapists office. For the most part Edward is quiet other than some soft words of comfort or encouragement as I speak. I can't believe I'm letting him in like this but it feels so right, it feels so good to be so open with him.

When my story finally concludes he asks me. "What are you going to do, Beautiful? Have you made a decision yet?"

"I think Dr. Brandon is right." I simply say.

"My brave, beautiful, sweet girl." He murmurs and I feel warmth rush through me at those words.

I think of something and my voice becomes shy. "Well, if it's not world war three over there by then would you like to come for supper on Friday night?"

I can hear him smile over the phone. "I would love to Beautiful" He follows this by a yawn that he tries to hide.

"Oh my goodness, I've kept you up. I'm so sorry" He stops me.

"You didn't keep me up. I love talking to you. I should unfortunately be going to sleep though. Aren't you tired Bella?"

At his words I realize I am and yawn as well. He chuckles. "Sweet dream Beautiful"

"Goodnight Sweetness" The name comes out without any thought of my own and we both pause. I feel sudden embarrassment and begin to stammer out an apology which he stops immediately.

"I like it" He says quietly. "It's like your personal name for me and I like it Bella"

"Okay" I whisper into the phone smiling.

"Goodnight" He says quietly and his voice shows reluctance at his words.

"Goodnight" I say back and reluctantly hang up the phone.

The next morning as I'm stretching in bed I hear my phone beep that I have a message. I open it up and beam as I read the words.

**-Good morning Beautiful.-**

I grin as I type back; **-Good morning Sweetness.-** I think about how perfect of a way this was to start my morning and I hum as I slide out of bed and head to the shower.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

Before I know it's Wednesday and I'm walking over to Em's house to see my dad. My mind is a flurry of activity. I'm nervous, excited, scared, and a million other emotions. I knock lightly twice on the door. I know I don't have to but I always do just to let him know I'm coming in and I reach down and grasp the knob, turning it in my hand and opening the door. I step inside the entryway of Em's house and I can hear him and my dad laughing about something back in the kitchen. I make my way toward the sound.

"Bella" My dad says loudly and happily setting down the beer in his hand and rushing towards me quickly. He wraps his arms around me tightly and holds me to him and my first reaction is panic.

Emmett must see the look in my eyes and his voice is a little sharp. "Dad, remember what I said about the touching thing?"

Charlie pulls back and finally notices I'm not hugging him back and the fear that is in my eyes. He suddenly looks so remorseful. I, however feel the familiar shame creep through me that I panicked at my father hugging me.

"I'm sorry, Daddy." I whisper to him and he just sighs looking at me.

"It's alright, Bells. Your brother told me what it was like for you and how you don't really liked to be touched all the much and especially not when it's a surprise. I guess, I just forgot when I saw you."

I swallow hard and nod a little. "I just need some time to get used to you. I'm okay with Emmett most of the time now. I just need a little time."

I can see the sadness and heartbreak in my father's eyes and I look away because it's making me feel the same way. Em looks back and forth from me to our dad a few times before clearing his throat. "Well, I was just going to run out and get some errands done so why don't I go ahead and do that. You two need some time to talk."

I know he's right but I'm also terrified. Em comes over and very slowly puts his arms around me and I lean into him. He whispers into my ear. "It's okay, Sissy. Everything will be alright, I promise."

He turns to my dad and asks if there is anything he needs while he's out. Charlie shakes his head, his eyes still on me. Em takes one more look between the two of us and then grabs his keys heading out of the door. We hear the garage door open and shut as he backs out and suddenly it's silent and Charlie and I are left standing in the kitchen awkwardly.

"Should we go sit in the living room?" I ask quietly and he nods again before heading that way. I grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and follow him. He settles in a chair and I on the couch. There is some more awkward silence before he looks up at me and I see tears in his eyes, stunning me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so damn sorry. I should have known. I think I did know that something wasn't right. But I didn't want to push you and you always had an excuse for why you were hurt. It was just easier to believe that than to believe that a kid I've watched grow up since he was born could ever hurt you. There is nothing I can do that will make this right but I'm so sorry."

I blink back my own tears and it finds me a bit of time to find my voice. I didn't expect it to start out like this but I guess he wants to get this out-of-the-way too instead of letting it build. I reassure him. "It's not your fault, Dad. You didn't hurt me, Jacob did. I lied to you and wanted you to believe the lies because I was afraid of what he would do if I didn't."

Charlie starts to interrupt me but I hold up my hand, effectively stopping him. If we're going to do this, we might as well do this now and get it over. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe this will help us move on.

"I won't lie to you and say I have some issues with the fact that you believed my lies so easily. That you didn't look deeper but I don't blame you for what Jacob did to me, Dad. I hold my blame for things as well."

Again he tries to interrupt and I don't let him. "Yes I do. I know what he did to me is entirely on him. But I should have told you. I understand why I didn't. I've talked about it more times than I can count with my therapist. I understand it but I have my responsibility for not trusting that you would help me. I'm sorry that I am somewhat angry with you, Dad. Maybe it isn't fair but it's how I feel. But I will get over it. I want to put it in the past and just move on now."

As Charlie looks at me, it feels like he really sees me for the first time. I have never doubted that my father loves me but I have always been his little girl and that is how he's always viewed me. It seems like he finally realizes that I've grown up now.

He nods slowly. "I want that too, Bells, more than I can say." He clears his throat. "I talked to your mother yesterday" At this I tense up and he sees it. "Bella, she just..."

Now it's my turn to stop him. He's about to defend her again, just like he has my whole life. I know my words are laced with anger this time and I can't stop them. "Dad, if you want to have a relationship with me I am more than willing to work on it. But right now it's best to leave her out of it"

"But she's your mother." Charlie presses this point with me.

"Biologically yes, she is. But that is it. Nana raised me, she is my mother not Renée. I think for the sake of both of our sanity we shouldn't talk about her. I understand you still have a relationship with her and that is fine. But when it comes to you and I, she is not part of it."

Charlie makes a frustrated sound but after a moment or two of deliberation drop the subject and moves on to a new one. "Why did you get a house? Why didn't you stay with your brother? You would be safer if you just stayed here."

"No, I wouldn't" Charlie looks at me at my words. "Dad, if Jacob wants to get to me, he will. It doesn't matter where I am. But I needed to do this. As long as I cower, as long as I live my life in fear. I am letting him win. I am letting him control my life. There are a million things I'm not ready for, ready to do yet, but this was something I was ready for. I needed to do this for me. Please understand that. I do not want him controlling my life anymore. I hate that I'm even afraid to go out on a date with Edward because I don't know what Jake will do! I'm so tired of living my life in fear! I want my control back! This was a way I could take some of my control back."

As the words come from my mouth I am as stunned as Charlie is. I realize how true those sentiments are. I hear the passion and anger in my voice as I continue telling him about how Jake has tormented me. I hear the desperation in my voice as I try to tell my dad how I try to live my life as normal as possible in spite of it. I let it all come out. All the frustration, the anguish, the hurt, the fear. I let it all out and by the end of the second hour we are talking I'm sitting on the floor by Charlie's feet, my head resting against his leg as I cry and he pets my hair softly. Trying to give me comfort.

I know my dad isn't perfect. I know at some point there is going to come something that he thinks I should do and he knows better than I do. I know we will probably end up in an argument about it. But I also know now that I'm strong enough to stand up for what I think is the best thing for me.

By the time Em comes back a few hours later looking hesitant. my dad and I are talking about neutral subjects and things have relaxed. I have no doubt that he and my brother will be having long conversations in my absence about me and about Jake but there is nothing I can do about that. At least I feel all of those emotions that we building in me gone. I'm okay now. I've had my say and he listened to me. Maybe that was all I really needed. For my dad to just really listen to me instead of trying to tell me what is best for me.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

I stand at the stove watching carefully as my strawberry sauce reduces so that it doesn't burn. The cheesecake is cooling on the counter and I can hear Emmett practically salivating behind me as he sits with my dad at my kitchen table.

"You're going to behave yourself tomorrow night, right ?" I turn to look at them both warily. I know Emmett has already met Edward and even likes him but with my dad around...Well let's just say I have my worries.

"Of course we are. What do you think we're going to do? Run around like a couple of wild baboons?" Emmett gives me a big toothy grin

"Em, I swear, if you aren't nice tomorrow...I'll...I'll...I'll"

"You'll what, Sissy?" Emmett is trying to hold back his laughter. "You'll hit me with your wooden spoon?" Emmett roars at his own joke, Charlie joining in as I roll my eyes at them.

"Nooo...but the next time you have "company" over, I will make sure that you are interrupted frequently" I grin wickedly at him.

"You, wouldn't dare" He looks outraged and even a little shocked as my dad roars louder with laughter.

"Oh I would and I will" I answer back with conviction taking my sauce off the heat to cool. "Dad? Do I need to worry about you?"

"Why, baby girl, I can't even believe you would have to ask me that!" Charlie pretends to looked shocked and hurt.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Dad" I say warningly.

He narrows his eyes right back at me. "Is he really this important to you? What's his name again?"

I huff. "You know perfectly well his name is Edward. And yes" My eyes look imploringly into his now. "He really is this important to me."

"You barely know him, Bella"

"I know. I can't explain it. I know it makes no sense."

"I don't like it. I think you're rushing into something."

"I'm not rushing into anything dad. He's coming over here to meet you. He's already met Em. We are having dinner." I turn and grin wickedly again but this time at my father. "It's not like we're having sex."

Charlie's face looks bright red and Emmett actually spits out some of the beer in his mouth before choking on his laughter. "Isabella Swan!" My dad actually roars but for once it doesn't scare me. My mischievous side has come out to play it seems.

"What?" I play innocent.

"How could you...I mean...my baby girl...and this guy?" He sputters and Em is about falling on the floor howling with laughter at this point.

"Dad, I said we AREN't having.."

"Don't you say that word! Don't you dare little girl. And if this guy knows what's good for him he wouldn't even look at you in that way!" Charlie gets up from the table and stomps off somewhere else to calm down and I burst out laughing joining Emmett.

"Oh my god, Sissy. That was epic" He howls holding his sides as I giggle, sitting down on the chair my dad just vacated.

After a few minutes we both calm down and Emmett looks at me seriously. "You aren't though right?"

All my playfulness is gone and I blush deep pink looking down, my voice quiet. "Em, we are just getting to know each other. We are just starting out. We've had one date. I hardly consider the other day a date. I can barely handle having my hand held. I'm no where ready to think about that yet."

He looks at me for a moment and nods his head. "Good" He says.

Later that night as I recount the story for Edward over our nightly bedtime phone call he is both amused and horrified. "You really said that to your dad, Beautiful?" He chuckles.

"Yeah" I drag out the word feeling embarrassed by it now.

"My beautiful, shy girl had a naughty side." He practically purrs and it sends shivers along my spine and my eyes widen in surprise to hear his voice like this. "I like it"

I blush even though I know he can't see me and he chuckles again before changing the subject to lighter topics before we say goodnight.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

I grip Edward's hand nervously as we walk across the street to Em's house not having any idea what to expect when we get there. Edward gives me a smile of confidence and says "It's okay Beautiful. Everything will be just fine."

I can only hope so. I open the door and lead him into the house and stop short as we enter the living room. I stare in disbelief as my dad and brother have their guns out and are cleaning them as if it's the most normal thing in the world to be doing on a night like tonight.

"Hey sis, Hey Edward." My brother calls to us as he slides the firing pin back into place before continuing to assemble his now cleaned gun.

I glance over at Edward horrified and have to do a double take. It looks as if he's trying not to laugh. I feel as if I've stepped into the Twilight Zone. He squeezes my hand very gently before leading me over to the couch and having me sit down. He continues to stand and walks right into the line of fire.

"Hey Emmett. Good to see you again man. Mr. Swan, I'm Edward Cullen, It's a pleasure to meet you sir." He holds out his hand to Charlie.

Charlie stands up to take it and seems to be sizing Edward up. Edward doesn't flinch one bit though, he just holds a pleasant smile on my face even though I know my dad is using more force than usual when shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you Edward. Have a seat and tell me about yourself. What are your intentions with my daughter?"

I think I'm about to faint. I really do but Edward gives me a little wink before settling down on the couch and telling Charlie a bit about who he is. I can only stand this for a few minutes. I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin and I need to do something before I die of embarrassment. My brother is not helping matter by quietly snickering to himself.

"I'll just...get supper finished" I say weakly and Edward immediately turns to me again as I stand up.

"Would you like me to come help you, Bella?"

I look at him for a long minute trying to decide if he's asking me for help to get him out of here or if he just genuinely wants to know if I want his help. He doesn't seem nervous though and gives me a smile.

"Naw, Bells is fine. Let her cook while I find out about you" Charlie looks at me pointedly. It annoys me to some extend but maybe just like Emmett is would be better to just get this over now and not deal with it later.

I shoot a glare over at my brother though, looking at the guns and then to him while he just grins at me. "I will get you back" I mouth before going to the kitchen where I've had things cooking for the last couple of hours and just need to finish them up now.

A few hours later we are all sitting around Em's dining room table and I am much more relaxed. After the first hour of questioning Charlie has apparently decided he likes Edward and soon enough all three men were laughing and having a good time. Dinner goes smoothly and everyone enjoys the turkey I prepared. Throughout the meal Edward occasionally reaches for my hand and gives it a little squeeze telling me it is all okay and by the end of it I am laughing with the three of them.

Edward insists on helping me with the dishes and the clean up and we talk quietly as we work together. He tells me he likes my father very much and chuckles as he recounts the questioning that had taken place. I am just glad the evening has gone so well. It is a huge relief from my mind.

We finally say goodnight to my dad and brother and are just opening the door to walk back over to my house when Charlie calls out. "Edward?"

"Yes?" He answered back.

"You hurt my daughter and I'll kill you. Just so we have the clear"

"Crystal sir. I have no intentions of hurting her."

Charlie grunts in response. "It was good to meet you."

"You too, Charlie. I enjoyed talking with you tonight. Emmett, I'll see you soon."

"See you later man" Is Em's reply.

I pull him out the door by his hand and started walking across the street. My face red with embarrassment again. Edward chuckles beside me. "It could have been worse, Beautiful."

"I guess" I mutter

He stops me at the end of my driveway. Pulling me lightly so I face him and smiles at me. "I really did have a good time. I'm glad you wanted me to meet them."

I look at him skeptically. "Really?"

"Really" He confirms and I relax again and give him a smile in return.

We start walking up the driveway to make our way to my front door when I notice something sitting on the hood of Edward's SUV. I can't make out what it is though as it's dark out. As we draw closer the object becomes more defined.

There sitting on his hood is a perfect red rose.

I freeze and my eyes dart around trying to find him. Knowing he's here in the darkness somewhere. I vaguely hear someone calling my name and it takes me a few moments to realize that it's Edward.

"Bella! Look at me, please baby." I finally bring my eyes to his and he takes a sharp intake of breath as he sees the fear in my eyes. He very carefully squeezes my hand with his and seems relieved then I don't pull away. "Come on love, we need to get you inside. Please." His voice is pleading and I nod.

We hurry to the front door and my hands shake so much I can't get the key in the lock. He takes them gently from me and unlocks the door and guides me inside. I manage to get the alarm disarmed and he leads me over to the couch. I sit down and he goes into the kitchen bringing me back a glass of water. Edward kneels in front of me as I take it and drink some before setting it down on the coffee table.

His voice is soft and soothing and he takes both of my hands in his gingerly. "It's okay, Bella." I shake my head a little. "Yes, it is, Beautiful. It's okay." I look at him with panicked eyes and he reads my thoughts. "Let him come after me Beautiful. I can take care of myself. But I don't think he will. He's trying to scare you, and in turn, me. He's trying to warn me to stay away and it's not going to work because I'm not going to unless you send me away. I knew this might happen, Bella, I'm not all that surprised by it. It's okay. I'm not going unless you don't want to see me anymore."

The thought of that hurts so much that I whimper softly and try to find my voice. "I don't want you to go"

He smiles gently at me. "Good, because I don't want to go."

He slides up on the couch next to me and very slowly wraps his arm around me and draws me closer. It almost feels as if he's moving in slow motion but I know he's doing it for my benefit. He's giving me every chance in the world to pull away or say no. Instead I rest my head against his chest and wrap my arm around him tentatively. It seems to surprise him but he hums happily.

We sit like this for an hour or so, just in silence and him holding me. He finally pulls back. "I should be heading home baby." He says softly and I can see in his eyes he doesn't want to leave me. I nod a little. "Do you want me to get your brother or dad to come over or do you want to spend the night there?"

I shake my head. "No. I will be okay here." I smile weakly at him.

"Are you sure"

I nod. "Yes. I'm so sorry I dragged you into all of this, Edward."

"Shhhhh. You have nothing to be sorry for, Beautiful. I told you that" He says softly and slowly stands up from the couch.

I walk him to the front door and watch as he goes to his car. He picks up the rose from his hood and crushes it in his hand before walking over to the garbage bin and tossing it in. He looks at me before he gets in and smiles. "I'll see you soon, Bella"

I smile back and answer softly. "I'll see you soon, Edward" I then watch as he drives off before shutting my door and locking it. Setting the alarm I then head up to bed. Just as I'm about to fall asleep my phone beeps and I look at it.

**-Goodnight Beautiful-**

I smile softly as I type my reply. **-Goodnight Sweetness-**

The next day as I'm over at Em's and telling my brother and dad what happened last night they erupt. They both start stalking around the room like caged animals and making plans for going after Jacob. Neither will listen to me until I finally yell.

"Enough!" It finally get their attention.

For the next hour I tell them why they can't go after Jake. I would never admit this to anyone but I wish they could. I wish I could just let them go and take care of this but I can't. There is so much at risk. Yes, I am terrified for their safety but not as much as one might think. My dad is in the navy, my brother in the army. They both have training even more extensive than Jake's. I'm not worried about them physically. What Jacob could do though is ruin both of them.

I remind them he is a police officer and the whole department seems to be on his side. If they go after him he can have them arrested. He could ruin their careers. They could both be court martialed if they assault him. They tell me they don't care and I turn to begging and pleading.

I can't let them destroy their lives and career's over me. I beg them to let this go. He isn't actually hurting me. I think we all know that at some point Jake will come after me again but we don't acknowledge it. Finally after hours of my pleading and crying they agree not to go after him.

The remaining days of my dad's visit are actually nice. We have begun really connecting and I think he finally understands me and how I feel about things. We just spend time together as a family. The three of us. They even manage to get me out to do some things together which is a nice change from staying at hom.

A week later when Em and I are watching the plane take off, carrying our dad back to Hawaii I am relieved. I love him dearly. I am so glad we got some of the issues out-of-the-way that we needed to. But sometimes dealing with my family was exhausting. My brother and dad were often on the same side and it felt like me again the two of them. I didn't know how much more I could take.

The only thing I think that kept me sane during the last week when my dad and I were disagreeing was Edward. He listened to me, sometimes offering me advice and sometimes just offering encouragement but he always listened. I looked forward to my text every morning and our phone calls every night. They were the highlights of my day.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**Two months later**_

The last couple months have been amazing, I have never felt the way I do when I'm with Edward. I feel like I can trust him with my deepest darkest secret and they will be safe. I feel like there isn't anything I can't tell him. I feel safe with him. I still don't understand it but I don't really want to anymore, all I know is I love to be around him, to be with him. I am taking the advice that Dr. Brandon gave me months ago and just taking this moment by moment.

And Edward has been so patient with me, although I know he has to be frustrated sometimes. I have opened up a little more about Jacob but not a lot. I still open my door to find a red rose on the porch occasionally, left as a reminder that he was still out there. For the most part though, he has been very quiet these last couple of months. I'm not sure what it means. I'm praying it means he's going to just give up. A larger part of me knows that isn't going to happen.

Edward, true to his word, has never pushed me for more than I was willing to give. At the same time, I found myself being more open with him than I was with even Emmett. When Edward and I are together I come alive. I laugh and talk, I smile. Sometimes we will just sit on the couch and talk for hours about nothing really important at all but it seems like we have said some of the most important things. I love to hear him tell me about himself, his family. He thinks he's boring, I think he's completely fascinating.

I am still careful sometimes around him. Sometimes I still shy away. I still don't understand what it is I'm feeling and it scares me. I'm sure he can't possibly feel the same way so I don't say anything because if I do, he might never come back and just the thought of that makes my heart clench and hurt.

_"Yes, it's safer to just keep things like this. To keep my feelings to myself."_

It had taken some time but we had made some progress in other ways over the last couple of month as well. I don't flinch when he reaches for my hand and holds it in his own anymore. I am comfortable when he slides his arm around my shoulder while we watch a movie together. I love to snuggle into his side and rest my head on his shoulder and he always seems to be happy to let me.

We had a small hiccup about a month ago. I think...I think he was going to kiss me and I panicked and pulled away cowering with a little whimper. I felt so ashamed of myself. I don't even know what I was afraid of then. I just had images of all the times Jacob kissed me running through my head and how much he could hurt me with his 'kisses'. I saw the look of hurt in Edward's eyes for a moment before it was gone and his smooth voice soothed me and calmed me down assuring me that it was okay.

The next time he came over, as he was saying goodnight he looked at me and said "I'm going to kiss your cheek, Bella, if that is alright with you"

I smiled a little and nodded. It was so sweet and gentle and it made my whole body feel warm. This became part of our regular pattern for a couple of weeks. He would come over and we would have dinner and then play a game or watch a movie. We would spend some time on the couch snuggling and talking. And he would kiss my cheek softly and tenderly as he was leaving.

He was always conscious not to startle me. At first when he would reach for my hand or put his arm around me, he would move more slowly than normal so I would know exactly what he was doing. Now these actions are natural and I crave them. I will still flinch on occasion if I'm startled by something but it's becoming rarer with him. And when they do happen I relax almost instantly. There have been more kisses on my cheek, against my hair or very lightly on my temple but he hasn't tried to actually kiss me again.

I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I dream constantly about him kissing me, pressing his lips against mine but I didn't know if my dreams would be better than the reality or if I let him kiss me everything would change for the worse.

Over the last couple of months there have been a few other things that have changed. Now occasionally I go to his place. Those night we usually order something in for dinner than me cooking but it's comfortable and fun. I feel just as safe in his place as I do my own. I love it there, to be surrounded by his things. To get even more of a sense of him.

On Tuesday as we were sitting on the floor across from each other at his coffee table, the scrabble board laid between us I looked up. He was concentrated, his brow furrowed in thought as he searched his tiles for a word. I took a deep breath and said the words I had been rolling around in my head for the last hour.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" He asked me almost absently as he continued to look at his tiles.

"I think I am ready to go out on a date now." I said softly.

His eyes shot up to mine and he couldn't contain the excitement in them. "Yes?" He asked as if unsure of what he had heard me say. I nodded shyly.

"Yes. I would like to go out somewhere with you if you still want to take me."

"Silly Bella" He smiled and came over to my side of the table drawing me into his arms and kissing the top of my head. "Of course I want to take you, Sweet Girl. Do you have an idea of where you would like to go?"

"You said once you would like to take me dancing." I said shyly

"Then dancing we shall go, Love. Next Saturday night" I felt him press another kiss to the top of my head before letting me go and going back to his side of the game board, grinning happily at me.

Which leads me to tonight...

I take a few deep breath and glance at myself in the full length mirror again and I think that I don't look half bad. My hair is twisted up so that it will stay out of my way and I have on a red dress that curves to my body and has a slit in it so that I can move. I had bought it months ago because I fell in love with it but I never had anywhere to wear it. Silver strappy heels complete my outfit.

I take another deep breath _"I can do this" _I think to myself. When he had come over this past Thursday we had turned on some music and danced together in my living room. I found that I very much liked being in his arms. I feel comfortable, safe, and cherished in them. I hear the doorbell ring and after one last glance at myself I head down to go out for the evening.

The smile on his face when he sees me makes me blush. "You look incredible, Beautiful. Are you ready to go?" I nod and he crooks his arm offering it to me. I grab my wrap and my purse. slip my arm through his, resting my hand on his forearm and we head out. Butterflies all a flutter in my stomach. I'm nervous and excited for this.

Later, as Edward walks me to my front door, I feel wonderful. It's late. almost midnight. It's been an incredible night and we've had so much fun. Dinner was fantastic and the dancing was divine. We stayed out on the dance floor for hours spinning around and laughing. It felt like we were created and put on this earth to dance together and I couldn't remember a night when I had felt this free and happy.

I unlock the door and push it open looking up at him "Did you want to come in for a moment?"

He smiles at me and shakes his head a little "I would love to but I have to be up early tomorrow so I should head home. I had a great time tonight, Bella, I hope you'll let me take you out again." He seems shy as he asks this and stumbles over his next words a bit "I mean, I love coming over and your cooking is amazing and we have fun here too. I'm not saying that I don't want to do that anymore"

I have to smile as he talks and I stop him before he starts to babble "Edward" He stops talking and looking at me "I had a great time tonight and yes, I would like to go out again"

His face lights up in the most brilliant smile. lighting up his eyes "Yeah?" He asks and I feel my smile grow as I answer him.

"Yes, I would" I answer him.

I meet his eyes and it feels like time freezes as we look at each other. Something shifts in the air and I don't understand what it means but I know it feels good. Edward slowly raises his hand and brings his palm to my cheek cupping it tenderly and I don't flinch, in fact I instinctively tilt my head just a little to his warm palm.

"Bella" His voice is deeper and lower than I think I've ever heard it before.

I look at him as he slowly brings his face to mine and this time there is no panic in me, I know what's going to happen and I want it to. I tilt my face up a little for him and he keeps his hand gently against my cheek as I feel his lips touch mine. My eyes close and this feeling is amazing.

His lips brush back and forth softly and without thought I bring my own hands forward and wind them around his neck as I move my lips back against his. I feel him kiss my top lip and then my bottom before pressing them against mine fully again a little firmer than before. I push back too. I have never felt a kiss like this before.

I feel his tongue hesitantly lick against my lips and I automatically part them for him and he slowly and softly slides his tongue into my mouth, my hands around his neck and one of my hands moves on its own to slide into his hair. I think I pull him a little to me as I let my tongue slide against his. Our tongues dance lightly together in my mouth for a few moments until we both need to breathe. Then I feel his tongue retreat and he places a few light kisses on my lips before pulling back completely. I feel flushed as the kiss ends and he looks a little surprised himself as he looks at me. He is reluctant to let me go as I am him but slowly are hands slide away from one another.

"You are so beautiful, do you know that?"

I duck my head at the compliment "Thank you" I say softly.

I can hear the reluctance in his voice at his next words "I really should get going but I'll call you tomorrow?"

I glance back up at him and nod with a smile "Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow, thank you for such a wonderful evening"

He leans forward again and barely brushes his lips against mine "The pleasure was all mine. Goodnight Beautiful, I'll talk to you tomorrow"

"Goodnight Sweetness, drive safe" He smiles and watches as I enter my house and gently shut the door. I know he stays on the front porch until he hears the click of the deadbolt locking it. I peek out the window and watch him walk to his car, get in, and drive away before going over to the couch and sinking down on it. I bring my fingers up to gently touch my lips. I close my eyes remembering Edward's kiss. I feel something grow stronger inside of me, something I don't understand but I know I like it.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Whew...*fans myself* I about swooned over that kiss while writing it. How about y'all? Let me know your thoughts on things. Also, I am toying with the idea of doing a little outtake, Going more into the conversation between Charlie and Edward. I had originally written more of it but thought it might be too much since we saw Emmett do it last chapter. Let me know if that is something you would want to see. And would you like to see if from Charlie's POV or Edward's? Click that little review button if you please.**_

_**Also there is a link on my profile page with Bella's date outfit if you are interested**_


	17. Chapter 16: LOVE

_A.N. Hello all *waves* Couple of quick thing and I'll let you get to the chapter. We are jumping ahead about five months from the last chapter. I think you have a good idea of how their relationship is progressing. The pace it takes. Also it is referenced here as well to give you even more of an idea. Also I want to stress here just so there is no confusion. Bella and Edward are not having sex...yet._

_We also bounce a little back and forth between POV's again in this chapter. Pictures of both of their outfits for their dinner date are on my profile page if you want to check them out._

_Oh yeah, there is a small phrase in here pretty much directly from the book. *grins* I couldn't resist because it was too perfect not to use. No disrespect of copyright infringement is intended_

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen ~ L.O.V.E**

_BPOV_

"Stupid ball! You're going the wrong way! Go that way!" I wave my hands frantically as I jump up and down yelling at the pink ball rolling down toward the pins at the end of the lane. I sigh helplessly as it only knocks down two pins thus ending the game.

"Beautiful, you know that the ball doesn't actually take directions from you right? You have to throw it where you want it to go. But please, keep doing what you're doing because I'm quite enjoying the view" Edward chuckles as I blush deep pink. I turn around and stick my tongue out at him and he just laughs harder before getting up and walking over to me, pulling me into his arms and kissing me gently. "You are so cute yelling at the bowling ball"

I sigh a happy little sigh and snuggle a little closer to him without hesitation. I rarely ever jump or flinch with him now, usually only if I'm startled. As the past five months have progressed, I actually find myself craving his touch. His touches are unlike anything I had ever known. They are soft and caring, never to hurt me, only to caress me gently. His kisses still make me dizzy and lately I have felt like I wanted more than just our kisses and light touches.

It's like being a teenager all over again. Hesitantly touching one another as the kisses get more heated. Every time there is a new kind of touch he watches me to make sure I am okay with it. More times than not he lets me take the lead. This is a challenge within itself because I find my shyness immensely at these times. The first time I took his hand and brought it to my breast telling him I wanted to touch me my cheeks were so hot I am sure they were bright red. They way he responds to me though, the way his eyes look at me hungrily, the way he touches me, there is no other word to describe it other than heaven.

I didn't know that someone else could make me feel this good. Over the last almost two years since I left Jacob, I've slowly discovered on my own what makes me feel good. It was a whole new experience for me to realize that sex could be incredible. Or at least when I touched myself I could make it so. The first time I had an orgasm I laid on my bed in awe that it felt so good. Almost immediately my thoughts turned to Edward and I wondered if it would feel like this to have sex with him. I can't deny that these feelings and desires are growing stronger inside of me. I just didn't know what to do about them.

Every time we take a step forward, I hesitate, afraid the this will be the one that makes him turn into a monster or makes me wake up from this dream. I feels like I am at constant war with myself because deep down, I know, I just know, that he will never hurt me. He is always careful with me. I love that he doesn't treat me as if I'm a china doll, like my brother does. He encourages me to show him what I want when I'm ready to move forward. He always tells me that if I am ever uncomfortable or want to stop we will. That he will never be upset with me.. The only thing that will upset him is if I don't stop because I think he wants to keep going. That if I put myself in a place where I feel like I shouldn't say no. He always stresses to me that I can say no at any time. But I don't want him to stop and I don't want to say no...in fact I want more and I'm not sure how to deal with that.

We still have dinner with each other once during the week. Either at his house or mine. If we are at his place I cook or we order in usually. I learned early on that unless he is grilling or making a few select things it is best not to leave Edward alone in the kitchen. I keep telling him that I will teach him how to cook and he keeps telling me he's a hopeless cause.

On the weekends we go out on dates. It's getting easier and I always find myself looking forward to them. Going to the movies, seeing plays, going out to dinner, talking walks while holding hands and talking, and tonight bowling.

Edward leans down and gives me a playful grin and another kiss. "Ready to go baby?"

I nod feeling a little tired. While I may look forward to dates, the nights we go out are still harder on me. I still have small panic attacks beforehand. I am always more alert and looking around for Jacob. But they were getting easier to deal with and I just knew that Edward wouldn't let anything bad happen to me while we were out. I don't know how I knew it or why I was so certain but I was.

I wish I could say that the past couple of months have found Jacob leaving me alone but they haven't. I still find roses on my car on the days I go into the office, in my mailbox or on my front porch. I get constant calls that always come from an untraceable number. Sometimes the person says awful things and sometimes it's just silence on the other end. A few times my security alarm has gone off in the middle of the night and it looks as if someone has tried to get in but there is no real damage. I have no doubt who it is but the police never believe me. I keep thinking that maybe I should get a dog.

It seems like any time that I go anywhere there is a police car following me. I don't even think it's always Jacob. I think sometimes it's his buddies on the force doing it. He apparently did some 'damage control' and told his friends that I was telling my friends and family he had abused me which was of course nothing but lies and obviously a ploy for me to destroy his reputation and good name. It makes me sick that he has these people wrapped around his finger and that they believe him. I don't understand how they just don't see. My own mother still thinks that I made it all up to excuse my behavior of leaving him. I have cut off almost all contact with my mom because I am almost certain she is still in contact with him. There were just too many coincidences of him always knowing where I am of if I have something planned and they always seemed to happen just after I had spoken to her.

Occasionally we find the roses on the hood of Edward's car on one of our date nights. I am certain that he has followed us more than once but I am never able to find him when I look. I just know. There is just this feeling of being watched and the way my skin crawls when he is nearby. I know that Edward is able to sense it as well and he always tells me we can leave if I want to. Other than that he pretends Jacob doesn't exist. He says he's not worth the breath it would take to talk about him.

On the flip side to that though, he always tells me if I need or want to talk he will listen. I have opened up even more about those years of my marriage slowly. It hasn't been easy and more than once the night has ended with me sobbing in his arms and his hands moving gently up and down my back while he whispers softly into my ear. But those times have also brought us so much closer together.

Edward's arm slides around my waist pulling me close to his side as we walk out to the car after leaving the bowling alley. He opens the door and waits for me to slide in before closing it and going over to the driver's side and getting in, giving me a grin and pulling out of the parking lot to take me home.

We pull up to my house and he turns off the car, sliding out and coming over to my side to open the door for me. I've never been treated like this before. He treats me as if I am a princess or a queen and I feel special when we are together. He walks me to the door and then pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace as my hands slide up and around his neck in response. I rest my cheek against his chest, nuzzling lightly against his jacket as if I'm trying to get underneath it to the warmth that is pure Edward..

My feelings are overwhelming and I am finding it harder not to tell him, but I can't. _"What if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same way?" _Is always the thought and fear in my heart and mind. I know he cares for me. I know he cares for me deeply But what if I say the words and he doesn't want to hear them and ends it with me? As much as I fight with myself and try to tell myself it wasn't true, the fact was, I am completely and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen.

I think about him constantly. Sometimes I feel like a teenage girl in love and not a woman. I love to do little things like cook or baked his favorite treats for him because when I present them to him and see the smile on his face. I am filled with this incredible warmth that bubbles up. Whenever he is near me, my heart beats a little faster. When he holds my hand or holds me in his arms there was this incredible sense of peace that I feel.

My day always feels off until I get my good morning text from him. And I love all the little messages he will sometimes text me throughout the day. Just to say hi or that he misses me.

I still have nightmares nightly but now, every once in a while, I also have good dreams and every one of those good dreams has Edward in them. When we are together I feel like a puzzle where the missing piece is finally in place. I can be myself with him and he never judges me. Even if we have a disagreeing opinion on something. I can express what I think on the matter. He wants to hear what I think, what I have to say. He listens to me, he cares about what I want. He asks my opinions on things. I am never worried that he will tell me I'm stupid or that I don't matter. He always makes me feel like everything I think and feel matters to him and he wants to know every bit that I am willing to share with him. Every day I find myself falling a bit more in love with him.

He leans down and kisses me, his lips moving against mine, softly at first and then a little firmer and more aggressive as his tongue slides into my mouth to play with mine. I make a little sound in my throat and pull him tighter to me as I kiss him back. Pressing my body to his as I feel warm and flushed. Desire races through my veins and my mind flashes to images of us together up in my bedroom. I feel my skin flush more with my thoughts and wonder if he notices. Finally we need to breathe and we break the kiss.

We're both breathing hard as he rests his forehead against mine for a moment and I wonder what he's thinking about as his eyes roam over my face. He gives me a soft sweet kiss this time before pulling away completely. His voice is low and husky and sends a shiver of delight up my spine when I hear it.

"Goodnight, Beautiful. I'll talk to you tomorrow"

"Goodnight, Sweetness, thank you for such a fun night"

"Always my pleasure, Bella. Sleep well tonight."

He cups my cheek in his hand tenderly and gives me another kiss.

"No nightmares, only good dreams" He says softly, looking into my eyes.

He is well aware of my nightmares. This is another thing that astounds me about our relationship. This bond we have. There are many times he knows what I'm thinking or feeling before I even tell him. It's not uncommon for me to know the same about him. More than once I've just felt like he's having a really hard day and felt the need to just send him a little message telling him I'm thinking about him. Sometimes I'll tell him something funny that happened during my day or a joke I know hoping it will cheer him up. He always replies with 'You don't know how much I needed that Beautiful'

There have been more times than I can count that he's sent me a message or called just when I am about to break down because of a memory or the day is just too hard. He always seems to know when I need him and if he can't be here physically he calls me or texts me to tell me he's here for me. That he's thinking about me. Some nights when the nightmares are really bad he will call. It's like he knows, even across town that I need him. He will talk to me quietly for a bit as I cry and by the end of the call I'm calmed down enough to go back to sleep. I didn't know that two people could be as connected as we are.

I smile shyly at him not wanting to go inside but knowing our night has to come to an end and he must get home. I push up on my toes and give him one last kiss before slipping inside my house. He stands on the porch until I'm safely inside and the door is locked before he turns and goes back to his car. He always looks so reluctant to leave and I know exactly how he feels.

_**EPOV**_

I pull Bella closer to me as our kiss deepens. We had spent the evening at my place watching a movie and it is late. I know I should be letting her get home but I can't seem to stop kissing her. I don't want her to walk out of my door tonight. My lips press further against hers and I feel her tongue tease softly. I open my mouth to her and her tongue moves in to find mine as my heart starts pounding harder in my chest and I'm hard pressed to fight back the groan that wants to come from my throat.

I graze my hands graze up her side and I gently touched the sides of her breasts through her shirt, caressing them and I feel her press herself against me with a little moan. It takes all of my self-control not to press her against the wall and show her with my body how badly I wanted her, needed her even. How much I love her.

Those words scare the hell out of me but I know they are true. I have wanted to tell her so many times but I always stop short of saying them. I don't know if she is ready for that. I know that my girl doesn't do anything lightly let alone give away her feelings. I know she cares for me deeply but I don't know if she actually loves me. I don't know if she is ready to take our relationship to the level of saying those words to one another.

This is at her pace, as much as I wanted to take things to the next level both emotionally and physically I won't rush her no matter how many times the nights ended with me taking matters into my hand or a cold shower. She is worth it. I finally lightened our kiss breathing heavier as I give her a smile and trace her cheek with my fingers.

I love that she doesn't flinch from me anymore. That she seeks my touches out now instead of me always having to make the first move. I love the feel of her soft fingers when they gently touch my skin and I want more. I want to feel what it would be like to have those caresses everywhere on my skin. I want to see how deep that flush goes down her body. I want to watch her fall apart for me and call my name in pleasure. But only when she is ready. I will not push her even if my body sometimes disagrees.

I can feel her own need and want growing in her as well. I can see it in her eyes. But this is something that I need to let her lead me on. I am not always perfect. Sometimes I still startle her and I see that moment of panic in her eyes before she realizes she is safe. I am not willing to risk doing anything that would make her fear me. I am not willing to take the next step until she leads me to it.

Emmett's words from months ago still play through my mind sometimes. I'm pretty sure Bella has no idea about our conversation that took place while she was cooking that night. I'm certain that if she did she would probably kick Emmett in the shin and yell at him for it if she did. Make no mistake though, I took Emmett's words seriously then and I take them seriously now. As they played in my mind again I pull her close to me again and just hold her.

I can't understand how anyone would want to hurt anyone like that but especially to hurt someone as amazing as she is. How could anyone mark her skin? How could he want to break her beautiful spirit? It hurt and angers me that she had to go through that. I lean down and give her another kiss on her soft lips to drive those thoughts from my mind.

"I should go, Sweetness. It's getting late" Her voice is breathless as she looks at me.

I take in the sight of her, drinking her in with my eyes. I love the way she looks after our kisses. She is flushed and even more beautiful, her eyes darkened and her lips slightly swollen from intensity of our mouths working together..

"How about we go out to dinner on Friday night?" I suggest.

She looks at me and I see the flash of panic before it was gone and she nods with a smile "I would like that, Edward"

I hate that flash of fear that is there every time we make plans to go out. I hate that she is afraid to do simple things that people do everyday but I am so proud of her because she does them. She faces her fears every single day and she fights to live her life as normally as she can. It's at this moment, looking at her that I realize just how deeply in love I am with her. How I can't stand the thought of a future without her in it. This thought astounds me as it hits me like a freight train. I want to tell her so badly but I'm worried of scaring her away so I say silent.

"Edward?" Her soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I run my fingers nervously through my hair with an awkward chuckle.

"Yeah, sorry, I must be more tired than I thought. So, Friday, I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Okay" She gives me that sweet shy smile again.

"Goodnight, Beautiful" I have to give her one more kiss before I let her leave. "You'll let me know once your home safe baby?"

"Of course I will, Sweetness, I always do" She smile and gives me another kiss before slipping out of my door.

I watch her as she walks the small distance to her car. I am aware of every movement outside and ready to dash out there if I need to. I would have preferred to walk her to her car but she would tell me I'm being silly and it's only a short distance. I do my best not to smother her in any way because I know just how much she has fought for her freedom.

I sigh as she drives out feeling a tugging sensation in my heart as she gets further and further away from my arms.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

On Friday night I find myself walking up the sidewalk to Bella's door for our date. My breath catches as she opens the door before I can knock She wearing a simple white dress with black crochet overlay and a small white bow that ties around her small waist and a simple pair of black heels. She looks stunning with her hair down in soft curls framing her face.

"Hey, Beautiful. Ready to go?" I smile at her and she rewards me with one of her own.

"I am" She grabs her jacket and I help her on with it. She then grabs her small purse and takes my hand as we walk to the car.

"You look fantastic"

"Thank you" she blushes "You look so handsome tonight"

I smile at her compliment. She once let it slip that she loves when I wear suspenders so I try to wear them for her often. I open her car door for her. closing it after she is in and then walking around to my side and climbing in. "Italian okay for tonight?"

"Sounds wonderful" She answers and we set off. I'm looking forward to a great meal and some quality time with my girl.

Dinner has been fantastic. The food is great. And even better than that Bella is happy and laughing as I tell her all of my cheesy jokes. I love to hear her laugh and did my best to make it happen as often as possible. There is nothing like the sound of Bella when she is happy. It is my goal to make her as happy as often as I can.

I am just about to ask her if she wants to order dessert when I watch her stiffen in her chair. Her whole body goes tense and her skin drains of color. Her fingers grip the edge of the table and she lets out a barely audible whimper. I don't even have time to react as a man walks up to our table and I know instantly who this is.

_"This is Jacob."_

"Isabella" His voice sneers and I watch my beautiful girl tremble and fall apart before my eyes. Under the table my hand clenches in fist as I feel hatred rage run through me toward this man.

There are many things I would like to do in this moment. I would love to get up from this table and hit him. I would love to say a lot of things to tell him exactly what I think of him. But my first priority is to get Bella away from him. To get Bella safe. Bella is always my priority.

So I choose to stand up and take the step over to Bella holding out my hand for hers and I keep my voice soft and steady as I address only her not even glancing up at Jacob Black. I am trying to get her to look up at me and not at her lap. I want her eyes focused on me. I want her to know that I will keep her safe at all costs.

"Ready to go, Bella?"

She looks up at me and it breaks my heart to see her looking like this. That same frightened broken woman I first met months ago comes back in a single moment. She nods silently placing her hand in mine and I can feel her shaking as stands. I place my arm around her waist holding her close to my body trying to give her comfort and because I'm afraid she might faint on me. I walk her as fast as we can to the front of the restaurant. I know this much about Jacob, he won't cause a scene that could potentially show him in a bad light.

I hurriedly explain to the hostess there is an emergency and we need to leave as I give her my card. She takes care of it quickly and I get Bella out of the restaurant and into the car. Bella is shaking and whimpering softly as I place her into the car. Her eyes aren't quite focused and she appears to be in a bit of shock. I debate what to do next and decide my place is closer.

I watch her carefully as I drive. She seems to be calming down a little. She is still taking deep breaths and ghostly pale. When we get to my apartment, I quickly get us out of the car and inside locking the door behind me and gathering her into my arms and bringing her over to the couch. I pull her into my lap as I sit down. She curls herself up small. She is so tiny I can wrap my arms around her entire body when she is folded up like this and that is what I do, rocking us a bit as she starts to cry.

"I'm...so...sorry" She says through her sobs. The sound of the tears in her voice breaks my heart.

"Shhhh, Bella, it's okay, it's not your fault" I rub her back wishing I knew what I could do to make this better, to take away this pain and fear that I can feel coming from her "It's okay Beautiful, you did nothing wrong"

"But...but...he ruined dinner...oh this is my fault..I'm so sorry" She hiccups a little with her sob. I take her face into my hands as gently as I can hold her and look into her eyes. Her face is tear-stained but still beautiful. I lean in gently kissing away the tears on her cheeks one by one.

"No, Bella" My voice is gentle but firm. "This is not your fault, this is his fault" I pull her tight to me again. "It's okay sweet girl, none of this is your fault. You're safe now, I promise, you're safe"

"He's never going to stop coming after me" She buries her face against my chest and I just continue to hold her. "He will never leave me alone and I've dragged you into it all as well."

"You didn't drag me into anything Love. I want to be here with you. I'm not going anywhere unless you send me away." I remind her again and I will say it as many times as she needs to hear it.

Bella goes silent then with more tears. All I can do now is hold her and try to comfort her. I know she needs to cry so I don't try to hush her. I let her get it all out.

I don't know how long we sit here but eventually I realize that she's fallen asleep. I don't want to wake her up to take her home. I don't want her alone tonight anyway. I sit and think about this for a few minutes and finally I make a decision. I carefully stand up shifting her in my arms to carry her as I head towards my room. I pull the covers back on my bed and lay her carefully down on it. I want to make her more comfortable but I don't feel right removing any clothing especially given the ordeal tonight. I just tucked in the covers around her.

I go to my dresser and grab a t-shirt along with some pajama pants. I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth before changing and turning out the light. I grab an extra blanket for myself and I lay on top of the covers pulling her close to me to hold her in my arms. Her warm body curls up into my side and I think about how right this feels. I want to feel this way every night. To feel her in bed with me, curled up as we go to sleep.

I sigh. _"All in good time. I hope." _I drift into sleep hoping that it won't scare her when she wakes up and realizes she isn't in her bed and that I'm here.

I wake with a start, disoriented for a moment before I hear the sound that woke me up again. Bella is whimpering and crying in her sleep. I move to touch her, to wake her up when she let out a short scream and her eyes fly open. She starts to cry in earnest now. I wrap my arms around her and croon soft words of comfort into her ear, telling her I'm here, she's safe and he won't hurt her.

I glance at the clock and notice it's only been about two hours since we fell asleep. She finally calms down, her tears subsiding and her body quits shaking. She finally seems to realize where we are. Bella pulls back and looks at the bed and then at me a little questionably but she doesn't look upset by it. I just tell her the truth.

"I didn't want you to be alone tonight so I just kept you here with me" I watch her face carefully for any reaction.

"Oh, okay...thank you" She blushes a little and moves to untangle herself from the covers but succeeds in doing the opposite.

"Where are you going?" I ask confused and a little hurt. "Does she want to go home? Did I screw this up by keeping her here with me?" Her voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I need some water please" She asks quietly

"Okay, Beautiful" I try not to sound as relieved as I feel. "Why don't you stay here and I'll go grab you some okay?" She nods a little looking shy but she doesn't move to get out of the bed. "Would you like something more comfortable to sleep in?" I ask quietly.

She thinks for a moment and then nods again "Yes please, maybe one of your t-shirts?"

I smile at the thought of her wearing one of my shirts and go get one for her. "You change while I get your water" I set the shirt on the bed and head to my kitchen for her water.

When I get back to the bedroom she's changed, her dress draped over a chair and she's under the covers sitting up wearing my t-shirt looking lovely and shy as I hand her the glass. She drinks some and then sets it on the table beside her and starts to settle down in the pillows again as I move to the other side of the bed. She looks exhausted and I wonder if she has ever slept a full night since she met him. The thought again makes me feel angry. He has taken so much from her. As I start to lay down her soft voice stops me.

"Edward, would you...I mean...could you sleep under the covers with me and hold me while I sleep...please? I feel so much safer with you..." She trails off and her voice trembles; she looks down as she makes her request.

"Of course" I answer. I want nothing more as I climb under the covers with her and pull her close to me carefully. He body curves into my side and she rests her head against my chest with a little sigh, her hand resting on my stomach.

"Thank you for being so good to me, Sweetness" She murmurs and I can tell that she is falling back asleep.

"You deserve it, Bella, I like being good to you" I answer her honestly as I rub her lower back gently feeling her slip into sleep. She thinks I'm being good to her. She has no idea how just being in my life makes it all the better. I feel like what I give to her is only a fraction of all that she gives to me.

I can feel her gentle breath through my t-shirt as she sleeps. Her body is warm and curled into my side and it strikes me that she fits perfectly there. She was made to sleep in this very spot. I was made to hold her all night long.

It takes me a little while to fall back into my sleep. My mind thinks of how she woke up, the look on her face of pure terror from the nightmare she had. My arms tighten just a bit around her hoping to drive away any more bad dreams tonight. Eventually I fall into a deep sleep with my girl that I love in my arms.

_**BPOV**_

I sit back in my office chair and gaze out the window at my backyard not wanting to concentrate on work today.

It's been a few weeks since that night we went to dinner when Jacob showed up. Since then Edward and I had grown even closer. When Edward suggested going out again I was terrified. Then he did something that Edward rarely ever does. He didn't let it go, he gently persuaded me to try. He reminded me that he would be there with me, that if Jake showed up then we would simply leave but he would never let him hurt me. He told me that he wouldn't push me if I had my mind made up but he hoped that just because my ex decided to be a jackass that I wouldn't let that stop me from doing what I wanted to do.

I realized that he was right. I was falling into the pattern of wanting to hide away in my house again and not go out because Jake might be there. I was letting him win again. I didn't want that. I agreed that we should go out and was rewarded with the most brilliant of smiles and a kiss that left me breathless.

We have stayed home more than our pattern had been. But we've been out twice since and while I was more tense and on constant alert it had all been okay and I was slowly relaxing again. Realizing that even if he did show up, it was as Edward pointed out, he wouldn't do anything. He won't cause an actual scene that will make him look bad. Thankfully, he hadn't shown up and I had managed to have a good time on our dates.

I smile to myself as I think about what else had happened since that night. When I had first woken up in his arms that night I had been confused. As soon as I realized where I was though, I had felt immediately safe. I loved sleeping in his arms. When the nightmares had started again he held me and comforted me. He didn't stop them completely; but him being with me stopped me from having my panic attacks and had let me go back to sleep.

Waking up with him had been so incredible. I had woken up first, feeling his warm body next to mine and I felt no fear only happiness. I watched him sleep until he woke up with a sleepy smile giving me good morning kisses and making me giggle.

Since that night, on the nights we saw each other we stayed together. It was an unspoken thing between us. At some point without any real thought on either of our parts some of my things had ended up at his place and some of his things had ended up at mine. I looked forward to our nights together more than ever now. There is nothing like going to bed and waking up with Edward. I want to do it for the rest of my life.

I finally pull my thoughts back to my work hurriedly finishing up so I can start working on supper for tonight. I want to make him my spaghetti with fresh sauce and pasta.

Later that night ,the movie that we put in is long forgotten. We are lost in each other as kisses become more heated and frantic between us. His hands feel so good as he slides them up my stomach and cups my breasts through my shirt. Even through the cotton of the shirt and lace of my bra I can feel the heat from their touch and I moan.

I'm not quite sure how I ended up being on his lap straddling him but if he's not complaining neither am I. I moan softly as he pulls his lips away from mine to breath and they move to my neck. He brushes my hair out-of-the-way as he begins to lick and suck softly against my skin and it makes the most amazing heat flash through me. Without thinking about it, my hips rock forward against his and he groans. I can feel his own desire underneath me and it sends a shiver up my spine as images of us making love flash through my mind.

He pulls his head up and my eyes meet his. He brings his hands to my sides and runs them up and down, grazing the sides of my breasts that feel swollen with need, causing me to whimper.

"I want to touch you tonight Bella. Will you let me? Can I make you feel good sweet girl?" His voice is husky, his eyes are almost pleading with me but he is leaving this choice solely up to me. My heart pounds in my chest and my mind screams.

_"YES"_

But all I can manage is a nod and a whimper.

_**EPOV**_

I feel like my heart is pounding so hard in my chest it's going to come out of it. My breathing is harsh and my body is pulsing as I watch her carefully for her answer. My hands are shaking just a bit. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything. I never intended to ask her. I wanted to let her lead but the words just slipped from my mouth before I could stop them and now they were out there.

_"God, she looks so beautiful. Flushed and her lips swollen. Dark eyes. She is innocence and vixen all rolled into one and she has no clue. She has no clue what she does to me. How I want to spend hours just worshiping her body and making her feel good until she can't take anymore. How I want to show her with my touches and kisses all the words I'm afraid to say to her."_

The sound of her soft whimpers and moans are enough to leave my knees shaking. I can see her eyes dark and needy. I know she wants this but is she ready for it? She nods and whimpers but her eyes say far more than that to me. Her eyes tell me yes. Her eyes alone are enough to bring me to my knees because in them is nothing but trust for me. She trusts me enough to let me touch her and there are no words for how that makes me feel.

I kiss her again, my lips pressed hard against hers and my hands slide up into her thick brown hair, tangling in it as I pull her mouth against mine until we can't breathe and have to break apart again.

"Let's go to bed, Love" My voice is deep and I know she can see the lust in them. I watch as her tongue darts out to lick her lip and she nods again. I shift my hands, wrapping my arms around her as I stand up from the couch, cradling her in my arms as I walk back to her bedroom.

When we get there I set her gently on the bed and kneel in front of her. I lean in and kiss her again but softer this time. I make sure she is looking me in the eyes.

"Bella if you want me to stop at any time, you tell me okay? I will stop and I won't be upset with you. I swear I won't. I just want to make you feel good okay, Beautiful?"

Her voice is a mixture of a whisper and a moan. Her body is vibrating with need now and I can see it. "Yes, Sweetness. Please" She whimpers softly again sending a chill through me. "I want you to touch me. I want you to make me feel good."

I bring my hands up to her blue button up shirt and slowly undo the buttons one by one caressing her skin as I reveal it. I press soft kisses against her lips and murmur how beautiful she is. I gently nibble on her bottom lip getting another whimper from her as I push her now open shirt from her shoulders and pull it completely off of her.

I continue to kiss her as I bring my hands to her shoulders and brush my fingers down to her wrists and then back up. I can feel the goosebumps on her skin caused by my touch and it thrills me as her body responds. I brush my fingers over her collarbone in sweeps and then let my fingers trail down to between the valley of her breasts, just grazing over the soft plump swells.

I let my hand cup around them, feeling the lace separating me from her skin and I massage them gently. She lets her head fall back a little and she moans for me. Her nipples are hard and pressing through the thin lace, I let my thumbs find them and I brush them back and forth repeatedly over the hard buds. She cries out and lets out a shaky breath.

I lean in and press my lips to hers again as I slide my hands around to her back and find the clasp of her bra, undoing it and then gently pulling away the lace as I pull back from the kiss to look at her.

She blushes but doesn't hide herself from me. Her blush travels down her neck and to her chest making it even more spectacular. Her breasts are perfectly sized for my hands and I cup them again, letting my thumbs brush along the sides and she places her hands on the bed, leaning back on her arms a bit as she closes her eyes and moans.

I need to taste her skin. I lean in and kiss along her neck and make my way down to her chest. I lick over the swells of her breasts and then I kiss all the way around the right one. Licking and nibbling lightly as I work on the underside of it. My other hand continues to knead and massage her left breast as my lips travel over her skin. I don't miss a single inch of it. I save her nipple for last. Licking softly at first to gauge her reaction and when she cries out hoarsely asking for more I take it into my mouth and suck. I let my tongue play with it, pressing against it and moving it from one side to the other as my lips created sucking around it.

Bella's hips begin to writhe against the bed a little as I switch sides now. I take the same care with her left breast as I did with her right. Tasting every inch of her skin and by the time I pull my lips away from her nipple she is panting and moaning for me. Her eyes darker than I have ever seen them. In her desire she has lost her shyness for the moment and it is the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

I smile at her and lean up pressing my lips against hers in another heated kiss as my hands slide down to the waist of her jeans. I flick open the button and slide the zipper down and sit back a little as I grasp both the jeans and her panties underneath and slowly pull them down her legs revealing all of her to me.

She blushes, realizing she's completely naked and I am in awe. She has always been beautiful to me but completely nude she is absolutely fucking stunning.

She leans forward now and kisses me. Her fingers fumble a bit with the buttons of my shirt but she gets them undone and I help her by shrugging them off. She runs her fingers over my chest and I have to close my eyes. They are so hot against my skin and so good. I groan softly as she trails them down and traces her nails lightly over my abs. I feel her hesitantly undo my jeans and I open my eyes.

"Beautiful" I say softly in a deep husky voice that I don't even recognize as my own.

"Yes?" Her voice is breathy and excited.

"Lay back against the pillows for me Love?" I ask her. My tongue darts out to lick my lips.

She looks confused for a second but does as I ask. Laying back on the bed with the pillows under her head. Her hair fanned out a bit and looking every bit a goddess.

I stand up and unzip my jeans, pushing them down and stepping out of them but leaving my black boxer briefs on as I crawl on the bed and to her side. I dip my head and kiss along her neck, up to her ear where I nibble on her earlobe causing her to whimper and squirm for me.

"Just let me touch you tonight, baby. Just let me make you feel good. Please?" I whisper into her ear.

She looks at me a little confused again and bites her bottom lip. I want to take it from her teeth with my own and nibble on it again. I am pulled from my thoughts as her voice asks hesitantly.

"You don't want me to ...touch you?"

I could almost laugh if she didn't sound so unsure of herself. I wanted her to touch me more than I could express in words but tonight is not about me. Tonight is about her. Tonight is about me showing her that I will never hurt her when I touch her. That all I ever want to do is make her feel good.

"I want you to touch me, baby." I nibble on her ear again and she arches up a little from the bed with a moan. "Just not tonight. It's all about you tonight, Beautiful. And if you start touching me I will lose my focus because it will feel so good and I want all my focus on you. Okay?"

She nods shyly at me again and I work on placing kisses over her cheeks, down her small nose and finally I am kissing her lips again as I bring my hand to her chest. I trace my fingers over her skin in random patterns as I let my tongue slide into her mouth to deepen our kiss. I slowly let them slide to her stomach and she moans and arches up for more of my touch.

I play with the small dangling ring in her belly button and she whimpers and writhes. I never realized how sensitive a belly button is but I very much like it.

I let my hand slide down further. I brush my fingertips over her pelvis lightly but then move to her thighs. My lips move to her neck again and I'm licking and sucking along her sweet skin, Her sounds filling my ears and sending shivers down my spine. I brush my fingers up and down along her thighs, trailing them up along her inner thighs and then down tracing the outsides of them.

Her body moves on its own, letting her legs part for me which was my intention. I wasn't going to rush this. I want her body to respond to my touches, to ache for me. I keep these same deliberate sweeps along her thighs as my lips continue to kiss her neck. I pull a small bit of skin into my mouth and suck on it causing her to cry out my name and tremble softly. Her legs pushing apart more for me.

"Please...oh please" She whimpers and I can't resist her.

I bring my fingers to her wet fold and brush along them. She is absolutely soaking. Her body shakes with its need. My fingers gently part her swollen lips and run through them, I let the tips of my fingers brush over her clit and she cries out again. I bring my face up from her neck because I want to watch her.

I want to make sure she is okay with this first but even more than that I want to watch when she falls apart for me because I know there will be nothing on this earth more beautiful than that sight. My fingers travel down to her entrance and I circle them as her hips begin to move more. Pushing against me and asking for what she wants. I slowly slide one of my fingers into her pussy.

_"Holy fuck, she is so wet and tight. And her heat"_ I groan as I think of what it will feel like to someday be buried deep inside of her and I have to push those thoughts away lest they get away from me. _"Not tonight"_ I tell myself as I begin to pump my finger in and out of her slowly.

Her eyes are closed now and her back arched constantly as her hips push up to me. I add a second finger and she whimpers. Her mouth falling open as she begins to pant. Her legs bend, letting her feet rest flat on the bed. I commit this vision to memory in my mind, never wanting to lose it.

Her hips begin to move faster and I match her speed with my fingers. A moan escapes me because I can smell her arousal and I want to bury my tongue inside of her and lick and lap until she begs me to stop. I bet she tastes fantastic and I want to find out. _"But not tonight"_

My heart is pounding in my chest as I watch her build to her release. My fingers working in and out of her wet pussy fast now. I push them in harder now for her and she cries out.

"Yes. Edward...baby...yes!"

Her whole body is tense. It almost feels as if she's afraid to let go for me. I can feel her pussy gripping my fingers, the way her walls twitch. I can tell she is there but why isn't she falling off the edge for me?

I press my palm against her clit and grind it against the swollen nub as my fingers pump in and out of her. I lean down a bit and whisper to her.

"Let go, baby. Let me watch you. You are so fucking beautiful, Bella. Let me see this. Please baby"

And with my words she does. Her back arches high off of the bed and she lets out a strangled scream as her pussy clamps down on my fingers and she cums. It's fucking glorious to watch her fall apart surpassing every fantasy I've ever had. I want to spend the rest of my days making her fall apart for me over and over.

I keep my hand moving until she begins to come down and starts to become really sensitive. I know I could push her to another orgasm but I think tonight we've probably done enough. There will be plenty of time in the future for more pleasure.

I pepper kisses along her lips and whisper how gorgeous she is as I bring her down slowly feeling her body losing its strength. I pull my fingers from her slowly as I kiss her again. Finally I let her lay back against the pillows, panting and trying to recover. I can't help myself, I bring my glistening fingers to my mouth and lick them clean with a groan.

"I was right. She tastes heavenly" Is my only thought.

She blushes deep red and looks so shy as she watches me. I feel my heart swell with love for her. I lean in to kiss her hesitantly not sure if she will want to kiss me after I've licked my fingers of her juices. She surprises me and pulls me to her kissing me until I'm the one breathless this time. I grin and nuzzle my nose against hers.

"Are you sure you don't want me" She hesitates and looks so timid. "To return the favor, Sweetness?"

I kiss her again. "Not tonight Love. Next time though. I want you to touch me. More than I can say but tonight I just wanted to make you cum"

She blushes again and I excuse myself for a moment, going to the washroom. I breathe heavily as I lean against the door My dick so hard it's aching. I take it into my hand and it only takes me a moment before I'm cumming so hard I see spots in front of my eyes and groaning quietly as I think of how she looked at the peak of her orgasm.

I take a few more moments to come down and then clean up before I go back into her bedroom. She is sitting on the bed with her panties and just a tank top on. She smiles, biting her bottom lip and pulls back the covers for me to join her.

I don't bother with pajamas tonight, just my boxer briefs as I slide in next to her and pull her close. Holding her to me as she snuggles in and lays against my chest.

"I love you, Edward" Her voice is soft and then shocked. She looks terrified as she raises her head to look at me, like she can't believe those words just came from her mouth. I can see the panic welling up in her so I do the only thing I can think of to do.

I pull her to me again and kiss her with my all. When I finally break the kiss I look into her eyes and say the words I've longed to say for so long. "I love you, Bella"

She looks stunned and then she throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tight. My arms are still wrapped around her and I hold her to me, peppering kisses and whispering. "I love you, I love you, I love you" between them.

After a few more moments of kisses and I love you's from both of us we snuggle back in and she curls up against me again. The only thought in my mind as I fall into sleep that night is...

_She loves me too._

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Whew...is it hot in here or is it just me? Hit that little review button and let me know what you think.**_

_**Okay so I've gotten some of the same questions from a lot of people in private messages to me and that got me thinking that maybe all of you had these questions so I will try to answer them the best I can. You are always welcome to message me with questions though. I may not always answer them if I feel they will give away too much of the story but I will answer you and tell you why I won't answer.**_

_**Q. Is this really based on a true story?**_

_A. Yes. I have played with the dates a bit and there are some changes here and there to protect the real people or out of respect for their privacy but this is a true story. Every bit of abuse, healing, and learning to live again is truth. There is really a "Bella", "Edward", "Emmett". "Charlie", and "Angela". There was really a "Jacob" and he really did these horrible things. I can have a dark imagination at time but I don't even think I could come up with things as dark as this story is at time._

_**Q. Does the real person know you are writing her story?**_

_A. Absolutely. She knows and has given her full permission. She reads each chapter before I post them._

_**Q. Does Jacob just get away with all that he's done to Bella?**_

_A. No. We are still a little ways from it yet but I promise that Bella gets her justice._

_**Q. Is Bella really unable to adopt because of the history of domestic violence?**_

_A. Yes. Although there is now something else in her life that would prevent that as well she was told that it would be impossible for her to be approved for adoption because of the history with Jacob. They see it as a potential danger to the child._

_**Q. How long will this story be?**_

_A. When I originally wrote it, it was 22 chapters. As I re-edit and add to it I think it will end up somewhere around 27-30 chapters._

_**Q. Will we see more of Edward and Bella like we saw them in the glimpses of them in the future?**_

_A. Yes and No. I promise you will see their relationship though. You will see their wedding and you will see them as they are now in their lives. The real "Edward and Bella" are actually pretty private people so there is so much they are willing to let me share._

_**Q. Will we get to see some Edward and Bella lemons?**_

_A. Most certainly_


	18. Chapter 17: Bad Moon Rising

_**A.N. Hello to you all *waves cheerfully* I won't say much here as I know you are probably anxious to read but please read my longer note at the end. I know it's been awhile, I'm sorry. The good news is the next chapter is already written and with my beta, and the chapter after that is halfway written already.**_

_**If you didn't notice, I now have "Broken Bits and Pieces" up, where outtakes for this story will be posted. I also have a facebook page for my writing and the link is on my profile if you want to check it out. I'll post teaser and answer questions there.**_

_**Many thanks and hugs to my fantabulous beta Jae, who is keeping me from becoming too wordy, is the grammar Nazi I desperately need, and just an all around wonderful support to me and my story. **_

_81% of women who are stalked, are stalked by a current or former intimate partner and are or were physically assaulted by that partner. _

_The U.S. Department of Justice, _

_"The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report (pdf, 124 pages),", Black, M.C., K.C. Basile, M.J. Breiding, S.G. Smith, M.L. Walters, M.T. Merrick, J. Chen, and M.R. Stevens, Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011._

_The website "The Stalking Resource Center" _

_(Websites are available on my profile page)_

**Chapter Seventeen~ Bad Moon Rising**

**_BPOV_**

I can feel Edward beside me as I drift up into consciousness. The room is shadowy, warm with the morning sun filtering through the shades. I smile when I hear him sigh and I feel the mattress shift as he rolls over, towards me. I can tell by his breathing he isn't awake yet.

My eyes flutter open to see his handsome, strong, sweet face and it makes me smile again. I reach up with one hand, tracing my fingers along his cheek as I relive last night in my mind. I can't believe anything could feel that incredible. When he touched me, it felt like fire licking against my skin and I wanted more. He brought me higher than I had ever brought myself and when my orgasm finally found me, it felt like falling over a cliff. Only, instead of a hard landing, he was there to catch me.

Edward sighs again, mumbling something in his sleep before rolling over. A soft snore makes me giggle. My thoughts turn to something else that happened last night and I can't help frowning. He didn't want me to touch him. He said that he wanted to focus on me only, and it would distract him. Was that the truth, though?

Jacob's words haunt me and I close my eyes to block out their cruelty. How he used to say I could never satisfy a man. That no man in his right mind would want me to touch him. How I wasn't good enough for anything, not even what he gave me. How I was put on this earth to be a plaything and nothing else until he tired of me. That I am repulsive to look at, let alone touch. I push these thoughts back with everything I have, all the way to the back of my mind. I imagine putting them in a big trunk and slamming the lid shut on them, then padlocking it so they can't get out.

When I open my eyes again, I am startled to see bright green ones looking at me with concern.

"Bella?" His voice is rough from sleep and he looks a little afraid right now. "Baby..." he hesitates and I'm sure his voice shakes a little. "You look so deep in thought. You look sad. Was last night too much?" he whispers, biting the inside of his cheek.

"No," I whisper back. "No... I just...you said... you said you didn't want me to touch you last night so you weren't distracted.. Was that really the reason?" I choke on the flood of words, and at the same time I squirm a little away from his embrace, not wanting him to hold me if he doesn't want to.

Relief fills his eyes, but they look sad as he gently pulls me closer. "Yes, beautiful. I meant it. I wanted to focus on you last night, on your pleasure. If you touched me, I was worried I would get lost in mine. I wanted it to be all about you, love."

He very gently nudges his nose against mine and makes sure I'm looking at him before he kisses me. My body relaxes and I use my tongue to trace slowly along his bottom lip, asking permission to enter and smiling against his lips when I receive it. I hear his soft moan as our tongues tangle and our bodies move together to shift positions on the bed. I finally pull back, panting for breath, but I can't bear for my lips to be apart from his for long, so I'm back peppering kisses on them. I realize I am lying on my back and he is just to the side, almost hovering over me. I can feel his thick and hard erection pressing against my thigh and it makes my heart flutter excitedly.

"Beautiful," he dips his head lower to kiss me again. "I want you to touch me." He nips at my lips. "I need you to touch me." He kisses me, teasing and light, pulling back when I try to press my lips harder against his. I moan softly in the back of my throat as I feel his hips rock forward and he rubs his cock against my thigh.

"You have no idea how badly I want you, love, how much I want to feel your hands on me." His voice is low and full of desire. He dips his head and kisses along my neck. I let my fingers trace down over his scruffy, unshaven cheek as I tilt my head for him. I'm suddenly hit with a brief thought: Edward lying between my legs, rubbing his cheek up and down my inner thigh. I moan softly and shiver as I think of how that would feel. I'm pulled back from my distraction when he presses and rubs his erection against my thigh again. A soft moan escapes me and I can feel how badly he wants me, the way he desires me. He wants my hands on him, he wants me to make him feel good and just like that, I let go of my fears and doubts; I focus on Edward and the feelings between us.

My fingers slide down along his neck as he begins to lick and suck along my collarbone. I let my fingers trail over his chest and through his chest hair, loving the feel of it sliding through my fingers. I hear him groan and I smile as his lips move back up to my neck and he is kissing just below my ear. His breath is hot and ragged as I trail my hands down his abs, scraping my nails lightly over them to see if he likes the feeling. He hisses and curses softly in encouragement. I hesitate a moment before my hand slides lower and over his pelvis, brushing through the coarser hair. I let out a shaky breath and I hear Edward groan. He is holding his body almost completely still for me, but I can tell that it isn't easy. I can detect the tremor in his arms. His lips press harder against my skin as he licks and sucks around my pulse point. The sounds coming from him are a mixture of a whimper and a growl.

My confidence is buoyed by his reactions and I bring my hand to his cock, wrapping my fingers around his shaft. I tentatively stroke from base to tip and Edward shudders a little, murmuring something into my neck that I can't make out. I stroke back downward and then up to his head again, this time twisting my hand a little and letting my thumb rub over his slit. I spread the wetness leaking from him over the sensitive tip. I'm delighted, and a little smug that I bring another growl from him. I bring my other hand down as well, needing both to wrap completely around him. I link my fingers together and hold him tight against my palms. I can feel him twitch under my touch and he is breathing hard. My thumbs rub them back and forth against the pulsing vein on the underside of his shaft. He groans and whispers in a strangled voice, "Please."

"Move your hips, sweetness. Show me what you like. Please, baby?" I ask him. I want to learn how to please him... because I want to, not because I have to. This revelation startles me a little as the words come out of my mouth. I want to please him, I want to learn what makes him feel good, I want to give him pleasure and hear the sounds he makes for me. It's a heady feeling to know that I can make him feel these things, to hold him in my hands and see the desire and need in his eyes. I nudge his head to look at me, wanting to watch him as I pleasure him, wanting to see every emotion in them.

His eyes are dark and lustful."Grip me tighter, baby." He groans and I tighten my hands around him, keeping my thumbs rubbing against the vein in a zigzag pattern. "Yes," he hisses.

He begins to move for me now, lifting his body slightly to position it better and then thrusting his hips forward before rocking them back. His cock slides through my hands and when I have just the head of him in my grip, I rub over his slit again with my thumbs. His head drops and he groans with his eyes closed and he starts a rhythm sliding through my linked hands.

My breath catches and my eyes dart down along our bodies where I can watch what we are doing. He uses long strokes, pulling himself almost completely out of my grip before thrusting back into it. I can't help the shudder that runs through me as I think about how he would feel inside of me.

"Bella," he groans and pulls my attention back to his face. His eyes are now open and he's watching me. "Baby, you make me feel so good. God, your hands are so hot, so soft, so... incredible." He is moaning and grunting constantly now. He begins to thrust through my hands harder, chasing his orgasm. I twist my hands one way and then the other to give more feeling to him. He growls and it is the sexiest sound I have ever heard. My name becomes a chant and his eyes close again.

"Bella, Bella, Bella."

I can feel his muscles tight and twitching; it's the most incredible sight I have ever seen. He curses under his breath and I feel him twitch violently against my palms, feel the warm liquid covering my hand.

His body goes still as he releases, arched in pleasure and I am mesmerized by the sight of it. I keep my hands moving around him, trying to give him every bit of pleasure that I can. He moans my name again and his body collapses against my side. I release him from my grasp and whimper at its loss.

His breath is ragged and harsh as he pulls me to him and kisses me soundly. "My God, baby. There are no words." He kisses me again. "I need to invent new words for how that felt." He keeps me held close to him as he lays on his back trying to catch his breath. I giggle, quietly and proudly.

After a few moments he opens his eyes again to look at me with an almost shy smile. "You are so beautiful, Bella," he whispers, kissing me softly and I can't help but smile at his smirk. "And we are a sticky mess," He murmurs, beaming at my giggle. "Take a shower with me, love?"

I smile and nod, my shyness returning. He slides out of bed and reaches over, scooping me up. "Edward, I am capable of walking, you know," I laugh.

"I know, I just want you in my arms." He kisses my nose and grins.

When we get to the bathroom, he sets me on the counter and turns on the shower to let the water run warm. He offers me his hand with a little bow making me to giggle again. I slide off the counter and walk over to the shower with him. He allows me to step in first and then follows. I feel the heat of his body behind mine as he presses close, wrapping his arms around my waist. I lean back against him with a sigh as he begins to place kisses along my neck. The water falling over us is warm but it's him that is causing the heat to flood through me.

His voice is husky as he whispers into my ear. "You don't really think I'm going to just let you give me pleasure like that without reciprocating, do you, beautiful?"

I shiver. "I wanted to. I wanted to make you feel as good as you made me feel last night, sweetness." I whimper as I feel his hands slide up to cup my breasts, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples.

"You did, my love. Believe me when I tell you, beautiful, that it is for purely selfish reasons that I want to do this. There is nothing better than the sight of you in pleasure." He gives my hardened peaks a light pinch that makes me weak at the knees and and a moan escapes me. He turns me around in his arms to face him and then spins us so that the water is falling on his back.

"Beautiful, I would gladly spend every day of my life giving you pleasure, over and over." His lips are against mine again, the kiss is tender but insistent, making my head spin. I whimper into his mouth as he backs me up slowly and I feel my back against the cool wet tiles of the wall. The next thing I know, he is kneeling in front of me and he nuzzles against my center. I close my eyes and moan softly as I feel him lightly touching the most sensitive part of me. I look down at him to watch he run his lips across my pubic bone. It feels like he's brushing a soft feather against my skin, making my body shiver and writhe for more.

"I love that you're bare." He brushes his lips over my skin again. "So soft and smooth. God, baby, you have no idea how much it turns me on." His eyes are dark as he looks up at me. "You smell good enough to eat." His voice is laced with gentle teasing but I can hear the desire behind it. I feel the thrill of excitement and a bit of fear. Not of him, but because I've never had this done to me before. His eyes look into mine and he whispers, "Can I kiss you here, my Bella? Can I see if you taste as sweet as you smell?"

All I manage is a whimper and a nod in response. Edward turns his face and kisses along my inner thigh as my head falls back. The thoughts from a bit ago come to life and I love the feel of his slightly scratchy cheeks. It feels like velvet brushing against my sensitive skin a little roughly, but in a good way. It makes my legs shaky. His piercing green eyes look up at me as he caresses my leg from thigh down to ankle. He places a soft kiss on the inside of my ankle and then drapes my leg over his shoulder, opening my body to him. He leans in and draws a deep breath before his tongue darts out to lick against my wetness.

I cry out, my back arching against the tiles. His hands slide up to hold my waist, and I'm grateful for the support. I don't think my trembling legs will hold me up.

"You taste incredible."

That is the last thing I hear. All I can focus on is the feel of his tongue lapping through my folds. His tongue is flat and moving in strong strokes over my slit and then he uses the tip of his tongue to tease the hard and swollen nub. He is making me make sounds I didn't even know I was capable of; I'm going crazy in the best way possible. He teases me with his tongue until I'm begging. I'm not even sure what I'm begging for, it's just a torrent of words falling from my mouth. The coil in my stomach is curling tighter and tighter and I feel like I'm chasing something powerful. My hands find purchase in his hair, tugging on it, trying to get him closer and my hips push up and grind against his mouth.

He slides two fingers inside me and begins to pump them; his other hand is still holding my waist firmly. He moves his tongue to my clit and begins lapping fast at it. My head is thrashing from side to side and I can hear myself calling his name over and over. When he finally takes it into his mouth and sucks, I tumble over into the abyss of pleasure, crying out for him as he greedily laps up my juices, making sure not to miss a single drop.

My knees are weak and I'm grateful for his hand holding my waist firmly because it's the only thing holding me up right now. He finally moves his face away from my center when I whimper because it's becoming too much. He lets my leg fall from his shoulder gently and stands up, pulling me to him and kissing me hard. My tongue pushes into his mouth to taste myself and I make a soft throaty sound in response. We finally break apart, both breathing hard and he dips his head down to look into my eyes. "I love you so much, Bella. Thank you for giving me this part of you, for trusting me with your body, sweet girl."

His words astound me and all I can do is wrap my arms around his neck and whisper, "I love you so much, Edward." We finish our shower together with quiet smiles and words of love, taking time to wash each other's bodies and stealing kisses until we run out of hot water.

We are quietly dressing for the day when I turn to Edward with a smile. "What do you feel like doing today, baby?"

He leans against the dresser in thought for a moment. "I have an idea, beautiful. It's nice outside, so how about we start with brunch and then go play mini golf?" He grins at me and I see his eyes sparkling at the idea.

I feel the brief second of fear when he mentions going out, but then it's gone and I feel excitement. "That sounds perfect, sweetness." I finally locate the shirt I'm looking for in my closet and pull it on, buttoning it up as Edward takes the few steps over to me.

His hand comes up to cup my cheek tenderly and he looks into my eyes. "Are you okay with everything we've done, Beautiful? It hasn't been too much for you?"

I shake my head. "No," I blush, feeling shy. "It's been incredible."

He smiles in response. "You're incredible, love." He leans down and gives me a sweet, chaste kiss and then smiles. "Ready to go, then?"

I nod and smile back, taking his hand as we head downstairs and out the door.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

My eyes focus on the small windmill. I catch the rhythm of the moving blade and I line up the putter with the small white ball. My eyes narrow and I focus on hitting that ball so that it goes down the green path, through the moving blades of the windmill, to the other side and into the hole. I start to pull my arms back to take my shot when I feel the warm breath on my neck and the kiss just below my ear that sends shivers up my spine.

"Have I told you how sexy you are, Bella?" Edwards voice is low and warm and I feel his fingers travel up my side and graze ever so lightly along the side of my breast, eliciting another small shiver from me.

"Edward!" I turn and try to glare at him but he looks back at me innocently.

"What? I shouldn't tell you how beautiful you look? How sexy you are?" His lips twitch and his eyes sparkle with mischief, though I know he is sincere in his words.

"Not when the only reason you're doing it is so you can win at mini golf!" I huff a little but still blush pink at his compliment.

"What?" He widens his eyes, trying to look innocent. "How could you even accuse me of such a thing?" Now he tries to look hurt, but his eyes give him away - they are dancing in laughter. "I just wanted to tell you how incredible I think you are, how beautiful, just wanted to be closer to you, and you accuse me of doing it to cheat?"

"Yes" I nod emphatically "You've been doing it this whole game. Every time I go to take a shot, you feel the need to kiss me, grab my ass," I shake said ass a little, trying not to laugh as I tease him. "Or just lean in to tell me how pretty or sexy I am."

Edward steps closer to me now, his hand sliding around my waist and pulling me to him as his head dips down and his lips find mine in a kiss. My body automatically curves a little as my back arches, pressing myself to him. I drop the putter and my arms wind around his neck. When he pulls away gently, I'm a bit breathless and light headed but then I remember what I was saying. I take a step forward, forcing him to step back. I keep doing this until he's about seven steps away from where I was standing and look up at him with narrowed eyes, trying to hide my laughter and appear serious.

"Now you just stay right here, mister. Quit distracting me with your lips and words and fingers..." I trail off and shake my head to clear the naughty thoughts, even as Edward smirks at me, knowing full well what I'm thinking.

I huff, scooping up the dropped putter to take the shot, feeling flustered and warm. Naturally I miss and I hear a quiet chuckle behind me. I don't even bother to turn around. I make it through the windmill on the second shot and as we both move to step around to finish this hole. Edward's arm slides around my waist and pulls me close, kissing my temple with another chuckle.

"I don't know why you are accusing me that distracting you is a form of cheating when I'm already winning, beautiful."

I look up at him and I'm at a loss for a comeback because he's right: he is winning. "Well, that's just... I mean... that's beside the point." I think I stomp my foot a little when Edward laughs loudly and I can't help but join him. I feel so good today; it's warm and sunny out and we've been having such a fun time playing the game. We finish the hole, Edward of course only needing one shot to do it, while I take another two. I giggle and make a face at the damn ball for not going where I wanted it to.

I'm about to take my first shot at the last hole. Edward is finally behaving himself and leaving me alone to take it without distraction, when I hear it: that loud, deep laughter that sets every fiber of my being on edge. I know that laughter; how many times have I heard it through the years, laughing as he tortured me? My head jerks up and around, my body tense and frightened as I try to find him.

"Bella?" Edward is immediately at my side."What is it, baby? What's wrong?"

My eyes scan the crowd of people playing, but I don't see Jacob anywhere. My body refuses to relax though as I slowly turn back to look at Edward. My voice has a slight tremble in it when I answer him.

"Nothing. I heard something and I thought..." I shake my head again and turn back to the ball.

Edward stands there for a moment, looking at me, looks around at the area around us before looking at me again. "Do you want to go?"

I shake my head, trying to rid my body of paralysing fear. "No, we're almost done. Let's finish this game."

I look back at him and he studies my face for a moment before stepping back to let me take the shot. I land this one perfectly, a hole in one, but I am just thankful that the game is over. I want to leave now. I can't get the sound of that laugh out of my head and I'm gripping my putter so tightly that my knuckles are white with the fear coursing through my body.

Edward quickly takes his shot and comes over to take my hand. He looks at me, concerned. "Let's go, beautiful. Come on, we'll stop on the way home for a movie." His voice is quiet, trying to distract me, though I know he is also on full alert. I nod in response, not trusting myself to speak.

We turn in our putters and he holds me close to him as we walk to the car. His hand rubs up and down my arm soothingly, but my body won't relax. I can't shake the fear running through me and it's making my body feel like a tightly wound wire about to snap. Edward gives me another concerned look as he slides into the driver's seat, but I look out my window instead of looking back at him. We pull out of the parking lot and my breathing freezes in my chest when see it: the grey Cadillac Escalade with the police badge decal in the lower left corner of the rear window that I would know anywhere.

_**Jacob is here. **_

The drive back to my house is quiet as my thoughts swirl in my mind. When I finally speak, my voice is hollow and quiet. "He's never going to leave me alone. What am I going to do? Every day you are with me, you're in danger, Edward." I can feel him glance at me and I feel the knot in my stomach tighten and grow.

"Bella... Sweetheart, I told you: the only way I will go is if you tell me to. I know the risks. I accept them. I want to be with you, baby. I will protect you, I swear I will."

I feel the tears begin to fall on my cheeks and I can't hold them back anymore. I angrily swipe at them with my hand and suddenly feel exhausted. I feel the car pull over to the side of the road. Edward undoes his seatbelt and reaches over, undoing mine to pull me over into his lap. He cradles me in his arms as I continue to cry. My body is racked with my sobbing and it all comes out; the despair that I am never going to be free of him, the hopelessness that threatens to consume me because I will always have to live looking over my shoulder. I cry until my throat feels raw and dry. I continue to cry even when there are no more tears left to fall because I've used them all up.

"It's okay, beautiful. It will all work out somehow, you'll see. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice in my ear is soft and soothing.

"I hate living my life like this!" My voice is scratchy and sounds loud in the car.

"I know, my love," is Edward's reply.

_**EPOV**_

I hold my crying girl in my arms as we sit on the side of the road. I wish I could find the right words to comfort her, to make it better, but there are none. The only thing that can make it better for her is if Jacob Black is no longer alive. I am seething inside. Because of him, a day that should have been wonderful and fun is tainted. Because of him, instead of laughing and teasing, my Bella is crying and upset. I rub her back soothingly and try to give her comfort until she is calm. She eventually slides away from me and back into the passenger seat. I fight the urge to stop her from moving away from me, wanting to keep her in my arms. I wait until I am sure she is not going to break down again before I buckle my belt and watch her do the same. As I pull out back on the road, I take her hand in mine and rub circles against the back of it with my thumb. I glance out of the corner of my eye and can tell she is tired.

Any run in with Jacob leaves her tired. It takes every ounce of her strength not to curl up in a ball and cower when he shows up somewhere we are. Another reason for me to want to hurt him. My jaw clenches a little, my hand gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles are white. I relax slowly, not wanting Bella to see. I am very careful with my reactions around her, especially when they deal with my anger toward her ex-husband. I watch how she jumps like a rabbit when someone becomes too loud, when something accidentally falls on the floor and makes a loud noise. The way she hides her eyes when a scene in a movie or television show become too violent or has anything to do with abuse. I don't ever want something I do to be a reason she flinches or looks afraid.

I love her beyond what I had ever imagined being able to love another person. The goodness and compassion she has, in spite of all that she has been through, astounds me. I am inspired by the small woman in the seat beside me, she makes me take another look at things and,look beyond just the surface of what I see. She makes me more aware of all that is going on around me and inspires me to want to help where I can. She makes me want to be a better man, for myself and for her.

Jacob Black has been around more than Bella knows. I occasionally get threatening phone calls telling me to stay away from her, always from an untraceable number. More than once, I have found evidence that someone has been in my yard, though I am certain they haven't been in my house. When Bella started coming over more, I installed a good security system. It had never really been an issue for me, but I knew it would be now. More importantly, I know it will make Bella feel safer about staying over.

The only times the red rose is left on my car is when I'm out with Bella. Otherwise, I find a dead one. It's tiring and it pisses me off. He is playing fucking childish games of cat and mouse. He isn't going to scare me away from her, no matter how much he tries. I know he's followed me on more than one occasion. He knows where I live and work, but I'm not afraid of him: I know he won't come after someone he knows he has no power or advantage over. He will play his little games, but he won't come after me. Just once, I wish he would, though.

I only wish that he'd play these games with me, that he'd leave my girl alone, but that isn't the case. I hate what he does to her, what he did and continues to do. I hate the fear that wells up in her eyes and the way she trembles. She has been doing so well, has made so much progress. His despicable games knock her right back down.

I pull up to Bella's house and sigh. The spell of our wonderful day has been broken and I know it, but I can't think of a way to salvage it. I take her hand as we get out of the car and walk up the front walk. Once inside, I lead her to the couch and let her curl up beside me. I know it's only a matter of time before she falls asleep. She always does; it's like the emotional toll of her emotions and memories of the past becomes too much and she has to shut down for a bit of time. My anxiety soars when I see her defeated and exhausted: she is so strong, but how much can one person take before they crack?

I can tell by her demeanor that she doesn't want to talk right now. We kick off our shoes and she curls up tighter into my side. She is shivering so much, her teeth are chattering and she is shaking against me. I grab the blanket from the back of the couch and wrap it around her, rubbing her back as I feel her begin to nod off. I grab the remote and search until I find something somewhat interesting to watch as I let my girl sleep. It's very likely the only sleep she will get today. Tonight, the nightmares will return. They always do when something like this happens. It breaks my heart to hear her crying and pleading for help. It feels like I'm being ripped in half when she begs for mercy, swearing that she will be good, just please don't hurt her anymore. I wish she could dream me into her nightmares. I wish I could swoop in and rescue her.

The most frightening times for me, is when she is in so deep that I can't wake her up right away, when she is trapped so deeply in her memories that I can't pull her out immediately. When she finally does wake up, it takes her a few moments to realize it's me. I can't hold her during those times because she fights, not realizing she's safe. The worst part of all is the guilt and shame that fill her eyes and flood through her once she is conscious enough to realize it's me and not Jacob she's fighting against. I do the only thing I know to do in those times: I pull her close and tell her what she means to me. I tell her that she is safe, that I'm not leaving, that I won't let him hurt her again.

I am pulled from my thoughts by a knock at the door. I glance down to check that Bella is sound asleep and gently untangle myself from her. Opening the door reveals Emmett standing on her front porch. I make a motion with my hand to usher him in and bring my finger to my lips to be quiet, nodding my head toward the couch where Bella sleeps. He can see by the way she is curled up, that her face is still a little blotchy from her earlier crying that she fell asleep upset and looks to me for an answer. I only have to say one word for him to understand.

"Jacob."

Suddenly, Emmett changes before my eyes. He looks about ten years older than he is and exhausted. He and Bella don't really look alike, except when they are tired. The same weariness shows in their eyes. He moves to one of the chairs and sits down heavily. I look at him in concern before making a quick trip to the kitchen. I grab two beers and make my way back to the living room. I hand Em one and he gives me a small grateful smile, pulling off the top and taking a long pull. I sit back down on the couch gingerly so as not to wake Bella, gently maneuvering her so she is once again curled up and laying halfway on me.

We sit for a few minutes before Emmett breaks the silence. "He's getting worse, you know. He's... escalating, I believe is the right term." I nod in agreement. "He's planning something. I don't know what, but it's going to be bad. He will come after her, I have no doubt about that now."

I sigh. "I know. I can feel it. It's like watching a storm roll in over a lake," I mutter. "I don't know what to do, though, how to protect her. You know that she hides things from you and me, Em; you know there are things he's done that we don't know about. She never lies to us, but she leaves out things. She refuses to tell me what they say when she gets the phone calls, for example." I run a hand through my hair, tugging a little in frustration.

"I know. The problem is he is fucking smart. He always stays just this side of the law. And he has the whole fucking police force on his side, convinced that Bella is crazy. They laugh in her face when she calls them, did you know that? They come out because they have to and they tell her that it's all in her mind. They tell her she should 'go back home where she belongs'." Emmett sneers the last of his words , his mouth twisting in disgust. He takes another long pull from his bottle, draining it.

"I hate him." My voice is low and savage and Em looks up at me. "I mean, really fucking hate him, Emmett. I hate what he's done to her. I know she has made so much progress, but I watch her. You know she is never really comfortable when she's around people, especially when it's a group of more than three or four." He nods a little, his eyes telling me to go on. I realize I can talk to him, I mean really talk to him. He will understand better than anyone why I feel the way I do.

"It kills me sometimes to watch her. She flinches and cowers when someone laughs too loud, for fuck's sake." I can feel my anger building in me as the words come pouring out. "Her eyes are always darting around looking for him. Her body is tense and I'm afraid she is going to pass out on me... She hyperventilates when the terror hits her. And her eyes," I have to close my own at the images and I realize I've gripped Bella tighter to me. I don't want to wake her so I loosen my grip again and take some deep calming breaths before I continue speaking.

"Her eyes hold all of her terror. It can bring me to my knees when I see that look in her eyes. But she holds it all in most of the time. She doesn't want anyone, including me, to know how scared she is. She tries to be so strong for everyone. She doesn't want people to know the war inside of her, but I see it, I _feel_ it." My voice cracks slightly and I feel my body slump a little on the couch as my anger becomes sadness.

"Every time we do something new in our relationship, she gets scared and doubts herself." I tread carefully here. Emmett has become a friend, but Bella is still his sister and I know there is only so much he wants to know when it comes to this. There is also only so much I am willing to share. "She is afraid that I will see her how she sees herself. She's afraid I'll leave because I can't handle it or because I tire of her."

My eyes meet his. "Neither of which is true. I will only go when Bella tells me to leave, Emmett. I will never tire of her. I will never give up on her and I will never stop trying to make her see how beautiful and incredible she is. I will spend every day of my life trying to get her to see herself as she really is and not what that asshole made her believe of herself." I practically spit out the last words as my anger at Jacob Black surfaces again.

"I know, man. I see the tension in her that never goes away. The way she always searches the room for an exit if she needs it." Emmett says quietly.. "I can't think of anyone better she could have in her life. I know I give you a hard time about your relationship, but I can see how much you love her, Edward. You make her happy. That is all I've ever wanted for her: someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated, and you do." His eyes glance over at his sleeping sister next to me and his voice is tired when he speaks now. "I wish she would just let me go after him."

I bite my tongue because I understand the sentiment exactly, but I just nod my head in agreement. I understand why she won't let anyone go after him, but that doesn't stop me from wishing she would let us, just the same. We both stay silent for a moment and I know, we're both thinking the same thing. Jacob Black, dead. I realize I have no idea why Emmett is here.

"Did you need something, Em or did you just come over to hang out?" I ask curiously.

He has that older look again and his eyes dart to Bella. "I need to talk to her. Renée is coming to town. She wants to see Bella."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and then another. I count to ten slowly in my head to control my anger. I don't say what I'm thinking, because Renée is Bella and Emmett's mother, and despite everything she has done to them, they still love her. I hold no respect for the woman, though. I think she is selfish, cruel, thoughtless, and has no place in either of their lives, and certainly not Bella's. Not with the way she treated her. I've learned that this is a subject we are never going to agree on, though, so I keep my thoughts to myself.

"Do you think that it's a good idea? What does she want from her?" I ask in a cautious tone.

"I don't know. Honestly? No, not really, but you know that Bella will see her." Emmett sounds sad and I realize it must be hard on him. He is in the middle in a way, and it can't be a comfortable position to be in.

"When?"

Emmett doesn't answer right away and I get a sinking feeling. "When is she coming, Emmett?" I press for the answer.

He closes his eyes and looks defeated. "She's already here, she's over at my house. She arrived a few hours ago." He opens his eyes and looks at me. "I swear I didn't know, Edward. She called me from the airport when she arrived."

Of course she did, I think to myself sarcastically. From what I know of her, this is typical Renée

behavior. I take a deep breath to steady myself. "Okay, Em. Give me some time to wake her up and I'll let her know. I'm sure she's call over there in a bit."

Emmett looks uncertain for a moment and then nods. He gets up from the chair and heads to the door. "Thanks, Edward."

I just nod in reply. When I hear the door close, I gently wake Bella.

_**BPOV**_

"Bella, are you sure?" Edward asks me again, clearly reluctant to leave. The doubt is clear in his eyes.

"Yes, Edward. I should see her alone. You said that you have errands you have to get done this weekend, anyway. You go do them, and I will see my mother. I'll meet you at your place later tonight, okay?"

"Are you going to be okay driving by yourself after... earlier?"

The tenderness and concern that lace his voice makes me feel warm and special. I nod. "Yeah, it's not far, and I'll call to let you know when I'm on my way."

I am suddenly enveloped in his arms and he's holding me tight. "Bella, I'm worried about this. I don't think this is a good idea." Before I can begin to disagree, he releases me and looks into my eyes. "But if this is what you want, I respect that." He presses his lips against mine softly before pulling away. "I love you beautiful. I'll see you later tonight."

I smile at him, grateful he gives me the space I need, even if he doesn't want to. Actually, I'm not sure I really want him to. I don't know that I want to do this alone, but I also don't want to subject Edward to Renée. I know what she is like and I'm not so sure that Edward would be able to keep quiet if she decides to go off at me like she does on the phone. I smile ruefully as I watch him walk to his car. Yeah, he doesn't think I know how he feels about my mother, but I do. He has been with me a few times when I have had to talk to her on the phone and he always looks at if he's biting his tongue. I've been tempted to ask him to stick it out for me after the phone call to see if there is any permanent damage. I sigh as I watch him drive away. First Jacob, and now this. How did a day that started off so incredibly, end up here?

I spend the next hour wandering around the house tidying up things and starting some laundry. I know I'm just stalling for time. I finally look at my phone sitting on the coffee table. "Lets get this over with," I mumble to myself. Before I reach it, though, my doorbell rings, followed by loud knocking.

"Bella? I know you are in there. I watched him leave and know you didn't go with him. Open this door right now, Isabella. I want to talk to you!"

"Saves me a phone call," I mutter. I open the door and fix a smile on my face. "Hi, Mom."

She marches past me and makes her way to my living room. I can see by the set of her shoulders that she is on the rampage already. I suddenly feel exhausted again and wish I could just curl up in bed and hide under the covers.

"Shut the door and get in here, Isabella. We need to talk." Her voice is cold as stone and I feel the knot in my stomach tighten. I shut the door quietly and make my way into the living room. I hesitate a moment, then sit on a chair. I'm gazing down at my hands and realize I feel like I'm seven years old again and about to get yelled at for something I did wrong.

I don't meet her eyes, instead keeping them on the floor. Something nags at me in the back of my mind. This pose and these feelings are all too familiar to me. In a moment of blinding clarity, I realize that my mom and Jacob make me feel the same exact way about myself.: worthless and stupid.

"This has gone on long enough, Isabella Marie. I thought you would come to your senses, but no, not you. You have to be so damn stubborn. How can you continue to spread these lies about Jacob? What is wrong with you? Are you really such an ungrateful little bitch? After everything he's given you? This is how you repay him?"

I open my mouth to defend myself and I am shocked into silence as my mother slaps me hard, the sound resonating in the room. "No! You will not speak. You will listen! Her eyes are wild and steely, her hands flying everywhere for emphasis as she screams at me.

"He took care of you. His world revolves around you." She pauses, her chest is heaving. I know her though: she is just getting started. "Do you have any idea how heartbroken he still is, how much he still loves you?. You ungrateful little whore. The way you've treated him, are still treating him, is disgusting." She stops abruptly and her eyes rake over me scornfully.

"You just have to have everyone's attention, don't you? Poor Bella, look at Bella." Her tone is cruel and mocking. I can feel my wall of protection crumble in the face of her outrage. "I am ashamed of you, ashamed to call you my daughter. You are disgusting! And the fact that you have dragged my son into this mess of yours is disgustingly selfish! You just have to be the center of attention, no matter who you hurt!"

My cheek stings and I know it's red from where my mother has hit me. I feel that same numbing feeling come over me. Inside my mind, I am curling myself into a corner and cowering, hiding and crying at her words. Her words continue, through, a torrent of poison that has no end. She believes what she is saying. She believes utterly, that Jacob is innocent, and that I am bent on destroying him and everyone around me.

"I would like to make him forget all about you, Isabella, but no, he's in love with you. You are the one he wants, for some unfathomable reason. I don't understand why, you don't deserve him." She spits out the words, looking at me with disgust. "So you are going to stop this right now. You are going to pack up this house and put it on the market. You are going to move back home where you belong and be the wife that Jacob deserves. I will not have my daughter running around like a whore, sleeping with the first guy that gives her the attention she is seeking. Frankly, he deserves you. He isn't half the man Jacob is. I tried to convince Jacob to forget about your sorry, pathetic ass, but he wants you."

Something inside of me snaps. I stand up so quickly the chair flies back. My hands are shaking with rage and fear is a distant memory in this moment.

"Get out of my house."

She glares at me and pulls her hand back to slap me again. I catch it, my fingers wrapped around her wrist with strength I didn't know I had. We stare into each other's eyes. I can see the contempt in hers. The numbness in me is gone, chased away by my fury. I throw her hand away from me, and she is forced to fall back a couple of steps. Her eyes widen a little, though I don't know if it's from surprise or fear.

"Get. Out. Of. My. House. Renée." I enunciate each word. I don't recognize my own voice; it is perfectly level, dark and furious. I see as the thoughts flit across her face when she realizes that she has lost this round.

"This isn't over, Isabella." she spits. She hesitates, almost taking a step forward.

"Actually, it is. I never want to see you here again. I don't want to talk to you or hear from you. You are ashamed to say I am your daughter? That's fine." I walk towards her, forcing her to back away. She reaches behind her and opens the door. I keep walking until she is standing on the porch. "As far as you're concerned, Renée, your daughter is dead. As far as I'm concerned, my mother is, too." I slam the door with all my might in her shocked face. Her voice is furious and strident, screaming at me through the door. Telling me I will pay for this. That this isn't over. She rants and raves, spewing her venomous words for all the neighborhood to hear.

I sink to the floor and bring my knees up to my chest. I wait for the tears to come. I wait for the feelings of shame and disgust with myself. After a few moments, I realize they aren't coming. There are other feelings instead: pride, strength, and finally, anger. Anger at them for thinking that they could run my life. Anger that that she would come into my house and assume that I would just do as she says. Anger that she tried to shame me. Anger that she took his side over mine, her own flesh and blood.

I get up from the floor. I will not sit here and cower. I will not sit here like this. I will not let her or Jacob Black ruin my day, or my weekend, or my life.

I run upstairs and throw a few things into a bag that I've been meaning to bring to Edward's. I pick up my phone in the living room. I let him know I'll be over in a bit. I tell him that I love him. I leave the house with my head held high and the knowledge that I was right in my actions. I leave with the feeling of freedom in my heart.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**3 weeks later**_

"It's perfectly natural to want to take this step, Bella." Dr. Brandon's voice is gentle and reassuring.

"But what if it changes everything?" my voice trails off into silence. "What if it makes him turn..." my voice breaks on the word.

"Bella, I want you to think very hard for me. Think back to all those years, to the beginning of your relationship with Jacob. We've talked about this before, how it started with little things, comments and the little controlling ways. Has Edward ever done anything like that?"

I shake my head vehemently. "No, never. He's never been anything but kind and caring with me. When he touches me, it's warm and soft. On the nights we share a bed, he holds me and kisses me until I fall asleep. When I have the nightmares, he holds me and comforts me, telling me I'm safe. I feel so safe in his arms. I feel loved and cherished."

I don't cry but I feel like I'm on the verge of it. "He never pushes me. He always asks if it's okay before he touches me. He always tells me how good I make him feel. He makes me feel desired and beautiful. I want to take this next step, but I'm so scared. I don't understand this. I know he would never hurt me. I know that he will never treat me like Jacob did, so why am I so afraid that if we have sex that he will suddenly change?" I can feel my panic rising and Dr. Brandon stops me.

"Bella, deep breaths, calm down."

I listen to her voice as we go through a breathing exercises intended to stop my panic attack. When I'm calm again, she speaks.

"Now, I will start by telling you I'm very proud of you for the progress you've made with Edward. The fact that you want his touch and don't shy away or flinch from it is a huge step. You wanting more now is okay and natural. This is going to be a situation where you are going to have to take a risk, Bella, you are going to have to show him you want more. You are going to have to take some initiative if you want this."

She levels a look at me, not unkind but firm. "From everything you've told me, he is a wonderful guy. I don't believe he is going to hurt you. You know he won't hurt you. He's respects you and is patient with you. You can't live your life in fear of what might come if you aren't willing to go out there and find out what that might be. If you do, then you are still letting Jacob control you. You need to live your life for you, and sometimes that means taking a leap of faith. I think you are ready to take this leap."

I turn her words over in my mind and I know she's right. "How do I take it, then?" I ask quietly.

Dr. Brandon gives me a gentle smile. "You've already started, dear. You have been for the past few weeks. Intimate touches were the first step. Start there as you normally do and then let nature take it's course. Be honest with him. Tell him you are ready. Tell him you want this. You know that he loves you, I know that you love him," she smiles. "Everything is going to be fine."

I take another deep breath and nod, knowing she is right. If I want this with Edward, I have to take a leap of faith. I've taken so many with him and he has always been right there with me. He has shown me, not only with his words, but also with his actions, that I can put my trust in him. I'm scared, but I also know that I'm not alone. Edward and I are in this together. I want to move to the next part of our relationship.

"I wanted to talk about one other thing before we're done for the day, Bella." I raise my eyes to hers, listening. "I am so proud of the way you handled your mother, the strength you showed." She beams at me. "Have you told your brother what transpired?"

I frown. "Kind of."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she was ranting and raving when she went back over there and he called me to find out what happened. I told him the basics of it. When I came home on Sunday night, she was gone. We haven't discussed it, and the one time I brought it up, Emmett said he didn't want to talk about it, but that he didn't want anything to do with her. I let it go at that."

She nods. "I'm glad you found the support you needed for this from your brother."

"Me too," I admit. "But I feel guilty for ruining their relationship."

"Bella," She sighs. "You didn't ruin anything. This is entirely your mother's doing. You stood up for yourself as you should have done. She is the one who is ruining relationships, not you."

I think about this for a bit and nod, realizing that she is right before I get up out of the chair. "Thank you, Dr. Brandon. For everything."

"You're welcome, Bella. You are doing wonderfully. Remember, take a leap of faith once in a while, and what you find might surprise you."

I nod again with a small smile as I leave the office. I step outside and take a deep breath of fresh air. I think about what she and I just talked about. I giggle to myself when I realize that if this was a story, then this would be considered my plan to seduce Edward Cullen. My phone beeps, startling me. I check out my text message.

_**-Hello, beautiful girl. We still on for the weekend at my place?-**_

I smile to myself again and text back._** - I am just running home to grab some things and then head over**_-

My phone beeps a few seconds later. _**-Can't wait to see you. I've been seriously lacking in kisses lately. Think you can help me with that?-**_

Oh, Edward, if you only knew what I want this weekend, I think to myself, blushing pink as I reply. _**-I would be happy to help you, sweetness. See you soon-**_

_**-See you soon, baby-**_

I get into my car and head out, rolling down the window and singing along loudly with the radio.

Later that evening, I'm curled up next to Edward on the couch. His arm is around me, gently brushing up and down my arms as we watch a movie. He offered to take me out, but I declined. I didn't want the risk of running into Jacob to ruin our night.

His arm tightens just a bit around me as he looks at me. "Is everything alright, Bella? You're quiet tonight."

"Hmm? Oh yes, it's fine." I smile nervously at him.

"You're sure?" He studies me, then brings his other hand up to brush my cheek softly. "You know you can talk to me about anything, beautiful?" His eyes and touch reassure me and I bring my own hand up to cover his, leaning my cheek into his palm.

"Yes, I know." I look up at him and I feel my tongue dart out a little to wet my lips as I lean up and kiss him softly.

His lips move gently against mine and his hand slides down to my waist to pull me a little closer as he turns his body to mine. I slide my hands up his chest to his shoulders and press my lips harder against his to deepen the kiss. I lick at his lips until he opens them for me and slide my tongue into his mouth to tangle with his. I keep kissing him until I have to pull back for breath. We're both breathing a little heavily.

"Bella?" His eyes are dark with desire, his voice low and husky, his tone indicating that he's not sure what I'm asking for. I've never been the assertive one - it's always been him making small moves and seeing if I'm okay with them.

We've touched each other a lot over the last few weeks. The way he could make me feel with his fingers... his mouth... there are no words. And I love to reciprocate. I love looking up at his face while I love him with my mouth. The way he felt in my hand as I stroked him made my knees weak. I want more, I'm ready for more now. I look at him for a moment and my whole body flushes with warmth. Desire flows through my veins and for once in my life, I quit thinking. I push all rational thought out of my mind and I embrace my feelings for this man. I run my hands up both his cheeks softly and then into his hair as I kiss him harder this time.

He tightens his embrace and lets out a low soft moan into my mouth which only urges me on. Again I don't think, I just react as I shift up onto my knees to kiss him harder. His hands move down to my waist and pull just a little, enough to indicate he wants more and I move again to straddle him. My skirt gets pushed up my thighs by my movement and I can I feel him beneath me. He is hard and straining against his pants under me and I let out a moan because I know he wants me. I grind myself down on him a little to try to relieve some of the pressure between my legs where I can feel the wet lace of my panties. His hips flex upward as he grinds back and our kisses become greedier.

He pulls back, lightening his kisses, but his hands stay on my hips keeping me where I am, his lips stay against mine as he opens his eyes and looks into my own. "Are you sure, Bella?"

Here, in this moment, I am overwhelmed with love for him. He's holding his body still and I can feel his desire for me but he needs to make sure it's what I want, that I'm okay. I don't know how to answer him with words so I show him by kissing him again, using my hands in his hair to pull him to me and pressing myself down onto his cock again. My hips circle against him involuntarily, creating the most delicious sensation throughout my body that urges me on.

Edward groans. I can feel the vibrations from it and his head falls back. He almost growls as he pushes up beneath me. I feel his cock through his clothes rubbing against the soaked lace covering my pussy. His hands gently guide me down to him over and over as we kiss and my hands roam over his shoulders. As I move my kisses to his jaw, nipping and licking, his hands move up to cup my breasts, kneading through the fabric and making me whimper.

He pulls back again and looks at me. "I want you, beautiful girl, but not here on the couch. I want you in my bed. Will you let me take you to my bed, Bella?"

His eyes are so full of tenderness and behind that, I see desire that matches my own. His hands still gently but firmly touch caress me.

I answer softly, "Yes, Edward."

His hands slide up to my face to cup my cheek again and he stops all movement as his eyes lock onto mine

"I love you, Bella. I want to show you with my body how much I love you."

I think I stop breathing for a moment. The intensity I see in his eyes, that I can feel from him, is overwhelming. My voice is breathy as I respond. "I love you so much, Edward. Show me and let me show you." I whisper.

Keeping his eyes on me, he rises off the couch holding me in his arms and walks us to his bedroom continuing to kiss me tenderly. There is a small light on in the room, giving just a little light. He sits me on the edge of the bed and sinks down to his knees in front of me. His fingers move down my neck and over my collarbone to the buttons of the red shirt I'm wearing, My hands rest on the bed on either side of me because I'm a little lost, not sure what I should be doing. I can't help but feel a little shy again. As his fingers undo the first button of my shirt he moves his kisses to my neck and murmurs, "Just relax, beautiful. Let me make you feel good first. We'll move on from there if you still want to, okay?"

I nod a little and shiver as his fingers continue to unbutton my shirt, grazing over my skin. his kisses move down my neck and then over my chest and I moan at the feeling of his lips against my skin. my back arches involuntarily, craving his closeness.

He slides my shirt off my shoulders. His hands run down my arms and then back up, tracing over my shoulders and down my side to my hips. He slides me a little nearer to the edge of the bed and he starts to kiss over my lace covered breasts. His lips move over the tender flesh swelling above the lace that holds it and then down to my nipple where he nuzzles the fabric covering my hard bud. My breathing starts to pick up and the wetness between my legs increases.

He takes my nipple into his mouth through the lace and sucks while his eyes watch me. My hands move into his hair, holding him against me as my body starts to hum. I seem to have no control over my body. I cry out softly and my back arches, pressing my breast closer to his mouth. He moves over to my other breast now, giving it the same treatment. I feel his hands slide up my side and around to my back to unclasp my bra. His hands move up my shoulders pulling the straps down off my arms and finally letting the lace slip away from my skin completely. He sits back on his knees for a moment to gaze at me. His hands come up to trace around my breasts in circles, starting wide and tracing inward. With each pass, the circle gets smaller until he's circling his finger in tight small circles over my nipples and I whimper.

He leans forward to kiss down the center of my chest and gently pushes me to lay back on the bed. I obey. His mouth moves over the skin of my stomach and I feel his tongue dart out and he moans at the taste of my skin. "So sweet." I hear him whisper as he nibbles on my hipbone, making me writhe.

I feel his hands slide behind me and cup my ass as my hips raise up for him. His fingers hook into the sides of both my skirt and panties and he slides them down my hips and legs. For a moment, I feel vulnerable and exposed, but when I raise my eyes to his, he is looking at me, almost with reverence. "So beautiful," he whispers.

He picks up my right leg and kisses the inside of my ankle. His fingers and lips make their way up my leg. A loud and embarrassing moan escapes when I feel his lips brush my inner thigh. But embarrassment and shame have no place here, and when his warm breath falls over my wet skin as he moves to kiss down my other leg I wiggle on the bed, my body pleading for him.

"So much I want to do, so much I want to show you," I hear him say softly. "All with time, beautiful."

I feel his fingers run through my wet folds and I close my eyes in pleasure. I feel swollen and needy as he teases me, bringing his fingers to circle around my entrance and then moving up to my clit where they press against it. I start to move now, unable to stop. My body writhes under his touch and I hear his breath catch.

"I want to do this for hours, sweet girl. I want to make you feel good, over and over, until you beg me to stop. I love watching you in pleasure, Bella. The way you move for me, the way you react. You're stunning, love."

His fingers move back through my folds and circle my entrance again before I feel one of his long glorious fingers slip inside me and my hips come off the bed as I cry out for more. He slowly pumps in and out of me a few times before adding a second finger. I move for him, with him, my hips rising and falling in time with his fingers. My cries are coming louder and faster now as I feel my orgasm build in me.

"Yes," He growls, but I can hear the strain of his own need in his voice "Come for me, Bella, let me see."

He brings his other hand up and starts rubbing firm, fast circles on my clit as his fingers curl inside of me - I fall abruptly, tumbling over the cliff of intense pleasure, my fingers gripping the sheets. My whole body arches off the bed as I cry out loudly in the silent room, my orgasm rushing over me in waves.

He brings me down slowly, gently and slowly, until his fingers stop moving. He pulls them from me and brings them up to his mouth. His eyes close as he licks my juices off them with a moan. He opens his eyes again to look at me and I know he's not finished yet. Another bolt of desire rushes through my body, somehow deeper and stronger than anything I have felt before.

He stands up quickly to shed his shirt and pants The boxer briefs follow and it's my turn for my breath to catch as his cock springs free. It's glorious and hard and thick. I whimper a little and actually wonder if it will fit inside me, but my body knows and answers with another rush of moisture.

I run my fingers over his abs softly and it's his turn to shudder now as my hands move to trace back and forth and dip lower. I rub circles on his hip bones before I move one hand lower, brushing it through his hair as he moans my name softly.

I let my finger graze along his length. He lets out a sound at the back of his throat and it sends shivers up my spine. I want - no - need to hear it again. I wrap one hand around him, and run the other up the underside of his cock. I feel the weight of him in my hand, hard, yet surprisingly soft. like smooth velvet over steel. I let my hand travel along his length, stroking him and rubbing my thumb along the vein on the underside of him. I tug a little harder when I reach his tip before twisting my hand and stroking down to the base again. His head falls back and his breathing is loud and harsh.

His hand reaches down to stop my motions and I look up at him, wondering if I did something wrong. He smiles at me softly, but I can see his muscles are tense. "Beautiful, as much as I want you to keep touching me, if you do, this is going to be over sooner than I would like."

My eyes widen a little when I realize what he means and I flush pink, but behind the embarrassment, pride runs through me to know that I - me, damaged, broken Bella Swan - affect him like this.

He leans over and kisses me again, soft and sweetly. He moves me to the center of the bed and my legs fall open so that he crawls up between them. He kisses me again, urgently this time. The only thought in my mind is not fear or timidness: it is clean, pure desire.

My hands move to his back, needing to touch him. I brush my fingers over his skin in random patterns as I rock up underneath him. The feeling of his cock sliding against my wet folds triggers a frenzy in me for more. I need to feel him inside me; I need to feel him fill me. My legs bend and I use my feet on the bed to rock up more insistently. He is firmly nestled between my wet flesh, rubbing against me as we moan and move together. Still, it's not enough and I whimper.

I can feel him lift off me a little when he shifts his weight to his knees and his kisses move to my neck, nibbling and sucking on the skin. His hand slides between us and I feel him place the head of his cock at my entrance and I let out a long breath. "Please," I beg. "Please, Edward, love me. Show me, sweetness."

"Yes, Bella," his voice is just as desperate as mine and I feel him slowly push into me.

My breath catches as I feel the head of his cock slip inside of me and he stops a second, before pushing in a little more. He takes his time, even though I can feel how difficult it is for him to do so. He pushes in and stops, letting me stretch to accommodate him before pushing in a little more.

Finally, he's fully sheathed inside me and there are no words for how this feels. I feel so full, so complete and already on the verge of another orgasm. He move his hands to the bed on either side of me, his eyes looking down into mine as he starts to rock slowly, letting me get used to the feel of him sliding in and out of me.

"So tight, Bella, so good." He moans as he starts to move faster now, pushing into me fully before withdrawing and pushing into me again.

I move with him, lifting myself up off the bed to take him in completely. My hands are on his sides, gripping his hips as I pull him to me. Our bodies rocking in perfect rhythm together, like they were created for this, a perfect fit. My moans and whimpers, his growls and groans becoming louder in the room. The emotions and energy between us crackle as our bodies come together.

His hand moves down to take mine and he places it on the bed beside my head, weaving our fingers together as we move fast and hard now. The room feels warm and our bodies start to sweat a little, becoming slick as they slide against one another. My back is arching to press my chest against his and his other hand slides to my lower back bringing me up to him as he thrusts into me over and over.

My legs wrap around his waist and I rock up hard. My fingers grip his as I feel the tip of his cock hit my back wall. My eyes slam closed and I see spots behind my eyelids. A scream comes from the back of my throat as the most intense orgasm I've ever had rushes over me. My body trembles beneath him, arched high, my head falling back. "Edward!"

I feel and hear his groan as he thrusts into me, dragging out my orgasm before his body tenses. He get impossibly harder inside me before his cock twitches and pulses and then I feel his release. He buries his face into my neck moaning a garbled, "Bella".

As we come down, his fingers release mine and he moves off me to my side, quickly pulling me into his arms and holding me close, kissing me over and over. I return his kisses eagerly and my body feels relaxed and sated as I lay pressed against him. Our kisses become light and playful now, our noses nudging against one another. We exchange shy, quiet looks.

"I completely adore you, Edward."

"And I am madly in love with you, sweet girl."

Exhaustion takes over me and my eyes start to droop and I can't smother my yawn. I feel a little embarrassed, but he chuckles softly and answers with his own yawn. We shift a little, getting more comfortable and snuggling as we drift into sleep.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

I'm tired as I pull up into my driveway. It's been such a long morning at the office and I'm glad I don't have to spend the whole day there. I didn't come home Sunday night as I usually do. I blush when I remember the way Edward playfully grabbed me and asked me not to go. The way he looked at me, asking for one more night so the weekend didn't have to end so soon. I was only too happy to agree and spent the night cuddled in his arms until the alarm went off, telling me I had to get up and go to work.

I grab my attaché case and my phone from the car and open the door, stepping out and shutting it behind me. My attention is on my phone, scrolling through text messages. I finally look up and everything falls from my nerveless fingers.

"No," I whisper to myself. "Please, no." My breathing picks up and I start to shake. There, littered across my front porch and steps, are at least three dozen roses.

"Emmett!" I scream as loudly as I can. My throat burns with the intensity of my scream; I'm not even sure if he's home.

My brother flies out his front door and over to my yard faster than I thought possible and he's there to catch me as I faint.

"Come on, Sissy, I need you to wake up. Please, Bells, the cops are on their way and you need to talk to them. Come on, wake up for me, please."

Emmett's voice is indistinct, but I can hear the sorrow and anger in it. My eyes flutter open and an image of dozens of red roses comes back to me. He hugs me tightly and a sob escapes. I try to take big deep breaths to calm down, to fight the feeling of dread in my stomach. I'm going to have to talk to the officers when they get here.

I don't know if Jacob knows exactly what happened this weekend, but he knows something did. The thought makes my stomach roll and I fall to my hands and knees, retching on the grass. How much does he know? How does he know? How far does the extent of his spying go?

Thirty minutes later, Emmett is livid. I'm trying to calm him down while trying to stay calm myself so that I don't break down. Of course the police won't help. First they mock me, laughing that I find roses a threat. Then they tell me I have no proof and I need to quit bothering them with my allegations against a fellow officer. It's obvious, they say, that I'm only trying to make trouble to get my revenge. They even accuse me of staging this myself to make trouble for Jacob. They tell me if I call again, they will arrest me for filing false police reports.

I break down in sobs when they leave. My whole world comes crashing down on me when I realize that it's hopeless - I can never know happiness because I will I'll never know freedom. He will never leave me alone. Why did I think he ever would? Hopelessness and despair begin to drag me down and I think of Edward. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves so much better than what I bring into his life.

Emmett helps me up and leads me into the house and into the living room, his face lined with worry. "It will be okay Sissy, I promise, we'll keep you safe."

I nod woodenly. I'm numb except for the grey of hopelessness heavy through my body. Em makes me a cup of tea and sets it in front of me. I take a sip and try not to grimace because he's added too much honey. It's really the gesture that counts. My head fills with thoughts of Edward and I tremble with fear. What if this is the last straw? What if he says enough, this is too crazy for him and he leaves? I'm vaguely aware of warm wetness on my cheeks and realize I'm crying. Despair takes over again and those horrible, unwanted thoughts creep in, I can't lie to myself, though: I'm going to lose him. Jacob is right, no one will ever want me. I'm nothing. I'm disgusting. Helpless and crushed, I sob.

A small voice whispers inside of me. _Why do you think that, Bella? Haven't you been honest with Edward? He knows your past, he knows what Jacob has done to you. Even though the scars are gone from your skin, he knows they existed. Hasn't he always told you that he loves you for you and all that you are? Why do you doubt him now? Have faith in him, Bella, he loves you._

"I'm going to go clean up the porch. Is Edward coming over tonight?" His voice breaks into my thoughts and pulls me out of my head.

I look at him blankly for a moment before I grasp onto his name like a lifeline. "Edward," I breath out. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and try to think. "No, today has been a really busy day for him, he was just going to go home and relax. We spent the weekend together."

Emmett says something under his breath that I don't catch as he walks out the door. I curl up on the couch in the silence trying to calm my thoughts. I catch bits and pieces of him speaking on the phone. "...son of a bitch … red roses everywhere … she's terrified … can't get out of work tonight … you can be here with her? Good, I don't want her left alone right now."

I realize he's talking to Edward and I let out a breath. Edward is going to come tonight. I need him, I need to feel his arms around me. He'll make it okay, he'll keep me safe. I can hold it together until he gets here. I feel so tired. The last thing I think about as I fall asleep, is the sight of those roses on the front porch, and what Jacob is telling me.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

I wanted to say a couple of quick things and I have a couple more questions that I've been asked that I will answer. I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so far, click that little review button and tell me? *flutters my eyelashes hopefully*

I would also like to just add in the suggestion here, that you read the outtake before the next chapter is posted. I think it will give you an even deeper understanding into Bella's mind and it's very important that you understand how she works because the next chapter is darker.

_**Okay, on to other things...**_

First, I'm looking for some good stories to read. Lately, I've really had an affinity for reading stories that are about the singer/mating bond. You know that instant connection that is felt by both and they are hopelessly in love? Anyone have any good rec's for me? Oh, and if you have never read "The Day The Earth Stood Still" by Sare Liz, you are seriously missing out my friends, go now and read it, it's astounding!

Secondly, I have a reader who is looking for a certain story. We all know what it's like to lose one of our favorite reads so I thought maybe ya'll could help out? If you know the story I describe, please message me and I can pass along the information...

_It starts at graduation and Bella and Jacob haven't made up after Edward came back and he's been ignoring her. Charlie invites Billy and Jacob to go with them to the ceremony and a couple days after she graduates Edward is away hunting and Jacob comes over unannounced and puts something in Bella's drink and kidnaps her, he takes her to a cabin somewhere and doesn't let her leave (he doesn't abuse her) while Edward searches for her with the help of the Cullens, the pack, and forks. Bella tricks Jacob by drugging him and runs away into the forest, she gets critically injured and when Edward finds her she goes to the hospital with major injuries. In the end she and Edward get married at the hospital I think while Jacob has to stay in La push for the rest of his life_

_**Lastly, I just want to go a couple of recommendations. I'm not going to do this a lot so but I want to make sure these authors are getting recognized and you guys aren't missing out on some incredible stories.**_

1~ agoodWITCH I completely adore her stories and her. She had more talent for writing in her little finger than I have in my whole body. Anything she writes will have you hooked but my two favorites are "An Angel in Hell" (love, love, love M.A. ) and her one shot she just put out "Match The Stars" but anything she has written is brilliant and you should all run to read her stuff.

2~ LailaB I am selfishly hoping if I can get a bunch of you to start favoriting and following her story "The Mating Bond" she will be encouraged to keep going and we can get an update sooner but her other story "Faithfully" has had me captivated from the very beginning.

_Okay, on to the questions._

**Q. Will we see Bella meet Edward's parents like he met her dad and brother?**

_A. Probably not, anything is possible I guess and sometimes when I write it just takes over and I seem to have no control over it but I don't foresee it happening. It's not really an integral part of this story and as I've explained a bit in one of the chapters, they live a good distance away which is why he hasn't introduced her._

**Q. Will we see Jacob's POV at any point?**

_A. No, I don't think anyone needs to see inside that mind and I am certainly not going there._

**Q. Will we see Renee again?**

_A. Yes. Unfortunately, she is not done with her daughter yet. While standing up to her was good for Bella, it infuriated her. _

**Q. Do you use music to help you write?**

_A. Yes, I actually have playlists for each of my characters as well as one for Edward and Bella and there is a Jacob and Bella one as well (..I hate the look of those two names together...sorry, Jake fans) I will post the playlists on my facebook page_

Okay, that's all for now. *smiles and sends hugs to all of you wonderful readers*


	19. Chapter 18: Something Wicked

**Author's Note:**

_I apologize for the wait first and foremost, I'm sure you all understand, we all get busy and despite our best intentions thing don't always get done as soon as we plan them to be. Thank you for your patience, we promise Chapter 19 will come more quickly than this one did._

_Thanks to my lovely beta Jae who pushes me and helps me find the words when I'm struggling for them. _

**Chapter Eighteen~ Something Wicked This Way Comes**

_Domestic Violence is the single major cause of injury to women, more than muggings and car accidents combined._

_~First Comprehensive National Health Study of American Women, The Commonwealth Fund, 1993._

_**BPOV**_

It's been three weeks since the day I came home to find the roses on my porch and I feel as if I've been put under house arrest by my brother. I don't take a step without either he or Edward with me, and it's becoming too much, too suffocating. I feel closed in, claustrophobic, and having my brother watch my every move is almost as bad as the fear that Jacob is out there, watching, waiting... almost. I am starting to crack under the strain of it.

Emmett hates shopping of any kind; he always has - he will do anything he can to avoid it. Since I've moved into my own house, he conveniently slips me a list of things he needs, knowing I take a trip to the market nearly every day and will pick them up while I'm there. But, now, suddenly, he wants to do it and when he wants to go just so happens to coincide with the times I am going shopping. On more than one occasion, my keys have mysteriously disappeared on nights while he's working, ensuring that I can't go do my shopping while he isn't around. When I ask him about it, he "finds" them in his pocket and he claims he must have accidentally grabbed them, thinking they were his. I love my brother, but I'm about ready to strangle him.

Edward is no less protective, but at least he understands that I can't stop living my life to wait for Jacob to do something. Jacob is always going to do something; it's never going to stop, unless, by some miracle, he finally tires of me. If I stop going out, stop living my life, he is again controlling it. I am again giving him the power to dictate what I do and when I do it. Edward at least allows me some space to breathe. If I mention I need to go somewhere, he offers to take me; sometimes I accept and sometimes I tell him I would prefer to go on my own. He accepts this. He only asks that I give him a call or text him to let him know I'm okay. The number of texts and quick phone calls during the times we are apart have skyrocketed. But, this I can accept, this I don't mind.

I know there are things I need to do to protect myself; I'm not naïve. I am well aware that Jacob is out there waiting for me, but I don't need to be treated like a china doll that should sit on a shelf, something fragile to be looked at but not played with. Edward understands that I need my independence and allows me the room to breathe that my brother does not. There have been times when I've had to ask him to back off a little, to let me breathe, and he does. We've had a few arguments over it, but he understands what I am trying to say when I tell him I need to live my life as normally as possible, and this isn't it. He kisses me and we end up coming to a compromise that satisfies us both.

I know they are both doing it out of love for me. I know Charlie had been on the phone with Emmett almost daily, and I know those phone calls with Dad is part of the reason my brother is being the way he is. I know all they want to do is protect me from Jacob, but I also need them to understand that I have a life to live, and this is not the way I want to live it. I've put up with this for three weeks now and it's going to stop tonight.

I take a breath and glance both ways before crossing the street. My mind is paying attention to more than just passing cars. I take in the entire scene: are the parked cars empty; do I recognize any of them; does anything feel 'strange; is Jacob around? I make my way across to my brother's house and let myself in, smiling when I see him sitting in his favorite chair in front of the television.

"Hey, Sissy. What'cha doing? Everything okay?" He looks at me.

"Everything is fine, Em, but I need to talk to you." I keep my voice calm and quiet as I settle down on the couch opposite him. The last thing I want is for this to turn into one of our fights. He turns off the television, his body shifting a little to face me, giving me his attention. A worried look forms in his eyes and I pause for a moment, trying to come up with the best way to phrase what it is I need to say.

"Brother Bear, this has to stop."

"What do you mean?" He tries to look innocent and fails miserably. It makes me want to laugh, because he never could pull off that look, but I manage to keep a straight face.

I take a deep breath. "This constant guarding me, Em. I know you are only trying to protect me, but it can't go on." He tries to interrupt me but I stop him before he can get a word out. "Stop, Emmett. Please, don't deny it. I'm not stupid; nor are you. I appreciate all that you are doing, I really do and I know you are doing it because you love me, but enough is enough." I look at him seriously. "Emmett, he is always going to be there, watching, just waiting for a chance to torment me. He gets off on it. It's his obsession, he is never going to let me go, but every time he does something twisted to get to me, all of our lives get disrupted. It cannot... _I _cannot continue like this, not anymore; I won't let it. He wants to see our reactions - he enjoys it - and we cannot continue to give him that satisfaction."

"And if he hurts you? What if he hurts you and I could have prevented it?" His tone is accusing but he looks away. He's trying to hide his eyes from me, he doesn't want me to see the fear in them. I slide off the couch and go over to the side of his chair, kneeling down and taking his hand.

"Look at me, baby brother." He lifts his eyes and I see in them, so much hurt and guilt, so much fear that something will happen to me. "I know," my voice is so quiet it's barely above a whisper "He's going to come after me at some point, Em." I say very calmly because this is something I've known for a long time. I think I've known since the day I left him that he will never let me go. "And it's not your fault or dad or Edwards when he does. This is not your fault, you cannot take the blame for what Jacob has done and still does!"

"No!" He gasps and tries to pull his hand away from mine but I hold it tightly with mine. "I won't let that happen. Edward won't let it happen." His voice carries a timber of the anger I know is inside of him, but I need to bring him back to the subject at hand.

"Emmett." I say a bit more forcefully, forcing him to pay attention. "I am not going to sit around waiting for it to happen: I am not going to just let him come. I will fight him every step of the way, but come he will. At some point, these games will not be enough for him. Maybe... maybe he will finally do something that the police can't ignore, something that will finally make them listen to me. Maybe then, they will help me. I know I have to be careful. and I will do everything in my power to stop that from happening, but we both know he will come some day."

Emmett's head droops. He looks defeated, and I feel my already fragile heart crack for my brother. I have avoided saying these thoughts for so long. What I've said is true, though: Jacob will only be happy playing his games for so long before he needs to do something more. It's the same pattern as our relationship. When telling me how ugly and stupid I was wasn't enough, when controlling every aspect of my life wasn't enough, he moved up to the next step. I know that this will be the same, and all I can do is be watchful. I will take as many precautions as I can, but I refuse to live my life waiting for the bogey man to jump at me around the next corner.

"We can't allow to him run our lives, Em. We can't let him win anymore," I stress again softly, but firmly, willing him to understand. I sigh with relief when he nods. "I need some space to breathe, Brother Bear. I need some space to be me. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah, I can. I know I've smothered you, Sissy. I'm sorry I... I'm just scared of losing you."

I sit up on my knees and wrap my arms around my brother, hugging him tight. "I know. We'll get through this, though. Somehow we'll survive it."

"Okay," he concedes. "I'll back off, Bells. I'll try to give you your life back."

"Thank you," I breathe out. "That's all I want: for all of us to have our lives back."

The next few weeks are quiet as we all fall back into our normal routine. I'm cautious when I go out to do my errands, but I go alone without my 'bodyguards' shadowing my every move. I am beginning to think that the show of roses was simply something designed to put more fear into me. I start to breathe again and relax a little. I'm not so foolish as to think he's disappeared, but this is just another game of his. I've lived with his games for so long, I know how to endure them.

I walk out to my car, sighing tiredly. The days I have to actually go into the office are always more stressful for me to deal with. It's been a long morning, but I have been able to finish up my work and slip out just after lunch. I'm paying more attention to my phone and scrolling through my texts than where I am walking, but the aroma immediately catches my attention and my head comes up quickly. The hood of my car is covered in red roses. They are so thick you can't see the paint underneath and I stand frozen in place, unable to react. I feel the shortness of breath and then the way my chest constricts and hurts as I fight to take a single breath. I realize that I'm hyperventilating.

The ground underneath me feels shaky and I realize that it's my legs that are trembling. The beginnings of a panic attack push at the edges of my sanity as I stand, staring at them for a full five minutes, gasping for breath, my world spinning out of control, feeling dizzy and nauseous, shaking as I try to make sense of what is happening. Slowly, my mind recognizes I'm having a panic attack and I begin to work on getting it under control, focusing on my breathing, trying to calm my body down. Slowly, so slowly, my thoughts begin to clear enough for me to respond to his latest threat and after another five minutes or so, I am finally able to react.

I call Edward, but it goes straight to voicemail. I know he's got meetings all day and has to work late: it's why we aren't seeing each other tonight. My next call is to Emmett and I beg him to come because I'm afraid to get in my car. I feel helpless waiting for my brother to arrive. I still feel the panic attack lurking beneath the surface, pushing at me to get out. I fight to keep it at bay, to keep control in the face of the terror threatening to overwhelm me.

I know I should go inside to wait for him, but that would mean facing my co-workers. I glance around fearfully but nobody has seems to be watching. I have told no one here my story and even thinking about it makes my shame well up inside of me. I know what will happen if they find out: some will look at me with pity, while others will look at me and ask silently what I did to deserve it. They'll take Jacob's side, everybody takes Jacob side. They'll laugh at me behind my back and say nice things to my face, all the while trying to hide their disgust of me in their eyes. No... I can't tell anyone my story. Experience has taught me that no one will believe me anyway.

I glance around again as I feel the tears threatening to spill, but I fight that too; I cannot cry now. Emmett said he would be here in five minutes, I just have to hold out for my brother to get here..

I hear him before I see him. There is only one man who drives that crazily and it's my brother, but right now, the screeching tires and the revving engine are the most welcome sounds in the world. He pulls in next to my car and I stumble over to him, shaking with the tears I refuse to let come. He wraps his arms around me in a hug and I feel the panic attack starting to win now.

"It's okay, Sissy, I've got you. You're safe."

I nod a little in response.

Emmett walks me over to the passenger side of his truck and opens it, helping me up and telling me to stay put. He gets his camera out and takes pictures of my car exactly the way it is and then pulls out his cell phone to call the police. As we wait for them to arrive, he walks around my car, inspecting it for any damage before coming to where I'm sitting with the door open.

"I don't see anything else, or that your car has been tampered with in any way, Sissy. I think this is just another of his games."

I nod and look up when I hear two cars pulling into the lot; the police have arrived.

Ten minutes later, I'm extremely frustrated and on the verge of tears again. My brother is furious.

"So let me get this straight, Mrs. Black..." The officer starts before I interrupt him so forcefully that my brother looks at me with a bit of shock.

"It's Ms. Swan and you damn well know that, Officer Uley," I snap, anger evident in my voice. I know I'm being rude, but it comes out anyway. They know what my name is; these officers know Jacob, and they know me. They know I am no longer his wife, are well aware that I refuse to be called by that name.

"Can I continue?" Sam stares at me pointedly, not bothering to hide his contempt for me in his eyes, and I shrink back against Emmett in the harsh stare, my bravado gone, I nod a little. "So you called us out here because somebody who obviously loves you very much and misses you put roses on your car?" He sneers his words and shakes his head disgustedly.

Emmett lets me go, stalking over to the car since it's obvious the police are, once again, only laughing at me, and angrily starts sweeping the roses off my hood, tossing them to the ground. He makes a noise once they are finally off and I try to peer around him to see what is there. He turns around and jabs his finger toward the hood of my car,.

"There! Is that so fucking innocent, Officer?" Em spits that last word like it's a disgusting taste and points to the word scratched into the paintwork on the bonnet.

**-Soon-**

"We will make a report of it, but unless you have a witness, I doubt the person will ever be apprehended. For all I know, you did this yourself in an effort to blame Officer Black. You have insurance; call them and have the paint taken care of and it's good as new," Officer Uley says nonchalantly.

I watch in horror as my brother's face goes pink, then red, and finally moves into purple and I know he's about to lose his temper. I shake myself out of shock and walk over quickly, wrapping my hand around his wrist to try to calm him.

"We know who fucking did this! You know and I know who did this! Why are you all so fucking stupid? Why do you protect that piece of shit?! I am so sick of you fucks sticking up for him, harassing my sister instead of doing your fucking job!" His voice is thundering and I glance briefly over to see my co-workers outside watching this whole incident. I inwardly cringe but then my focus is back on my brother, needing to prevent him doing anything reckless.

I grab Emmett's wrist harder as he starts to move when it's clear he's about to make a lunge for Officer Uley. I know he's stronger than me, so all I can do is hope that the feel of my hand will make him think.

"Em!" I tug urgently on him. "Emmett!" I say louder and he finally looks at me. I can see and feel the rage inside of him. "Emmett, think what you are doing. You know if you make any move towards them, they will arrest you, charge you with assaulting a police officer. Please Em, don't do this, I need you here, please." My voice seems to break through to him and though he's still incredibly angry he listens to me and nods.

Officer Uley's voice breaks in. "I suggest you stop with these calls, Mrs. Black, or the person we will be arresting is you for making false reports and wasting our valuable time."

Emmett snorts at the word valuable and I'm suddenly too drained to do anything. I don't bother to correct my name again; it will do no good since he's using that name on purpose. I nod and wish for them to go away. I just want to go home where I can fall apart privately, without all the witnesses now gathered to watch my defeat.

I can feel Sam's eyes as he stares at me but I keep mine to the ground, afraid that if I look up, the tears that have been threatening for the last hour will finally spill over. It's becoming more difficult to breathe once more and I try to focus on taking deep and steady breaths, willing myself to stand and not faint.

When he speaks again, it's in a low voice, so nobody else can hear "He loved you, Isabella, he still loves you. He treated you like a queen and you spat on him! You turned your back on him and now you make up these lies to try to destroy his career. You disgust me."

I grab Em's wrist and dig my nails into his skin, silently telling him to be quiet as I hear his sharp intake of breath and feel the rage building in my brother again. The sooner Sam says what he has to say, the sooner he'll leave. We never should have called the police.

"You broke him and now you're trying to destroy him. Woman like you make me sick." He spits the venomous words out and turns on his heel. I hear the crunch of gravel as he walks away and finally the slam of the car door indicates he's gotten back in it. Only then do I raise my head and watch as he drives away.

"Never again, Emmett," I say quietly. My voice sounds leaden, full of exhaustion and defeat.

My brother looks at me, confused. "Never again what, Bella?"

I can still hear the anger in him but I know I did the right thing by stopping him from going after Sam; I don't need my brother in jail.

"We never call the police again."

Immediately after the words are out of my mouth, the ground rushes up at me. I can no longer hold back the attack and darkness overtakes me as I faint.

I wake up because Emmett is brushing the hair away from my face, his voice calling out my name quietly, bringing me back. The room slowly comes into focus and I take in my surroundings. I'm at home on my couch, with a cool cloth on my forehead and my brother hovering over me.

"Bells, I didn't want to wake you but you were starting to scare me, you've been out so long. How are you feeling?" He eyes are anxious as they watch me.

I lick my dry lips before I speak. "I'm okay, just passed out. I feel tired," I mumble. "What time is it?"

"It's six. I have to go to work. I can't call in tonight - they are already two guys short. I hate leaving you alone for even that long, but I called Edward and told him what happened. He's been trying to reach you all day but kept missing you. He wanted to come right away but he said something about his job if he missed these meetings."

I nod, I knew that today was going to be frantically busy for him, it's why we were going to spend the night apart. He knew they would likely run late and he would be exhausted afterward. Emmett's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

" He will be here in about two hours and he'll spend the night. He'll let himself in if you aren't awake. Just rest, Sissy, try to sleep. But Bella, tomorrow we need to talk. We must make a plan of attack so we can be ready for whatever he has planned. This has gone on for far too long."

"You called Edward? He's coming over?" I try to grasp what he's saying because my brain is still fuzzy.

"Yes, I told him everything that happened. You can't be alone tonight, Bella. I don't want you in this house alone." He hesitates. "I have a bad feeling."

I look up at him and nod a little because I know he's right. I feel dread fill me. My mouth feels so dry and I lick my lips again. "Okay," I rasp out. "I just want to go to bed now."

"Get some rest and we can talk tomorrow. I'll make sure everything is locked up tight before I go." He repeats what he just said, making sure I understand and I nod. He turns and shakes a pill from a bottle on the coffee table, handing it to me with a glass of water.

"What is it?" I ask, confused, but I'm grateful for the water and take the pill without complaint.

"One of your sleeping pills." Alarm flashes through me, and my eyes widen a little as he says this, but then, just as suddenly, I don't care. Maybe tonight it will help. He pats my leg lightly.

"Just sleep, sissy. Everything will be okay. Your car is still at your office and we'll have to go get it tomorrow, but tonight, just sleep."

I get up from the couch and make my way woodenly up the stairs. I strip and pull on a pair of pajama pants and a tank top before crawling into my bed. "I should get a dog," I mutter to myself. I can hear Emmett set the alarm and then leave, locking the front door behind him. I'm now alone in the house. I'm exhausted, but I can't seem to find real sleep, drifting in and out of consciousness, tossing and turning. I'm desperate for sleep: I just want to not think right now, want to close my eyes and escape. The pill finally has the desired effect and I surrender to it. My eyes close and I fall into a heavy sleep.

I'm woken by a loud noise, but I'm not sure what it is. I am confused before I remember that Edward is supposed to be here; it must be him coming in.

"Sweetness?" I call out in a scratchy, sleep filled voice, I feel woozy from the sleeping pill running through my body. "I'm in the bedroom." I lay back against the pillow, fighting to keep my eyes open as the pull of sleep threatens to take me again. My body feels heavy, like lead, my mind dull from the drug.

I hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs: slow, heavy, deliberate footsteps. I struggle against the sleep that is dragging me down, confused and disoriented as my heart begins to beat faster at the sound. I know those footsteps: I lived in fear of them for years, but I can't make sense of it. I must be dreaming, this must be a nightmare, that's the only thing that seems to make sense and I try to wake myself. I am, in fact, awake, and nothing makes sense. I feel my panic rise as I struggle to understand what's happening. How I am hearing those footsteps if I am, in fact, already awake? I try to focus on the door, but my vision wavers. I force my eyes to focus just as Jacob steps through the doorway of my bedroom. No...this cannot be happening. Jacob cannot be here, in my home, in my bedroom. I must be hallucinating, a side effect of the sleep medication.

"Hello, Isabella." Terror runs through my veins like ice water. "Did you think I wouldn't know? Do you think I don't know everything about you? Did you think you could betray me, act the whore? Did you really think you were going to get away from me, bitch?"

He stands not three feet away from me. I am frozen at the sight of him in my bedroom, my mind still fighting the reality of what it knows is real. A small, ragged scream begins in the back of my mind.

I struggle to sit up, but my body protests, heavy from the sleeping pill, slow to move. My mind grasps for clarity through the foggy haze. A weapon. I need a weapon. I reach over to the nightstand, my hand grasping blindly for something, anything. Things crash to the floor and Jacob looks on, amused. I attempt to get out of bed, needing to stand up, but Jacob moves first, so quickly my drugged eyes can't see the movement. He's over me, grabbing my hands and digging his fingers into my wrists, forcing me back on the bed. I cry out hoarsely because the pain is very, very real. Has this whole past year and a half been a dream? Did I just escape into a dream that I was free of him, only to wake to the horror of reality again?

"Here you are, all by yourself. You don't really think anyone is coming for you, do you? Maybe your precious Edward?" He spits out his name. His dark, soulless eyes pin me to the bed with the heat of hate.

"He took what was mine and you gave it to him, you little whore. You don't really think that guy was going to want anything to do with you once he saw how pathetic you really are, did you? Once he got what he wanted from you?" His breath is hot on my face and I can see the rage building in his eyes, feel it in every muscle of his body. "I told you, Isabella, you are mine. You will never escape me. But fear not, my dear wife," He leans down, putting his lips to my ear. His voice is sarcastic and dark, "And make no mistake: you are my wife. I don't care what some fucking judge or piece of paper says, you are my property and I am here to do what I should have done years ago."

Bile rises up in my throat from the smell of him. I'm frozen in place, his body over mine, holding me down. Cold, harsh reality sets in. There is no escape for me this time, no one or nothing to save me, and my body is too weak and drugged to fight him. My mind is still fighting to form coherent thoughts, but I'm forced to accept the reality - Jacob is here.

I have to fight. I don't want to die, I don't want this to be the last thing that happens to me. I look around, my head whipping frantically as I look for anything I can use as a weapon if I can only get to it. I see a metal nail file with a sharp point on my dresser, a pair of scissors on my vanity. These can be used as weapons if I can get to them somehow. I think about my nails; they are long and could do damage, if I can just get my hands loose. I struggle against his hold and he tightens his grip, forcing me harder into the bed. His other hand wraps easily around my throat. He squeezes just enough that I can get a little breath but not nearly what I need. He holds me firmly down on the bed by my throat. His other hand holds both of my wrists above my head and his knees are on my legs holding them down. He releases my throat and I struggle to draw in a desperately needed breath. Jacob's knees press my legs further apart into the bed painfully, I see the look in his eyes, my panic, my terror doubling. He brings his free hand to unbutton his shirt as he eyes my body beneath him, I know his intention, what he plans to take from me again. He gets his shirt undone and leaves it open as his hands begin to roughly touch my skin, pushing up my tank top to expose more of my body to him.

Even through the drug induced stupor, my body remembers every violation, the vicious imprint of his hands on my skin. My mind begins to focus now. His smell, his touch has me drowning in memories of pain. I choke, fury blazing a clear path through the drugs. Reality waits, my terror, my fear, my desperation. I reach for relief, anything to step out of this agony. My whole body is confused, wanting to fight. That small, wailing voice in the back of my mind, though, is screaming at me not to, that it's always worse to fight, it's better to take it as silently as I can, because sometimes, if I can stay quiet, he gets tired of hurting me faster. I again doubt my sanity and what is happening for a moment. Is this reality or a dream?

It's at this point that I feel blessed numbness creep over me, just like it used to for all of those years. I'm surrendering to his cruelty and surviving the only way I know how. A flicker of self loathing crosses my mind that I'm giving up, but it is fleeting, no match for the relief beckoning. My mind starts to shut down because I know I can't win. The best I can hope for is that I'll endure. It is only endurable by shutting down to avoid the knowledge of what is about to happen to me.

He runs his hand over my body, his knees pressed against my legs holding my own apart and his hands crush my wrists above my head, holding them securely. The burning pain in my throat as I draw ragged breaths and the crushing of my wrists in his hand drags me back from the numbness, sparks something inside of me again. I hear voices in my head, Nana, Papa, Emmett, Charlie, Edward, all telling me to fight and something in me snaps. Yes, fight. I must fight. He can't do this to me again. I got away. I left him. I will not allow him to use me like this again.

I struggle harder. I use every part of my body to protest what he is trying to do. I try to free my legs, to kick and knee wherever I can reach. He stops touching my chest and wraps his hand around my throat again, cutting off my air supply once more. The pressure in my body as it becomes more desperate for breath and the haziness that begins to come after being deprived of oxygen begins to engulf my mind. I struggle still, but it's feeble.

His hand releases my throat and I gasp for air. My throat is on fire but I can't stop to think about that now. He shifts his position over me and in doing so releases a bit of the pressure he's using to hold my wrists down. It's a small thing, but I'll take it. I pull my hands free in that split second and begin to hit and scratch at him, trying to get him off of me, trying to get loose so I can run.

He laughs at me.

The sound stops me short, makes me freeze for a moment. the sound of that laughter is dark and terrible, and my body shakes with it. His fist pulls back and lands on my face. I hear the crunch and then feel the pain. He begins beating me and I attempt to ward off his blows. He is hitting hard and fast and I can't protect myself. He rips my tank top open. I scratch, using my nails like a cat uses their claws. I find his face, digging and dragging them down his skin and he howls in pain and then both his hands find my throat, wrapping around it tight and squeezing, cutting my air supply off completely and rendering me useless once more.

He is not just trying to subdue me now, his aim is not to make me fighting, not just to make me black out. He intends to kill me this time. My nails begin to claw at the back of his hands desperately. I see spots and feel my body going limp. He throttles and shakes me, never releasing the pressure around my throat.

The blackness is creeping in on me. There's, a purple haze around it and I know it's death. I can see that it's peaceful there and I welcome it. I know I'm going to die now, I know this with certainty and I accept it. Regrets starts edging into my mind. Regret for my brother, for Charlie. When my mind turns to Edward, I feel my heart shatter. We should have had more time. I should have given him more. I am going to cause him pain. The panic surfaces in me again: Jacob will hurt him. I start to struggle once more but the hands around my throat seem to get tighter and I have no strength. I can't fight it. I succumb to the blackness.

_**EPOV**_

From the moment I woke up this morning, I've known something horrible is going to happen today. There, in the pit of my stomach, that lump of fear has sat all day, growing larger. All day, I've tried to reach Bella, to tell her I wanted to spend the night at her place tonight, but I unable to get hold of her. I've glared at my phone in frustration more than once.

Emmett's call... Emmett's call is confirmation of the leaden dread in my gut. In my chest is another scalding lump of anger, guilt and fear. I know something is wrong. I _know_ she needs me. Fury bubbles up in my chest, scalding my throat. I struggle to remain in control, but it spills out and I throw my phone across the room. The action, the phone hitting the wall, doesn't lessen the rage - it feeds it until I'm gasping for air. A colleague looks in, shocked. I mumble an apology and close and lock my office door. The next several minutes are spent struggling to compose myself again, knowing I have to go to this meeting when all I want is to be with her.

My need to be with her isn't lessened by the fact that her brother is with her, _I need to be with her_, but I'm stuck here for the rest of the afternoon in an interminable meeting, listening to idiots blab on, impressed with their own importance. I want to leave work early, but I can't move today's meetings - not without losing my job. I still can't get hold of Bella and the knot in my chest rises, threatening to choke me.

Finally - finally! The meeting ends. I don't bother going back to my office; I head straight for my car. I call Bella several times, but get no answer. I call Emmett who tells me she took a sleeping pill and is probably sleeping. It doesn't ease the dread in my belly and the fear in my chest. Something is _wrong._

I see the police car in the driveway and instead of giving me the safe feeling that it should, I feel terror. I have no doubts about who that police car belongs to. I pull up next to it and spring out of the car, I grab my keys but leave the door open as I run. The world seems to move in slow motion as I get to the front door and find it open. I launch myself through the house and up the stairs to Bella's room, moving on instinct. Fear has ratcheted up into sheer gut wrenching terror.

I can hear noises coming from it, even from downstairs. I almost trip on a stair halfway up but it's of no consequence and I find my footing quickly. I need to get to her, I need to get to her now! The door to her room is closed and it fills me with more panic. I don't know if I turn the handle or just break it open but I get through it and... The sight is my worst nightmare come to life.

"Get the fuck away from her, asshole!" I snarl. A red haze clouds my thoughts as I take in the sight before me.

Jacob's large body is hovering over Bella's tiny one and all I can think is _What kind of coward thinks he's the fucking man by beating on someone a third of his size?_ He stands up and turns to me slowly, then the sick bastard smiles at me. I shoot a look over to Bella, desperately trying to see my girl, needing to see if she's okay. He's blocking my view, but I can see she's not moving. _Is she_... I can't even finish the thought. I will not allow myself to think of her as anything but alive. It will destroy me if she is anything but alive. I focus back on the sick fuck in front of me. All the hate and rage that I've felt for all of these months rushes through me, giving me strength.

I move, lunging toward him and swing at him. He easily moves out of the way. I know that I'm outmatched. He has had training, and he's been in fights before, he knows how to throw a punch, he knows how to fight. The only fighting I've ever done is horsing around with friends and the bit I learned in school. I've never had a need to fight before tonight.

I think about every time I've seen Bella flinch at a loud noise, every time she curls up into herself when he shows up, when the panic and terror takes over for her, not allowing her to even breathe; every time she looks at me with fear when he has done something and the way she shakes and trembles at the mere mention of his name; every time she has woken up screaming in the middle of the night haunted by nightmares and memories he gave her.

I charge toward him again and his fist connects with my stomach and I begin to punch blindly, not caring what I'm hitting as long as I'm hitting him. I should be winded, and I do feel it, but I can't seem to care. My hands fly, one after another, connecting with him, trying to make him feel just a portion of what he has doled out through the years to my beautiful girl.

I don't know if I can win or if he will kill me tonight, but I do know that I'm going to take a chunk out of him on my way down if he does. I _will_ leave a mark on him, so that he knows, so that anyone who has ever helped him can see that he didn't get away with it, that, finally, there are consequences. Someone will come after him and he will pay. He will not be allowed to get away with this. That thought - that he could get away with it - is unforgivable.

My right fist connects with his face and the cracking sound is magnificent. I feel his face move under my blow and he goes down to the floor. I can feel his blood on my hand and I don't care as I drop on top of him, it only fuels my rage as I continue to punch. I'm winning, I can feel it. I can do this, I can take him down for her. My victory is short-lived as I feel a knee in my ribs and I fall off him and onto the floor, the pain making me see spots.

He is on top of me immediately and I can see something glimmer in between his fingers just before he punches me, slicing open my cheek with what must be a key. Even now he fights dirty. I doubt he has ever fought fair in his entire life. He intimidates those weaker than him, he uses his badge to threaten and destroy and then hides behind it for protection. I figure all is fair and launch my knee up, catching him in the groin. He doubles over and I have the advantage again for just a brief moment, but he kicks out his leg and hits my knee. My leg buckles.

"I'd say you fight like a girl," He sneers, "but Isabella always knew better than to fight back. Guess I'm going to have to teach you that same lesson, boy."

His words light a fuse in me and I find new strength, wanting - no - needing him to go down, wanting him to die. And I know I can do it: I can kill him and sleep at night. Fuck, I'll sleep better. He will never hurt my Bella again. I will make sure of it; I'll rid this world of his filth.

"Fucking. Son. Of. A. Bitch." I growl as my fists punch out again. I hit him in the ribs and I hear a loud crack although I'm not sure if it's my hand or his ribs. There is a part of me awakened, one I didn't even know exists and he is capable of murder, capable of tearing this man apart piece by piece. I take a few more blows but my determination burns bright and my shots all land just where I need them to: one to the neck, one to his gut and then another to the face. I keep punching, I don't stop, I don't care where I hit as long as it's him.

He goes limp under me but I don't care, my fists keep pummeling, wanting him to feel every blow he had given to her. I want to cut off his dick and shove it up his ass and see how he likes it. My imaginings are darker than I ever thought possible in my mind. If anyone who knows me could see into my mind in this moment they would be in shock that such thoughts could come from me, but they are here, in my mind, and tonight they are coming out. My behavior, my thoughts would surprise anyone who knows me, I'm not considered a fighter, but that is not the truth: I only needed the right cause to fight for. I will fight for her.

The only sound that can possibly break me out of this blood lust is a soft whimper from the bed. My hands immediately fall slack and my head shoots up to Bella. I watch, paralyzed and relieved all at once, as she struggles to sit up. Her neck is circled by red, angry marks, her face and chest is battered, and she's trying to cover herself again, but she is alive and she is still the most beautiful woman on the planet.

I jump up, kicking his lifeless body once more and go to her but stop when I see her eyes. They are glassed over and she is staring at Jacob. I have no idea how much she saw. Will she be afraid of me now? Does she see me as the same as him? The thought makes bile rise in my throat. I move cautiously toward her now, not sure of her reaction. I move slowly and deliberately, trying to make her see I am not a threat.

"Beautiful?" I say kneeling on the floor by her bed. "We need to call the police."

Finally, she looks at me. "No," she whimpers fearfully and the sound breaks my heart. She's right; we don't know who we can trust. Even now, there should be enough that they can't dismiss it, but I don't know if that is true anymore. He always finds a way out. And if they were to take me away for the damage I did to him, she would be left alone, and that is _not_ an option. I watch her for a moment, trying to decide what to do. We can figure this out later. Right now I need to get her away from here and from him.

"Come with me, we need to get out of here," I say soothingly, making sure to keep my voice as nonthreatening as possible but she just sits there, lifeless, and I know she is trying not to break. It's what she does, she keeps it all inside, scared to let it out. Afraid that people will see her how she sees herself. Always scared, but still so strong. It's why I fell in love with her. She has been through so much and yet she comes out with the most open, beautiful, loving heart I have ever seen. I am convinced that Bella has the most giving spirit in the world and I will do anything to stop that light going out.

I pick her up carefully and she wraps her arms around my neck, laying her head against my shoulder; for now, that is enough. It tells me that she knows I'm not the enemy. I have enough of her things at my place that I don't worry about anything but getting her to safety. I just grab a blanket from the end of the bed to wrap her small battered body in as I carry her out of the house.

I load her into the car and head to my place. As I drive, my eyes keep flickering over to her in the passenger seat and I feel fear knot in my stomach again, knowing that once she snaps out of this, once she starts to process it, she may not feel safe with me either.

By the time we reach my house, she is asleep. I am worried about her, wondering if I should be getting her to the hospital, but she isn't having trouble breathing and she seems to be sleeping pretty deeply, so maybe this is what she needs. I pick her up again gingerly and get her inside, going straight to the bedroom. I lay her on the bed and unwrap the blanket from around her.

My guilt wells up, overtaking me for a moment. I failed her again. I swore I would protect her, I swore to her father that he would have to kill me to get to her again. I feel self loathing wash over me as I look down at my beautiful and battered girl and I vow I will not fail her again.

I swallow hard as I see the bruises covering her skin and her neck. You can see the individual finger marks from that bastard's hand, the prints made by his thumb where they pressed against her windpipe. The rage I felt while hitting him comes back and I'm tempted to go back there and finish what I started, but that would mean leaving her alone.

I grab my phone and go into the other room to call Emmett and let him know what happened. He says he'll get out of work and go over to her place immediately. I hope he catches Jake there. I shouldn't want him to kill him, but I do and I know Emmett will; the only thing I wish for more is that I could be the one to do it. I know there will be no hesitation on his part and no Bella to stop him. I hang up the phone and go back to my girl.

I wet a washcloth with warm water. I carefully clean the blood on her face and neck away, wishing I could clean away the bruises that are getting darker by the moment as well. Instead of pulling out some of her pajamas, I grab one of my large button up shirts, figuring it will be comfortable and loose on her and easier for me to get on her body. As I strip her clothes slowly and carefully from her, I feel guilt for a moment. She's been through so much and I'm undressing her while she is passed out. But I figure it's the lesser of two evils. I would rather put her in something comfortable than have her wake up in torn, ruined, blood stained clothing. Emotions are battling for dominance in me, rage and hate at him, worry and love for her. I go back and forth. I stand up, intent of going back to her place. I want to finish this tonight but then Bella shifts a bit on the bed and I again realize I can't leave her here alone right now, I sit back down heavily on the bed and pick up the washcloth once more.

I finish cleaning her up and every small whimper she makes breaks another piece of my heart. I gently ease her into my shirt and button it up before tucking her into the bed and kissing her forehead softly. I have to leave the room, not to get away from her; but because I feel the rage winning and that isn't what I want her to see if she wakes. I pace my house like a caged animal, my fists clenching and loosening at my sides until finally I turn and let one of them fly out, hitting the wall with a solid smack. The pain in my knuckles is enough of a release to allow me to calm down.

Another emotion is fighting in my chest: guilt. I should have listened to my gut. I should have insisted on taking her to work and back. Dammit, I should have... My head sinks into my hands and I want to weep. I failed my beautiful girl. I wasn't there when she needed me. Yes, I have had important meetings all day - meetings I couldn't blow off, not without losing my job, but in the end, what is more important? A job, or my beautiful girl's life?

I give myself over the guilt for a bit, wallow in it, berate myself with it. It's only when I hear the faint sound of Bella shifting slightly on the bed that I'm pulled from my thoughts, I realize there will be time to blame myself later, time to beg her forgiveness later, right now I need to stay strong for Bella. Just as I'm about to head back into the bedroom to sit by her again, my phone rings and it's Emmett.

"What's going on?" I bark..

"He wasn't here by the time I got here."

"What the fuck?" I growl. I was so certain that I had knocked him out.

"He might have played possum, or he might have just woken up. It's been cleaned up, too." Emmett's voice is bleak. "It's not perfect, but there is no real sign that any struggle happened here. Even her damn bed is made."

"Is there blood on her sheets or blankets? She was bleeding too much for there not to be." My mind is working in overtime. Maybe the bruises and the bloody sheets would be enough to make the police finally listen to her, I think hopefully. I hear rustling as it sounds like he is pulling back the covers.

"No, they look clean. I wonder if he changed them?"

"Probably. Fucking bastard." I mutter. "I'm keeping her here for a few days." I pause as I think of something. "Em, did you set her alarm before you left?"

"Of course I did, why?"

"It wasn't going off when I got there and it didn't look like the door had been broken down."

"What?.. But how?" his voice is incredulous. I sit down heavily on the couch, trying to make my brain work, struggling to connect the dots.

"Who has the code to her house?" I ask.

"As far as I know, just her, you, and me." He answers. "She isn't going to give that code to people, you know that."

I suddenly get a sickening feeling. "Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"You have keys to her house." My voice is flat as the statement comes out.

"You don't think..." He roars over the phone and I cut him off sharply.

"NO! Not you. Did you have the code written down anywhere?"

He's quiet a moment, trying to figure out where I'm going with this.

"Yeah, on a piece of paper in my desk drawer. I can never remember the damn thing." He cuts himself off suddenly as he gets it. "No man, she wouldn't. Not even she would stoop so low as to do that. She wouldn't let her daughter come to physical harm... would she?" Emmett's voice gets more quiet and unsure as he speaks.

"How else then?" I say harshly, feeling the rage rise up at Renée now. "You know you mother is practically in love with the asshole. He has her wrapped around his little finger. How easy would it have been for her to take the keys and get the code for him?" I'm spitting my words into the phone and I'm angry at Emmett for being so careless; I probably shouldn't be, but I can't help it right now. My frustration, my rage, my guilt needs an outlet and he is the unfortunate target. Almost immediately though, all of those emotions turn in on myself. I should have kept her safe. It's I who failed her, not Emmett.

He stays silent but I know he's still on the line. I can hear him jogging across the street and the sound of him letting himself into his house, his footsteps as he moves fast to his office and the drawers being pulled open one by one and dumped out.

"They aren't here. The extra set of keys is gone."

His voice is weak on the other end of the line and it diminishes my anger toward him. I know he would never intentionally harm his sister or put her in harm's way. The blame for this falls squarely on the shoulders of Renée and Jacob.

"How could she do that to Bella?" He asks me and for a moment I can hear him: the little boy that Bella told me about when she tells me stories of them growing up. I've never heard Emmett sound so unsure, meek and scared. I'm don't know how to deal with this. I'm already overloaded with emotions and I can hear Bella beginning to stir in the bedroom.

I sigh. "Look, man, we know how he did it now. I don't think there is much doubt. We have to figure out what to do from here. I can take the next couple of days off work and spend them with Bella. Let's give her a day or two to recover and then we'll plan.

"Okay," He agrees and I hear that same tiredness in his voice that was there the day he came over to her house to say Renée was there to visit and wanted to see her.

"I gotta go, your sister is waking up. Will you be alright?"

"Yeah... just... Edward?"

"Yeah?" I'm getting more anxious to get off the phone and get to her, but Emmett is my friend and I want to make sure he's okay, too.

"Take care of her, please?"

"You know I will." With that we hang up and I hurry to Bella.

She stirs and I help her sit up. She recognizes where she is, but her eyes are still glassy and she appears to still be in a daze. I get her some water and she drinks it before laying back down, her eyes already closing again. I stroke her hair softly as I watch her sleep for a long time, before finally realizing there is dried blood on my knuckles. I get up and head to the bathroom to clean myself up before changing into some pajama pants and a t-shirt and crawling into bed with Bella. I wrap my arms around her gingerly, not wanting to jostle or hurt her but needing to hold her. The night if fitful for me as I keep waking to check on her before falling back into sleep.

The next three days are some of the longest of my life. Bella is barely speaking. She is lost in herself, but I know she is thinking, I can see it in her eyes. She doesn't shy away from me and she snuggles close when I hold her but it feels like she's not really there. When I told her I had taken the rest of the week off and I wanted her to stay with me she just nodded her head. She looks so broken and for the first time I can understand why Emmett treats her like she's fragile. I'm scared, really, truly scared that it's too much for her. I don't know why she won't talk and I don't want to push her too hard. I figure when she's ready, she will talk.

We haven't gone out. We've stayed hidden away in my house, and other than letting Emmett in when he visited and answering the door when I've ordered in food, we haven't gone near the front door. Thinking of Emmett's visit makes me sigh sadly. He looked so defeated when he came over. He had called his mother and, while she had denied taking the keys and the code, he said he could tell she was lying. Bella barely acknowledged him while he was here. When he kissed the top of her head before he left, I watched her flinch and then the tears well up in her eyes and fall silently on her cheeks. I knew without her speaking she was feeling shame that she was afraid of her own brother again.

I'm not sure what to do, so I try to reassure her constantly. I tell her I love her, that she is still beautiful. That this is not her fault, she is not to blame. I tell her that we will get through this together, that I'm not leaving her. I talk to her as if she will respond to me but I'm not surprised when she doesn't or I get short and quiet one word answers from her. I don't try to ignore what has happened, but I try to get us to a routine that is semi-normal.

The one thing she is adamant about is me seeing her undressed. I understand and respect that, but I'm worried about how her body is healing. She says there are no broken bones and I have to believe her. I figure she would know if something was broken. She dresses in my sweatshirts, which are huge on her, and sweats. I know this is just another way for her to hide and it hurts to see it happening, to watch her, day by day, closing in on herself and shutting the world out. Even with her delicate skin covered in the angry purple and black bruises, she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I wish I knew how to reach her, I wish she would just talk to me, I wish she would let me comfort her.

I can be patient though, I can wait. I will wait, for as long as she needs. If we need to go all the way back to the beginning and start over, I will. For her, I will do anything. So now, I just wait.

It's the third night after the ordeal and I am exhausted. I help Bella into bed and then crawl in beside her. I feel a little hurt when she rolls away to her side. Today she has been shutting me out more, but I don't push her. I reach out and touch her back softly and when she doesn't flinch or pull away I keep my hand there. I just need some connection with her and if this is all she can give me right now, then it's okay, I'll take it. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

_**BPOV**_

I wake up slowly, my body aching, blinking in confusion, trying to figure out why I'm hurting and where I am. I've woken up the same way for the last four days, disoriented for a moment before that night rushes back to me and I remember everything that happened. I glance to my side and see Edward sleeping beside me. I start to move carefully away from him but his arm moves to pull me back protectively. I hold still for a few minutes letting him slip deeper into sleep before carefully maneuvering myself from his arms and out of the bed. My whole body hurts with each step to the bathroom and just like the previous three mornings, the sight in the mirror makes me stop and takes my breath away. The bruises on my face are still dark purple, though some are starting to get that icky yellowish color to them now. The marks on my neck are still an angry purple and black against my pale skin. The very sight of them... I suddenly can't breathe and I'm drowning in memories of what happened...

Jacob was at my house. He attacked me. Jacob tried to kill me.

Edward showed up. They fought. Edward protected me. Edward brought me to his house.

My mind still feels a bit fuzzy and there are ragged gaps in my memory. I vaguely remember Edward carrying me into his place from the car and setting me on the bed. I remember him trying to see how much damage was done, if any bones were broken, cleaning the blood from my skin. I know he thought I was asleep - I wasn't. I just didn't know what to do. I had felt frozen and numb, I didn't know what to think or how to react, I still don't. It's why I haven't talked these last three days unless I have had to: I don't know what to say. It's safer to keep it locked inside and not say anything. It's safer to just hide. It's safer to stay numb.

That night I just wanted to keep my eyes closed and go to sleep, to escape what had happened. He finally let me, pulling me close without a word, holding me tightly but carefully as I slipped into the welcome blackness of sleep.

I stare at myself, assaulted by more images. Jacob holding me down on the bed. Jacob's hands around my neck, the feeling of not being able to breathe. The feeling of relief when I heard Edward's voice and felt him pull Jacob off me. I remember very little of them fighting, I remember the sounds but I think I passed out for a bit. As the images come to me, I'm hyperventilating, my heart is pounding and leaves me shaking. What have I done? Edward could have been killed because of me. What if Jacob had used his gun of any of the other weapons I know he often carries on him? A sob of defeat and desperation rips from my throat and I hold my hands over my mouth to stifle it. I slide down to the floor of the bathroom, drawing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. I bury my face against my legs to hide the sobs as they continue.

I'm appalled when I think of the danger I've put him in. My despair grows, but a thought gets clearer and a decision is formed. It's over, it has to be. I can't do this anymore. I can't put him in this danger and this is the only way to protect him. As long as he is with me, he will constantly be in harm's way. I know he won't leave me, so I will have to leave him.

I think about what my life will be without him. Overwhelming, wrenching pain rips through my chest, and it has nothing to do with the bruises that Jacob left. Something just reached into my chest and wrenched out my heart. What's left is a great, gaping emptiness, black as midnight and twice as cruel when it fills with pure, unadulterated agony. It continues to expand until it's wider than my arms can encompass. Every breath I draw is torture and I begin to realize that this is only the beginning of it.

I love him. Those words are shallow, shadowy echoes of the true depth of my love for this man. They do not even begin to encompass the way I feel about him. They are also why I have to do this.

Jacob is not going to let me go. I am as certain of this as I am of my love for Edward. I'm also certain that he will come after me again, and as long as Edward is in my life, he will come after him as well. Maybe if I leave, just maybe, Jacob will be so focused on me that he will leave Edward alone. I know I can make Jacob focus on me. "If I have to..." I whisper to myself, "if I have to, if the only way I can protect him is to go back to that hell, I will." I know these words are true, and they horrify me to the depths of my bleeding soul. But, if it comes down to it, I will do it to protect Edward. I will do anything to protect Edward.

I think about sneaking out before he wakes, or worse, in the middle of the night. I can't do it, though. He'll follow me, I know he will. He won't give up on me. This thought snaps off another piece of my soul and disappears into the bottomless black hole in my chest . He loves me enough to fight for me and will try to change my mind. I can't let him start talking, because if I do, he'll change my mind and I'll stay. I don't want to leave him., I don't want to walk away. I'm going to hurt him and this thought brings on a fresh round of tears. I will hurt him badly, but it's the right thing to do. I get up from the bathroom floor [with no memory of how I got there. I wipe my tears away and I look at myself in the mirror. Speaking to the image I can barely stand to look at...

_Bella, if you love him as much as you say you do, you have to walk away from him now. You're going to have to tell him. You need to do it right away, as soon as he's awake, no delays. This is the only thing you can do for him, this is the only way. You have to be strong. You can't cry now. Later, when you're alone you can break down all you want but for this you have to be strong._

I watch my eyes in the reflection, watch them fade, becoming dull with the reality of what I have to do. The knowledge sinks deeper in and then, finally, they go dead. I feel the numbness that I need to perform this task seep through my bones from head to feet. I take the love and devotion I feel for this incredible man and I lock them up tightly. I cannot feel these now; I must stay cold and numb to do this. I feel the resolve in me. I can do this. This will keep him safe from Jacob. I can do this.

I wash my face. I brush my teeth. I brush my hair and pull it back with a binder. I make my way quietly to the bedroom and get dressed, wincing when I move my bruised body to pull the shirt over my head, to pull on a pair of jeans. I gather all of my belongings I've left at his place over the past several months and leave them in a bag by the front door. I realize my car isn't here and panic for a moment before I come up with a plan. I sit on the couch and wait quietly for Edward to wake up, refusing to let myself think. If I think, I will talk myself out of this. If I think, I will have to feel the pain I know is there. If I think, I will realize that to walk away from Edward is to destroy the other half of my soul.

I hear Edward stir in the bedroom and I know it won't be long now. Picking up my cell phone, I call the cab company, arranging for a taxi to be here in twenty minutes. I hear Edward get out of the bed and stumble to the bathroom. I stay still on the couch listening to him wake and go through his morning routine, the muffled thumps as things are dropped, water running as he cleans his teeth, all little familiar sounds that I'm going to miss so much. The door opens and his quiet footsteps let me know where he is, as he pads out into the living room on his bare feet.

"Bella?" he asks softly and looks a little surprised when he sees me sitting quietly on the couch already awake and dressed. I know I must look cold and stiff sitting the way I am, it's all part of my facade that I cannot allow to crack. If I do, I will falter in what I must do.

Edward wears a pair of pajama pants slung low on his hips and my eyes roam over his chest, taking in the bruises on his body, along his jaw, the small cut across his cheek, a ghastly reminder of his fight with Jacob. It's all the confirmation I need that I'm doing the right thing. Things could have gone so differently; he could have been killed. Jacob has training, Jacob carries a gun, Jacob carries other weapons. This is not a risk I am willing to take. Edward is too precious to me and I will not risk his life because of my mistakes. He sits down on the couch and moves to pull me to him in a hug and I shift away. I see the hurt flash in his eyes as his arms drop and I feel another shot of pain in my heart but I push it away for now.

'Beautiful?" he questions again and I see something beginning to rise in his eyes. His gorgeous green eyes, that I will never look into again, never again see love there in them. They are filling with fear now as he studies me. I have to look away, down to my lap. I can't look into his eyes and say the words, so they stay on my hands twisting in my lap. The voice in my head is screaming at me again.

_What are you doing? Are you this stupid to walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to you? Are you this much of a coward? You're unwilling to talk to him about this? Why won't you tell him you love him? Take that worry you see in his eyes away? Just three simple words, _I love you_, why won't you say them? Because those are what you should be saying, not this. You know those words are true, you know you don't want to do this! You shouldn't be running away from him, you should be running to him, letting him in, letting him help!_

I push that voice deep into the recesses of my mind, I can't listen to it or I might change my mind. I must do what's best for Edward, he shouldn't have to deal with all of this baggage that I come with. He didn't sign up for this in his life; he only got dragged into it because of me. I've already ruined his life enough, and he deserves so much better than me. But, I know he won't walk away from me, he's too good-hearted to do that. He will feel that he has to protect me, even if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, which means I must make it as easy as possible for him. I take another deep breath and will myself to stay strong, I command the tears threatening not to come. There will be time to break completely once this is done - the rest of my life - but not now. I take a deep breath and start talking fast. I have to get the words out while I can.

"Edward, I can't do this anymore. It isn't fair or right. You deserve someone who doesn't bring this much pain and turmoil, someone who doesn't complicate your life. You deserve only good things and I'm too screwed up, too broken to ever be fixed. I only bring pain with me. Maybe he was right all along: I don't deserve you. You are too good for me, too good to be tainted with my filth. You deserve the world, happiness, love without baggage. My stuff is already packed. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back." my voice breaks as those words come out of my mouth, I can feel myself starting to shake and I know I have to get up and leave now or I won't have the strength to do it at all.

Edward starts to speak but I stop him. If I let him talk, I won't do this. If I hear his voice it will break my resolve and I will throw myself into his arms and beg him to never let me go. I shake my head and start to speak before he does, cutting him off. My words tumble out fast and my voice is dead and flat as I speak. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm so screwed up, I can't put you through this anymore, not when I lo..."

I stop myself before the words come out. That would be another mistake, to say those words to him. I feel like I can't breathe, like all the lights just went out...

_SAY IT! _ My inner voice screams at me._ Tell him the truth. Don't do this, Bella, don't make the biggest mistake of your life! Do not walk out of his door! _

My nails dig into the palm of my hands hard enough to draw blood as I pray for the strength to walk. I get up quickly from the couch, my head bowed. I glance once at him, sitting there, frozen in disbelief and pain, feeling the tears in my eyes. I haven't let him speak and I don't intend to, I can't look into his eyes, I can't see the hurt I'm causing him. I instinctively move my hand to touch him before pulling it back sharply

"I'm so sorry," I choke out before I turn and walk as fast as I can to the door, grabbing my bag and yanking it open, slamming it shut behind me before I can give him a chance to do anything. I run to the cab parked in the drive as the tears start to flow down my cheeks. I can't breathe and gasp for my breath but I know I deserve this pain. The pain in my chest where my heart used to be is the only thing that is telling me I'm alive right now. I manage to get into the cab and give my address to the driver, urging him to hurry to get me away. He looks at me strangely for a moment and I beg him to go. He pulls away quickly, speeding, but I don't care, I have to go, I need to put distance between me and Edward.

My inner voice is taunting me now -_ coward, nothing but a weak coward! _- repeating inside my head.

I scream back at it in my head _SHUT UP! I have to do this for him, he is worth so much more than I am. He deserves someone who can give him what I can't. He deserves to be happy, not to have to worry about the next time my ex comes after me, not wondering when he's going to get the call that Jacob finally succeeded, that I'm dead! I can't do this to him anymore! It's not right._

The driver pulls up to my house and I toss money at him, telling him to keep the change as I scramble out of the cab and run to my front door. I manage to unlock it and throw it open, only to slam it shut behind me, throwing the locks. I know Jake isn't here, but I can still feel him. The safety of my house has been violated. The peaceful calm that I always found here has been shattered. I know he'll be back for me, but I'll deal with that later. Right now, all I can deal with is the pain that's overtaking me now that I'm away. I fall to my knees in the front hall and scream out into the empty house, my body shaking with the sobs. I curl up on the carpet and wrap my arms around myself, rocking and crying until I make myself sick, have to run for the bathroom to empty my stomach.

The tears finally run dry and yet I still keep sobbing. My throat is raw and burns painfully. The pain of the bruises that Jacob left on me is nothing now: all I feel is the pain that I have caused myself. I wonder if Edward hates me now. I wonder if he even cares, or just feels relief that I'm gone and therefore no longer needs to concern himself with me. I curse myself and then I curse Jacob. I curse the universe. I scream and curse, sob and rage in the empty room, letting it all come pouring out of me until there is nothing left but despair and exhaustion. Eventually, I fall asleep curled up on my bathroom floor, too defeated to go on anymore.

**Author's Note:**

_Please, before I get any angry reviews or PM's about Bella basically pulling an "New Moon Edward" please, I beg you to think for a moment. She is overwrought, she is terrified beyond what most of us can imagine, she has almost just died. She knows that Jacob is not going to give up and now she knows he intends to kill her. _

_She has always protected everyone above herself, it's why she stayed in her marriage so long, because of the threat to her family. Now, there is the threat to Edward. Edward did something nobody else has done, he stood up to Jacob, he fought him and she has no idea what Jacob's retaliation for that might be but she is desperate to keep Edward safe. _

_She didn't leave Edward because she thought she wasn't good enough for him, because she thought he would be better off without her, those may have been the words she used to do it but that is not the reason. While it's true that she struggles to believe that she deserves Edward or his love, her reason for leaving is based solely on her fear of Jacob in this situation, not her insecurities about herself, of her worth. She truly believes in her heart of hearts that this is the only way to protect him, to save his life. This of course spirals and consumes her with guilt because if it wasn't for her...Jacob wouldn't even know Edward so in her mind it all comes down to one person's fault...hers._

_Is she making a rash decision based on terror? Yes. Is she making the wrong decision? I don't know the answer to that, put yourself in her place, think about if your significant other was in danger, is there anything you wouldn't do to protect them? This is the dark, desperate, terrifying place Bella is drowning in right now._

_And keep this in mind as well, you know that Edward and Bella end up together, you've seen glimpses of their future._

_So, while I always want to hear your thoughts on my story, good or bad, I just ask that before you write me a really angry review, just think about that place for a moment and why she did what she did and then, if you still want to write an angry review, I'll accept it gracefully._

_Remember please, this is a true story, I have to stick with the events that happened to due it justice, so any seeming parallels with Twilight are coincidental but I think we all think them because this is a written as a fanfic with the characters so we can't help but see them when they appear._

_I also know there are a lot of you out there, saying, how long can this go on? How much more can he do and how can people not see? Please, don't give up yet, stick with me for at least another two chapters. _

_Also, there are two more outtakes posted in Broken Bits and Pieces, an Emmett outtake, and a Charlie/Edward outtake, check 'em out!_

_Thank you all again, for all the support and your kind words, until next time!_

_~Jade~_


	20. Chapter 19: Shattered

**Chapter Nineteen~ Shattered**

_I had no idea that night would take so damn long,_

_Took it out on the street, While the rain still falls,_

_Yeah, it's always back to you._

_How many times can I break 'til I shatter,_

_Over the line can't define what I'm after,_

_I always, turn the car around._

_~Shattered by O.A.R.~_

_**On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country (U.S.) every day.**_

~The Domestic Violence Resource Center (Website available on my profile page)

~Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004, 2006 (link available on my profile page)

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Sorry, again it's taken longer than I intended but you know how crazy life and the holidays get. I've also had to have a surgery so wasn't able to get to the story as much as I wanted to. Thank you for all of those who follow me for each update, for the encouraging reviews and messages you send. Hello and welcome to all the new followers of my story and thank you for reading. I will quit talking now and let you read but please see my note at the end of the chapter as well. Picture of Tex is on my profile page **__**~Jade~**_

_**E POV**_

Staring at the door, I wonder what the hell just happened, because that couldn't have been me. I wouldn't let that wonderful woman just walk out of my life, not without a fight. So why am I still here alone? Why am I sitting on my couch in stunned silence, not moving a muscle as the woman who I love more than I have ever loved anyone, walks out my door and out of my life? Her words replay over and over in my mind, like a record on repeat. Each repetition brings more pain than the previous.

_"Edward, I can't do this anymore. It isn't fair or right. You deserve someone who doesn't bring this much pain and turmoil, someone who doesn't complicate your life. You deserve only good things and I'm too screwed up, too broken to ever be fixed. I only bring pain with me. Maybe he was right all along: I don't deserve you. You are too good for me, too good to be tainted with my filth. You deserve the world, happiness, love without baggage. My stuff is already packed. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back."_

She has it so wrong, so backwards from what reality is. It's me that is not good enough for her. Every day she inspires me to be a better man, not just for her, but for myself and for the world. She is so wrong in thinking that I deserve better than her because there _is_ no better than her. As for bringing me pain, he brings pain, not her, never her; she brings love and happiness that I didn't even know existed until she came into my life. I tried to tell her, opened my mouth to speak, but she wouldn't let me talk, and for the first time I understood what she meant when she tried to describe the numbness she felt, because now I felt it when she said those words to me. I felt my heart break and shatter, felt the cold and pain take their place, freezing me in place.

I knew from the moment I woke up this morning that something was wrong. I knew when I woke up to find Bella not in bed with me that this was going to be a shitty day, but I had no idea that it would come to this. While I shaved and brushed my teeth I tried to push down the heavy feeling of dread in my stomach, I tried to convince myself I was just worried about her, but the moment I walked into my living room and saw her sitting there, I knew.

I knew, in that moment that she was going to leave me. It had finally become too much and she couldn't handle any more. It hurt me to watch her, the way she held her body so stiffly, the way she tried to hide her eyes from me, the way the words came rushing out of her mouth so fast I had trouble understanding them. The way she would interrupt me immediately when I tried to say something. All I could think was, she should never look like that, she should never look that hurt, that scared, that fragile. The pain was physical and immediate to see her like that.

When she stopped me speaking the second time, I realized, in a split second moment of clarity why. I knew in that moment, I would be able to talk her out of it. I wanted to. I could talk around her; I could make her stay. I wanted to do whatever it took to make her stay. But... there was another part of me that was afraid that if I did, she would stay for the wrong reasons. I heard the reasons she gave for why she was leaving, but I wasn't sure if that was the complete truth. I wanted to force her to stay, to make her talk to me, but I was afraid to touch her. I was terrified that if I tried to touch her, she would flinch or pull away from me. And there was no way I would ever, could ever force her, not after all that he's put her through.

I think she knows me better than anyone I've ever met, but there is still a lot I hide from her. I don't show her all the passion I have inside for her. I think it will scare her. There is so much love, so much passion, so much respect and admiration for her that I am afraid it will be too overwhelming to let her see it. I know I can be intense and I mask a lot of it with jokes and romance, but the truth is I'm afraid to have a fierce and extreme reaction around her, in case it reminds her of _him_. She is already so shaken up over what happened between Jacob and I, and I've been terrified for days that she was going to break down. So instead of making her listen to me, I didn't try; I let her go. I couldn't force her to stay or make her change her mind for any other reason than she wanted to, I refused to do that to her. She has had enough people making decisions for her in her life; I would not do that. Even if it breaks every piece of my heart, this decision is hers.

I know so many people who would ask me why I even bother. Why I won't let her - us - go and move on. That is not an option, not unless she really wants me gone. The world sees a fragile, broken woman, hiding and scared of the world, afraid of her own shadow. They see baggage that will haunt her for the rest of her life and the work it would take to be with someone like her. I see her: I see Bella. I see the brave and strong woman inside. I see a funny and sweet woman. I see a beautiful and kind spirit, so willing to give that she forgets about herself in the process, so willing to protect those she loves that she will put herself in danger. I have felt the love she gives, the strength her love brings, the courage her love brings, the happiness her love brings. She is the, missing piece of my soul that makes me whole, that I didn't know I was missing until she came into my life. I am simply not complete without her.

How do you win someone back when you're not sure your actions are wanted? She left me. _She left me_. I am almost certain it's because she's scared for my safety, but doubts begin to creep into my mind. Maybe she doesn't feel for me the way I feel for her. Maybe I've imagined it because I want her to love me like that so badly. Maybe I've rushed her. I always let her lead but maybe I pushed without realizing it, let this overwhelming love for and devotion to her get in the way of what is best for her or what she wants. Or maybe she does feel the way I do, but is not ready for it. I'm not going to push her into something she's not ready for.

I flinch at my next thought and I'm hit by a ton of bricks. Maybe it's because of what she saw the other night, the fight with Jacob. My heart pounds with fear and I feel sick with revulsion; maybe she thinks of me now as she thinks of him and was just trying to work up the courage to leave. She has to know, though, right? She has to know that I would never hurt her, I would never put her in harm's way.

_But you didn't protect her. You let him get to her. You should have been there and you weren't,_ my inner voice taunts me and it's right: I failed her. I should have been there sooner, meeting be damned. I shouldn't have dropped my guard as much I have in the last week or so. I should have been there. I should never have left her side. I feel numb. Part of me welcomes it. It is a welcome respite from the agony ripping through my heart. I get up and get into the shower, jumping out twice when I think I hear the phone ring.

When I finally sit back down on my couch with a bag of beef jerky, mindlessly eating, the attack repeats endlessly in my mind. Her battered body lying on the bed, lifeless. What if I hadn't been there? _Bella would be dead._ My throat tightens so that I can barely swallow my mouthful and I toss the bag on the coffee table, sick to my stomach. My eyes start to water when I realize how close I came to losing her that night and now, I may have lost her forever. I have never cried over a woman before and as the tears fall, I wonder if I'm crying because she could have died or because she's gone. I realize it's a bit of both, but the more I think about her being gone, her leaving me, the worse the ache in my chest is and the harder it becomes to breathe. Right now, I would welcome the return of the numbness. The pain and fear are excruciating.

I clear my throat, swiping at my eyes with the back of my hand roughly and pick up the phone, dialing Bella's number. When her voice mail picks up I hold my breath until the beep. "Hi, Bella, it's me… Edward." I shake my head at my stupidity. "I just want to know if you got home okay. Can you call me, or just text me so I know you're safe? You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but please could you let me know you are home safe?" I want to say more but I don't, I hang up the phone.

She's been gone an hour and it's like a physical piece of me is missing, like half of my soul has been ripped out. All my thoughts revolve around this woman, this small woman who fits me like a glove. Never in my life have I had a connection like I do with her. With all the ghosts of her past, I knew it would be a rough road, but I always thought it would be us against the past, together. What hurts me even more is that she would be devastated to know that I am hurting this way. There is a part of me that wants to be angry at her, curse her for doing this, for not giving me a chance to speak, but I can't be mad at her. As time slowly progresses, I become more and more certain she did this to try to protect me, not because she doesn't love me. I know how her mind works; she thinks that by leaving me she is protecting me. I have to give her time, time to see that this isn't the answer.

All of this is still so new to her; hell, it's new to me, but even more so to her. She has done exactly what she has always done, from the time she was an eight year old little girl taking care of her baby brother. She is trying to protect everyone but herself. She would rather take the brunt of it all than allow anyone else to be harmed on her behalf. I want so badly to call her, to make her talk to me but I think it best to give her some time. The thought of her alone in that house breaks me again because I know her, I can feel her. The fear and pain she is in is overwhelming. This is another reason I can't be mad at her: I can feel her, can feel that this is destroying her every bit as much as it's destroying me. I only pray that there will be enough of us left to put back together when she realizes that this isn't the answer. Trust will have to be built again, new bonds forged. I'm getting ahead of myself; she has to realize that this was a mistake first, she has to let me back in, before we can even begin to deal with all of that.

I miss her. I miss her to the depth of my soul. I miss her profoundly, intensely and relentlessly. And I know that she feels the same, because I can feel her, feel her pain multiplying my own. So I text her, those three simple words that do not cover the depth and scope of our mutual agony. Dignity has no place here; who the fuck needs dignity anyway? I don't need my dignity, I need Bella.

About an hour later I get a text back.

**-I'm fine-**

_Fine_

Fuck, I hate that word. She shuts me out with that one word. I understand that she needs to protect herself;. I've seen her do it before. I've watched her close up on herself when it all becomes too much to handle but this time it's different, this time it's so much more, this time it hurts so badly because I feel like this is the final door. If this one closes, she's going to chain and padlock it and I doubt if anyone will get back in. And that is what makes me the most sad, the most afraid - the thought that breaks my already shattered soul into even more pieces: the world could lose this beautiful light to fear and darkness.

I don't know how the day ends but night comes and I find myself in bed. I always call Bella to say goodnight, we always talk at the end of our day. I have gone back and forth all day in my head over whether she's scared or if she really wants to break up. At the moment, my mind is certain she's scared, so I take out my phone and I text.

**-Goodnight Beautiful-**

My phone beeps within two minutes and I grab it.

**-Goodnight Edward-**

I make a face at my name, never hating it so much as I do in this moment. I know Sweetness is not the most manly nickname, but it's mine, it's her name for me, and I know she's made a conscious decision to not use it.

I don't sleep at all, knowing that she won't either. Her nightmares will win tonight and I'm not there to hold her, I'm not there to protect her. Again.

In the morning I text her and get a reply. I'm going to try not to push, but I have to know she is okay, so until she tells me to stop, I will keep sending a text in the morning and at night. At least she is not cutting me out completely - nearly, but not quite entirely - and it's enough to give me hope, enough to reaffirm my belief that she is doing this because she is trying to protect me rather than not wanting to be with me.

Four days of not seeing her and I feel empty; I look forward to her five words each day because nothing else holds as much meaning as those five words. Good morning, Edward, Goodnight, Edward. Every fiber of my being tells me she's not okay, but I know she is alive. Anything else I can wait for, I can give her time to heal. I will wait for forever if it means that she'll come back to me.

Emmett and I talk daily and it's another tangible connection to her. He sounds broken, too, and he begs me not to give up on her, begs me to give her time. He tells me that he is trying to make her see reason and he confirms my thoughts that she ran because she is afraid Jacob will come after me now. She wants him to focus solely on her, she wants to keep me safe. It kills me to hear how she cries and how she begs for me in her sleep. Her nightmares are dreadful but she forbids Emmett from calling me over, saying she has to get used to life without me. My beautiful girl is hurting but she refuses to let me help her, stubbornly thinking she can protect me by staying away from me. All I can do is give her time.

I am vaguely aware of some of the names most guys would call me for my behavior, how they would tell me to forget about her and move on, but that is not something I want to do, would be an impossible feat anyway. There is no forgetting Bella, no forgetting her warmth, her smile, her love. There is nobody who will ever make me feel the way Bella does and I don't want to try to replace it. Anyone else would be unthinkable, anything else, simply less than my Bella.

I drive across town to use her grocery store and I know that this behavior is probably wrong, and possibly illegal. Is it stalking if I use her grocery shop in the hopes of seeing her? Lately the law hasn't meant as much to me as it once did. I respect right and wrong still, but I have a hard time respecting the law now. My only concern is scaring her with my behavior.

I twist an avocado in my hand, having no idea how to tell if it's ripe, nor do I care. I hate avocados, but it seems like a normal thing to do while I kill time. I know how she loves to cook and that she takes near daily trips to the grocery store. As my brain catches up with me, I realize that she is probably not going out at all; Emmett is doing her shopping or she is having it delivered. There are some things I know, just know, and I know she is staying in her house unless she absolutely has to leave. She is hiding and I can't blame her for that. I just wish she would hide away with me and not alone.

I put down the avocado and look up. My jaw sets as the person across from me smirks. I narrow my eyes and the air becomes thick with anger and hate. Then the fucker nods at me and winks before turning and walking out. The man who just tried to kill my girl less than a week ago leaves the store and there is nothing I can do about it. I wish the bruises and cuts on his face made me feel better, but the truth is, there is a coldness in his eyes; the man has no soul, and that is scary as shit.

Three days later he shows up in my end of town. I'm filling my car with gas when a police cruiser pulls up next to me. Jacob steps out of the car and puts the nozzle in his own tank. I know he's been following me because his clicks long before mine and proves he didn't really need the fill up. He folds his arms on the top of his car and calls out to me as if we're having a friendly, neighborly chat.

"How you liking my sloppy seconds? If you want, I can find you a bitch that can actually make you come."

"Mother fucker," I growl furiously spinning toward him, ready to end this here and now. His face gives him away and I know he doesn't want a confrontation, not here: too many witnesses. He likes the deck stacked and here he doesn't hold the advantage. I watch as he gets into his car and drives away. Part of me is scared of this sick fuck, but most of me is just relieved, knowing that if he is harassing me, he isn't harassing Bella.

I see him once more a few days later in the mall as I'm doing some shopping. I see him out of the corner of my eye and I turn to face him squarely, daring him to come at me, to finish this. His eyes narrow and he turns and walks away.

_Fucking coward._

It's two weeks later and I find myself feeling no less lost, in no less pain without her. It increases by the day and I think I've only got a day or two left before I break down and show up on her doorstep, begging. We've already sent our goodnight texts but I need more tonight. I need her, I need her so badly I shake with it. I pull out my phone and download a picture of a flower, the first flower I ever gave her. They are beautiful, unique, something exotic and suit her perfectly. I attach the picture of the birds of paradise to the text and hit send.

I don't expect an answer right away, but an hour later with no answer, there is a feeling in my gut that something isn't right. My leg bounces nervously as I watch my phone, willing it to beep. I'm nauseous and want to throw up, but I can't. If she thought I would be okay without her, if I could suddenly just forget her, if she thought I could get over her - she is so wrong. It's a hundred times worse without her. I miss her touch, her laugh, her voice, her smile, I miss everything about her. And I can't even be mad at her for it because I know that as misguided as her actions are, she is doing it out of love to protect for me. Knowing full well the danger she is in, she would rather protect me than herself.

It's early morning, not even light outside yet when my phone finally beeps, jerking me out of the half sleep I was in. I breathe out a sigh of relief until I see it's not from Bella. It's from Emmett.

**-Bella's in the hospital. It's bad. Will you come?-**

The vomit finally comes.

Though I'm shaking and more scared than I have ever been in my entire life, I get in my car and head to the hospital. My thoughts are disjointed, ragged bits of sentences and emotions whirling and incoherent. Razor sharp terror slices through the fog: what happened? How bad is it? Is she going to live? What did he do to my beautiful girl? There was never any question of if I would go. I don't know if she'll want me there, but even if I have to be in the waiting room, I will be there. I need to see her. I need to make her see that this is not what I want, not what she wants. I need to make her see that I love her; no matter what, I love her and that will be for always. I will wait for her as long as it takes, let her take this in her time but I will not leave her.

_**B POV**_

_The Day After Leaving Edward's Place_

Waking up on the bathroom floor with the sun streaming through the small window confuses me. As I try to move, I realize my body is stiff and sore, my head is spinning and pounding, my mouth is dry and every part of me hurts. Squinting against the bright sunlight beaming directly into my eyes, I try to piece together why I'm in here and what happened last night. It all rushes over me like a huge wave swamping a beach, everything that happened from the attack on me, the fight between Edward and Jacob, and finally, my leaving. I realize that it's my phone alerting me I have a text that has woken me. I read it, and another cry rips from my throat when I see it's from Edward, telling me good morning. I answer him back, unable to stop myself from doing so.

The last thought crushes me again, the pain in my chest and the feeling of being shattered into a thousand pieces overwhelms, knowing I have no one to blame but myself for all of this. At this thought, anger takes over. What right do I have to feel this crushed and broken? What right do I have to feel this hurt? NONE! I did this, I hurt Edward, I brought this danger to him, I let myself believe we could be happy, and let him believe this as well. I deserve every bit of this pain.

Grief, pain, hopelessness, guilt, anger, helplessness: they all crash down over me, forcing me to the floor in a fetal position; I don't have it in me to fight anymore. Jacob can come kill me. As long as he leaves Edward and my family alone, I don't care what he does to me anymore. Just as long as they are safe. I finally cry myself to sleep again, alone and cold, shivering and curled up on the bathmat.

Day passes into night, night fades into day, only to repeat itself again, a continuous cycle that keeps moving even if I don't. I barely notice, I don't care. They say that the pain of a broken heart fades in time. I say that's bullshit. It's been a week and the pain hasn't faded an inch, in fact it's worse. Every breath hurts, my chest always aches, that spot where my heart used to be is filled with despair and guilt. My eyes are permanently swollen and I sob without warning; all I can do is curl myself up small and cry until I either fall asleep or I gain enough control to get up and try to carry out whatever task I started out doing.

The day I left him, when I received the message, his voice begging me to let him know that I had made it home safely almost broke my resolve. I managed to answer him, telling him I was fine when what I wanted to tell him was the I love him, that I'm so sorry, to please forgive me and take me back. Later that night, when I received the text telling me goodnight, I held to it like a lifeline.

I live for the morning and night texts I get from him. I purposefully use his name instead of Sweetness, although I desperately want to. But in that one name I have for him is all that cannot be. That name sums up all of my love and feelings and that's why I can't use it, I have to try to keep him at a distance even though it's killing me to do so. I feel selfish for wanting these texts and I dread the day I no longer get them. The day he gives up on me. Though I know it's what should happen, it's why I left him, so he could move on with life and forget about me, I don't want to think of that day.

I am cold and empty, beyond caring about anything. The only thing that causes any kind of response or emotion are thoughts of Edward, and his messages. Then, the pain explodes, drowning me. Thinking about him makes me feel again and I can feel his pain as well as my own. The connection between us has neither dwindled nor faded as I thought it would. I feel him and that means that he feels me. These thoughts bring more guilt, more shame, more pain. I want so badly to make this right, want to know that he was okay, want to beg forgiveness and run into his arms if he will still have me. Days go by, the pain and emptiness is so bad that I don't know what I'm feeling or thinking anymore, my thoughts run rampant through my mind. I wonder if he misses me, if he thinks of me or if he hates me now. I wonder, is he only sending the messages in the morning and evening out of obligation?

I want to run to his door, to drop down on my knees and beg him to forgive me, to take me back, to hold me again. I want to beg him to love me. I've found myself with my keys in hand, ready to do just that on more than one occasion before I catch myself, telling myself that I cannot do this. I had to keep him safe, and this was the only way I know how to do it, the only way that made any sort of sense in my mind. If I 'm not with him, Jacob will have a reason to go after him. He would focus on me, come after me.

Three days after leaving, I find myself in my living room, curled up on the couch, exhausted and sobbing, edging into another panic attack. My mind has been working overtime. I get up in the morning more exhausted than I went to sleep. My thoughts torment me and steal my rest, terrify me, torture me until finally it is all too much and I find myself sobbing to my brother, who is sitting across from me with his arms folded. He can't seem to decide if he should glare at me or comfort me.

"Emmett! Don't you get it! He could have Edward thrown in jail, arrested for assaulting a police officer... or... Oh, God!"

My brother can't contain his anger for me and my actions. At the moment, his voice comes out harsh and tired. He's tired of trying to convince me I've made the wrong decision, tired of trying to make me see past what I believe is right

"Isabella."

My full name makes my head jerk up to look at him, he doesn't stop, he continues. "You know damn well if he was going to do that, he would have done it that night. He can't do it, not without having to explain why he was here, in your house, why you have bruises all over your body." His voice is continuing to rise, becoming harsher, angrier. "You're smart, Bella, use your head! You have made too many complaints about him, even if they don't take you seriously. You've made them and everyone knows you've made them, they wouldn't be able to ignore it this time. He's not going to arrest Edward. Just stop." He lets out an exasperated breath and closes his eyes, silently counting, I suspect to calm himself down. I curl up smaller and try to contain my crying, thinking over his words.

"Bella," his voice is softer now and he opens his eyes to look at me. "He isn't going to come after Edward because he did something that nobody else has ever done. Something that I've begged you to let me do but you refuse to let me." this last part is muttered and insolent. My eyes meet Emmett's and I ask silently for him to continue, not understanding what he means. "Jacob is a bully, sissy, and Edward confronted him. Edward fought back, left his own marks on him and that is going to make Jacob wary of him. Is he just going to let this go? Probably not, but he's not going to attack Edward, he's going to be leery of him, play his games and try to intimidate him just like any other bully in the world, but he's not going to attack him. And, you and I both know that his games don't work on Edward, never have, don't even phase him, so just stop. I think you want to focus on this because you don't want to focus on what you've done, you don't want to face that you've made the wrong decision" he gives me a very pointed and determined look.

And I, like the coward that I am, shut him out, just like that. "I'm tired, Emmett, you can let yourself out, I'm going to bed" I get up as quickly as I can and make my way upstairs, hearing my brother's impatient voice behind me.

"We aren't done talking about this, Bella. You can't run from it for forever, I'm not going to let you, and I'm not going to let you wait until it's too late to fix this. Do you hear me, Bella?"

I shut my bedroom door and don't bother even getting undressed, I just crawl into bed, his words ringing in my head as I try to shut them out, push them away, not willing or capable of dealing with them now, I fall into an exhausted sleep where my dreams continue to torment me.

As days continue on, these thoughts still creep into my mind and I can't breathe, function, do anything. Emmett may be right about the not arresting him part, but Jacob is not just going to let this go, that is not Jacob, he will retaliate, he will want revenge. The thought of the danger that Edward is now in because of me is destroying me from the inside out. I feel disgusted with myself, ashamed. guilty, in anguish. I am a horrible person, even worse than Jacob, for allowing this to happen to such an incredible, kind, and loving person. I have never deserved Edward. I don't deserve anyone, I don't deserve love. I am nothing more than a broken doll.

As days press forward, through all the pain and in spite of myself, my love continues to grow for Edward. He was still in my thoughts constantly, and when I do allow myself to feel, he is still in the place where my heart used to be. All that growing love continues to do though, is reaffirm my beliefs, hold my resolve to stay away from him, make me more determined that this is the right thing to do. This is the only way I can keep him safe.

A few days after that fight, Emmett finds me crumpled on my bathroom floor, sobbing and retching in grief, a determined look on his face. He gets me calmed down and then leads me to the living room as a feeling of dread filling me as I take the pissed off look in his eyes.

"You wouldn't answer me, you refused to tell me what happened, Bella, so I went to the other source. What the hell are you thinking? How could you do something so stupid? You are not a stupid person, so how could you make such a stupid decision?"

"Please, Em, I can't... can't do this right now. Please, I don't want to talk about it" my voice sound pathetic even to me, but my brother is having none of it.

"I don't care, we are talking about this, whether you like it or not, Bella. You are not running away from what you did anymore! Look at yourself! You are in so much pain, he is in the same pain, Bella! To what end? So you are both miserable and without the person that you love? For what reason? Because your crazy fucked up ex might come after you? You're going to let him control your life when you've worked so hard to get it back? You're going to let him drive a wedge between you and Edward which is exactly what he fucking wants!" Emmett's voice is getting louder, more angry, there is a no-nonsense tone and he will not let me hide when suddenly his voice gets quiet, so quiet and calm it's almost scary. "Do you know what the worst part about what you've done is, Bella?"

I swallow hard and shake my head slowly, my eyes wide as I look at my brother. "No" my voice whispers in response.

"You did the very thing to Edward that you hate having done to you" he says to me softly, crouching down in front of me now and taking my hand, the anger is gone for the moment, replaced by the sorrow for his sister and his friend. "You made a decision, a life altering decision, without even discussing it with him. You took away his choice in your relationship or the ending of your relationship. He knew from the beginning, sissy, he knew what he was getting in to, you never lied to him, he knew the risks and didn't care. He only wanted to be with you, to love you, and you took away any of his decision."

Somewhere deep in myself, I know my brother is right, but this leaves me feeling even more confused and at odds with myself. I did take away Edward's decision in the matter but only because I knew he would choose to stay with me, to protect me and those things would lead to him being hurt or worse... dead. We both stay silent for a moment and then Emmett hugs me, holding me tightly.

"I love you, sissy and I'll back off a little now. I know you need time to think this over but I needed you to hear me, I needed you to face what you've done because I don't want you to lose the thing that most people in this world would give their everything for. Just promise me, that you'll think about what I've said."

I nod, sniffling a little and feeling exhausted again. He kisses the top of my head. "Come on, Bells, let's go find something for supper." And just like that, the conversation is over, at least for today.

Somehow, days keep sliding by, slowly, and as much as my brother's anger is evident, so is the worry in Emmett's eyes and the way he is beginning to treat me. I have started closing in on myself again, shutting out the rest of the word, withdrawing into the safety of myself. I move mechanically, doing the actions required of me throughout the day, curling up by myself and crying myself to sleep at night. I know he's worried because I'm reverting to the girl I was: the broken, fear filled girl who showed up on his doorstep covered in bruises and begging for freedom. This time, though, there is nobody to blame but myself.

Other than him occasionally driving by, it's been quiet on Jacob's end, but that only sets me more on edge because I know he's planning his next move. I know Jacob will come for me again and I know this with certainty. I'm not entirely sure that I care anymore, because finally - finally - this horrible game of his will be over. Maybe if I'm dead the police will see the truth about Officer Black.

That was another fight of ours, with Emmett yelling at me and me crying and begging him to just leave me alone. I will not call the police, I will not make a report about the night of the attack. Why should I? They don't listen and only laugh at me, telling me that an upstanding officer such as Black would never do such a thing, that I am only trying to ruin him because of some sick and twisted game on my part. What would be the point of calling the police other than to be mocked once more?

Regardless of my feelings of impending doom, I do take precautions and extra security measures. I spend a fortune upgrading my security system and don't leave the house, at all. Anything that I need, I order online or Emmett gets for me, even my groceries. I arrange to have them delivered and I wait until they are on my doorstep and the delivery man gone before I'll disable my alarm and open my door to retrieve them. I miss going to the store though, picking out my produce and walking up and down the aisles looking for new products. I miss being able to go out but there is nothing out there for me but danger. It's safer to stay in.

My thoughts turned morbid as time passes. I make sure my will is in order, that I have clear funeral arrangements in place and already paid for so when the time comes it will be as easy as possible for Emmett. I don't want him to have to worry about that stuff. In a way, it makes me feel like I'm doing something productive and proactive, taking care of things that needed to be taken care of to make things as easy as possible when the inevitable happens.

A week and a half after the day I left Edward, Emmett is over and we are sitting at the kitchen table eating supper. Rather, Em is eating supper and I am picking at it, occasionally taking a small bite when my stomach will allow. It's been another evening so far filled with Emmett telling me how wrong I am in my actions and how I need to stop being so selfish and thinking of only myself. I finally break down in tears and swear that my actions are to protect him, that as long as he's near me, Edward is in danger. Finally, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere, Emmett resorts to silence, which suits me just fine.

So my brother catches me by surprise when he sets down his fork and takes a deep breath. "Sissy, you talked about wanting to get a dog. How about if you and I go down to the shelter and find one for you? I would feel safer knowing you had a dog here when you are alone."

I turn the idea over in my mind. I've wanted a dog for a long time now but have never made the time to go find one. Another thought runs through my head and I shake my head. "What if something happens to me? An animal is a long-term commitment and I don't want to get one and then not be around to take care of it after Jacob comes for me." I look at my brother with defeated eyes.

Emmett sighs and closes his eyes to hide the anger at my statement, opening them again once he is calm and under control. "Nothing is going to happen to you, Sissy, I won't allow it and having a dog will only help." I start to interrupt him but he holds his hand up to silence me so he can finish. "But if something were to ever happen to you, I would take the dog and care for him."

I stay quiet, turning the idea over in my mind again. I really do want a dog to love and give a home to, I would feel a little safer with one here. Finally, I look at my brother across the table and say quietly, "Yes, I would like that very much, Em. You'll go with me, to pick one out? I don't want to go by myself."

Em gives me a small smile. "Of course, how about we go tomorrow afternoon?"

I nod, giving him a weak smile but it's the best I can muster. I push my food around a little more on the plate before finally giving up, and take my plate over to the sink. As I start to clean up supper, I hear Emmett sigh behind me and I know this is his way of commenting about me not eating, his disappointment with me and his general displeasure at the moment.

Once again night finds me curled up on my bed, tears running down my face and my hand gripping my phone tightly in my hand, touching the words on my screen.

**-Goodnight Beautiful-**

I've already answered him, but there is so much more I want to say. I can feel my resolve starting to crack and Emmett's words echoing in my ears. I'm not being fair to Edward; I'm taking his choice away from him, I'm denying him the right to make decisions for himself. I'm denying him the respect of and right to a decision we should have made together. I can feel him, I know he is hurting as badly as I and I am the cause of it. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this if he won't give up on me. Finally, I fall into an exhausted sleep.

The next afternoon finds Emmett and I at the local animal shelter looking at all the dogs in their kennels. I wish I could bring them all home with me and love them, give them a good home.

"Oh, Em! Look at them!" My voice actually holds just a touch of excitement as I look at all the dogs looking back at me. The puppies are so adorable and cuddly, I just want to pick them up and snuggle them, but I know that I want a slightly older dog. As much as I want a dog to love, I want one that will bark and let me know if someone is in my house. I also keep in mind something I read about what happens to older dogs in the shelters that don't get adopted, how everyone wants the puppies and not them, I want to give a home to a dog that might get overlooked because he's not a cute and squirming puppy anymore.

My eyes suddenly meet some bright blue ones surrounded by white, black and grey fur. I feel a tug on my heart and I just know that this is my dog. He's beautiful, a husky malamute mix, with eyes bright and clear, and a wagging, bushy tail that thumps on the sides of his kennel. He sits up and puts his paw on the kennel door and I put my hand up against it. He's too thin for his size, clearly not being fed enough or getting enough attention, but that's something that a good home and love will rectify.

"Hi, sweetie," I coo at him with a smile. "Do you want to come home with me?"

He lets out a short bark, doing a little twirling happy sort of dance and I feel a small jolt of emotion through me. I want him; he was meant for me and I for him. I turn to Emmett. "Him, he's the one I want."

"Don't you want to look at the other ones?" Emmet questions, looking down the row of kennels and I immediately shake my head.

"No, he's the one." I glance down at the name on the kennel - 'Tex' - I smile at him again. "You are coming home with me, Tex. According to the information on the kennel he's three years old. So not a puppy anymore but not very old either. He's perfect.

We go up front and I pay and sign the papers. The next thing I know, I'm holding his leash in my hands and we're walking out to the car. For one brief second, I feel just a glimmer of happiness as I look at Tex, but just as quickly the pain pushes it back. As if he senses it, Tex whines a little. I reach back and pet him, murmuring softly. "It's okay buddy, we'll be okay." He settles down on the back seat as Em pulls away and heads for home. I have to fight the urge not to call or text Edward and tell him about Tex, to share my brief moment of sunshine with him. It's something I fight constantly, the urge to call him, to share little things with him, to just talk to him. Again, I feel my resolve weakening.

The days pass, one fading into the other. My only occasional bright spot is Tex. It's amazing how quickly we've bonded. Wherever I go, he goes. He lies either at my feet or nearby wherever I am always, rarely letting me out of his sight. His moods mirror mine exactly and when I lie crying from the pain, he lies with me, whining softly and nuzzling me with his head, trying to take away the hurt. He's my small ray of sunshine in the darkness.

Time moves differently, moves strangely, when you are in pain. I stare at my calendar and realise it's been two weeks since I walked out on Edward. Each day feels like the first day and the end of each day feels like a year apart. My heart twists again and again when I see his face. Tears spring to my eyes when I think of him, as it has every time since that day. I'm no better. I feel defeated and so, so tired. I want him, to be with him, to hold his hand, to talk to him. I ache to hear his laugh, see his smile, I want to hear his cheesy jokes that always make me laugh. I still reach for my phone to call him, send him a text, only stopping at the last second before hitting the send button. Instead of getting easier, it is getting harder to stay away, to resist the urge to call and beg him to forgive me. I miss the feelings of happiness and contentment that only being with him brings, the safety I had with him. More than all that: I miss the love that is purely Edward. The pain is a permanent, living entity that destroys hope and light.

I know that there will never will be anyone but him that will ever inspire these feelings in me. These feeling come purely from who Edward is, from his mind, body, and soul. They come from who I am when I'm with him, who I want to be, what he brings out in me. I feel very much like a stage where the stage lights have gone down, the audience left, and it's dark, cold and empty. My voice and my being is swallowed by the immensity of space and silence.

I sigh, shaking myself out of my thoughts and get up from my desk. Calling for Tex, I grab his leash and clip it on him. This is one thing I look forward to each day, my long walk with Tex. I love to watch him run and play once we get to the park. It is the only thing that can still make me smile. I feel safe enough there, with so many people around and Tex never straying too far from my side. It's the small bit of freedom I have left.

When we come back home about an hour later, I take off Tex's leash and he runs to the kitchen for his water, while I walk into the living room and lie on the couch. Something feels off today, more than usual. I feel a sense of dread that I can't shake. There are always feelings like this on nights that Emmett has to work, but never this intense. I push it away, chalking it up to the exhaustion that always consumes me nowadays. I never sleep more than two hours before the nightmares begin, making my nights restless and full of terror and heartache.

Later that night, as I walk through the house with Tex trailing behind me to double-check the locks on the door, the feeling returns in my stomach, that dreaded feeling. I contemplate calling my brother and asking him to come home from work, but know that I can't. Tex seems to pick up on my uneasiness, whining softly and pushing his nose into my hand. I pet him gently, calming him as we climb into bed. After what feels like forever of tossing and turning, I fall into an uneasy sleep.

I'm not certain what wakes me up, but I sit up suddenly and I know something is wrong, I look over to see Tex standing on the floor staring at the bedroom door, his hackles raised, growling. My mind jolts awake and I throw back the covers. I listen and think I hear a very small thump, but I hear nothing else. I know my alarm is set and it's not going off so I can't fathom what is wrong and why Tex is acting like this.

Suddenly, my bedroom door is thrown open, and Jacob and his brother Embry storm into my room. In a flash, Tex attacks, but even as big and as strong as he is, he's no match for the two of them. My body and mind freezes in horror and disbelief, unwilling to accept what I'm seeing. Embry takes on my dog, while Jacob quickly gets to my bed. I scramble back away from him frantically, getting tangled in the bed covers and I know I should be paying more attention to him and his intentions, but I can't tear my eyes away from my dog and the man hurting him. I try to make my mind work, figure out what I need to do, but it's blank. My body betrays me and goes numb with terror.

When Tex yelps in pain, I find my voice and I scream in terror, watching as Embry gets a hold on him and throws him down to the floor. I see something glimmer in his fingers and Tex lets out a horrific howl of pain and his fur immediately darkens with blood. It feels like everything is happening in slow motion, though it's no more than a few heartbeats. The sound of Tex's body hitting the floor finally kickstarts my brain and I realize that Jacob is kneeling on the bed. I reach the other side of the bed and I'm about to fall onto the ground when his hands grasp my legs and pulls hard. My fingers claw at the covers, trying to find some purchase, but my body is too light to offer any hands grasp my arms now. Suddenly, I'm struggling with Jacob, kicking, screaming, trying to free my arms, trying to get free from his grip with everything I have in me. He simply hauls me off of the bed and throws me onto the floor with enough force to knock the wind out of me and leave me momentarily stunned. My head spins as I feel pain radiate throughout my body.

As my body fights to for breath and balance, Embry comes up from behind and grabs my hair, yanking my head back and holding a knife to my throat. The metal is cold against my skin, his breath is hot and disgusting against my ear as he hisses, "Be a good girl and stay still and maybe we won't make it hurt as much."

Frozen with fear, I can feel my eyes widen in panic and then disgust as his one hand stays in my hair, holding me and his other travels over me, grabbing at my breasts through the tank top I'm wearing. I can't move, I can't think, I can't even pray in this moment. I feel helpless, outnumbered, out powered, and I realize I'm probably going to die tonight.

Some thought starts to trickle back into my brain and I can hear Tex, lying on the floor not far away, whimpering in pain. I realize that this is one more thing that I've done wrong in my life, more pain that I've brought on. I only wanted to love him, give him a happy home and now he is going to die because of me.

"Embry!" Jacob's voice is loud and angry. "You don't get to play until I am finished," he growls. Embry hands the knife to his brother and takes a firmer grip on my hair, twisting it through his fist, wrenching my head back hard, then releasing it and I cry out in pain. There is pressure on my legs, holding them down and another set of hands, sickeningly familiar hands, grasp my wrists and yank them up over my head. Cold metal slaps around one wrist and then the other and I realize he's handcuffed me to the leg of my bed. Jacob grabs my legs and yanks hard so my body is lying on the floor with my arms bound above me. I know that I should fight but terror freezes me and I can't move a muscle. I know that I cannot win; tonight I will lose, tonight I will die.

Jacob's eyes are cold, black, and glinting with evil; he has a sickening smile of pleasure on his face, and his voice dripping with hate and disgust, mocking me. "Where is your hero to save you now, Isabella? All alone in your house without anyone to save you this time. Did you really think I would let you go? Did you really think you would get away from me, you stupid bitch? I'm done fucking playing with you. This is going to end tonight. I'm going to take what is mine, then I'm going to let my brother have some fun with my disgusting little whore of a wife. I will play with you tonight until I am tired of you and then, my dear," his voice drips venom, "Your pathetic excuse of a life will be over. You will not walk away from here alive, I promise you."

Those words ignite something in me; I start to fight, to struggle again. I kick out, trying to hit him, twisting my arms. My wrists have been dislocated and broken so many times by him that I can dislocate them, if I twist just right. If I can do that, I can slip out of the handcuffs.

_I have to get away, I don't want to die, I have to get away, I don't want to die._ This thought runs repeatedly through my mind and I realize how true it is: I don't want to die, I am not resigned to it as I thought.

_I don't want to die. _

At first I don't feel the knife sliding into my stomach. I don't even realize that it's happened, don't feel the pain immediately. Then suddenly, it feels hot, the steel like fire and I feel the wetness of my blood starting to spill, staining my blue tank top a dark, wet red. Next the pain comes and it's formidable. Again and again, scorching hot metal burning through my stomach, slashing through my body like it's butter. My scream of pain echoes strangely in my room, in my mind. Jacob jerks the knife to the right and I'm burning. I'm fighting him, the knife, the pain to stay conscious.

Embry's hands run over my chest again, finding my breasts greedily, grabbing and twisting. It's another layer of pain and I scream again. I plead for him to stop, I beg God for mercy, I beg Jacob not to kill me, I pray for someone, anyone to hear me and save me. I know no one will, though, and bile rises in my throat, threatening to choke me. My only hope is my brother, and he's at work. The only other person that would save me, I sent away.

Jacob pulls the knife out of my stomach and holds it up. My blood drips from it and he gives me a wicked, evil, smile as he uses the knife to cut the tank top I'm wearing from hem to neckline. The top splits open, exposing me and his hands move down to my panties. He cuts the side of the panties I'm wearing, scoring the skin and leaving me nude. I'm shaking, bleeding and in pain, fighting for consciousness. I think I try to turn again, to hide my body from their eyes but it hurts so badly, I'm not even sure of my actions anymore. My breathing is shallow and dizziness begins to take over. My vision begins to fade.

I accept my fate now; after he is finished taking this last piece of dignity from me, he's going to kill me. It was always meant to happen; I was always meant to die at his hands. I have only been avoiding fate, trying to run from it. It's a surreal feeling, almost like watching a really bad movie and screaming at the characters on the screen to run. I know that it's me that this is happening to, but I feel detached from it. I'm floating away and realize that this isn't such a bad thing. Given what is about to happen to my body, I would rather float away from the pain, float away from my body, try to pretend it's not me this is happening to.

The rough, painful feel of both of their hands brings me back to myself and I feel Jacob's body moving closer to mine. I feel him against my skin and I shudder in disgust. His hands grab my thighs roughly and force them apart, holding them down with his knees while his hands move to undo his pants and I beg once more for it to stop, to just kill me, to spare me this last violation. I focus on the pain, the agony burning in my stomach, the burn of the metal handcuffs on my wrists. Anything is better than the violation, the humiliation, the vile thing to come. I feel Jacob force my legs open further and the feel of him against my skin makes me wretch, my body jerking as it tries to rebel one last time. I pray that death will be swift and I think that it can't be any more painful than this. At last I'll be free. I close my eyes tighter and I pray.

_Please, God, don't let me feel anymore, make it quick._

I say silent goodbyes in my head to my brother, telling him how much I love him and that I'll always watch over him; to Charlie, always so far away from me but still my daddy that I love. Then Edward's face comes to my mind and the pain is so great in my heart that it makes the pain in my body pale in comparison.

_I'm so sorry I dragged you in to this. I love you, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you. I'm so sorry I left you. I thought I was protecting you, I thought it would be better, but I always loved you, I will always love you._

I feel the wetness on my cheeks from the tears streaming down my face and I focus on that, focus on anything as time seems to stop and I wait for the violation of my body to begin.

I brace myself as I feel Jake's hands push my bent legs to the floor and hold them with his hands there, Embry's hands twisting and pulling on my breasts. I wait for it to begin so it can end. As soon as it's over, I'll be free and he won't be able to hurt me ever again. There is peace and freedom to be found in death and I feel myself let go and wait for it to claim me.

My eyes fly open as I hear a loud, ferocious, furious sound, and I see Tex, my beautiful, brave boy struggle to get up. He does and he lunges at Jacob, catching him by surprise and he falls back, away from me as Tex lands on him, biting and growling. Tex goes for his throat, and doesn't stop trying even as Jacob's fist hits him, as he stabs up with the knife into his fur again. My protector never stops trying to defend me, even as he yelps in his own pain.

If my dog will fight for me, then so will I; something snaps back in me and I start fighting Embry with all of my might again, pushing away the pain in my body as I twist and turn, fighting to get loose. My teeth clamp down on Embry's hand that he's placed over my mouth to stop my screaming and I taste blood. He yells out in pain yanking his hand away as I spit out the vile taste in my mouth and fight, trying to get my wrists to dislocate so I can get out of the cuffs again. Before I can accomplish that, he's on top of me and using his fists, hitting any and every part of me that he can and I feel myself becoming limp again. I can hear his hateful, spitting words ring through my mind with each blow that my body takes.

"Fucking cunt. Bitch. Whore. I'm going to fucking kill you, you worthless piece of trash."

Tex gives out a roar of pain and my head turns to see him falling still. Jacob pushes Tex off him and onto the floor and grabs his brother, throwing him off me with an angry roar. "She's mine, Embry!" Then he turns his complete focus back on me. "Fucking cunt, you are dead. Do you hear me, bitch? You are fucking dead. No one can save you now."

His hands wrap around my throat and he's raising my head and slamming it against the floor over and over. I see spots in front of my eyes, then realize that the pressure has loosened a bit, he's only using one hand to strangle me. As this thought runs through my mind, I feel the hot metal plunge into my stomach and chest, again and again. The agony peaks when I feel the knife pushing up between my legs. I think I scream, then fall backwards into black.

"Bella, you need to wake up, and wake up now. It's not your time yet, Isabella. You need to fight just a little longer, sweetheart. Listen to Nana, come back, you're not ready to go yet, hold on for just a little longer. Come on, Bella, you have never been a quitter and you aren't about to become one now, do you understand me? You fight! I know you've still got it in you; you aren't ready to leave yet. You still have so much to live for, so much to do, so much to experience."

I come to and the first thing I'm aware of is the smell of lilacs all around me. I can feel her; it feels like my head is laying on her lap and she's stroking my hair away from my face like she always used to when I was little and upset about something. I can hear her voice but I'm not sure if it's real or my imagination. There is something inside me that tells me that it can't be Nana, that she's dead, but this feels so real and I doubt my mind's claims.

I start to really listen to her words now. She's telling me to fight, to wake up, and I try. I try to open my eyes but it hurts so badly. My stomach is burning, but that is the only specific point I can recognize because my whole body is radiating with pain. But it's too much, it's everywhere, I can't pinpoint exactly what hurts. I don't understand why I'm sticky and wet and I try to comprehend it as my eyes begin to flutter closed again. It's too _much_.

"It hurts so bad, Nana, I just want to go to sleep now, please. Can't I just sleep?" I'm not sure if I actually speak the words or if they are in my head. I'm starting to feel cold now. My feet and legs are starting to feel numb, like they are no longer there and I just want to sleep.

Nana's voice is louder this time, more firm, almost bordering on angry."No Isabella, you can't sleep yet, I need you to stay awake for just a bit longer. Can you do that for me, honey? Just stay awake a little while longer, I promise it will be okay, You need to get up, you need to get to the phone, Bella, you need to get help. You have to do this. I know how much it hurts, but you have to."

Something cold and wet presses into my hand and then a small whine rings in my ear and I realize that it's Tex, my brave protector who fought so hard for me even while he was hurt. He's still alive but I don't know for how long. I have to help him, to help us. I take slow shallow breaths and fight the sleepiness that is taking over my body. I tug on my hands before I realize that they are no longer bound by metal cuffs and are free. I use my arms to drag my body the million miles to my nightstand, leaving a trail of blood behind me as I do. Tex tries to move as well but I tell him to stay. He listens to me but watches through dull, pain filled eyes. I reach up with a loud cry and try to pull off everything on top of the table top. I see the little plastic panic button on the chain that connects to my alarm and grasp it, pressing the button. I realize my alarm isn't going off. I want to scream in frustration, but I'm running out of energy. I'm running out of time.

The phone is lying on the floor, off the hook. I punch in 9-1-1 and it feels like it takes forever, as if time is moving in slow motion. I hear a voice come on the line, asking what my emergency is.

"Help me," my voice is a thread of pain. "Please, help me." I hear but don't really understand as she tells me that help is on the way, that I must hold on, that they will be here in minutes. I don't know if I have minutes.

A small, triumphant thought runs through me as I realize Jacob can no longer hide his true face from the world. They have to believe me now. I begin to feel tired again, fighting with my eyes to keep them open. "I'll just rest until they get here," I murmur as the phone falls away from my hand. Nana's voice rings clear again.

"No, Bella! You must stay awake!"

I feel like a scolded child as my body screams in pain. "Okay Nana, I'll try, I promise, I'll try," I mutter and force my eyelids open. I can see her, clear as day and I feel her fingers brush back my hair, the ends of it wet with the blood covering my body and still spilling out of me. She leans down and kisses my forehead.

"That's my girl, just a little longer, help will be here soon."

Darkness begins to win. My body begins losing the fight and my eyes become more heavy. I distantly hear the sound of my door being broken down. Tex growls again and I hush him quietly, muttering indistinctly, telling him it's help, telling him I love him, thanking him for protecting me.

The officers burst into my bedroom and the last thing I remember is the look on the officers' faces when they take in the scene, the shock and horror in their eyes when they realize that I have been telling the truth all along.

_-note from Jade's beta-_

_In fiction, we manipulate characters, plan plots, explain actions. That's why we're all here, writing our own creations to show to the world, or to explore the hidden places of our souls. We can bear to do this because the end is not fixed by anything other than our imaginations._

_Not so with these words. This is a true story; every flinch, every tear, every stab and beating happened. The challenge lies in giving voice to this tragedy without the vehicle of character mapping and plot devising. There are only words, 'wrought in a pleasing shape', to describe atrocities that cannot, ever, be beaten into something palatable. _

_Everything that is described, happened and continues to happen behind one woman's eyes, thoughts, loves, life. Society stood by and did nothing._

_I urge you, please, to share this story. We need our consciousness raised, just as feminists did with the use of 'him/his', forcing all to see the injustice of a masculine standard. We all flinch to hear Chairman instead of Chairperson and similar gender specific descriptions, because feminists forced us to be aware of it, forced a shift in Zeitgeist. It needs to continue to shift until there are no more stories like this one. _

_Perhaps it is a worthy challenge for our times._

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Thank you to my wonderful beta for all of her hard work and for helping me tell this story, it's not easy and it's emotional but we are both so determined to bring it to you readers the right way. And, thank you for your powerful words above and the encouragement you constantly give to me. **_

_**Chapter Twenty is in her capable hands and we hopefully won't leave you on the edge of the cliff too long.**_

_**And now, my readers, I have a question for you, is there anything you would like to see an outtake of? Anything that has happened so far you would like to see a different point of view on or anything that has been alluded to that you would like to see more of? Please push that little review button and let me know what you think so far, your thought and comments, any questions you have for me. I want to hear it all. And let me know if there is something you want expanded upon, an outtake you want to see and I will see what I can do to make that happen.**_

_**Again, my many thanks to all of you, you humble me with your kind words and your faithfulness to my story. Be sure that the real "Bella" receives every word of encouragement and good wishes, every hug sent to her through me. **_

_**I am also looking for a pre-reader, I would prefer someone with a bit of experience please and I am NOT looking to replace my beta. I need someone who can read through the chapters before I actually post them to see if there is anything my beta and I have missed or thoughts or questions that come up in that chapter that maybe haven't been addressed as well as they could. As anyone who is a writer knows, you read the same chapter over and over and you still miss things because you read them as you intended them to be, not necessarily what is on the page. If you are interested, please contact me via PM. **_

_**Until next time, Be safe, Be happy, and bless you all. **_

_**~Jade~**_


	21. Chapter 20: I'll Be There

**Chapter Twenty ~ I'll Be There**

_Almost 6 times as many women victimized by intimates (18%) as those victimized by strangers (3%) did not report their violent victimization to police because they feared reprisal from the offender_

**U.S. Dept. of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics, "Violence against Women: A National Crime Victimization Survey Report**

_Won't you let me catch you fall? Won't you let me lend a hand?_

_Those lonely eyes have seen it all. But, love's too blind to understand._

'_Cause you don't know what you have, 'til you're everything is gone,_

_You need someone to show you how to live again._

_I wanna be there when you're feeling high, I wanna be there when you want to die,_

_I'm gonna light your fire, gonna feel your flame, I wanna be there when you go insane._

_I wanna be there when you're feeling down, And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' around,_

_Gonna be your love, gonna be your friend, I wanna be there 'til the end._

_You wouldn't know that I was there, But I have been there all the time._

_And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms, And leave this madness all behind._

'_Cause you've got so much to give but you throw it all away,_

_And all you've got to show for who you are is pain._

_And I've got so much to give, If you'll only let me in,_

_I'm going to take the time to show you I'm a friend, You'll believe in love again._

_I wanna be there in the pouring rain, I wanna be there when you call me name._

_I'm gonna light your fire, gonna feel your flame, I wanna be there when you go insane._

_I wanna be there when I'm outta town and when your whole damn world is crashing down,_

_I'm gonna be your lover, gonna be your friend, I'm gonna be there 'til the end._

'_Cause you don't know that you have, 'til your everything is gone,_

_You need someone to show you how to live again._

_And I got so much to give, If you'd only let me in,_

_I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend, You'll believe again._

_I wanna be there when your baby cries, I wanna be there when they tell you lies._

_Gonna light your fire, gonna feel your flame, I wanna be there when you go insane._

_I wanna be there when you're nights are long, and when you're feeling like you don't belong,_

_Gonna be your love, gonna be your friend, gonna be there 'til the end._

_I'm gonna be there in the morning, I'm gonna be there in the night,_

_I'm gonna be there to make you strong and when you're tired,_

_I'm gonna be there when you want me, I wanna be there when you don't,_

_Gonna be your lover, gonna be your friend, I'm gonna be there 'til the end._

I Wanna Be There ~ Blessid Union Of Souls

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_**Authors Note: **_

_I always use music when I write and I've posted my playlists for writing each personality. This was a rare chapter though for me, instead of one of my playlists, I had this song on continuous repeat through writing the entire chapter because it spoke to my soul as I wrote and I feel compelled to share the song with you in its entirety, not just a snippet of it. If you have the opportunity, I urge you to listen to the song either before, after, or during reading this chapter and I think you will feel it the way I felt it._

_I have much more to say so please read my note at the end of the chapter, but I know I've kept you waiting long enough..._

_**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**_

_**BPOV**_

I'm being pulled deep underwater, down into the dark depths, down to where the sunlight is no longer seen. The weight of the water surrounds me, presses on me, pulls on me, until I have no strength left. It's so hard to fight; I'm so tired of fighting, so I let it drag me down. I let it pull me into the murky blackness; pulling me down to where there is no more fear, no more pain, a place where there is only peace.

Just as I'm about to surrender to it completely, memories flood my mind, promises I made to Nana, to Emmett, to Edward. Promises that I wouldn't give up, that I would fight, that I wouldn't give in to the darkness. I know I must get to the surface, I know I must not surrender to the water, I must see the sunlight again. I push and pull my body up, fighting against the water smothering me, making only a little progress at a time, yet making progress. I begin to see the sun on the surface of the water and I swim for it.

As I get closer, my mind becomes confused. Why am I underwater? Where am I? What happened? As I break through the surface of the water I realize this is a dream. I wake up, breaking into the surface of reality, bringing me back to life, bringing me back to here and now.

The smell of antiseptic and cleaning products are strong and overpowering, as I wake, making my nose wrinkle in offence. My eyes are reluctant to open - the smells are too foreign, the sounds too loud, the lights behind my closed lids seemingly too bright and harsh. I am unsure of where I am, how came to be where I am and I'm not sure I want to find out. Everything sounds, feels, smell strange. Images flash in my mind, Jacob and his brother Embry, Tex, Nana, so much blood. They are pieces of a puzzle I can't put together.

I become aware of an annoyingly loud, constant beeping filling my ears. I reach over to turn off my alarm and pain rips through my body, sudden, hot and fierce. My eyes fly wide open in shock, The pain! I suddenly realize I am in a hospital room. My entire torso feels like it's on fire as I try to take a deep breath and I can't stop a hoarse moan as burning pain travels up my throat.

A voice draws my attention to the corner of the room. I struggle to make my eyes focus on the person sitting in the chair, and after a few moments I recognize that it's Emmett and he's praying quietly. I open my mouth to talk but no sound comes, my throat is so dry; I lick my lips a little and finally manage to rasp out, "Emmett."

My brother's head lifts and his eyes widen in shock, disbelief fighting relief that I'm really awake, then quickly he springs into action. "Sissy, oh, thank God!" He gets up from the chair, practically leaping over to my bedside, looking like he's about to crush me in a hug. The relief is clear on his face but my mind doesn't process that this is Emmett right away, I only see a very large man, coming at me. I wince and shrink back into the bed causing the pain to spike and roar through me again. He stops short, hurt flashing in his eyes briefly before understanding fills them. He slowly brings his hand to mine, letting me watch every movement and making sure I'm okay before gently patting it. I try to talk again.

"Water, please?"

"Oh shit, yeah, of course!" Emmett fumbles with his words as he grabs the pitcher; in his haste, he spills some as he pours it into the glass. He moves the glass over, holding it for me as he guides the straw up to my lips. I struggle to sit up a little, greedily sucking on the straw to draw the water down my throat, wincing again as I swallow. My throat feels raw and swollen, and the water aggravates the fire in it as I swallow, but my body needs it too badly to care. Once the whole glass is drained, I lay back against my pillow again, gasping, another groan of pain echoing from me. I try to put my jumbled thoughts in order.

"Should I call for the nurse, Bells?" Emmett looks helpless, trying to figure out what he should do.

I shake my head, and even that hurts; I struggle to remember why I'm in the hospital and what happened. I know the doctors and nurses will be here shortly and I need to put some thoughts into place before they come. Confusion is running rampant through my mind; the sense of being overwhelmed rushes over me, making the panic rise up once more. "Emmett," I swallow, wincing, flames ripping down my throat, "I can't remember."

He brings his chair closer to my bed and gently takes my hand. He looks at me and his eyes are full of hurt, sadness, helplessness... It breaks my heart to see my brother look like this. I don't understand why until he says one word, a single word, a name, and everything comes rushing back. A name and I remember all of it. I remember why I am in pain, I remember why there was blood, I remember why I feel so broken. One word, a name, and my world falls apart once more.

"Jacob."

I try to close my eyes against the flood of images in my mind. Jacob and Embry, in my house, in my bedroom, attacking me, trying to rape me, intent on killing me. My eyes fly open as I remember, "Tex, is Tex okay? Is he alright? Is he alive?" The tears, hot and thick, begin spilling down my cheeks as I choke out his name, my eyes pleading and my hand desperately grasps my brother's tighter.

"Shhh... Sissy, you have to calm down," Emmett glances at the heart monitor that has started to go wild, looking panicked. "Please, calm down or they might throw me out. Tex is going to be okay. He's at the vet. He went to emergency surgery as well, but he made it through, he will recover, I promise, but I need you to calm down now." He catches my eyes and begins to take deep, exaggerating breaths, willing me to mimic him.

Long, deep, slow breaths. I watch my brother, imitating him. Pain ripping through me with each inhalation, but it's bringing my heart rate down, calming me, letting me focus. My mind turns over my brother's words in my mind, processing them and my tears still fall for my brave protector. Because of him, they hadn't succeeded. Because of him, I am still alive.

The doctor comes in, interrupting us, telling me how I gave them all quite a scare. He checks my vital signs and explains my injuries to me: twenty-eight stitches in my abdomen, sixteen in my upper chest, and another eight to stitch the damage lower inside of me. Jacob stabbed me in the chest, stomach and in a final insult, he shoved the knife inside of me. Call it what you will: chance, fate, luck, Divine Intervention, but he missed my vital organs by millimeters.

The doctor gives me a kind smile and says I must have a pretty powerful guardian angel on my side because it was miracle that he missed them and that I survived, given how much blood I had lost. He goes on to explain that I have deep tissue bruising in my thighs, my arms, especially my wrists, and even more significant, my neck, that will take a few months to heal fully. I have been given a blood transfusion, was touch and go for a while, but against all the odds, I pulled through and I am stable now. He gives me another smile and tells me that I need to focus on resting and recovery, that he'll be back to check on me, and then tells my brother to try to keep me calm before he leaves us alone again. I do listen but I'm not sure how much I comprehend. I file it away for later reflection when I can handle it.

After I'm sure he is gone, I turn to Emmett again, grasping his hand tightly. "Is Jacob in jail? Do they finally believe me?" I can hear the plea, the desperation in my voice. I don't know if I can handle it if they don't anymore, I think it might break me so badly that I will never be put back together again. I look at my brother, begging him to tell me what I want to hear and pleading for it to be the truth.

He takes a deep breath before answering me, his voice quiet and I can hear the furious anger behind it. "They do and they don't, sissy. They have no choice but to do something this time, but they are being real assholes about it. They are saying there could be other factors, that things may not be what they seem, and that they need to hear all sides of the story."

A look of utter disgust passes over my brother's face. "But, they are doing something this time, so that's something, at least. There are warrants out for both Jake and Embry. They're wanted for attempted murder, assault, breaking and entering, and there are miscellaneous charges in there as well but those are the big ones. Nobody seems to know where they are, though. It's like they've disappeared, but at least they _are_ out looking for them.

"We think they thought you were dead, Bella, why they left." Emmett's voice begins to shake as he continues "They went through the house and destroyed it. We think they were trying to make it look like a burglary gone wrong, smashed glass sliding door, upturned tables, dumped out drawers..." His eyes are so sad as they meet mine "They disabled your alarm before entering your house, that's why it didn't go off and alert someone, why it didn't wake you. They were coming to kill you, sissy."

He leans his head down and rests it on my bed, his emotions overwhelming him as he shakes and I pet the back of his head, just like I used to when he was a little boy. I tremble at the revelations I've just been told, knowing they are true. I close my eyes and try to keep myself calm, try to think clearly, try to figure out what to do next.

There is a knock on the door frame, startling both of us. A whimper of fear escapes me when I see a female detective standing there and I clutch Emmett's hand. He keeps his hand on mine, trying to give me silent strength, his eyes turn cold as he turns them to the detective.

"What do you want?" His tone drips contempt, his body language is both protective of me and aggressive towards her.

She doesn't look at him, doesn't acknowledge him, except for a small nod of her head. She keeps her eyes on me and walks into the room. "Ms. Swan? My name is Detective Platt."

I stay silent, gripping my brother's hand, fear welling up in me. I don't trust the police. Jacob is the police, they always protect him, they have never helped me, though I begged them to. They wouldn't listen to me when I pleaded with them to make Jacob stop harassing me, they chose to protect their fellow officer instead of the person he was victimizing. They are just as much at fault for me lying here in this hospital bed as Jacob and Embry are. I feel a spark of anger inside of me as I stare at the shiny shield she wears at her hip. I feel disgust and betrayal looking at that symbol of the law, those feeling edging out the panic and fear.

"Ms. Swan, please..." She has the decency to look down at the file in her hands. Part of me recognizes that I have never met this woman, that she may not deserve these feelings, but that doesn't stop them from flowing through me. Her voice pulls me from my thoughts."I understand how frustrated you must be right now, especially in light of what has happened, but I need to ask you some questions. I want to help you. I want to bring your ex-husband to justice."

Emmett lets go of my hand, standing up abruptly, knocking the chair over in the process. He's livid, I can feel him vibrating from where I am on the bed and when he speaks he's spitting out his words as if they are something that tastes bad in his mouth. His fists are clenched at his sides, his face is red and I can see it takes all of his self-control to stay in one place.

"You want to help, Detective?" His voice drips with sarcasm at her title. "Where the fuck were you for the past two years while he was tormenting her? Where were you when the so-called officers of the law laughed at her complaints, mocked her for getting rid of 'such a good man' and told her she should go back to him, instead of taking the threats against her seriously?" Emmett's voice is getting louder with each word. "And where in the fuck were you when those officers protected their precious fucking fellow officer while he made my sister's life a living hell, while he threatened and terrorized her, while he attacked her?"

Detective Platt visibly flinches in the face of his anger and recognition leaps inside of me at that reflex. I look from her to my brother and back to her before tentatively reaching out and touching his hand. When he looks down at me, his face drains of all anger and he looks defeated.

"Emmett, calm down. It's okay, I'll answer her questions." My voice is hoarse, small, but I try to make it soothing, I squeeze his hand and feel him calming. We stare at each other, holding a silent conversation for a few moments. He silently asks if I am sure, I silently tell him yes, that I want to get it over.

He reaches down and picks up the chair he knocked over, righting it. He sits down again heavily and nods, "Alright, but if it becomes too much then I'm putting an end to this. I don't trust them, Bella." He crosses his arms and keeps his glare on the detective, as if daring her to challenge him.

"I don't either," I respond honestly, my eyes flicking from the detective to my brother. "But what choice do I have?" I turn to the detective. "Ask your questions."

She hesitantly looks between us before going over and retrieving the other chair in the room, bringing it to the other side of my bed and sitting down. I see and feel her eyes roam over me in the hospital bed, taking in my injuries. the bruises over almost every inch of skin that can be seen, the angry purple-black individual fingerprints clearly evident on my throat and upper arms, the obvious pain in my eyes. She clears her throat and looks down at her file again.

"Please start at the beginning, Ms. Swan. How do you know Mr. Black?"

I sigh, knowing this is going to be a long and unpleasant afternoon. I take a deep breath and start to tell my story from the beginning. The detective listens quietly, only interrupting to ask more details about something or to ask a specific question. She takes copious notes, even asking my brother to elaborate when she feels it might be helpful. There are a few times I have to ask Emmett to leave the room. There are some things, some details that I don't ever want him to know, whether it's because my shame is too great or because I feel it would destroy him to know some of the things that were done to me, I'm not sure. I only know I can't have my brother in the room for some things. There are other things that I omit entirely: the pain and shame of things done too great for me to acknowledge out loud. I'm grateful that she doesn't seem to push on these matters.

When she stands up to leave, there is a very small, very thin thread of trust between myself and Detective Platt. I have let her see some of my deepest shame, let her hear some of my deepest pain, and she didn't ridicule me for it. For the first time, I feel like someone of the law is listening to me, I feel like she believes me. For the first time in what feels like forever, I begin to have hope again that someone will listen; that someone will help me.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

I lay back on the bed once Detective Platt leaves, completely exhausted. I stare out of the window, my thoughts drift, trying to make sense of all that has happened. One thought is running rampant through my mind, a continuous loop, a thought that hurts more than the pain in my body, a thought I don't think that I have a right to think but continually do, a thought that consumes me.

_I want Edward._

But, I can't have Edward. I walked out of his door. I told him we couldn't be together. I left him.

It all comes rushing back to me as I feel my tears begin to flow. The words I said, the pain I've caused, the emptiness left inside of me - because I let my fear make my decision for me. I still believe that I have a legitimate reason to fear for his life, but I am starting to doubt whether I made the right decision. What if I had talked to him? Maybe we could have... not broken up, but maybe not seen each other for a bit? We could have found some other way; we could have talked, I could still have him in my life, we could still be together.

My brother has been right all along, I should have listened: I took the decision out of Edward's hands, made it for him, instead of making it with him. He loved me and I hurt him. I wouldn't talk to him, choosing instead to run away like a coward. It makes no difference that I thought his life was in danger; it doesn't matter that I only wanted to protect him; my good intentions are meaningless. _The road to hell is paved with good intentions _my inner voice whispers snidely. I should have talked to him. I was wrong.

The tears slip from my eyes, falling down my cheeks in a steady, slow stream and shame wells up inside of me, overtaking me. My actions! My words! The look in his eyes that morning haunt me, replaying in my mind. And even then, after I did that to him, he didn't give up on me, he kept his distance but he has continued to send those messages every morning and every night. He still sends them. Does this mean all is not lost? If I go back to him and beg him, get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness, will he forgive me my impulsive decision made in fear? Will he allow me to rebuild our relationship? Can I ask this of him?

The thought causes another rush of emotions, fear, shame, unbearable hurt and through all of that a tiny ray of hope. Maybe, I can fix this, maybe we can start over, rebuild...

I take a deep breath and dig deeper than I have ever dug for my strength and courage, making a new decision firmly in my mind, listening to my heart and not the voice in my head. I don't know if he will say yes, and he is well within his rights not to, I will understand if he doesn't, but I will not make this mistake again. When I get out of this hospital bed, I will go to him, I will get down on my knees if I have to and I will beg his forgiveness. I will listen to anything he has to say, even if it's only to tell me how foolish I am, how I made the biggest mistake of my life and how he doesn't want me anymore. If he asks me to let him go, I will. But, I will go to him and ask him this before I assume it. I will talk to him, maybe he still loves me, maybe he will give me, give us, a second chance.

"Bella?" Em's hesitant voice brings me back from my thoughts and I turn my head slowly to look at him, sniffling and wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. He's leveling a look at me, assessing me, taking in my tear-stained cheeks and I have a feeling he knows what I've been thinking about. He gives me a small smile before coming over and taking my hand, looking like he has a secret " Edward is here, he's been here since you were brought in. He's been frantic about you and he's in the waiting room. He hasn't come in because he thinks you won't want him here and I think we both know that isn't the truth, sissy."

I inhale sharply, a whimper rips from my throat from the pain, but the pain is secondary right now, I don't care about the pain, I care about what Emmett just said. I look at my brother in hope. My Edward, he's here; my heart tugs, like it's being physically pulled, I close my eyes and force my mind to focus, I can feel him.

For a brief moment, my fear comes back, pushing at me, telling me how in danger he will be. Jacob has nothing to lose anymore and he will want revenge. Jacob wants me dead and he won't care who is in his way. I push it away, remembering my resolve just minutes ago, I know the danger, but I will not act again out of my fear, I will talk to him. Right now, nothing else matters to me, I just want him. I want to see his face, to breathe in his scent, to see his eyes, his smile, I want to touch his hand, I want my Edward.

Another, different fear rises up now, abruptly, leaving me trembling. _Why is he here? _Just out of concern because of the incredible, kind, wonderful person that he is? Is he here to tell me he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, that my words were true? That I put him in too much danger? That he doesn't want the baggage I come with? I don't know what will happen, I'm not even sure why he's here after these past couple weeks of me pushing him away. I don't deserve him, but he's here and that is the thought I hang on to. I will not run away this time. I cannot run away this time. I love him. It comes down to those three words; simple and not anywhere near being able to truly express what I feel for this man.

I love him.

Emmett squeezes my hand, holding it carefully, looking me in the eyes. "Do you want me to get him Bella?"

I nod slowly, feeling more tears in my eyes, unable to speak. I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I don't know how or if I can make right what I've done. All I know is I want him here. All I know is I want to try, if he will let me.

Emmett pats my hand. "Okay," he says quietly and rests my hand down on the bed again. "We'll be back in a few minutes. And, Bella?" He looks at me from the doorway, his eyes calm and a small smile on his lips "It will be okay, whatever happens, you two were meant for each other, meant to be together, have a little faith."

I can't help but smile as he uses the words that I've said to him so many times. I look out the window again as I wait, trying to figure out what I'm going to say, my heart continues to tug, more insistently, feeling him getting closer. There is a noise in the doorway and I slowly turn my head. He's standing there, his hands in his pockets, looking unsure, nervous, he looks scared.

I let out a choked sobbed and manage one word "Edward."

"Bella," he breathes out in a hoarse voice as his eyes take in my bruised and battered body laying on the bed. As he takes in my appearance, I take in his, he looks exhausted, dark circles around his eyes, a hollow look in them, looking like he's lost the thing he treasures most in the world. His clothes are wrinkled and he looks unkempt, very unlike him, and I realize that it's because of me. He takes a hesitant step inside the room, looking doubtful, then steps back again; he looks at the floor.

My heart drops as I feel the sorrow coming from him, I don't know what I wanted, what I expected. How could I expect anything else from him? He probably just wants to make sure that I am okay and then he can go, be free of me and the disaster I've brought into his life. My voice sounds small, the shame overwhelming me again, my head drops, I look down at my hands "Do you want to come in?" I try to stop my crying, after the way I treated him I don't even deserve to have him here, but the thought of him going away tears my heart and soul apart.

He moves into the room, sitting in the chair by the bed and I fearfully glance at him, seeing that he's tense, his hands twisting in his lap. I raise my eyes again, opening my mouth to try to talk, nothing comes out but a small squeak. I try again, my voice is barely above a whisper. "I'm so sorry Edward. Those words aren't near enough, but I am so sorry." I lose the battle with my tears and they stream down my face as I look at him. I want to take his hand, to wrap my arms around him, to feel his arms around me, to hear his voice in my ear, but I can't move. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid that making the wrong move will send him away.

His head comes up and his eyes meet mine briefly before they drop and there are so many emotions in them. some that I understand, some that I don't. His voice shakes "All that matters right now is that you're alive, that you're safe, Bella. When I think of..." He trails off, not finishing his thoughts.

His eyes meet mine again, they are sincere, filled with fear and hurt, there is something else them that I can't place and I feel my heart breaking all over again because I'm the reason those emotions are there. I know there are things I need to say but I don't know how to say them. I don't know how to make this better. "Why... why did you come, Edward?" my voice is tentative, fear lacing it and Edward starts to get up.

"I'll go, I didn't mean," he stammers and I realize my words were misconstrued. " I mean, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"No, please," my voice shakes, panic rises when I realize he's about to leave. I still don't understand why he's here, but he is, and I desperately don't want him to go. "I didn't mean it like that, please, don't go."

He slowly sits back down and I look down at my hands in my lap playing with my fingers as shame overtakes me once more. I feel his eyes on me again, asking for an explanation "I only meant, why did you come after the way I treated you? After I hurt you. I don't deserve your attention or care," my voice chokes out.

I swallow hard, wincing in pain, but the stab of pain in my heart is greater than the physical pain I'm in. I don't know how he feels exactly, but I know that he must care, to be here now, to have sent me those texts every morning and every night after that day, even after what I did, he must still care a bit.

"This is where I want to be, if you'll let me. I want, no need, I need to know you are safe" he stops again, as if weighing his next words. "I would like to stay, Bella. The other stuff, we'll sort out later, right now lets just focus on getting you better and keeping you safe okay?"

His words sink in and I think I understand, he just wants to be my friend, but he doesn't want to say that to me now because he's afraid that it will hurt my recovery. But I also realize in an instant that I would rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all. "Thank you, Edward" I say quietly "I would like you to stay if... if you don't mind" my eyes drop again and I know I'm being selfish asking him to stay, but I want him here, so badly that it overwhelms any rational part of my brain.

A horrifying reality suddenly pushes its way forward, filling my body with fear and causing it to shake. Jacob is still out there. I am exposed in a hospital, the two people who matter most to me are here. He could show up and nobody would be able to stop him. He can find me here, he can finish what he started and if he shows up here, he could hurt Edward or Emmett too, possibly other innocent people and it would be my fault.

Terror overwhelms, sobs rip from my throat, my body shakes violently, I am so consumed with my fear that I don't feel the pain in my body now. Edward looks at me, a torn look on his face, indecision in his eyes, he reaches out to touch my hand gently and I grab his as I take great big hitching breaths, the sobs still coming. My heart monitor is going crazy and a nurse rushes in injecting something into my IV, saying that it will calm me down and encouraging him to leave. This panics me more and I grip his hand tighter, refusing to let go. Emmett storms in, looking bewildered and pissed off. "What the hell happened?" he looks from myself to Edward.

Edward shakes his head a little as I clutch at his hand desperately "I don't know, we were just talking and she started crying" He turns to me focusing "Look at me, Beautiful."

I somehow register his name for me as he says it, it hurts to know that I will probably never hear it from him again. "Look at me, sweet girl" His voice is more insistent and I do as he asks, my eyes lock in on his beautiful green ones. "Take deep breaths for me, Bella, please, you need to calm down, baby." He takes long, deep slow breaths, encouraging me to do the same.

I focus on his voice, his eyes, his face, my breathing begins to mimic his and whatever she put into my IV seems to be taking effect, I begin to feel calm and groggy. Emmett sits on the edge of my bed carefully, I still won't let go of Edward's hand, but he doesn't try to pull away either.

"What happened sissy?" Emmett questions gently

"Jac- Jacob... come here...kill me...hurt you...both" I manage to get out between hiccups, the panic and terror building again inside of me.

"Bella," I hear my brother's voice but it sounds like it's fading away as the darkness begins to edge in, I feel myself giving into the fear, I barely hear him say his next words "Jacob isn't going to come here, the cops are looking for him, he's a wanted man. You are safe, I promise, he's not going to hurt any of us, especially not you, ever again"

"Beautiful," my head turns toward Edward's voice automatically, the sound of it has a calming effect on me, bringing me out of my panic and back to the surface "Please baby, for now, just let us take care of you, let us do the worrying about being safe " he slowly and carefully brings his other hand up to cover mine that is clutching his other one and he uses just his fingertips to stroke over the back of my hand. "For now, just focus on getting you better again and we'll take the other stuff one thing at a time okay? Let us protect you instead of you protecting us."

His eyes flash again with unknown emotions that I don't understand, I know what I want it to be but, how can it, after what I did to him? I feel myself starting to relax with his gentle touch, my eyes becoming heavy from the medication. "Please... can you stay tonight?" I feel so guilty for asking but the words slip out before I give them much thought. "Stay with me?" I whisper.

His hand moves up and strokes my hair away from my face "I will, love, lie down, I'll stay. You should sleep now. I promise I'll be right here when you wake up."

I nod, giving into his words and the medication, lying back slowly, flinching as I move, whimpering in pain as I feel it again. I want to tell him I love him, I want to tell him how sorry I am, I want to thank him for not giving up on me completely, even if he only wants to be my friend but I can't get the words out; sleep overtakes me, pulling me deep into its beckoning darkness that promises some relief from the torment my body is in.

As I'm slipping away, it feels like his lips brush against my forehead and he whispers, it sounds like_ "I'm so sorry Bella, I should have tried harder, I should have been there, I should have protected you. I shouldn't have let you walk away." _It must be my dream, because in my dream, my Edward loves me, even with all my faults and this disaster of my life he still wants me.

When I wake suddenly again, it's the middle of the night, the pain is becoming more intense as the medication wears off and I realize that is what has woken me. My hand still in his, Edward is sitting in the chair leaned forward with his head resting on the bed, he's asleep. I carefully move my other hand and just lightly touch his hair, using this opportunity because I don't know if I'll ever have it again. "I love you" I whisper and his eyes flutter open.

"I love you too, beautiful." He whispers back, giving me a small smile as I stare at him in shock.

"But how can you? After what I said, after what I did?" I stammer quietly, not wanting my brother to wake up.

He brushes my hair back from my forehead with his free hand and gives me another smile "Will you answer a question for me, beautiful?" I nod dumbly, still in shock that he said he loves me.

"Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? Were you afraid of me? Did you mean what you said? Or were you afraid that he would come after me?" He continues to touch me gently, his eyes kind and loving as they look at me.

"I was afraid of what he would do to you" I admit "I am afraid of what he'll do now, I'm afraid he'll kill you. I needed to protect you and I didn't know any other way to do it." I feel my bottom lip quiver but I will myself not to cry again. It's time to face up to what I did and accept the results of it.

"I thought so" he says quietly and bends over, kissing the back of my hand softly before looking up at me and his eyes look deep into mine "We'll get through this. love, you'll see. I can't be without you Bella, you are not just a part of my life, but a part of me. I'm not complete unless I'm with you and baby, I know you feel the same way; I can feel you. I've never stopped being able to feel you. I thought you just needed you did, I think you would have come back to me on your own soon and if you hadn't, I was ready to show up at your door. Don't leave me again Bella, please; I know it's scary but next time, talk to me instead of just making the decision alone, let's work it out together. Can you promise me that, baby?"

I sniffle and nod "I swear" I whisper. I'm about to say more when the nurse appears with my medication. When she's left again, Edward stands up and I look at him questionably. He just smiles softly and gently slides his arms underneath me, moving me over a bit on the bed to make some room. He nimbly gets up and slips into the small bed, wrapping his arms around me.

"Is this okay?" He asks, watching my reactions carefully once we are settled in the bed together, his arms cradling me and my head against his chest.

I close my eyes and sigh "Yes" I know there is more to say but I feel the medication pulling me into sleep again and it's so comfortable in his arms. Edward kisses the top of my head and his voice murmurs softly, lulling me to sleep.

"Sleep now, beautiful. We'll work it all out together. All that matters is we love each other." I slip into sleep, feeling warm and safe for the first time since that horrible night weeks ago.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

The week passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes painfully slow, but I am never left alone. If Emmett isn't here, Edward is and vise versa. I am under constant guard again but this time I don't try to fight it. I don't argue with them, I'm too scared, still in shock, slowly processing all that happened, I'm grateful for the constant presence. The police claim they still have no idea where Jacob or Embry have gone and nobody who may know their whereabouts appears to be willing to tell anyone anything. I'm not sure what I believe anymore when it comes to the police, Detective Platt seems genuinely sincere in helping me, in wanting justice for me but I hold no trust with the police given their past actions and attitude.

The boys do their best to keep me entertained, playing games, watching movies, bringing me books and magazines they think I might like along with little treats they hope will get me to smile. And, I try, I really do, because I am so appreciative of what both of them do for me, I try to do as they ask and just trust them, not to worry about safety and to leave it to them.

Edward spends every night with me, always climbing into the small bed and holding me close while we sleep. He's there when the nightmares come, to calm me down, to bring me back to reality, to soothe me, holding me and whispering words of comfort and love until I fall back asleep. The nurses gave up trying to tell him he couldn't sleep in the bed with me after the second night, they just pretend to look the other way and smile and whisper about how sweet he is.

I know we still need to talk about our time apart but for now we avoid it. I don't think that either of us wants to have the conversation in a hospital room. It's not an elephant in the room so much as we've just put a pin in it until a later date. What we have spent the last week doing is re-connecting, just talking to each other, even about ordinary or silly things, just being together, letting the bond between us that wasn't broken, but was stretched and twisted mend itself again.

The first couple of days, Edward is very careful about touching me, afraid of scaring me again, worried what my reactions may be because of the trauma I just endured. He was prepared to go back to the beginning and start all over with me. What surprised both of us was that we didn't need to. I wanted my hand in his, I wanted his arms around me holding me close, I wanted the soft, light, and loving kisses he placed on my temple or the back of my hand, and occasionally my lips. I wasn't scared of him in the slightest, quite the opposite, the only time I felt truly safe was when I was with him.

My favorite time of the day, has quickly become evenings. After they had give me my medicine, Edward gets into bed and makes sure we are both tucked in and comfortable and then he reads to me until I fall asleep. There is something so soothing, so safe, so lulling about the sound of his voice reading. I'm not even sure what he reads, I listen to the tones, the flow of his voice, the rhythm of it, not the words. It is an intimate feeling to lay like this with him and I wish to experience it for the rest of my life.

Detective Platt comes by several times to ask more questions, digging for more details. She seems annoyed that my brother or Edward is always in the room but she learns quickly the day she ordered them out and started questioning me, what happens if they aren't. My panic attack is so severe I unconsciously pull the IV out of my hand in my terror. Emmett is the one here when it happens and not even he can reach me and pull me back. He has to call Edward at work to come. It's his hands cupping my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks, his voice calling my name, telling me that I am okay, that I am safe that brings me back to reality. From that day, she never again questions their presence and never asks them to leave.

Both Edward and Emmett are frustrated with the lack of progress in finding Jacob and his brother, they both question how much effort is actually being put into it. Detective Platt assures them that it is being given a top priority and that nobody is protecting anybody, but I don't think they believe her. The one thing I will say about the good detective though, is this, she does seem to genuinely believe me, to believe my story. She appears shocked to discover the disregard for my complaints about Jacob. I think that I have at least one more person on my side.

By the seventh day, I am ready to go insane, as I heal slowly, so does my mind, it comes out of the shock that it has been and begins thinking again, my panic becomes harder to control and my terror at Jacob finding me here in the hospital is constant. I no longer need the constant medication that makes me sleep, so that is not a reprieve from the fear anymore either, I have begun begging both Emmett and Edward to get me out of here, telling them I feel exposed, at risk, I'm too easy to find. My nightmares at night become even more vicious. They are gruesome dreams of Jacob and Embry getting in, killing Edward and myself as we slept. I'm not sure I'll feel safe anywhere, but I can't stay here anymore.

After several long talks with the doctor, he agrees to release me the next day and we spend the evening making plans. The big question now becomes, where can I go? I can't go to my house, it's still a disaster, Emmett is taking care of having the repairs done but even if they were already completed, I wouldn't feel safe there now. Neither Emmett or Edward's place is an option either, he knows both of these locations, he'll be expecting me to go there. Even detective Platt has suggested that I go somewhere unknown to Jacob for the time being.

After hours of discussion, we are all tired and irritated when my brother practically shouts, startling both Edward and myself "I've got it!"

"Got what, Em?" I ask tiredly and wishing my nurse would hurry and bring my medication.

"Where you can go. Remember the cabin, up by the lake where we used to go every summer growing up?"

As the idea registers in my mind, I see the cabin where I have so many fond memories of spending lazy summer days. It had been passed down to my father after my grandparents passed away and my dad took at least one annual trip there and employed someone to look after the grounds when it wasn't being used, so I know that it has been kept up and in good condition. Dad uses it when he gets a leave and he wants to get away and do some fishing, it is a small comfortable house about four hours away from here. But, best of all, Jacob has no knowledge of it, we had never gone there as a couple and I don't know that it was ever even mentioned to him in passing. It is the perfect solution.

"It's perfect, Em, but how are we going to get the keys from dad? He's out at sea and not due in for at least another three months?" my voice sounds defeated. Isn't that just my luck? We find the perfect solution, but it's just out of reach.

My brother however has a smug smile on his face "I have keys, sissy. Dad has said I could use it whenever I wanted. We can leave first thing tomorrow, I will go to your house tonight and pack some things for you, after I pack my stuff. If there is more you need, we can go into town and get them for you. I nod in agreement and ask for a piece of paper and a pen, jotting down things I want Emmett to make sure he grabs for me.

"How long will it take us to get there?" Edward's voice is quiet and catches my brother off guard.

"You're coming too?" Emmett doesn't sound upset, just surprised, he just assumed he would be with me. I, however, feel relief, I don't want to be separated from Edward and if he is with us, I will feel like he is safe too.

Edward nod "Of course, I am" he says simply and puts an end to all discussion. "I will run home in a bit here and pack and then come back in time for bed." He smiles at me and leans down, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

My hand finds Edwards and I feel his larger one being wrapped around mine, giving it a gentle squeeze as I smile at him. "It's about a four-hour drive normally but will probably take us longer this time because we'll need to stop a bit more than we usually have to."

The discussion ends quickly as they both agree, and Edward kisses my forehead, telling me he'll be back in a couple of hours. My brother leaves as well to go pack and for the first time in days, I am left alone with my thoughts. I'm glad Emmett thought of the cabin, it will really be a perfect place to hide but, there is a worry in my mind. How long can we do this for? We all have lives, jobs, things that require us to be in the real world and not hiding away from it. When Edward comes back an hour and a half later, and we are laying in the small bed, snuggling in for the night, I bring this up. Edward, kisses my forehead, whispering softly "Don't worry about it now, beautiful, lets just take it a day at a time okay?" I look up and manage a small smile and nod in agreement before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, after the doctor gives me a final exam and spends some time discussing my care with both men he finally agrees to release me. Our first stop after leaving the hospital is to pick up Tex; I begin to cry as Edward opens the back door and gently places him next to me on the seat. He kisses my face and I pet him, cooing softly, and nuzzling my face against his, happily reunited. After a while, the drive continuing on, both of us get tired and we sleep curled up together among the bed of pillows and blankets that is there to protect us from getting hurt as we travel, the quiet sound of Edward and Emmett speaking in the front seat lulls me to sleep and reminds me I'm safe, we're safe, for now.

I groggily wake to the sound of someone calling my name, my eyes fluttering open as I try to figure out where we are and realize we've reached our destination. "Hey sleepy head" my brother teases "glad you could join us." I stick my tongue out at him in response before yawning and wiping the sleep from my eyes and he just laughs heartily, commenting on how I am never the most coherent person when I wake.

I am told to stay put with Tex while they take several trips into the house, bringing in our luggage. I pass the time by looking out the window and taking in the sight. Memories suddenly flood through me, images of summers spent here as a kid, the laughter that used to ring through this house. I can see the tree I fell out of when I was seven, giving the adults an awful scare; I smile softly to myself as I remember and I'm suddenly very glad I can share this special place with Edward, even if the reason we are here isn't the most ideal of circumstances. Once the luggage and groceries are brought in, both men come back to us and Emmett gently lifts Tex out of the car, carrying him inside while Edward scoops me up, blankets and all, dropping a kiss on my forehead and proceeding to carry me indoors as if I am some kind of queen. I giggle as he carries me upstairs and deposits me gently on the large bed in what was my grandparents room.

He goes over and opens the large wide windows, letting in the sunshine and fresh air, breathing deeply. When he turns back to me, he looks shy, hesitating before speaking "I brought my bags in here as well, beautiful. I hope that it's okay but if you would rather me stay in a different room, just tell me, love." He stuffs his hands in his pocket and shuffles his feet nervously, waiting for my response.

"You belong with me" I say quietly, and the simple statement holds so much more than just him being in this room with me, but it's all I can think of to say right now. The look on his face when his eyes meet mine again, the breathtaking smiles that lights up his eyes tells me I said the perfect thing. Quickly enough, his mind shifts gears and he comes over to the side of the bed.

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry, thirsty, tired?" his voice and look is so sincere and I feel myself melting.

"What I would really love is a bath" I sigh wistfully, because I know it will be awhile before I can take a full bath or shower.

"Then that is what you will have, love" he smiles at me again and leans in, pressing his lips very softly against mine and then brushing them back and forth before pulling away again. I give him a curious look because he knows that I can't really take a bath yet "Wait right here, I'll be back" He walks into the adjoining bathroom and I can hear water running and cabinets opening and closing. Before I know it he's back and scooping me up into his arms again and carrying me into the bathroom before setting me gently on my feet and looking shy once more.

I look then to see the bathtub filled with some water but not even half full, the water looks so inviting even if I can't fully submerge myself I know that I will feel much cleaner than I do now and I look at him gratefully. "Thank you, baby" my voice soft and quiet.

"Do you need some help, sweetheart?" He touches the collar of my shirt briefly as he watches me and there is no pressure or expectation in his eyes, only genuine concern for my well-being.

I flush when I realize what he means but the truth is that I do need the help. In the hospital I had the nurses help me to clean up and I didn't think about it, until this moment. I stand there, torn, because I need help, but I'm filled with shame. He will see my body, the angry red marks left there by the knife and the stitches that close them. He will find it revolting and I will disgust him like I've always been afraid that I would. It's not the sight of the marks on my body that I am afraid of him seeing, it's what those marks represent, my brokenness, my weakness, my defeat, my shame. They will fade in time, the plastic surgeon they had called in to close me up had done a very good job but it will take time for them to disappear and they still look so angry, red and fresh against my pale skin. The tears feel hot and thick as my eyes well up with them and they begin to course down my cheeks "Never mind, this wasn't a good idea" I mumble defeated.

"Look at me, baby" Edward's voice is soft but commanding and I lift my eyes to his, feeling my body tremble. His eyes stay on mine as his hands move to my shirt and begins unbuttoning it slowly and carefully "You are beautiful to me and I love you so much, Bella. You don't have to hide from me" His hands gently slip the shirt off of my shoulders and then pull it completely free of my body. His eyes dart down and he brings his fingers to my skin, moving slowly, watching me for any sign of panic as he does. His touch hovers over the marks, not touching them but I can feel the warmth of his fingers over my skin."I know you don't like to look at them, sweet girl, I know what they remind you of, but can I tell you what I see?"

I swallow hard and watch as he sinks down to his knees in front of me. He lets his lips hover over the sewn up tear in my abdomen as if he is kissing it but he doesn't actually touch me, knowing they are too sensitive for that just now, he looks up into my eyes again "I see your strength, I see your determination not to leave me, to leave this world. These are not marks of shame Bella, these are marks of courage and honor. They are nothing to be ashamed of, beautiful. They say that you survived, you didn't give up, how strong you are, how brave you are. They say that you are still here with me and that makes them beautiful." My breath catches at his words and he kisses gently against the clean and smooth areas of my stomach before he sits back on his feet and brings his hands up to the waist of my track pants, hooking them in the sides and dragging them and my panties down my legs, letting me step out of them.

He stands back up and kisses my lips again. "Bella, when I look at you, all I see is you. I don't see the scars, I only see the beauty that is you. Please baby, don't hide from me. I love you, all of you. All of you is beautiful to me. And the marks will fade, love, so you don't have to see them anymore, but even if they didn't fade away, I will never see you as anything less than perfect and beautiful"

My lip quivers as more tears fall, Edward wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him gingerly, rubbing my back softly as he lets me cry, whispering how he loves me, how I'm beautiful, how I'm perfect to him. Finally, my tears subside and I pull back a little, he gives me a gentle smile and kisses the tip of my nose before taking my hand and helping me into my bath. I lay back in the tub, feeling the water encompass my legs and barely brush along my hips and close my eyes as he talks to me, occasionally brushing my hair back away from my face. He picks up a cloth off the edge of the tub and dips it in the water before adding some soap to it. He holds it up, silently asking me if it's okay and I nod shyly in response. He washes me carefully and tenderly, being vigilant not to cause me any more discomfort or pain than necessary. He lets out some water and adds a bit more, helping me to sit up and picking up the cup from the edge of the tub.

"Tilt your head back for me, baby and I'll wash your hair for you." his voice is tender and loving, and wraps around me like a warm safe blanket.

I smile because this is a feeling I love, closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling of him running the water over my hair, his fingers working in the shampoo and rinsing it, then working in the conditioner before rinsing that as well before letting me lay back against the tub again.

Eventually, the water cools and he helps me out, taking the towel and drying off my body gently before going to retrieve some comfortable loose clothing for me to wear. He helps me back into the bedroom and into the bed, lifting Tex up to curl in next to me and dropping a kiss on my temple, murmuring that he's just going to take a shower. I hear the water and him moving in the bathroom as I begin to drift. The last thing I remember before falling into a deep sleep is the feeling of his weight on the bed as he settle behind me, his body spooning into mine.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

Sunlight streams into the room, hitting my eyes as they open and I realize that we must have slept through the rest of the afternoon yesterday and all through the night. My body feels stiff and sore as I stretch carefully. Edward's soft breathing beside me tells me he is still asleep and I turn my head to look at him, just watching him for a few moments with a small smile on my face. I realize that Tex probably needs to go outside so I get up, coaxing him off the bed slowly. He is able to walk but, he limps, moving slow and careful just like me as we make our way to the kitchen and through the sliding glass door to the deck beyond; I stand by the railing watching as he makes his way into the yard.

I'm not sure how long I stand there, watching him before I feel Edward's presence come up behind me, his arms wrap lightly around my hips and he kisses the top of my head. "Morning, beautiful. How are you feeling today?"

I let my weight rest back against his body and enjoy the warmth of the sun against my skin as we stand there. "I feel sore but better" I answer quietly. He nods and takes my hand, leading me over to the big porch swing and settling us there as we watch Tex roam the area, sniffing things and enjoying the sun as well. We stay quiet for a while before I feel the need to say something, I feel like it's time to discuss our time apart. I want to admit my fault, to talk to him about it, to move past it and this just seems like the moment to do. I clear my throat softly and shift slightly away from him so I can look at him better, taking his hand in mine as I begin.

"I'm sorry, Sweetness, I was foolish, and it was wrong to run. I was- am so scared that he will come after you, if anything happened to you because of me, I think it would kill me; I would rather be the one hurt than you. I've been hurting so badly since that day, though, it felt like I ripped out my heart when I said those horrible things to you, when I walked out your door. I know that I hurt you just as badly as I hurt myself, if not worse. I don't know what I can ever do to make up for it, to make it better, but I want to try if you will let me."

Somewhere in my speech, I lose my thoughts and words just begin pouring out, I don't try to stop them. " I know that I've only brought trouble into your life and I hate that, I hate myself for that. I'm so sorry. I know those words don't take it back. I wish I could go back and take back that morning. I will beg you for forgiveness on my knees if you want me to. I will never make that mistake again. I can't promise you I won't be scared, I can't promise you there won't be times that I won't think you are better off without me but I can promise I will never run like that again. I'm so sorry baby, so so sorry, please tell me what to do to make it better, to make it up to you." I sob out the last of my words.

Edward stays quiet for a moment but he pulls me closer to his body, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head atop of mine. When he finally speaks, his voice is choked with emotions "I know why you ran, Beautiful, you have my forgiveness. I know how terrified you were, and, I know how hard this is for you." His hand comes up to grasp my chin and he gently lifts my face up for our eyes to meet

"Bella, you can't shut me out, baby. I know that you might not always want to talk about things, might not be able to talk about them sometimes, that it might be too much, you might need time to process things before you talk, and that's okay, but, that's what you need to tell me. You need to say 'No, I'm not fine but I can't talk about it right now' You have to let me in, baby. You need to tell me so I know how to help you because that's all I want to do. I want to help you, I want to protect you, I want to love you. I want you to be happy. You are not in this alone any more, sweet girl, we are in this together and that is how we're going to get through this, _together_."

I look at him, my eyes shining with love "It's felt like there has been a huge hole in my chest since that day, Its felt like I haven't been able to breathe, that I left that piece of me, my heart there with you. I promise, I will try not to shut you out. I'm still so scared of everything, that he's going to hurt you, but I promise to try, sweetness. And if I can't talk, I promise to tell you I can't, to ask for time"

"That's all I ask, love." He kisses my forehead and then his eyes turn more firm as they look into mine. "And, I want you to listen to me closely, Bella Swan; _You_ have not brought trouble into my life, Jacob Black has. _You_ bring me happiness. _You_ make me feel complete, whole, loved, cherished, happy. The day you left, it destroyed me. I need you, I love you." I think I can see into his soul through his eyes, they are so deep and looking at me with so much love, his next words seem to get stuck in his throat before he gets them out. "Bella, there is a lot I can take, but I can't take you running like that again. I can't take losing you, please baby, don't leave me again."

I feel the familiar shame beginning to well up inside of me, but Edward puts a quick end to it as he sees it filling my eyes. "No" his voice is firm again "You did what you had to do, you did what you thought was right, and we both know now that it is never the answer. No more shame, now we move forward and remember what we've learned." He leans in and presses his lips to mine as I feel warmth overflowing inside of me, feeling my cracked heart mending and feeling love, pouring from him to me and from me to him as we kiss softly in the crisp, clean air.

The sound of a clearing throat brings us out of our little bubble and I blush as I turn my head to see my brother leaning against the open sliding glass door, holding a cup of coffee and grinning like a fool "I see you guys have talked and worked things out then?" He raises his eyebrow and his next words are directed at me "And there will be no more running away and moping?" I stick my tongue out in response to him, making him laugh harder, Edward chuckles beside me and I give up, joining in on the laughter.

Before we slip inside for some breakfast, Edward stops me, drawing me to him gently by my hips and resting his forehead against mine, his voice soft, only loud enough for me to hear "I will never give up on you, beautiful and I will never give up on us. If you tell me to leave, tell me to go away, tell me you don't want me anymore, I will always respect your wishes but I will never give up on us. I love you."

I bring my hand up to cup his cheek and I whisper against his lips "I love you, Edward Cullen and I will never run away from you again" I kiss him softly and then take his hand, leading him inside.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

The days are interminably slow as they pass and Tex and I continue to heal. As the number of days we are here continues to grow so does anger and frustration. Emmett, Edward and I grow impatient with the police, questioning if they are even really trying to catch them. Even though I feel safe here, find peace here, the fact remains, we're hiding and I'm so tired of hiding, I'm done with hiding. As the days pass by, my strength again begins to emerge. I'm done letting Jacob Black control my life and I want him to pay for what he's done to me. I'm no longer willing to let this go, to hide and hope he goes away. I'm ready to fight back now.

This time away has brought about something wonderful though, something amazing and perfect, it's brought about an even stronger relationship for Edward and I. We've been able to spend days, just talking and being together. There is a depth to our relationship that wasn't there previously, we've been through hell, we are still walking through it but we are doing it together, hand in hand, there are no more walls between us.

Three weeks pass and I feel our time growing shorter every day, we are going to have to go back to the real world whether they are caught or not. I'm healed well enough to be up and about now, still having to be careful about certain movement but no longer restricted like I was in the beginning. I find myself on the porch swing one evening after supper, watching dusk settle over the land and there is a sadness in me. I can feel what is coming. Edwards sits down besides me and draws me into his side, resting his chin on the top of my head and his arms wrapping around me, finding my hands and linking them before resting them on my stomach gingerly. We just stay silent for a while, there is no need to talk but, I know that he can feel the same things I can.

Inside, Emmett is on the phone and I can only catch bits and pieces of his conversation, I know it's about work though. Edward and I have been able to do our work from this remote place but Emmett hasn't. They've been very understanding of his situation and he's kept in constant contact with them, but tonight the call seems to have a different tone and I'm not sure who he is currently arguing with. It's not a normal argument though and the feeling in the pit of my stomach grows, he's very calm, reserved, respectful and that can only mean one thing, and I'm left here helpless until he finally hangs up and comes out to the porch with us, sitting down on a chair with a heavy sigh.

"I have to go back, sissy" my eyes meet my brother's and I nod slightly.

"When, where, and for how long?" I ask quietly, and he understands what I'm asking, what I know. He has to go back, not because he needs to get back to work but because he is being deployed again. You can argue with a job, you can't argue with the United States government.

"Two months, November first, Afghanistan, and at least a year, likely two" he sounds slightly defeated and my heart breaks a little. He's not afraid of going back there, he's afraid of leaving me to do so. "At least this time, I leave knowing you are safe and taken care of" he gives Edward a small nod and Edward's arms tighten around me and he nods in acknowledgement.

"When should we leave then?" Edward's voice is quiet "I don't like going back without them being caught but I'm not sure how much longer I can get away with not being at the office either. It could be years before they catch them." there is anger in his voice at the last statement.

"I think we should leave the day after tomorrow" I break in softly "We can't put it off forever, we have to go back to the real world."

They both agree and the rest of the night is spent in near silence, sitting on the back porch, each of us lost in our own thoughts, fears, making plans for our return home.

The next afternoon, I'm in the bedroom packing the last of my clothes when Edward enters the room and sits on the bed beside my suitcase. "Hey, beautiful" He looks nervous, so I shove my suitcase away and sit down beside him, taking his hand.

"What's up, baby? What's wrong?" I feel the butterflies in my stomach and wonder what has happened.

He gives me his lopsided smile but his eyes don't lose the nervousness. "I- I" he pauses to draw a deep breath "I have something I want to talk to you about, Bella"

I hold both of his hands in mine and give him an encouraging look "You can tell me anything, sweetness, you know that" I squeeze his hand.

He draws another deep breath, looking at me, he smiles but it seems to be shaky "Bella, I don't want you to go back to your house alone. I would like- I mean- would you and Tex consider living with me, or me living with you?" He looks relieved to get out his words.

I, however, look cautious, because I am not entirely sure what he is asking. It's my turn now for my voice to be hesitant "You mean until Jacob and Embry are caught?"

He surprises me by shaking his head, his eyes meeting mine "No, beautiful, not just until they are caught, I mean living together, making a home together, building a life together. I'm not asking you because I'm afraid, though I will admit the thought of you living alone right now scares the hell out of me, I am asking you because I want this. I want you, I want us, I want us together. I want you in bed with me every night, I want to wake up to your smile every morning, I want it to be our house, not yours or mine but ours."

"Oh, Edward" I through my arms around his neck and pull myself to him so hard I wince from the slight pain I cause myself, loosening only enough to not cause it anymore "Yes, yes, yes, I want that too, sweetness."

"Yeah?" He looks at me elated just a moment before his lips crash against mine, his hands pulling me gently onto his lap so he can hold me closer and he doesn't pull his mouth from mine until we need breath. "I love you so much, Bella" he nuzzles his nose against mine, smiling.

"I love you too" I beam at him, and for just a moment, nothing else matters but he and I, and this moment together. "Where should we live?" I ask suddenly, looking at him.

He seems to choose his words carefully, watching my eyes for a reaction "Well, I was thinking my place would be the better option" he says hesitantly. "I thought yours might hold too many memories, and it's still such a mess, but if you would rather live there we can. Or, we could find someplace new, together, whatever you want, love" He kisses me again.

I already know my answer "Your place, please. At least for now, until things are more settled. Then, maybe we can look for a new place together but I don't want to go back to my house. I'll get it cleaned up and put on the market for sale, I will never be able to sleep in that house again" I say firmly and hug him tighter.

We sit there for a while, just holding each other and talking softly, making plans for our life together, never forgetting the danger out there at the moment but making a decision together that it will not ruin our life. Eventually, Tex gets tired of being excluded and pushes and prods until he is in the middle of our hug too, causing both of us to laugh and pet him, reassuring him that he is coming with us as well, that he will never be left behind.

The trip returning home is much different from the one coming out here, a heated discussion is taking place between my brother and myself.

"Bella, this is bullshit! You are just going to let them get away with it? They have ignored you for years, protected that asshole and it's because of them that this happened! We have more than enough evidence for a civil case against the police department!"

"No, I'm not doing that, Em. I get how you feel and I feel the same way but I'm not bringing a lawsuit against them. I- I just can't do it" I have images in my mind of going to court and having to relive all my shame for strangers, I realize that I'm going to have to do this if Jacob and Embry are ever caught but I don't think I have the strength to do it more than once. The thoughts of doing it once, leaving me shaking slightly.

Edward, understands instantly, looking into my eyes before I look away and, as the cooler head in this matter, explains to my brother while I glare out the window in frustration. . "Em, you know I think the police are just as guilty as Jacob is, but you have to see that bringing a lawsuit against it would only put a bigger target on Bella's back. You know how many friends Jacob has, most of them cops. You've also heard what the district attorney said when he called us. He's having a hard time finding people to come forward, they are doing their job, but only because they have to and only as much as they have to. A lot of them, still believe him, think there is an explanation, they think she is somehow set him up."

"Not only that, but take into account your sister." Edward's voice gets a bit harder, protective mode edging in "She would have to get up on the stand and be cross-examined by lawyers, they would dig into her marriage, into every part of her life and do everything they could to twist and turn it, using it against her. Don't you think what she's going to have to endure in the trial when they catch Jacob and his brother will be enough? Do you want to see them try to destroy her?"

Emmett looks like a petulant child and his voice is angry when he responds "She's strong enough to do it, don't doubt her."

Edward's voice holds its own anger when he responds back "I don't doubt that she is, don't insinuate that I do. I'm asking you if you want to see her subjected to that?"

I look at my brother in the rearview mirror, his eyes meeting mine briefly before they return to the road "I don't want to do it, Emmett." My voice is firm "I want them to find Jacob and Embry, I want them to go to trial for what they did and I want to live my life. Can't you understand that?"

He finally nods "Yes, I can. I'm sorry sissy, I just want them all to pay for what they've done to you."

"I know baby brother, and eventually they will. You can't escape karma forever" I give him a little smile and am rewarded one in return as he nods.

"Okay, I'll drop it now, then"

"Thank you, Em"

The rest of the trip home is uneventful.

A couple of weeks later, find the three of us at my old house packing. The boys are upstairs, I can't go up there, so they offered to pack up those rooms while I work on the downstairs. I can't bear the thought of going back into my former bedroom. There is still some work that needs to be done before I can sell the house, the carpet needs to be replaced, the walls painted before the house can even go on the market. Once everything is moved out, I will hire someone to come in and do the work that needs to be done and then hire someone to clean the house, I just can't do this myself.

I am in the kitchen packing when my phone rings and I don't recognize the number other than the area code is local; I'm hesitant to pick it up but I do. "Hello?"

"Isabella? It's Detective Platt. I wanted to be the one to call you and tell you we got 'em both. They are currently in custody." I listen in stunned silence as she continues "They will both be arraigned tomorrow afternoon, their parents have already gotten them an attorney apparently, I expect them to ask for bail but not to get it. The district attorney will be calling you later today to talk to you more about the legal aspect of your case."

"Okay" I whisper into the phone, still feeling like I'm in shock "Thank you for letting me know, detective." I hang up the phone and try to call for Edward and Emmett but no sound comes out, I sink down to the floor, sliding down along the wall as I sit in stunned silence, my phone still in hand until they finally come to find me an hour later.

"Bella!" Edward's voice is an immediate panic "Baby, what's wrong? What's happened?" He kneels down in front of me, taking my face into his hands to look into my eyes.

"They got them" I whisper "Both of them, they are in custody, Detective Platt called a bit ago."

Emmett lets out a whoop of joy and Edward pulls me to him in a hug and it sounds like he's saying a quiet prayer of gratitude as he holds me close.

I feel relieved but, with my relief, come the feeling of dread. This isn't the end, this is only the beginning. I am going to need more strength than I have ever needed, because, I'm not running away this time, I'm going to face the devil head on.

_**Author's Note: (Long I know, but please please read)**_

_I want to start by welcoming all of my new readers, thank you for reading my story, though I know it's not an easy one to read. I'm so grateful for all of my readers who continue to follow me and for all the new people who have found this story. _

_Thank you for all of those who have shared my story with others, I've gotten several messages and reviews that have said they found my story from another person recommending it, so again, my heartfelt thank you. _

_I know there may be some people upset that Edward didn't make Bella "prove" that she was serious about these changes, that he shouldn't have forgiven her as easily as he did. What you need to remember is that Edward knows Bella better than she knows herself in some aspects. He knows why she ran, he understands her fear because he feels it from her. Yes, she broke his heart, just as she broke her own, but how can you hold it against the person who made such a foolish decision out of such intense and overwhelming fear? When it's in her very nature to protect everyone but herself and she was only doing in that moment what she thought she could do to protect him? How could he hold a grudge against her or do anything but forgive her when in the very deepest part of his soul he can see and feel how much she has suffered, how she does love him and how terrified she has been that he would be hurt because of her? Especially, when she herself so readily admits her fault to him, asks for forgiveness, when they can both feel their hearts crying out for one another? The most powerful words are spoken softly, the most intense feelings felt and not spoken. She made a mistake, a big one, but a mistake nonetheless, and he knows she has suffered just as much as he, that is why he forgave her, why there didn't need to be a big fight or begging. He forgave her, her faults because he is incredible and loves her, because he is a true man in every sense of the word._

_I will never be a writer who says I will not update until I receive x number of reviews, I am not writing my story for reviews though I love to hear what each of one you have to say and I will not deny that when I receive reviews it motivates me, and gives me the strength I sometimes need to put pen to paper. I write this story because I believe it's one that needs to be told, that people need to be aware of what happens, that I can offer some understanding for those who thankfully have never been in an abusive relationship and support for anyone who has. _

_I cannot, however, deny the fact that the more reviews a story has, the more attention it gets. So I am humbly asking you to click that review button and leave me something, any thoughts you may have, a few words or a thousand words, I read every one of my reviews, good or bad and always try to answer them. My mission is to get this story out as far as I can and I'm asking for your help in this. If I can get my reviews up I can hopefully get my story included in a few more communities. This is the one and only time I will ask for this, I do not want you to feel pressured into reviewing and as I said, I will never say I will not update until I receive x number of reviews. _

_I will have an update ready for you in two weeks, I believe and I'm going to try to stick with that. I am working on my own again and I will do my absolute best to take all I have learned to watch my grammar and punctuation. _

_I am however still looking for a pre-reader. I need someone to read through the chapter for me once I feel it is done and just let me know if there is anything that is unclear or needs more explanation, or just anything that doesn't quite make sense and I need to expand upon. I am not looking for anyone to write anything for me, just read and make a few notes. _

_I am also looking for someone, a beta or just someone who is better with this than I to run through the chapter and just look at my grammar and punctuation. _

_If you are interested in either position, please let me know by private message. (If you are on The Writers Coffee Shop, please private message me on Fanfiction under my pen name of Beautiful Vixen) For both positions I need someone who can work fairly quickly as I would like to start updating every other week on a regular basis. _

_Thank you again for all of your kind words, your continued support, and I promise that the real Bella and Edward receive them all as well as all the hugs sent their way and they send their gratitude and love back. _

_Until next time, my faithful friends~_

_Jade_


	22. Chapter 21-: I Won't Back Down

**Author's Note:**

_Yea! I'm not too late on updating, two and a half weeks so not so bad. I know you've all been waiting for this chapter for a very long time so I won't keep you. Just want to say hugs and thanks to my pre-reader Cullengirl08 and my proof-reader/beta sjdavis84 for all the help and support!_

**Women who leave their batterers are at 75% greater risk of severe injury or death than those who stay.**

_~Barbara Hart, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2008_

_~Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 2009_

**o~o~O~o~o**

_**Well, I won't back down, No, I won't back down**_

_**You could stand me up at the gates of hell, But I won't back down.**_

_**Gonna stand my ground, Won't be turned around,**_

_**And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down,**_

_**Gonna stand my ground, And I won't back down. **_

_Won't Back Down~ Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers_

**o~o~O~o~o**

**Chapter Twenty-One ~ I Won't Back Down**

_BPOV_

"Your Honor, Jacob and Embry Black have no criminal record. In fact, Jacob Black is an upstanding and highly decorated, officer of the law. There is no reason to deny bail, nor is there any reason to set bail, as both should be released on their own recognizance. They are not a flight risk and both plan to vehemently defend themselves against these malicious, unfounded, and false charges. We plan to prove to the court that Isabella Black...excuse me, Isabella Swan, is nothing more than a woman scorned who has set her mind on revenge and concocted this elaborate hoax to ruin the life of her ex-husband." The defense attorney sits down with a smugness that makes my stomach turn.

I sit in stunned silence, my hand clutching Edward's; watching as Jacob and Embry sit at their table, looking smug and confident. Their lawyer argues against bail being set for them and asks for their immediate release. I am too numb to feel fear or hurt; but the moment Jacob turns around to look at me, I begin to shake, a small whimper escapes and I draw into myself, dropping my face to Edward's shoulder to hide. I hear Edward mutter something under his breath directed at Jacob, and he lets go of my hand to draws his arm around me instead, holding me protectively.

The prosecutor stands up slowly, looking calm and collected as he begins to speak. "Your Honor, we are not talking about some simple incident here, some misdemeanor charge. These men are charged with attempted second degree murder, attempted rape, breaking and entering, and second degree assault and breaking and entering and second degree assault respectively. I also want it noted that there were attempts by both Ms. Swan and her brother to report other incidents which were not treated as they should be. If you allow them bail, Ms. Swan and possible others are at risk. We request they be remanded until their trial is concluded."

The judge stays silent for what feels like an eternity before he finally renders his decision. "I am granting bail. $40,000 for Mr. Jacob Black and $20,000 for Mr. Embry Black. We will set this matter for trial on September 24th." The sound of his gavel hitting the desk makes me to jump and cower against Edward. I glance up just in time to see Billy Black glare at me from across the aisle and I try desperately to make myself smaller, while my brother snarls a remark in his direction. He turns away finally to watch his two sons being led out of the room in handcuffs, before he follows, finally leaving us be.

We wait silently for the room to empty before I feel strong enough to be able to walk, then we make our way out of the courtroom slowly, staying quiet. There are no words of comfort to be had right now, they will make bail, of this I have no doubt. Emmett goes over to the prosecuting attorney and has a quiet conversation, while Edward holds me in his arms and tries to offer me whatever comfort he can. Emmett comes back over to us and we leave the courthouse together, before making our way to our separate cars.

My brother gives me a hug before we separate. "At least it's something sissy, he didn't just let them walk free," his voice sounds tired and worried. I merely nod in response, just wanting to be away from here now. He opens the passenger side door and sees me settled into Edward's car before giving me a brief smile and shutting the door. I lay my head back against the seat and close my eyes, hearing the quiet murmuring voices of my brother and my love outside as they discuss what should be done.

Finally, the driver's door opens and Edward gets in, his hand finds mine and gives it a gentle squeeze "Let's get you home, Beautiful." His voice is soft and I nod in agreement, wanting nothing more.

Later that night as we are cuddling on the couch watching television, trying to forget the horror of the day, we receive the phone call. Billy has bailed out Jacob and Embry and they are now free until the trial. The only consolation that I have, is that they are ordered to stay at least five hundred feet away from me, and Jacob is on suspension from his job, though paid suspension until this matter is thoroughly investigated and settled one way or the other.

I know that I should be scared. I know that a protective order isn't going to stop them if they decide to come after me, but I'm not; I'm exhausted. We have two months to prepare for the trial, in which I have no doubt, my entire life will be displayed for all to see. His lawyer will try to twist things around, to make me seem like the bad guy, to make me seem like I am out for revenge, he will try to make them look innocent. I know I should be gearing up for battle, I should be afraid of what is ahead, but all I am is exhausted. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep, I want to be Rip Van Winkle and sleep for twenty years and wake up to find that this is all over with.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_September 24_

Two months pass quickly, in a whirlwind of activity, meeting with the prosecutor to go over testimony countless times. They pass in nights spent in Edward's arms sobbing and wondering if I'm strong enough to do this. They pass in brief moments alone when I wish I had just let him kill me, because it would be easier than what I have to do next. They pass in time spent silently asking why.

_Why me? Why did this happen to me? What did I do in my life that was so wrong that I deserve to have to go through this? How much more can I handle without shattering completely?_ I feel as if I'm standing on a ledge. I can see the other side and I can see the safety there, but to get there, I have to jump. I have to take a terrifying leap before I can reach the other side, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it.

Edward remains my strength. When I'm too tired, he's there to carry me. When I'm ready to give up, he's there to take the pain and doubt from me as much as he can. His arms hold me when I break down sobbing, when the panic hits. When I'm clawing desperately for some ground to grab before I get sucked into the darkness, he's there to hold onto and keep me safe. His words soothe me and offer me comfort and support, when I'm so deep in the blackness I don't think I'll ever escape; He draws me out to the light again.

We have seen no hint of Jacob or his brother these last couple of months, but I have never stopped being on constant look out for him. I am a bundle of nerves, a live wire most of the time, my muscles tight and tense like a cat ready to spring and it's impossible for me to feel a complete sense of security like I used to. I may not have seen Jacob or Embry, but that didn't mean I wasn't constantly reminded of their presence.

Most of Jacob's friends still don't believe he did any of these vile acts. He may not have acted in these last two months himself, but he had others that were willing to do it for him. I hated going anywhere alone; if I pass a police car or one spotted my car, I am followed. It isn't overtly obvious and anyone could easily chalk it up to coincidence, officers just driving around on their shift, but I know better. They follow every turn I made, follow me right to my destination, only to drive on, looking at me as they pass. They follow me right to the driveway of my home, sometimes there are cop cars parked on my street, and I know it is friends just watching, trying to scare me. There is nothing that can be done about it though, they don't say anything to me. I have no proof they are doing anything but their jobs, and it isn't just coincidence that I happen to see them all the time. I worry I would come off sounding paranoid and disturbed if I report them, so I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know if Em or Edward had any of the same experiences, because neither said a word about it to me. More than once when I would be with one of them I would see them glancing into their rear view mirror more often than necessary, leading to me believe that we were being followed.

The last two months have been both a strain and a bonding time for us as well. It hasn't been easy and there were times Edward has gotten frustrated, but he never gives up on us. There have been times I have gotten upset and started to close him out again. I would react out of self-preservation and instinct because it's what I've known for so long.

I've always had this way of pushing through when everything has fallen apart; when it all became too much for me to handle, I learned to do it at a very early age with my mother and I had perfected it in my relationship with Jacob. I had learned to take my feelings and shove them away, back somewhere deep into my mind and lock them away. I learned not to not feel, to let myself go numb. If something needed to be done, something needed to be taken care of, I found the strength to do it, but I worked mechanically. During these last couple of months, I have been so tempted to do this, to just shut down, but I have fought myself from doing so. I fought myself from shutting down because if I did, I would also be shutting Edward out.

I may be able to get everything that needs to be done completed, but, if I let myself go numb, I become like a robot. I literally turn off my feelings, do what needs to be done with no real thought and no feeling at all, I run on automatic. I learned to do this, because it's the only way I could deal with the terror I lived with daily. It's the only way I could endure the beatings, the rapes, the horrible things he said to me, his threats. It was the only way I could endure Jacob.

As well and as deep as Edward knows me, so does Jacob. Jacob knows my weaknesses, he knows the buttons and emotional pressure points to use to keep me under control. That was what stopped me from trying to run from him. It was never a fear for me, it was a fear for those that I cared about. I could take anything that Jacob did to me, everything he did to my body, as long as the people I loved were safe. Jacob has always known my weakness, it's what he used against me. It's how he broke me and it's how he kept me under his control. That is the fear I live in now. _What if he doesn't get convicted? What will he do and whom will he target first? Will he go after Edward? Emmett? Charlie? Will he slowly take away those I love until he has completely destroyed me and then come to finish what he started?_

These thoughts have made me doubt, at times, if I made the right decision with Edward. The terror overwhelms me sometimes, and makes me wonder if I should run again. The fear of anything happening to him strikes paralyzing fear into my heart and crushes me under the weight of my worry. The fear of anything happening to him makes me feel as if I'll shatter into a million pieces. These are the times it is hardest not to let myself go numb. These are the times it is hardest for me to learn to go to Edward and tell him my thoughts, to open up and let him hear and feel my fear. These are the times when Edward is the strongest, gathering me into his arms and holding me, reassuring me, helping me to learn to give him some of the load I carry. As soon as I begin to calm down, my heart reminds me of what being separated from Edward is like and how not being with him is far worse than anything anyone could ever do to me. I remember exactly why I found the courage in the hospital to tell him I was sorry and that I love him; why I asked for another chance.

It's been a learning process for both of us. I have had to learn sometimes to say, 'No, I'm not okay, but I need some time before I can talk about it'. Once I learned to do that, it got easier for the both of us. He always respects my need for that space, as long as I keep the lines of communication open and don't just shut him out. As our relationship continues to grow, I realize more and more every day, that I don't want to shut him out, I want to let him in. Sometimes, I just don't know how to let him in. He understands that and doesn't push me. He tells me that he'll wait for me for forever if that is what it takes.

I have been terrified to tell him my dark thoughts when they come, but slowly I learned to tell him even those thoughts. I learned that even though they may concern him, that he may worry about me even more than normal, when I'm in these dark places, he never ever stops loving me because of them. It isn't an easy road for us, but we are taking the road together and we only grow stronger as the days go on.

There has been added stress during this time as well. Emmett has been getting ready to leave for his deployment. He will be leaving shortly after the trial is finished and there is a lot of preparation that needed to be done beforehand. I can't stand to think of him leaving, the mere thought will have me crying, so I do what I could do. I shoved it away, far into my mind and try not to think about it; even as I worked furiously to make little care packages for him to take with, that he could open every few weeks so he wouldn't be so homesick, I did my damnedest not to think or feel about it. He, however, is just grateful he will still be here for the trial. That was his biggest concern, he wants to be here for me.

Now, after all the preparations, the time has arrived. It's the morning the trial begins, and here I sit on our bed, dressed in a black skirt and red blouse, trying to find my courage and my strength to face this. I keep repeating in my head, over and over, my mantra; _I am not alone, I can do this, I am strong enough to do this. _I feel Edward getting closer before I hear or see him come into the room. He sits beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders and drawing me gently into his embrace. He rests his head atop of mine and we just stay quiet, each of us drawing strength and courage for what's to come from our love.

When he finally speaks, his voice is gentle and hushed "You know that Emmett and I will be in that courtroom, Beautiful. You aren't going to be alone in there and he won't be able to touch you or hurt you in any way. We won't let either of them anywhere near you, should they try." His voice is loving and I draw a shaky breath, finding some reassurance in it, knowing his words are true and he would protect me to his last breath if it ever came down to it.

I nod, my voice shaking as I answer "I know"

His hand rubs my back in a circular motion and I rest my hand over his heart, feeling its strong beat as he continues quietly "I'm so proud of you Bella. For your bravery to do this. For facing him and making sure he can't hurt you or anyone else ever again." His hand moves and he gently lifts my chin so that I'm looking at him now as he brushes his fingertips ever so softly across my cheek, before leaning in and pressing his lips against mine.

"My brave beautiful girl," he murmurs as the kiss ends but his lips stay against mine.

My arms tighten around him for a moment and I close my eyes now, resting my head against his chest. Edward stays silent and just holds me, offering me all he can in this moment. I finally take another shaky breath and look up at him, my hand coming up to cup his cheek, my thumb tracing against his cheekbone. He looks tired and worn out. I worry about him constantly because he not only has his own burden to bear in all of this, but he tries to take as much from me as he can as well. He doesn't sleep at night like he should because when the nightmares wake me, he's always there to hold me, to calm me. No matter how many times they come, he's awake every time to comfort me. When I tried to suggest that I sleep in the guest room so he could get the sleep he needs, he wouldn't hear of it. "My place is with you, by your side, in our bed, and it doesn't matter how many times you wake up, Bella. I will be here every one of those times."

After that, I stopped suggesting it and he never complains about the lack of sleep he is getting. Maybe, after this is all over, we should take a little trip somewhere. Somewhere far from here to just relax and recharge our bodies and our spirit. I file the idea away to talk to him about it tonight; first we must get through today.

"Bella," Edward's voice is low and soothing as it pulls me from my thoughts. "Baby, we have to go or we're going to be late."

I take a deep breath and somewhere deep inside of me, I find the strength. _Today I will start to take back my life. I will get up there and I will face the man who has tormented me for so long. I will face the devil. I will walk away still alive. I will take back my power that I've let him have for far too long. I can do this, I'm not alone. _I look at Edward and give him a nod, telling him I'm ready. He leans in and kisses me softly once more, before getting up and I follow. We gather the last-minute things like his wallet and phone and my handbag. Then hand in hand we go to the car, ready to do this, put this behind us so we can move on in our life together.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_The Trial_

The first day of the trial is long, tedious and exhausting and all we've done is sit and observe. I watch as each potential jury member is called, examined by both sides and then either accepted or excused by one side or the other. Finally, there are the fourteen people who will hear my story. The twelve jury members and the two alternate jury members that are there if something happens to one of the regular members.

I have been able to watch them without them knowing who I am. I look at the eight men and four women who will, in essence decide not only Jacob and Embry's fate but also my own. I try to see if I can see kindness in their eyes. I wonder if they will look at me in disgust once they hear my story, or if they will understand. I pray they will help me find the justice I so desperately need as I listen to the judge instructing them on their duties and responsibilities before we are then dismissed for the day.

We leave the courtroom that day at five o'clock, tired and knowing it hasn't even really begun yet. I barely have enough energy to eat some supper with Edward before we manage a quick shower and we're off to bed. I lay in his arms that night, listening to his deep, even breathing and feeling his arms around me, trying to find my own rest, and praying for continued strength.

The next day, I watch the prosecutor get up and make his opening speech. I listen and hold Edward's hand, feeling my brother offering his support on the other side of me as the attorney tells the jury of a woman abused and tormented by the man who was supposed to love and cherish her. He tells them briefly of the years of rapes, beatings, and emotional horror that I lived in. He doesn't go into great detail, saving that for when I am on the stand and it can be told in my own words.

During his statement, the defense attorney objects, saying that he is trying to bias the jury and there is no record of this abuse. He has been trying this during all the pre-trial motions as well, to get any indication of prior abuse and stalking thrown out and deemed not admissible. Gratefully, the judge has ruled that the prior abuse is admissible and there is enough evidence to admit it into evidence, and he reminds the defense of this, sounding annoyed, telling him to sit down and that he will have his own opportunity to make a statement.

The prosecuting attorney continues his opening statement by telling the jury, that when the woman finally was able to break free of her marriage, she was forced to continue to live in fear, as her now ex-husband continued to stalk and torment her. It finally ended with her fighting for her life as he and his brother broke into her house intending to rape and murder her.

The prosecutor continues, asking them to listen to all the evidence carefully, to listen to the victim as she will tell, in her own words. the horror she lived through. He then thanks them for their time and sits down. During his speech, I have the oddest feeling. I know it is detachment, it takes me a few moments as I listen to him speaking, to register that its me he's talking about. It's me who will have to get up on that stand and look at these people while I tell my story. I feel panic rising up, a quiet whimper escaping me. As if he can feel the fear rolling off of me and he feeds on it, Jacob turns around in his chair and smiles evilly at me, winking, before turning back around. I hear a sound from Edward that almost resembles a low and ferocious growl, his arm wrapping tighter around me, holding me against his side, his body turning slightly, in protectiveness, trying to shield me from Jacob's eyes.

When the defense attorney gets up to speak, I begin to tremble against Edward's side once more. I know what's coming but there has never been any way to truly prepare for it. He strides cockily over to the jury, pretending like they are all just old friends, smiling and leaning on the railing as he talks to them.

He tells them of Jacob's long and decorated career in law enforcement, how admired and respected he is by his peers and superiors. He tells them of how he was a golden boy growing up, quarterback of the football team, good student, a guy everyone loved. He tells them that Embry has always looked up to his big brother, wanted to be like him and how close the two brothers are. He makes Jacob and Embry look like a couple of saints, and I feel my stomach drop as I watch the spell he seems to be creating around him as he speaks.

Then, very deliberately, the defense turns to look at me. He points me out to the jury as I try hard not to cower into Edward's side, to sit tall and unafraid, I fail miserably and he smirks. He begins to tell the jury how I have always been a troubled girl, that my mother will tell them this herself when she takes that stand. He tells them that Jacob fell in love with me when we were kids and still continues to love me to this day, despite what I am trying to do to him. He tries to discredit me before I am even on the stand. He calls me a liar, an attention seeker, a whore. He says that I left Jacob brokenhearted in my wake, that I cheated on him and left to be with another man. That I wasn't satisfied just leaving him and breaking his heart, now I had made it my mission to destroy his reputation and career, all because I wanted to be the center of attention.

He goes on to say that this is nothing more than a set up on my behalf to ruin a good man and he will prove that to them. He smiles at the jury and sends me a scorning look saying that when this trial is all over, we will see who the liar and bad guy really is and it's not his two clients sitting here being persecuted.

I am left shaken where I sit. I try to be strong in the face of his accusations; telling myself that I know the truth and the truth will come out. Edward's hand tightens around mine, his other arm holds me close, trying to give me strength. I can hear both him and Emmett muttering comments about the attorney under their breath. The judge calls for a short recess and both Emmett and Edward immediately begin attacking the prosecutor when he comes over, asking him why they would allow that to go on without objecting. Before the man can answer, I do.

"Because it was better to let him get it all out then draw more attention to it by objecting and giving him reason to reiterate those comments about me over and over." I say softly, looking at the man in charge of presenting my side of the story.

Emmett and Edward both turn their heads to look at me in surprise, but I keep my eyes on the attorney and he keeps his on mine. When he speaks, it's directly to me and his voice is quiet and confident, though apologetic. "I'm sorry Bella, I know that was very hard for you but you did well. I don't want you to feel like I'm not on your side because I am, but you are right. Their attorney is going to say those things about you and try to take the attention away from his clients acts as much as possible; he is going to twist everything he can to make his clients look innocent and I felt it better to let him get it all out without objecting. I felt if I objected, it would make it look as if we are trying to hide something when in truth, we have nothing to hide because we have the truth on our side. I hope you can understand."

I nod, still shaken, but I do understand why it happened. "It's alright, I've been through worse." I say, trying to sound more brave than I feel.

The attorney gives me a smile of encouragement. "I promise you Bella, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you get the justice you deserve."

I look directly into his eyes and answer him quietly. "I'm trusting that you will, because nobody else ever has."

He gives me one more nod and then looks at my brother as well "I don't suppose you've had any luck getting your father to reconsider testifying?"

Emmett looks furious suddenly, and I reach over grasping his hand with my free one, answering for the both of us. "No, once he found out that mom was going to be here and testifying for the defense, he said he couldn't do it." I sigh, "He still loves her, no matter what she does and no matter how much he loves us, he loves her more. Even when he knows she is in the wrong. He doesn't understand why she's doing this, but he says he can't be here and he can't go against her publicly. I think he's afraid that if he does, she will break off their relationship completely and he's not willing to risk that." The prosecutor nods and leaves it alone, saying he is going to get some coffee and suggesting we take a little break as well before he leaves us.

I can still feel the anger rolling off of my brother and I turn to him, "Let it go, Emmett" I say softly. "Please, just let it go. It doesn't matter."

This statement draws a furious sound from both Emmett and Edward but it's Emmett who voices it. "What the fuck do you mean it doesn't matter, Bella? You're his daughter, his precious baby girl he claims to love so much but he can't stand up to his wife for? Of course it matters and it makes me sick. I will never forgive him for this Bella, never! It's bad enough that, that bitch who gave birth to us is here on _his_ side, but dad's betrayal is worse." My brother is spitting his words out and I let him say them, let him get them out before I answer.

"You will forgive him, Emmett, because he's our dad, and he's the only parent we have left. Is he wrong? Yes. Am I hurt and disappointed that the man I thought I could count on, isn't here when he could help? Of course I am. But Em, none of us are perfect. I have to believe that if this was hanging on his testimony he would be here, but it's not. We will never understand his love for her, so stop trying. Just let it go, for me, baby brother, please let it go."

He stays silent for a long time before he answers me, and when he does, his voice is still threaded with deep seeded anger. "For you, I will let it go, sissy. But, I will never forgive him for this and I will never forget where he stood when you needed him. That's the best I can give you."

I sigh and squeeze his hand, knowing it's the best I'm going to get and refusing to acknowledge just how much my dad hurt me in his decision. Edward watches our exchange silently, his arm around my shoulder holding me to him. I know what he thinks of Charlie and his decision; he and my brother are on the same page, but we have already had this discussion. Edward also knows just how hurt I am by Charlie, whether I want to acknowledge it or not. He will accept Charlie in my life because I want him there. He will be polite, but there will never be any real friendliness between them again, because in Edward's mind, my father has betrayed me. Edward is one of the most forgiving people I have ever met, but he won't forgive my father for hurting me, just like he will never forgive Jacob for what he's done to me.

When we reconvene after the recess, the afternoon is spent listening to the prosecutor questioning the doctors and nurses that he was able to find who had treated me during the years of my marriage when I had been in the hospital. He methodically leads them through notes on my medical records that were left indicating the bruises found on my body and the reasons they were given for why they were there. There are x-rays shown and explained about the fractured and broken bones I had suffered at Jacob's hands and pictures of some of the injuries as well.

I am able to watch this, again with a sense of detachment. I know they are talking about me, about my body but it doesn't feel like me. I am more worried about Edward during the testimony. His hand tightens on mine and he looks as if he is going to be sick as pictures are shown and entered into evidence. It is one thing to know about the abuse, it is another to see the evidence, to see my skin marked and discolored, to see the bones broken. He occasionally shoots murderous glances at Jacob. When the image of the letter J carved in my stomach comes up, Emmett is unable to handle it, and he excuses himself to wait in the hallway during the rest of the afternoon. With every witness, the defense makes a point of asking "But she never claimed to be an abuse victim, correct? And in fact, when you asked her, she deliberately denied any abuse." He objects time and time again to pictures and x-rays, to testimony being given, but every time he is overruled by the judge, who looks extremely frustrated by the end of the day.

The day finally comes to a close and we are dismissed. I know tomorrow will be the real battle though, tomorrow is the day I am to take the stand. Edward tries desperately to keep the subject on lighter matters through dinner and throughout the evening as I grow more and more withdrawn. I can see the worry in his eyes, the strain on his face and I feel sick to my stomach knowing I am the cause of it. We finally give up and head to bed, neither of us find sleep; we spend the night holding each other close for comfort and strength. I can feel his hands roaming over my body occasionally, as if to reassure himself that I am in fact here with him and okay. Reassuring himself my body is no longer broken and harmed.

I shake the next morning as I dress in a simple grey dress, feeling as if my legs won't hold me up because they are trembling so badly. Somehow I manage to finish dressing and make my way downstairs. Neither Edward nor I are able to eat, but we have a cup of tea, each of us silent in our own thoughts, our hands linked together as we watch tick away the minutes slowly until it's time to leave.

The courtroom is quiet as I take the stand. I can feel Jacob's eyes burning into me and I feel my terror rising up inside of me. I try to keep my breathing calm and even, fighting the panic that is battling for control inside of me. I am sworn in and I sit down. I look up, feeling desperate and lost for a moment until I find Edward's eyes, and there, in them, I find the courage to do this. I can feel his love wrap around me protectively as I sit up taller, focusing on the prosecutor as he begins his questions.

"Can you give your full name for the court, please?"

My voice is small and quiet but I answer "Isabella Marie Swan"

"And at one time, it was Isabella Black, correct, Ms. Swan?"

"Yes, sir that is correct. For years it was."

"How did you meet Jacob Black, Bella?"

The question begin like this, he gently leads me through our childhood and early teens, telling the story of both of us. During this time, the defense attorney remains quiet.

"When was the first time Jacob Black hurt you, Bella?"

"**Objection!" **his attorney yells and adds "There is nothing to establish abuse!"

"Overruled" answers the judge "We've been over this counselor and I'm tired of it. You will have your chance at the witness."

The prosecutor looks at me and asks if I need him to repeat the question, I shake my head and answer. "Our graduation day" I answer softly "He grabbed my arms, leaving bruises because he was angry with my outfit."

"You didn't see that as the first sign to get away?" the prosecutor asks me and I understand why, he's trying to beat the defense to the punch on this one.

I shake my head no "I didn't understand. He told me he was sorry and that it was an accident. I forgave him. I wanted to believe him"

The attorney leads me through how the little pinches and bites would get more frequent and more violent, how Jacob began controlling my life. How he began to decide what I wore, who I saw, when I went out. How I began to ask him before making even the smallest of decisions.

"And why didn't you leave then?"

I look at the jury and I can see the same question in their eyes. I wonder how I can make them understand "I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought that every time he corrected something I did, I deserved it, that I was flawed and needed it. Everyone loved Jacob, he never treated anyone else like this. so I thought something must be wrong with me."

His questioning eventually leads us to that night in college when Jacob showed up at my door and gave me the first real beating, leaving me broken and bruised on the floor of my apartment before leaving.

"And what did he say to you that night, Bella?"

"He told me that if I told anyone about what he had done that he would kill them. He knew how to get away with murder and could do it. He told me Charlie..my dad...would never believe me. He said Charlie had always loved him and he would make him believe that school was a bad influence on me and I needed to be brought back home."

"Did you believe him, Bella?"

I look directly into the jury's eyes as I answer in a shaking voice betraying my fear, "I still believe him."

He continues to lead me through my story, having me tell every thing and stopping here and there to have me describe particular beatings and even occasionally rapes. I am laid bare for all to see my shame, my hands wring in my lap and I constantly fight the tears. He continually asks me why I stayed. Having me describe how Jacob threatened me and how terrified I was to defy him in any way, certain he would kill those I loved if I did.

The prosecutor guides me through our time together before our wedding and to our wedding night. I break down as I describe the rape and the pain as he used the knife on my skin. I describe waking up, covered in my blood, unable to walk and crawling to the bathroom to discover what had been done to me. The pictures are shown again to remind the jury of how he marked me. The prosecutor asks them to think about how it must have looked and felt while it was healing, the pain that I must have been in, my body subjected to rapes and other torment while I was enduring the pain of this.

The defense objects again and the judge tells the prosecutor to move on. Just as we get to finding out I was pregnant, the judge calls a recess for lunch. I stumble down from the stand into Edward's arms, crying and shaking as he leads me out of the room and to a private room to calm me. Neither of us have any appetite so we just spend the time together, him holding and rocking me as I try to regain my composure once more. He gets me to drink a cup of tea and it helps warm me some, I give him a small grateful smile which he answers back with a small smile of his own.

Back in the courtroom, we continue, the prosecutor leads the jury deftly through finding out I was pregnant, having me describe the terror that it brought me thinking of this precious little life inside of me. He has me meticulously describe my escape plan and everything I can remember about that day. He shows pictures again of me laying in the hospital bed, battered, and finally, something in me shatters. I realize it's me in those pictures and I cannot control my weeping as I relive the loss of my little boy I never even got to hold.

The judge ends early, seeing I am unable to continue anymore today. I fall weeping into Edward's arms as he catches me, supporting most of my weight as we make our way from the courtroom. I fall asleep on the way home, exhausted and drained, having cried myself to sleep. I wake up sometime in the middle of the night in our bed, screaming and crying for my baby and Edward spends hours consoling me, holding me and talking to me softly until I can calm down again.

The morning of the fourth day of the trial is spent on the rest of my story. The prosecutor leading me to recount how I escaped and ran to my brother's house. He has me meticulously describe the stalking from Jacob, the harassment, the threats. It finally brings us up to the final night, the night Jacob and Embry entered my house.

I twist a lace handkerchief between my hands, tears rolling down my cheeks, but my voice is strong. I keep my eyes on the jury, letting them see the truth in them. I recount for the jury, how I awoke and found them in my room. How they held me down, used handcuffs to restrain me, how they tried to rape me. The feel of the knife sliding in my skin and the words that they said. Tears fall down my cheeks as I talk about Tex and how he tried so hard to save me and is very likely the only reason I am alive today. I choke up, needing some water and it's a moment before I can describe how it felt to be lying there and dying. I tell them of trying to get to the phone to call for help, feeling my life draining out of me. Pictures are shown again of my injuries, detailing how many stitches and where they were placed. Pictures that show the bruises against my skin so deep they were in the muscle tissue and took months to heal completely.

The prosecutor then thanks me for coming up and telling my story. He thanks me for facing my fears and confronting the man who has haunted me for so long before he announces that he has no further questions.

The judge calls for lunch, though I'm not sure if anyone actually eats. I try to prepare myself for what is coming next. Compared to what is coming, the last day and a half has been easy. I've answered the questions of someone on my side, now I have to face the enemy side. As we all file back into the courtroom, I look over at the jury. They seem to be tired and some look a little nauseous; I try to meet all of their eyes as they make their way to their seats again. Next, I look over at Edward and draw a deep breath, preparing for what is to come next.

For the rest of the afternoon, I am badgered, hounded, yelled at, and made fun of by the defense attorney. Mocked for my claims of abuse and stalking. He asks me the same questions over and over in different ways, trying to get me to react and respond differently, trying to get me to say something that he can twist and use against me. He argues that I never filed a police report. He asks me to explain again why I stayed as long as I did. Questioning me time and time again about why didn't I try to run. He points out mockingly that I was the one almost arrested for attacking Jacob, referring to that night that I fought back and pointed his own gun at him. I keep my voice steady as I quietly defend myself, giving the shortest answer possible for anything, while still explaining my side, just as I was instructed to do. He seems to get frustrated that I'm giving him nothing to twist around and the my story never changes no matter how many times he tries to get me to change it.

There are times I am brought to tears and cannot stop them. When he brings up my pregnancy and the loss of my baby I struggle not to break down again. He hammers away at me, rapidly firing questions that he doesn't even want answers to, he only wants to plant ideas in the jury members mind._ You were underweight at the time of your pregnancy, weren't you Ms. Swan? It was, in fact, your fault you were not properly taking care of yourself, wasn't it Ms Swan? The police report states that there was an intruder at your home and his attack resulted in the termination of your pregnancy, but now you say it was your husband? Tell the truth now, you invited a lover over and something went wrong didn't it? You concocted this whole story to cover up your cheating and now you are trying to ruin a good man's reputation, aren't you?_

Somewhere within myself, even through the tears, I find the strength to stay calm and I answer his questions with honesty. I point out that if you again look at the police report you will see that no statement was ever taken from me in regards to the incident, it is only Jacob's statement, not mine. The prosecutor seems to be jumping out of his seat constantly objecting to his questioning and the defense attorney is reprimanded more than once for badgering, but it doesn't stop him. At times, the prosecutor lets him go without objecting and I know why, for the same reason he didn't object in the opening statement. The defense wants attention and the more the prosecution objects, the more he gets. When I feel it all becoming too much, when the room starts to spin, I find Edward's eyes and hold them, feeling his love and strength pouring from him and in that, I find my strength to keep going.

There is a piece, deep inside of me that is twisting itself with worry as we get closer to the attack. I am waiting to see if Jacob has told his attorney about the first attack, the one Edward interrupted. Emmett is confident that Jacob hasn't told anyone about it. My mind and my heart are screaming at me to protect Edward at any and all costs. I stay on guard but I am relieved as the fight is never brought up.

At the end of the fifth day, we finally reach the night of the attack and the defense attorney has a sinister smile on his face, looking as if he's out for blood. I try to steel myself for what he has in mind as the questions begin once more.

"Tell the truth now Ms Swan" the attorney begins "On the night in question, _you _invited Mr. Black over to your house didn't you?"

"No, I didn't," I answer softly and firmly, looking at the jury as I answer.

"No?" he says mockingly, "_You_ hadn't been calling him for weeks? Been begging him for forgiveness? Begging for him to take you back? Hadn't _you_ in fact, been harassing him, Ms. Swan?"

"No." I answer quietly but firmly. He looks at me with angry eyes, obviously wanting me to say more, wanting me to give him something he can use. I meet his glare with my own calm resolve. There is plenty I would like to say but I wisely keep quiet.

He huffs and moves on after a moment "Didn't _you_, in fact, Ms. Swan, call Mr. Black that night and tell him that if he didn't come over that night you were going to hurt yourself?"

"No"

He suddenly turns on me and smiles his slimy smile "Have you ever been suicidal Ms. Swan?"

The question shakes me but I try not to show it, I had been prepared for this. Instead of looking at him, I turn to look at the jury, my voice is soft and I speak with complete honesty. "Yes, I have. It was-" He cuts me off quickly "That's enough, yes or no is fine," I can see the jurors looking at him with a bit of anger, obviously wanting me to finish what I was saying but he moves on quickly.

"So, you have a history of suicidal depression and you called your ex-husband with whom you had been desperate to reconcile with and told him if he didn't come over that night you would kill yourself. He brought his brother with him, in case he needed help, and when they entered your home and he wouldn't give you what you wanted, you attacked him. You staged this deliberate attack, forcing both Mr. Black and his brother to defend themselves against you, and came up with these wild allegations to ruin both of them didn't you?"

The prosecutor looks like he is about to stand up and object when the defense smoothly says "I apologize for overstepping your Honor, I withdraw my question. I'm finished with this witness." He sits down looking smugly at me.

"Re-direct, Your Honor?" the prosecution asks and it is granted.

"Bella, do you need a moment?" He asks kindly and I shake my head, I would rather just get this finished. He nods and continues "You answered yes, when you were asked if you had ever been suicidal but were cut off, can you please elaborate on your answer?"

I nod, taking a breath and again, looking at the jury so they can see my face "After I lost my baby, I felt like I was shattered. I retreated further into myself to escape the abuse that I had to endure daily. I felt like I couldn't handle any more, that if one more thing happened it would break me so completely I would never be able to be fixed. I wanted the pain to end. I just wanted the pain to end and I thought about killing myself to end it. I thought if I killed myself then it would stop and there would be no reason for him to go after anyone I loved and hurt them. For a period of time, it was the only answer I could come up with for my situation." I wipe the tears that are spilling down my cheeks, hoping that these twelve people can understand at least a little bit why I felt like that.

"Obviously, you didn't attempt it though, Bella. What changed your mind?"

"I didn't want to die, I just wanted out. I just wanted him to stop hurting me. So, instead of killing myself I managed to escape the house and to run." I say softly, "And I feel like I've been running since that day because he still won't leave me alone."

"Again, thank you, Bella. Thank you for sharing your story with us, thank you for standing up here and telling the truth. Your Honor, I am finished with this witness."

The judge gives me a kindly look as he dismisses me and I see the women wiping the tears from the corner of their eyes and I received a few small kind smiles as I walk back to Edward and take my seat. The judge gives a few instructions to the jury about avoiding any news stories and not talking to anyone about the case and the penalties for doing so and then we are dismissed until Monday. I am so exhausted I fall asleep on the way home again and sleep through most of Saturday as well. On Sunday, Edward and I, spend the day in our pajamas, cuddling on the couch and watching movies, neither of us talking much, just holding onto one another.

Monday morning finds Emmett on the stand. The prosecutor asks him some basic questions about how close he and I are and were growing up. He has him tell about the withdrawal of my presence from the family as years went by and how they often spoke more often to Jacob than myself. How Jacob was always explaining why we could be at this family event or another, there was always an excuse for our absence. Then the questioning leads to the day I showed up on his doorstep. Pictures are again shown and entered into evidence as Emmett describes what I looked like and what my demeanor was. The prosecutor leads him through the events that follow, the stalking incidents and the response of the police when we called. More pictures and my brother's logbook where he recorded every incident are shown and entered into evidence. When it is the defense's turn, they announce they have no questions for this witness. The prosecutor then announces that the state rests.

The judge dismisses us for lunch and when we reconvene he tells the defense lawyer that he may now begin. My mother is called to the stand and I sit there and watch the woman who gave birth to me, tell the jury how I am a liar and a master manipulator. She tells them that I broke Jacob's heart and then when things didn't go the way I wanted them to, I begged him to take me back. When that didn't work, I devised a plan to destroy him. She claims that I told her all about my plans and she tried to warn Jacob to protect himself. She ends her testimony by saying that I am sick, that I obviously need help, and she is ashamed that she is my mother. The defense attorney pats her arm sympathetically and hands her tissues. He looks smugly at me and then announces he has no further questions.

The prosecutor doesn't move at first, kindly asks my mother if she needs a break before continuing and Renée gives the performance of a lifetime as she sniffles and shakes her head, telling him that she would rather continue and trying to look brave, wiping her eyes with the tissue. He gets up, gives her a kind look and then asks very calmly "When is your daughter's birthday, Ms. Swan?"

She looks up surprised and hesitates "In the fall, I think...October...no September...September twentieth"

The prosecutor pretends to look surprised "You don't know your own daughter's birthday, Ms. Swan?"

"Well- I- Of course I do, I am just flustered from having to be here!" She says indignantly.

"Her birthday is September thirteenth." The attorney corrects her and moves to his next question "What sports did your daughter play in high school, what extracurricular activities did she take part in?"

"Objection! What is the point of this questioning?" The defense breaks in as my mother pales.

"Your Honor, she claims her daughter confided in her and that she knows her well, I am just trying to establish whether this is true or not" the prosecutor responds.

"I'll allow it" the judge rules.

"Do you need me to repeat the question Ms. Swan?" he asks my mother as she turns white as a sheet and looks petrified.

"No- I don't know the answer, it was a long time ago. How can I be expected to remember?" She looks pleadingly at the jury.

"Ms. Swan, what color are your daughter's eyes?"

My mother looks at me, as if she's trying to see "Blue?" she answers questioningly.

"Green" the attorney answers her and walks over to his table to pick up a folder. "If truth be told, Ms. Swan, you have barely been in your daughter's life and you haven't spoken to her except for a few times since she divorced Mr. Black, isn't that correct?"

"I- well I- She was so horrible I couldn't handle her! It was easier to leave her with my parents or her father." She practically shouts "She was a manipulative and awful child!"

"But you chose to leave your son with them as well. Was he an awful child too?"

"No- no, of course not, I just couldn't handle being around during that time, and thought it would be best..." she trails off realizing that there is no answer for this.

The prosecutor looks through the file in his hand and almost murmurs "For such an awful child, your daughter flourished under her grandparent's care Ms. Swan. Straight A's, lettering in swimming and volleyball, as well as cheerleading, debate, and drama. A scholarship to college where she obtained two degrees simultaneously." He looks up at her but she has no response for him. She begins to look around desperately.

"What is your relationship with Mr. Black, Ms. Swan?"

"What? What do you mean? He's my son-in-law of course, I care about him deeply as if he were my own child." The tenderness in her voice as she speaks about Jacob makes me feel nauseous and I wonder what the lawyer is getting at a split second before I realize what is coming next.

"Have you slept with him?" Before the question is even fully out, the defense is screaming objection and making a huge ruckus on their side of the table. My eyes are on Renée, they don't leave her and I see hers darting everywhere, trying to find some escape. I glance at the jury now and I see them watching her too. I know part of me should be shocked, but all I feel is disgust. Maybe, part of me even suspected all along, I'm not sure.

The prosecutor eventually withdraws the question but the damage is done and she knows it. The defense gets up on redirect and tries in vain to focus back on me. He has her reiterate how bad of a child I was. She says again how I plotted to destroy Jacob's life, but all she sounds like to me is a desperate woman who knows she's been caught. She is dismissed and the defense announces that it rests, shocking the courtroom. Jacob and Embry will not be taking the stand. The judge dismisses us and says we will reconvene the next day for closing statements. I make it all the way to the car before I faint into Edward's arms.

That night, the nightmares are worse than they have been since the night of the last attack. Poor Edward, he barely manages to fall asleep before I wake up screaming. Around two in the morning, I finally slip out of the bed and go to the couch, just trying to let him sleep. Not fifteen minutes later, he's up and without saying a word comes out to the living room, scooping me up and bringing me back to bed. It's his way of telling me it doesn't matter how much he does or doesn't sleep, he's not leaving my side tonight and again I'm overwhelmed with my love for this man.

The next day is grey and dreary as rain falls, it matches my mood. Edward and I are silent as we bathe and dress, getting ready for hopefully the last day of trial. The defense goes first, he looks confident as he again strolls to the jury box, acting like they are a bunch of old friends he's confiding in. He tells them how I am nothing more than a vindictive woman, hell-bent on destruction and intent on ruining my ex husband's life. He reminds them of Jacob's decorated police record and says confidently that he knows they will do the right thing by voting not guilty before sitting back down.

The prosecutor gets up then and reminds them of the pictures, the medical reports that support my story. He tells them that this is a man who has power and authority and had used it in the worst possible way. That he and his brother need to be behind bars because they are a danger to society. His speech is short and he finishes by saying that he would like them to listen again, to me speak in my own words and motions for me to come forward. The defense objects feebly, knowing that this was already settled beforehand and the judge ruled he would allow it, but he tries anyway, only to be immediately overruled.

I walk, shaking to the podium, smoothing out the papers in my hand but knowing I don't need them. I dig deep down into myself, trying to find the last bit of courage and strength that I have and then I begin to speak.

"Your Honor" I look at him and then turn to the jury "Members of the jury, thank you for this opportunity to speak." I look back at the judge a little questionably, wondering if what I am asking will be allowed "May I address the defendants Your Honor?"

The judge gives me a small nod, granting permission and I turn to face both men, to face my enemies. I take another deep breath, saying a prayer for strength and immediately, I smell it. The beautiful scent of lilacs surrounds me and I know, I just know that Nana is here with me and that gives me that last bit of resolve I need. I turn my attention to Embry first, as I begin to speak.

"Embry, you followed your brother down a very dark path. You know, somewhere deep inside of you, you must know that what your brother has done, what you helped him to do, was evil, vile, and wrong. I pray that you can face yourself in the mirror, that you can find help for whatever is wrong with you that let you lead yourself down that road. I hope that you can find forgiveness in yourself because I forgive you. I will never forget what you've done, but I forgive your actions. Please seek the help you so clearly need and don't let it be too late for you."

I take another breath and brace myself as I turn to look into those dark, soulless, cold, evil eyes of my tormentor. I don't flinch and I don't look down or away, my spine straightens just a bit more and I meet his gaze evenly. We stay in this silent battle for a moment and for the first time I see uncertainty flicker in his eyes when I don't back down. For the first time, I think he's a little scared, and he's scared of me. My voice is soft but full of resolve as I begin to speak. And, in this moment, I don't feel like I'm just speaking for myself. I feel like I'm speaking for anyone that has ever been made to feel like I have; for anyone that has endured abuse and never had the chance or the strength to face their abusers. Today, I will speak for us all to the best of my ability.

"Jacob, for all of these years I have lived in fear of you. I lived in fear of saying the wrong thing, of doing the wrong thing. Nothing I ever did was good enough for you and I could never make you happy. You made me feel like everything was all my fault. Even things that could have never have possibly been my fault, I took the blame for. You made me feel that I was a failure as a human being and as a woman."

I pause, to take another breath, but my eyes never leave his. "You took things from me that you had no right to take. You treated me as if I wasn't even human. I will remember every time you struck me. I will remember every time you marked me. I will remember every insult and every time I begged for mercy. I will never forget the innocent life you took from this world. I will always bear scars from the things you did to me both on my skin and in my soul."

I look at him, this man who has made my life hell and I wonder where the little boy I played with as a child was, how did he come to be this man he turned out to be? My eyes stay locked on his as I continue "I don't hate you Jacob, I pity you. There is something broken deep inside of you. There is something missing in you and I don't know if it is something that can ever be found or fixed. None of the things you did to me make you more of a man or better than anyone else. They only prove how weak and insecure you are. I can't hold onto this anger for you anymore Jacob, because if I do, I am still letting you control me. I refuse to let you do that anymore."

I draw another breath "So today, I am taking back my life. I am taking back control and after today you won't matter to me ever again. I forgive you Jacob Black. I hope that, somehow, you can find the help that you need, that you can find that missing piece of you."

My voice seems to become stronger as I continue "There isn't going to be a day that goes by, that you aren't going to think about me. There isn't going to be a day you aren't going to think about everything you did. It's going to eat away at you. Because, someday you aren't going to be able to justify your actions to yourself anymore and you are going to have to face the reality of everything you did."

I meet his eyes clearly and I see more uncertainty flicker in his "You are going to have to relive every action. You will relieve the fear that I felt every day for so many years. You will remember the look on my face when I begged for my life and for my child's life. Those memories will haunt you for the rest of your days."

I pause "But, after today, you will never again darken my doorstep and I will never again let you control any aspect of my life ever again."

I feel Edward and Emmett's eyes on me, the whole courtroom looking at me as I say the words I have longed to say for years "You do not control me anymore. You do not own me Jacob Black. I am not yours."

I take a shaky breath and turn to the jury. Now the emotions spill out of me, I beseech them with my eyes and my tears begins to fall. I struggle to keep my voice on level as it shakes and I talk to them now.

"For years, Jacob Black has made my life a living hell. I have lived afraid for the safety of those that I love and for myself. I have lived afraid of my shadow. While I have been able to remove most of the physical scars he left on me, I can never remove the emotional ones he left on my soul; those will never go away. Jacob has taken things from me that can never be given back, things that can never be made whole again, things that will never be made right."

I swallow hard and continue "Even when I got the courage to leave him, even after I divorced him, I have still never been able to be completely free. I have never been able to live a normal life. He has always been lurking in the shadows. He has always been there to remind me that he is here, just waiting for his chance to finish what he started. The thing that scares me the most is that he has no remorse for any of his actions. He will never stop, even if he were to succeed in killing me, he wouldn't stop. I believe he would find another woman to do this to all over again."

I feel my stomach fluttering but I press on "What makes this worse is that he wears a badge. He is supposed to be one of the people we can run to when we are in trouble. He abused his power over and over, using it to cover up his crimes and using it to his benefit to torment me."

My eyes beseech them again, begging them to help me find justice "Please help me stop him, don't let him do this to me anymore and don't let him do this to anyone else. Because as long as he's free, he will. Help me end this now. Help me end this today. Put him somewhere so he can't hurt me or anyone anymore."

I smell the lilacs again, feel Nana's presence, giving me more strength as I look at the jury members "I could stand here and tell you about all the abused women out there. I could say please, take a stand for every one of us because there are so many out there that are either too scared to come forward, too many of us that the system had failed. I could beg you to help take a stand for abused women everywhere. But, the simple truth is, I'm asking you for me. I'm asking on my behalf. Please help me. Please don't let him torment me any longer. Please make him pay for the crimes he has committed. Help me on my journey to live my life freely, to be happy. Please don't let him get away with this anymore. Please find him and his brother guilty."

I wipe my eyes and finish, looking at them in sincerity "Thank you for your time and for listening to me"

The courtroom is utterly silent and I take a deep breath, about to turn and walk back to Edward and Emmett in the galley when there is a noise from the defense table. Jacob stands up, seething and shaking, red in the face with anger as his attorney desperately tries to pull him back to sitting down. His voice cracks across the room like a lightning bolt as he looks at me with malice.

"You are nothing but a worthless bitch and I would have done this world a favor by killing you. I should have never let you live as long as I did. I should have killed you on our wedding night. Make no mistake, you cunt, I'm coming for you. I don't care what you fucking say, you are mine and I always get what's mine."

I stand as still as a statue for a moment, hearing the gasps in the courtroom and the judge is pounding with his gavel for order, but my focus is on the man who was my tormentor. The judge shouts at Jacob to sit down and then at his attorney to control his client. Jacob and my eyes are locked together and I don't flinch. I don't back down.

"I am not yours." I state, very calmly and then I turn, walking with poise to Edward who looks desperate to get his arms around me. He draws me close, holding me as the judge gets the courtroom settled down. I feel myself tremble just slightly but not visibly. It's enough for Edward to feel and for his arms to tighten around me but not enough for anyone else to see.

"So brave, I'm so proud of you, sweet girl. I love you so much." I can hear Edward murmuring to me and it's all that keeps me from breaking down right now.

Once order is restored, the judge quickly instructs the jury and sends them to deliberations and I am led out of the courtroom. My knees give out just as we get past the doors and Edward's arms hold me up. He and Emmett lead me across the street to a small café and they order a cup of tea.

The tea is warm and soothing as it goes down my throat. Both my love and my brother speak to me quietly, words of encouragement and love. They tell me how proud they are of me. I hear the words but they don't register with me right now, my mind is still stuck on the image from the courtroom. The words that came out of his mouth. The only thought in my head is that is the Jacob I know, that this is his real face and he just showed it for all to see.

Two hours later, I am working on another cup of tea, quiet in my thoughts and my hand in Edward's hand when Emmett's phone rings. He speaks quietly and then hangs up looking at us. "They have a verdict." He announces and we get up and pay our bill.

I find myself trembling again as we walk across the street and into the courthouse. Each step leading us closer to my fate and I grip Edward's hand desperately for support. He squeezes back and whispers reassuringly that he's here and that he loves me. We take our seats and see Jacob and Embry being led to the table by their attorney. Then the jury files in.

"Have you reached a unanimous verdict?"

"We have your Honor. In the case of the State of Washington versus Embry Black, count one breaking and entering, we find the defendant guilty. On count two, second degree assault, we find the defendant guilty."

Embry snarls something under his breath and the judge bangs on his desk to restore order, motioning for them to continue.

"In the case of the State of Washington versus Jacob Black, count one breaking and entering, we find the defendant, guilty. Count two, second degree assault, we find the defendant guilty. Count three, attempted rape, we find the defendant guilty. Count four, attempted second degree murder," The foreman looks up at the judge "We find the defendant, guilty your honor."

My look is one of stunned silence. Guilty. They had found him guilty. I look at the jury, trying to show them my gratitude in my eyes for what they have done and I receive a few kind smiles in return. Jacob, Embry, and Billy Black all have their eyes on me and there is hate radiating from their glares. I watch as the handcuffs are put back on both Jacob and Embry and the officers have to tug them away as they fight.

Billy Black gets up and as he passes by he looks at me again "I hope you're happy, you fucking bitch!"

I don't flinch away from him, nor do I answer. When he sees he will get no reaction from me he finally moves on and out of the courtroom. I find myself engulfed in Edward's hug as he kisses me. Then I turn to find myself in my brother's hug. As we leave the courtroom, I feel, for the first time, a sense of relief. I feel hope. I feel lighter.

_**I feel free. **_

**Author's Note:**

_I would love to hear your thoughts, won't you give that little button a click and leave me a review?_


	23. Chapter 22: God Gave Me You

_**Authors Note:**_

_**Oh my, where do I even begin. I am so sorry for the wait, I truly am. Thank you all for not giving up on my story and for being patient with me. As I said in my note to you all, I was in a dark place and even though these events happened, knowing what happened and putting them down and trying to convey all the emotions are two different things entirely. I was struggling and my dark place wasn't allowing me to write things how they should be so I had to wait until I could.**_

_**I also have health problems and had a major operation so there was some recovery time as well. The good news is the next two chapters are each about 90% written so there will be no more long waits like this I promise. We have three or four more chapters until this story is done but it's not over yet. There will be a sequel and it's already outlined, there is still more story to tell and after a lot of careful deliberation I've chosen to do it in two parts and not just one.**_

_**Hugs and many thanks to my pre-reader Cullengirl08 and my proof reader sjdavis84**_

_**Thank you for all the kind words, the messages I received with your encouragements, you are all truly a blessing to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I won't keep you waiting any longer...**_

_**Pictures are up on my profile for this chapter**_

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

**Last Time:**

"**We have your Honor. In the case of the State of Washington versus Embry Black, count one breaking and entering, we find the defendant guilty. On count two, second degree assault, we find the defendant guilty."**

**Embry snarls something under his breath and the judge bangs on his desk to restore order, motioning for them to continue.**

"**In the case of the State of Washington versus Jacob Black, count one breaking and entering, we find the defendant, guilty. Count two, second degree assault, we find the defendant guilty. Count three, attempted rape, we find the defendant guilty. Count four, attempted second degree murder," The foreperson looks up at the judge "We find the defendant, guilty your honor."**

_I've been a walking heartache; I've made a mess of me,_

_The person that I've been lately; Ain't who I wanna be._

_But you stay here right beside me; And watch as the storms blow through_

_And I need you_

'_Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs,_

_God gave me you for the days of doubts,_

_And for when I think I've lost my way,_

_There are no words here left to say, It's true_

_God gave me you_

**~ God Gave Me You By Blake Shelton~**

About 75% of the calls to law enforcement for intervention and assistance in domestic violence occur after separation from batterers. One study revealed that half of the homicides of female spouses and partners were committed by men after separation from batterers.

A.A.R.D.V.A.R.C..org

Barbara Hart, Remarks to the Task Force on Child Abuse and Neglect

**Chapter Twenty-Two: God Gave Me You**

_BPOV_

Two days after the jury verdict, we find ourselves back in the courtroom for the sentencing. Edward, Emmett, and I sit behind the prosecutor waiting for the judge to enter the courtroom. On the other side of the room, Billy Black sits alongside Jacob's friends and former fellow officers. I can feel the glares in my direction, I keep my eyes down, not looking. It feels cold and isolated on our side and I grip Edward's hand tighter. I'm too tired, too exhausted to pray anymore, to think anymore. The last two days have been surreal and every time I've managed to get a little sleep I've woken up expecting it all to have been a dream. But it isn't, the jury have found both Embry and Jacob guilty and now we are here awaiting the sentencing from the judge. It isn't over yet, it is up to this man to decide their punishment. If he so chooses, he can give them as little as probation and they would be able to walk out of this courtroom today basically free men. My body feels constantly on edge and my mind is too exhausted to think, I've barely slept these last two days worrying about what the outcome will be.

Is my nightmare over, or will it continue? It's up the judge to decide my fate.

"All rise," the bailiff's voice jerks me out of my thoughts, and I jump a bit. As we rise, Edward slips his arm around me and holds me close, silently offering me the comfort I so desperately need. My eyes follow the judge as he enters the courtroom and takes his seat.

"You may be seated." The judge's voice is calm and sure and I look at his face, trying to get some indication of what he is thinking, but I see no sign of what might be in his mind. "Embry Black, please stand." My eyes travel over to watch Embry stand with his lawyer and face the judge. Embry glances over at me, his eyes dark with hate and a snarl on his lips before his lawyer nudges him to pay attention to what the judge is about to say and he turns back around.

The judge is a soft-spoken man, yet he has a way of speaking that makes you listen to every word as if he is shouting at you. His voice is confident and firm as he lectures Embry on the path of life he has chosen at such a young age, how he has a chance now to turn it around, to still make something of himself, before it's too late. He concludes his speech by sentencing Embry to five years in prison, telling him he will be eligible for parole in a year and a half and he suggests to him to use that time to seriously think about what he has done with his life so far and where he would like to go with it after his release, whenever that may be.

I hear a low disapproving sound from both Edward and Emmett, and I can feel anger vibrating off both of them at the sentence, they feel it's much too low. I'm really not sure how I feel about it. In all reality, when I think of Embry, I feel sadness and pity. I feel sad that he has had a father like Billy Black and a brother like Jacob, I pity him. How could he have chosen any road but the one he was on with those two as his influences? I send a silent prayer to God that maybe this can be his chance to get away from them, that he sees what he's done and uses this time to better himself, become his own man, to step away from his poisonous family and make better decisions with his life.

There is a few minutes of silence as Embry and his lawyer sit down. all you hear is the sound of the judge shuffling papers and an intake of breath. Edward and Emmett both have a hold of one of my hands and they both tighten their grip, but I barely feel it as my body numbs, trying to prepare itself for what might happen as the judge prepares to speak again. I stop breathing. This is it. The moment I've been waiting for. Everything hinges on what happens next.

"Jacob Black, rise." I can see Jacob shaking slightly from here and I know by the set of his shoulders and spine that it is not out of fear, he is furious, barely containing his rage right now. He and his lawyer stand, his lawyer leaning slightly to the side to whisper something at Jacob. When he turns I can see his profile fully, the set of his jaw, and I know he is on the edge. Jacob turns his head a little more, just enough to look at me and our eyes lock. I can see the hatred seething in his black eyes, feel it as it wraps around my body, like his hands used to wrap around my neck, choking me, squeezing the life out of my body. For just a moment, there is no one in the room but he and I and the terror rises up in me, he's going to kill me, right here, right now, I am going to die. My inner voice screams at me that this is it, I need to run but I will never escape him. He will always find me, always catch me, he will make me and those I love suffer.

The judge pounds the gavel against his desk and I hear Edward whispering my name almost frantically, pulling me out of my daze, bringing me back to reality. I choke on a breath in my throat and manage to turn my head to look at Edward, letting him ground me. He lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around me, pulling me into his side and holding me protectively as if he knows the thoughts that just went through my head. Emmett looks at me worriedly and keeps hold of my hand, both men trying to keep me calm in their own way, to give me support and strength. The judges voice brings all of our attentions back to him as he begins to speak.

"Jacob Black, there are no words that can describe the vileness of your crimes. You used your position of authority to help you in committing them. Your crimes are not only against Ms. Swan but against an entire community. You took an oath to protect and to serve and what you did instead is abuse and terrorize. You disgust me. You caused pain and terror in the life of a human being. There is so much more to this story than what I am sentencing you on today and I'm not even sure I want to know it. What I do know is enough to give anyone nightmares for years. I don't believe there is any help for you and if it were in my power to do so I would sentence you to life without parole"

There is a sharp intake of breath and growls of displeasure throughout the courtroom from his family and friends and the judge looks right at them, never faltering in his gaze as if he is condemning them for the help that Jacob received. His eyes meet Jacob's once more "It is the decision of this court to give you the maximum allowed for your crimes, ten years with the possibility of parole after seven of those years. I have never said this before in my courtroom, but I sincerely hope that you are not granted parole and are forced to serve your entire sentence. I can only hope that you will take advantage of the counseling and other services provided in prison to better yourself and acknowledge what you have truly done. I believe that is the part that concerns me the most, Mr. Black, you have no remorse whatsoever for the pain you have inflicted."

The courtroom is so silent, you could hear a pin drop, nobody says a word. The judges eyes turn to me now and I find myself startled at his attention. His voice grows softer, more fatherly and I hear genuine concern in it, it touches my heart as he speaks. "I hope you will be able to start a new life now, Ms. Swan. I hope that you will be able to find some peace and happiness knowing that the monster is in jail." His eyes look over to Edward as if silently telling him to take care of me and Edward nods in response. The gavel comes down on the desk again and the judge's voice rings out in finality. "This court is adjourned."

The bailiffs come closer to take Jacob and Embry away and Jacob wrenches away from their grasps, turning so his eyes finding me once more. His voice is pure venom, low, dark and meant to terrify me. "You have not seen the last of me, Isabella Black. You are mine and you will always be fucking mine. Nobody can hide you from me and I will come for you, mark my words, bitch. You will regret this day! I will make you pay for this!" The bailiffs are practically carrying him out of the courtroom by the end of his speech but my eyes never leave his, nor do they show any fear. Strength wells up inside of me as I realize, I don't believe him, not this time. I have at least seven years to make a new life for myself and I will make sure that Jacob Black can never find me again.

Once they are gone from the courtroom, I let myself fall limply into Edward's side, exhaustion taking over and all I want to do is go home and sleep. Edward's hand rubs up and down my arm and he kisses the top of my head, his voice soft "Let's go home, Beautiful." I nod and we stand, walking out of the courtroom with Emmett, never once looking to the other side to his friends and family and never once looking back.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

It's been a week since that day in the courtroom and slowly it's sinking in that he's gone, Jacob isn't coming back to hurt me, he has been locked up for what he did to me. I don't think I'm going to stop looking over my shoulder overnight and maybe not ever. I don't know that some part of me will ever stop worrying about him coming after me, but slowly, I am starting to breathe again, to relax, to find some peace. I've ventured out of the house more these last few days, gone grocery shopping and run my own errands again, enjoying these simple tasks because I know that I am free to do them. I still haven't gone back to my house and I'm not sure what to do about that. My house was up for sale and I had already received a few offers, though I had declined them on the advice of my agent. It wasn't that I wanted the house, but I wanted a nice nest egg for what was going to become of my life.

The thought of moving out of state, starting over completely has repeated over and over in my mind. I know that this is the only way I will be able to really start a fresh life, the only way I will completely get away from Jacob. I love this state and I've grown up here but if I want my freedom, my peace, I can't stay here because he will always find me as long as I am here. The thought that stops me is leaving Edward and I know I have to find the courage to bring up this subject with him. I can't leave him, but I can't stay here. It's also not fair to him to continue our relationship if it's only going to end in the heartbreak of me leaving. I need to find out if he would be willing to start somewhere new with me, but it's such a big and scary step. Bigger than moving in together, almost as big as marriage itself which is a thought that never crosses my mind. I know we need to have this discussion and soon, the time was here and I needed to talk to him.

Other thoughts have begun entering my mind often as well, now that the stress from the past couple of months is starting to wear off, and the shock and stress of the trial is over. I am starting to feel something I haven't felt in months - my desire to be with Edward again is coming back in a powerful way. We haven't been intimate since before the first attack. We've snuggled and cuddled, we kissed and embraced. Some nights in our bed, the kisses have gotten pretty heated but we haven't taken it farther than that.

We've taken things slowly, along with my physical health, things have been so stressful and there are times when my emotions have been fragile. My- our thoughts have been consumed by the trial and all the preparations beforehand. We were also building our relationship again. Though he had forgiven my rash judgement and actions easily, there was still a rebuilding of us to do. This is one of the few areas I feel confident about, we are stronger than ever in our relationship. We don't have secrets between us, there are no walls holding us apart and even those times when I felt scared, when I worried about Jacob coming after him, I learned to talk to him about it. And while he couldn't promise me that something like that would never happen, he did make it clear to me that it was something he was well aware of and it didn't matter. He wanted to be with me, he knew it wasn't always going to be easy especially given my past but it didn't matter, he loved me and it would be us against them if it came down to it. I think I will always worry about Jacob coming after Edward, whether we are able to make a new life together somewhere new or if I have to leave him to go alone. Edward is and always be my only love, if he chooses not to go with me, there will never be another for me, I know this in the very depths of not just my heart, but my soul.

The other reason we haven't been intimate, haven't let it progress further than heated kisses and some light touching, is because my body needed this time to heal from the attack and it was not something that just happened overnight for me. I have healed now and the doctor has given me the okay when I am ready. The problem is, I am ashamed of my body and I do my best not to let Edward see me naked. There are pink lines still running across my stomach from where I was stabbed and the knife dragged through my skin as if it were butter. The doctor had done a brilliant job and the marks will fade even more in time and faithful application of scar reducing cream. I won't have many scars and those that I do will eventually be almost unnoticeable, but I am still very self-conscious about it. I know he would never call me ugly but I am not sure how he will react to seeing those on my body. Would they repulse him? Bring up his anger at Jacob? I didn't know and I am afraid to find out.

Every day, my love for Edward grows impossibly deeper, making my desire that much harder to push way. My heart aches with the love it holds for him and I want the feeling of us coming together, saying things with our bodies that there are no words to say. I know that he desires me, I feel him, growing hard against me as he presses close for kisses. In the early mornings when he pulls me back against him in his sleep and I feel the very prominent evidence of his lust for me, I know he wants me, that isn't the issue. I know he is waiting on me, waiting for something from me, telling him it was okay to proceed. He tells me silently, with all that he does that this is all at my pace, what I am comfortable with. I know him, he wants to make sure I don't feel rushed into something too fast that will cause a setback for me, for us. The ball is in my court so to speak. I also know that before we can move to this step again, we need to talk.

Thoughts consume me as I prepare dinner for us,_ I must talk to him tonight, no more delay_. I don't expect him to have an immediate answer for me, I know that he will likely want time to think about his decision, but we must have this conversation, we can go nowhere until we do. These thoughts continue to run through my mind as we sit down to eat. I sit at the table with him, pushing my food around more than eating it, these thoughts running rampant in my mind.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice pulls me out of my thoughts and back to the kitchen table; I look up, giving him a bit of a smile. "Sorry, lost a little in my thoughts I guess. What did you say?"

He gives me a smile and his head cocks to the side a little "Are you alright? Anything you would like to share?"

I shake my head a little "No, just running through things in my mind" I focused my attention back on the handsome face sitting across from me, feeling my heart tug as I see his love for me reflected in his eyes. _Talk to him, work this out, this is Edward, you don't have to be scared _my mind is practically screaming at me. I push the thoughts away and focus on what he is saying.

"Well. I wanted to talk..." He rubs one of his hands across the back of his neck like he does when he's nervous "There is something I would like to talk to you about...if you are up for it?"

I can feel the curious expression on my face and I push away my plate, giving him my complete attention now, my body becoming alert "Of course, what is it?"

Edward pushes his plate to the side too and reaches across to take my hands in his, his fingers stroking over the backs of my hands softly as his eyes look into mine "I've been thinking about something lately, just an idea, but I was wondering how you would feel about it," I nod a little for him to continue, I realize I'm holding my breath and I let it out slowly, maybe after we talk about what's on his mind I can find the courage to talk to him about what's on mine. "Beautiful, I was thinking that it might be a good idea for you to start fresh, someplace new, someplace far away from here where you don't have to worry about his friends or family harassing you. A place where you don't have to worry about him coming after you when the day comes for him to get out or even his brother since he'll be out before him. It would be safer for you and I think it might really help you to not live in so much fear every day."

His fingers keep stroking over the back of my hands and my breath catches. These have been my same thoughts! But then my heart sinks, he's said 'if you moved' not 'we' but 'you'. I don't pull my hand from his but I fight back the tears that want to well up in my eyes, the feeling of rejection sinking into my stomach. It seems we've had the same thoughts and now, whether I'm ready or not, we're going to have this discussion. I look back up at him, my hand trembling against his as I ask, "You want me to leave? Go away? Leave...you?"

Edward looks shocked and even a little hurt for a moment before realization dawns on his face and he shakes his head as he looks at me, his voice soft. "No baby, I was thinking- well I was hoping- I mean, I meant us not just you- us Bella, I want to build a life with you and if we have to go somewhere else to build it so you will have peace, than that is what I want. As long as I'm with you, Bella, I'm home."

My eyes widen in surprise and before I even realize what I'm doing I get up from the table and move around it to wrap my arms around him and I start to cry in earnest, relief and love pouring from me as I hold onto him tightly. He holds me, his hand rubbing my back softly. "Shhh...baby, I'm sorry, it's okay, I didn't mean to upset you, it was just an idea. I just want you to feel safer, we don't have to move if you don't want to."

"No, that's not what I meant. Oh sweetness!" I have to take a breath to calm down so I can talk right. "I've been thinking these same thoughts, more and more strongly lately but I was so afraid to bring it up because I don't want to leave you, I wasn't sure how you would feel about it! I wasn't sure if you would be willing to start over somewhere new, away from all of this and I was so scared to ask!"

Edward looks a little disbelieving for a second before my words sink in and a smile slowly spreads across his face. "Yeah? Really? I mean, you would want to move and build a life together? Someplace new and away from all of this pain? Find our happiness and peace?"

I nod vehemently "Yes, I do. Where do we begin though? I mean there is so much to consider before we do this. Our jobs, where we are going to go, to live..."

He nods in agreement "Yes, we would have to find new jobs, find a house, there are a lot of plans to be made and we can't just do this tomorrow, but we can do it Beautiful, it will take some time but we can do it and we will."

I look into his eyes and my whole body is filled with warmth, like the way you feel when you're out walking on a warm sunny day and you're happy and you can just feel it radiating around you. I don't have words so I just kiss him. He lets out a small surprised sound but his arms wrap tighter around me and he kisses me back eagerly. I finally break the kiss when I need to breathe and rest my forehead against his for a moment before going back reluctantly to sit in my chair. My mind is swirling with all the possibilities, all the things that will need to be done.

"Sweetness, build a life together, find a house- does that mean find one together, live together still?" I ask shyly, hoping for it.

He smiles a little and nods. "Yes Beautiful, I don't want to live apart from you. I want to continue to fall asleep beside you and wake up to your smile every morning. I love sharing my life with you, baby.

"Yes, please!" My voice is barely a whisper and I feel like my heart is going to burst with happiness.

He gets up from the table and scoops me up, hugging me tightly and spinning us in a circle as I laugh, hugging him back. He stops spinning and sets me on my feet but still holds me close to him, dipping his head and kissing me. His lips moving against mine, his hands against my lower back pressing us together as his tongue licks against my lips before pushing gently into my mouth, intensifying the kiss. When it finally breaks we're both a bit breathless and he grins at me. "I love you Beautiful!"

"I love you too Sweetness!" My answering smile is brilliant and I realize that right now, with this man, my life is happy. Eventually, after a few more kisses, we pull apart and clean up the kitchen together, my heart feeling lighter and my soul at peace. I steal a glance at Edward as we do the dishes, smiling shyly, the happiness in his eyes is all I need to know that this is right.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_Two Nights Later_

_Two bodies moving against each other, joined as one, moans of pleasure filling the room, the feel of fingertips grazing over my skin, warm breath and soft wet kisses, loving words whispered, cries getting louder as we get closer to the peak of pleasure, working more frantically to get there..._

I wake, sitting up suddenly, my heart pounding in my chest, my body vibrating with the desire coursing through it heatedly. My breaths come fast, making me pant softly into the quiet room. My nipples are straining against the tank top that I have on, the lace of my panties soaked through; a quiet moan being released from my lips as I tremble. I am between dream and reality, but coming more into focus. Waking up more, does nothing to relieve the ache in my body, the need pounding through my veins, the heat rising in me by the second.

Edward shifts in his sleep, mumbling something and the blankets fall to his waist. My eyes move greedily over his exposed chest. My fingers itching to touch and caress, my lips wanting to kiss and lick, I want to nibble and taste every inch of him. I want him so badly it is tangible in the room, thick and heavy, pressing down over me, my body screaming at me for what it wants. He shifts again, laying on his back, throwing his arm over his eyes, the sheet dropping lower so I can see his hips, making me almost purr in desire. He lets out an almost inaudible moan and I can clearly see he's aroused, the sheet tented up where it covers him, thick and hard, waiting for my body. I wonder if he's dreaming about the same thing I was. Then he calls out my name in his sleep, his voice low, so deep it's almost a growl, the way it gets when he's in the throes of need and passion.

I move almost as if on instinct, my mind is too foggy with my lust now to care about the marks on my stomach, my shyness nowhere in sight as need pounds through my blood. My mind too foggy to think about anything else except how I crave him, crave that physical connection we share and I want it so badly I can taste it on the tip of my tongue. A small sound that is desperate need falls from my lips and I don't recognize at first as coming from me. I pull off my tank top and wiggle out of my panties tossing them to the floor before crawling the short distance back to him, to Edward, to my love, to my need.

I don't care that it's three in the morning and that we have to be up for work in a few hours, I only know I want him. I tug the sheet completely from him, crawling up slowly on all fours over his body, my head dipping down and I breathe in deep, he smells of love and lust, desire pouring from him as it does me. I sit up and back a little, straddling his thighs, my eyes drinking him in like I'm dying of thirst and he's my water. My heart swells up in my chest, my love becoming all consuming as I stare at him and pause, again awestruck with how deep my feelings are, my soul forever entwined with his name. My hands shake as I slide them up, my fingertips graze over his hips as I hook my fingers into the sides of his pajama pants and pull them down off of him, tossing them to the floor. His body offers me no resistance as I move his legs apart, settling on the bed between his feet for the moment. Edward murmurs my name again and I smile at the sound, loving that he's thinking of me even in his sleep. My fingers wrap around his ankles stroking his skin before moving up his calves. I shift my body up higher as my hands move up his thighs, caressing along the sensitive skin of the inner thighs and I am granted another low, deep moan that sends shivers down my spine. Edward shifts a little again and I watch as his chest begins moving up and down more quickly indicating his breathing is picking up, his head tossing a little from side to side on his pillow.

I lean forward now, letting my hands rest against his hips and take some of my weight, my mouth opening as I breathe out and letting my warm breath fall over his cock proudly standing up from his body and weeping for attention. I lean forward and kiss the tip of it, pressing my lips against the smooth velvety skin, my tongue peek out to lick at the fluid leaking from it, moaning quietly at the taste on my tongue and wanting more. My lips part hungrily, his smooth velvet head slips into my mouth and I suckle it, stroking my tongue over it, swirling around to trace the contours of his tip. Edward moans again, this time more loudly, his eyes still closed, still thinking he's dreaming. His hand moved down and pushes into my hair, his fingers scrunching up in it as his hips flex up and I let more of his cock slide into my mouth with a moan.

His eyes fly open in surprise as he realizes this is reality, his eyes flickering with so many emotions that I can see even in the darkness, as his mind races to catch up with what is happening, his desire dark and deep in the swirling greens that look down at me, "Bella?" His voice is gravelly and sleep filled, "Baby?" He groans and his body shudders as I flick my tongue up along his shaft in reply and tilt my head to let him slide against the soft inside of my cheek, stroking him lovingly with my mouth, looking at him so he can see the hunger in my eyes.

I drag my tongue against the length of him in my mouth and Edward moans again, his body strains up from the bed, arching in pleasure and he falls back heavily panting. I watch as his hands move from my hair down to my arms, needy and full of desire but gentle and loving as they get me to release his erection from my mouth and then pull me up his body to him. I lean down, pressing my breasts against his chest and our mouths meet in a deep kiss, tongue battling and playing, hunger becoming more and more consuming. I press my knees in against the outside of his hips, using my whole body to hold him as we continue to kiss, now more a series of kisses and nips than one long one, my hips rock just slightly against him and I feel his hardness brush along my wet folds, making my cry out quietly against his mouth. I sit up for him slowly, breaking our kiss, allowing my hands to trace over his chest, caressing and letting him feel my need in my touch.

A moan drags out low from my throat as his hands find my breasts, his hands firmly cupping them as he strokes his thumbs along the curve of their undersides; my head falls back and I let out a shaky breath. His hands feel like fire against my skin, licking and lapping, making me crave more and I begin to tremble more noticeably over him. A soft purring sounds rises from my throat as his thumbs find my nipples, stroking over them repeatedly, maddeningly slow as they torture me in the best possible way. Our hips rock together lightly, our bodies rubbing against one another's. Edward's hands release my breasts and drop down along my sides to the curve of my hips and then slowly he brushes them across my stomach. I tense for a moment and he looks at me, everything stops as we stare into each other's eyes and he lets his hand stroke gently across my stomach again before sliding back to my hips, rubbing along there as he pushes his hips up from the bed to mine, grinding into me and making me moan for him.

He stills beneath me now, using his hands against my hips to still me as well, then his hands move up to cup my cheeks. We stare into each other's eyes and I can see the restraint he's showing in this moment, I can feel his body shaking slightly beneath mine as he holds it back, his cock pressing up against my wetness eagerly, nestling itself between my drenched folds, searching for entrance to my body almost desperately. But my focus is on his eyes now, where he wants them to be, and when he speaks voice is hoarse; I hear raw desire in it but above all I hear his love in it, "Are you sure, Beautiful? I want you so badly, but I don't want to rush you into something."

I lean down over his body to kiss him tenderly, stopping his words, whispering. "I want you, Sweetness, I need you." My tongue pushes into his mouth and I tangle it with his as my hips undulate against his again, feeling his hardness run through my swollen, soft, wet folds, my desire dripping down over him, readying him for what we both so desperately want, showing him how badly I mean these words, how ready I am to take this step again, how much I not only want him but need him so much it's aching inside of me. His hips buck up beneath me as he groans and I answer with a whimper. My hips raise up higher over his moving a little until I feel his tip at my entrance and the groan he gives me rolls down my spine in a shiver. I slowly sink down onto him, taking him into my body, feeling myself stretch to accommodate his girth as my body wraps around his. Nothing has ever felt so perfect as this feeling, the feeling of us coming together. There is love, thick in the room surrounding us but there is something even more demanding now; there is pure, raw, need, the kind that only comes from deep love and needing to be with that person, the kind that consumes you entirely.

My hips circle against his, grinding down and making him move inside of me, feeling like he touches every part of me as I moan in pleasure, hearing him echoing as he groans my name and his hands find my hips again. We begin to move now, he lifts me up and I move easily, pulling up until just the head of his cock is inside of me. Our eyes meet, lust taking fully over now and he brings me down swiftly and hard on to his cock, his hips arching up to meet me and I cry out in pleasure "Yes!"

We begin a quick rhythm, somewhere inside of us both, there is part that would like to take this slow, let it last for hours, but making love comes in different forms and sometimes it needs to be hard and fast, full of need and unbridled passion. We move together, his hips thrusting up, pushing his cock deep into me, mine crashing down to meet his, circling and grinding against him for a moment, keeping him trapped in my body before I slide upward again, leaning forward to drag his thick hard length along my front wall and over my g-spot. My body bounces on his and my nails drag down his chest until my hands are on his stomach, pressing down again it as I lift myself up only to bring myself back down hard on him over and over, cries coming from me and groans from him, the rhythmic sound of our bodies coming together, our pants, our cries, our moans filling the room.

My eyes close and I let my head fall forward as I ride him, losing myself entirely to feeling, knowing that no-one but Edward could make me feel like this. I feel his hips lifting and lowering beneath me, sometimes rotating to grind up against mine, circling inside of me again to make me cry out his name. His hands slide up my stomach, up my chest, cupping my breasts again, holding them more tightly than before, a bit rougher, as I moan. His hot hands knead my breasts before his fingers tweak and roll my nipples. Our bodies begin moving even faster, more desperation in our movements now, feeling both of us building toward our peak.

I ride him faster than I thought myself capable of, he pushes up harder, meeting my every movement, but it never feels like it's enough. I want more, I feel like I can't get him deep enough inside of me even though his cock constantly hits against my back wall, proving that if he were any larger he wouldn't fit. I can feel the same need inside of him, the need to be closer, that it's never enough, it will never be enough, this hunger for each other will never fade away.

Both of us are panting harshly now, small sounds escaping my throat, groans and grunts coming from his. our bodies slick with a light sheen of sweat as they continue to come together over and over. Suddenly, his hands grip my hips again and he flips us over, his body never leaving mine, so that I'm on my back, his body warm and heavy over mine now. Edward pushes himself in deep and firm, causing me to arch up from the mattress with another low moan. His touch is gentle, even as it's desperate and insistent, he tugs on my arms, pulling my hands up to either side of my head on the pillow and both of his hands find mine. He locks our fingers together, pressing our intertwined hands into the pillow, his voice is low as he dips his head and kisses me hard, leaving me completely breathless when he pulls back. "Wrap your legs high around me, Beautiful." His voice is a low growl of need and I immediately do as he asks, wrapping them high so they are around his lower back, tilting my hips up and my ass almost lifted off the bed, I cross my ankles and my feet rest just above his ass and unbelievable he does feel even deeper this way; I moan loudly.

He starts to move in short, hard, quick thrusts into me. His cock sliding along my front wall constantly now and rubbing against my g-spot each time. I move with him, simultaneously pulling him down with my legs as I pull myself up to meet his thrusts. He grinds his pelvis against me, rubbing against my clit and I both feel and hear the the sexiest sound ever come from him. A low, rumbling, growl from deep within his chest as he pushes into me one last hard time and circles again, grinding down as I press up hard to meet him. My head falls back to the pillow as I cry out his name in ecstasy.

"Edward!"

He buries his face against my neck moaning my name as I feel his cock twitch, pulsing with his release inside of me as we fall apart together, "Bella!"

We stay like this for a long while, our bodies pressed tight together as he softened inside of me, his face pressed into my neck and my cheek resting against his hair, our hands intertwined. Both of us pant and try to catch our breath as we come down, nuzzling softly against one another in love but not speaking any words. Gently, he loosens his grip on my hands, his face coming up to meet mine and his kiss is gentle and deep. Love spoken with no words, just a kiss. He smiles at me as he nuzzles his nose against mine and we stare into each other's eyes. After a long while, he releases my hand, lifting his body up and reluctantly pulls out of me. He moves to my side and I move on my side with him, we face each other. He pulls me tightly to him, my body curling in against his as he holds me against him as I feel his lips in my hair, his hands on my back in soft strokes against my skin. He kisses down the side of my face until his lips meet mine again and he kisses me until we're both breathless.

I smile, feeling sated, brushing my fingertips over his chest, showing him my love through my touch. I suddenly realize that he can see my body completely now and feel embarrassed, sitting up and reaching for our clothes on the floor. He stops me gently and I turn to look down embarrassed, my hand instinctively moving to cover my stomach, shame of my body welling up in me. I don't want him to see the reminders of that night.

"Beautiful, look at me please!" I lift my eyes to him slowly, "Come here baby." He pulls me back to him and holds me, his hands rubbing along my back to comfort me. Slowly he moves us, lying me on my back as he lies on his side looking at me, his head propped up on his arm. His hand gently move mine away from my stomach and he moves slowly down on the bed and drops his head, very softly he kisses the pink marks one by one murmuring. "You're beautiful, every part of you. Please don't hide yourself from me. I don't see these scars, Bella, I see you. I see your eyes, the curve of your hips, the way your body was made to press perfectly against mine. These are a mark of courage, my love, of strength, not of weakness. These say you survived to come back to me." He presses a gentle kiss over each of the marks again before moving back up to kiss my lips again.

I look into his eyes and I see nothing but honesty there and I swallow and feel my body relax slightly, "I love you." I whisper because it's the only thing I can think of to say.

His hand cups my cheek and he brushes it lightly before he then settles again, nudging me to roll and lay on my side away from him. Once I have, he presses himself in close, his chest to my back, curling our bodies together. His arm wraps around my waist and his hand finds mine, he links our fingers together letting them resting against my stomach.

"I love you too, Bella!" He drops a sweet kiss against my neck and my body relaxes the rest of the way, snuggling back against him as the feeling of security and love wraps around us. Tiredness creeps in again as my eyes start to close. I feel his lips brush against my neck again and I can hear the sleepiness creeping into his voice when he speaks, "Oh, and Bella?"

"Hmmmm?" I respond, slipping slowly into sleep as I feel his breath warm and sensual against my ear as he whispers in it

"You can wake me up anytime like that baby." He chuckles softly. "You can wake me up like that every day if you like." He chuckles again quietly before nuzzling my neck and I feel his breathing evening out as he falls back into sleep. My lips curve into a smile as I fall asleep, safe and warm in the arms of the man I love.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

Several days later finds us laying on a blanket, our picnic packed back up into the basket and Edward and I are just lounging, talking quietly to one another and enjoying a warm day. I am sitting, my legs curled to the side and Edward laying on his back with his head on my lap as my fingers play idly with his hair. I tilt my head back into the sunlight, enjoying the warmth it brings and I hum softly.

"California." He says softly and suddenly, drawing me out of my trance and I look down at him confused.

"Huh?" I ask bewildered to what I am supposed to make out of what he just said.

Edward grins at me and sits up, kissing me suddenly, taking my breath away. "That's where we should go, Beautiful! To California. You love the sun and the ocean, I know how you love being near water and how you find peace in it. It's far enough away and big enough that he would have trouble finding you if he looked. You've told me before how much you loved going on vacations there when you were younger." His voice sounds more excited and the idea is enticing "Not a big city like Los Angeles or San Francisco, someplace smaller, close to the city but far enough away to be peaceful..." He trails off in his musing and looks me, ducking his head a little "I mean, it's a place to consider."

I nod, quietly thinking and internally liking the idea very much, it's true, I have always loved California. I smile shyly at him, "I like the idea." I say softly. "But, would you be okay with such a big move? I mean, we're going to uproot our whole entire lives, Sweetness, everything is going to be new with nothing to fall back on if it doesn't work out." I bite my bottom lip, worrying it a bit with my teeth until Edward brings his thumb up and gently frees it.

"My life is with you, Bella. Whether that be here, in California, or in Bora Bora," I giggle and he smiles at the sound, leaning in and kissing me softly. "I'm not saying let's leave today, I'm saying let's start looking and see what we can find, what do you say?"

I look into his eyes, so clear and green, feeling like I'm looking into his soul and seeing his love for me and I smile, "I say yes." I breathe out and the smile he gives me back takes my breath away. Edward stands up, pulling me up to him and wrapping his arms around me, spinning us around and laughing, the sound warm and happy as I press my face down into his neck, knowing that as long as I am with him, I will be where I belong.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_Four Months Later_

I sigh, a headache beginning and my eyes already aching as I continue to scroll through house listings. We were running out of time to find one, but Edward and I had agreed we weren't just going to settle on the first house we found, we were going to find _our_ house. A task that was proving to be much easier said, than done.

We had finally settled on San Diego, though we didn't want to live in the middle of the city, we were looking into the suburbs like Hillcrest, Balboa Park, Carmel Valley, and Clairemont. Close enough that we could go into the city and Edward could work downtown and I would have no problem finding a job, but living far enough away to enjoy quiet. It was a little bigger of a city than we originally planned for, but I have always loved it and I remember when I was younger coming to visit Charlie on the naval base when he was stationed here.

Edward and I had surprisingly been able to find jobs quickly and we had secured them firmly about a week ago. We had told our new employers that we needed to give two months notice so we could use that time to find ourselves a place to live and move and settle in and they had both been understanding and agreed to our great surprise. Now, the only thing that was holding us back now was finding a place to live.

The trick, of course, was we needed to find a home that was empty and that we could move on it quickly, purchasing and moving into it almost immediately. My house here in Forks had sold and the money was securely in the bank just waiting to be put toward buying our new home. That had been a bit of an argument between Edward and myself, whether to get a mortgage for the house or to just outright buy it if we could.

We both made good money but not enough to just buy a house outright. My other house had been bought with my inheritance from my Grandparents and that is what I wanted to use to buy this house; it just didn't make sense to me to get a twenty year mortgage on something if we had the means to just buy it. Edward maintained that it was my money and if we were doing this together then he should put in half of it. I couldn't make him understand that I didn't look at it that way, we were getting this home for us, if I had the money or if he had the money why did it matter? Both of our names were going on the deed so it would belong to both of us, not just me. I told him if it made him feel better he could write me a check every month. It had all finally ended one night with me in tears and Edward pacing the floor, tugging at his hair, both of us had been going back and forth with the same points we had been saying for weeks and neither of us was giving in.

I tearfully said that Nana and Papa had left me that money to help me make my life out in the world, that he was my life, this was my life so why couldn't we use that money to help us? He had dropped down on to his knees in front of me and taken my face in his hands, holding it firmly but so tenderly and looking into my eyes. "Is this what you really want, Beautiful? I'm worried if we do this that someday you're going to look back and resent me- us using that money for this."

I looked back at him as if he were insane, but when pausing for a moment for reflection, I could understand that worry. I had looked at him quietly for a moment and then said softly in a calm but sure voice "This is what I want and I will never resent using the money for buying a house for us to build a home in together." And just like that, the argument was ended, he had nodded and kissed me softly and since that day, we had been looking frantically for a house we wanted.

Both of us would look during the day, when we had free moments from work and share our findings with each other at night, but we both admitted that none of them felt right, felt like they were meant to be ours, so we kept looking.

I click on the next listing and stopped, my musings brought to a halt and my breath catching. I reach out blindly for my phone, finally finding it and bringing it closer, hitting the speed dial without looking as my eyes stare at the screen.

"Hello, Beautiful!" Edward's voice is warm over the phone.

"Sweetness, I found it!"

"Found, what?" His voice sounds confused

"Our house! I found our house! It's perfect, oh Sweetness, it's just perfect!" My voice is excited sounding and I hear his breath catch.

"You really think you've found it, Bella?"

I nodded before I remember he can't see through the phone "I do, it's lovely, it's not too big or too small. It looks like it could have come out of a storybook to me. It's got a big porch and a yard with trees shading it and it's fenced in for Tex. Set back and not too close to the street, in a beautiful neighborhood and a beautiful open floor plan like we wanted!"

Edward chuckles. "I'm on my way home now, Baby. I can't wait to see it! Is it empty, could we move on it quickly?"

I double-check the figures and look at the stats. "It is, oh Sweetness, I want this house!"

"Okay baby, I'll be there in ten minutes and you can show me. Love you!"

"Love you too, hurry!" I hang up my phone and continue to stare at the screen, looking at the individual pictures and seeing Edward and myself living there.

Ten minutes later, Edward rushes through the door, Tex jumps and barks around him wanting attention but he's headed straight to my office, to me. I turn in my chair, pushing back a bit so he can get a clearer view. He leans down and reaches out for my hand as he looks and then turns to me with wide eyes. "It's perfect, Baby." He says softly and then slowly a grin spreads over his face, lighting it up. "You did it! You found our house!" The next thing I know, I'm out of the chair and in his arms and he's twirling us around and we're laughing, happiness flooding the room.

After a few moments, we calm down and he kisses me properly, finally leaning down to give Tex a few pets to calm him as well and we smile at each other, just staring into one another eyes for a bit. I finally break the silence "Can you be late in the morning so we can call on it and start getting things going?" I ask softly, not wanting to waste another moment.

He nods and dips his head, kissing me again but this time more deeply, his tongue tracing against my lips until mine part to give him passage. My arm wind tighter around his neck as his hands drop down to cup my ass cupping it firmly as he pulls my body to his, our kiss continues until we're both breathless. "Yeah, but I say we start celebrating tonight." His eyes darken and his voice drops more low, his grin is playful and dark with desire, my body shivers and responds as I press tighter into him.

"What did you have in mind?" I ask breathlessly.

Edward kisses me again, more intently than before, our tongue playing with one another's and then he starts walking me backwards slowly a few steps, his hands on my hips to guide me as our mouths stay locked together. We stop when we bump into the edge of my desk. Edward moves one hand move off my ass and reaches around behind me, his other hand kneading and gripping my ass as I moan into his mouth. I hear a soft click and them him push something out of the way but don't realize its my laptop until his hand comes back to my ass, he grips it firmly and he lifts me up to the desktop, placing me there.

His eyes are dark green now and swirling with lust; I feel as if I'm drowning in them as he finds the zipper on the back of my dress and I hear it being drug down my back. He slowly strips me from my dress asking me to lift my hips which I do while placing my hands on the desk for my leverage, and he tosses my dress on the floor when it's off. He hooks his foot around my chair and drags it closer, as his hands explore my body and my head falls back as I moan. His hands mold perfectly around my breasts and he massages them, flicking my hardened nipples through the lace of my bra and then sitting down in the chair, making him almost level with me.

His hands drop down to my legs, sliding up and down my thighs before parting them as he rolls the chair closer, moving between them. By now, I'm trembling in anticipation and he knows it, his mischievous dark smile giving him away; I moan again as his hands move back up to my breasts. I open my eyes to watch as he blows a cool breath through the lace, causing my nipple to tighten further and then his eyes look up into mine and he drags his tongue across it. My lips part and I don't have time to make a sound before his lips are surrounding my nipple and he is sucking it into his mouth through the lace, rubbing his tongue and using the lace to tease me, making my entire body flush with heat and I writhe. As his mouth works hungrily against my left breast, his hand comes up to my right, teasing my nipple with his fingers, grasping it firmly but there is so much love behind that firm grasp it makes me cry out as he rolls the hard bud between his fingers.

It takes only a matter of minutes, before I'm squirming against the top of my desk, my wetness flooding my folds and soaking the lace of my thong. Edward lifts his head from my breast and breathes in deep, his voices a low growl that rolls down my spine as he speaks "I can smell you, baby and you smell so fucking good." I shiver, letting out a whimper in response, unable to speak but showing him in my eyes how I begin to ache for him. "I know." He whispers in that low growl but it's tender this time. "I'm going to make the ache better, love."

His hands slide down to my hips now and I lift them, letting him drag my wet panties down my legs and I smile shyly when I see him slip them into his pocket, it's a habit of his to do on occasion and it always thrills me when he does. "Lean back on your arms, Beautiful, let me taste you." I let out what can only be described as a low purr as I let myself rest back, bracing my weight on my forearms, feeling the heat of his hands sliding up my thighs. I whimper as I feel his thumbs stroking up my inner thighs, making me tremble more as he leans in and I feel his breath fall against my wet folds.

His tongue is gentle yet firm as he runs it over me, my head falling back and my eyes closing as I moan his name. He used the tip of his tongue to tease, tracing each one of my tender lips, kissing them and licking softly as he encourages them silently and with his tongue to swell and open for him. His tongue is gentle and teasing as he parts my folds and runs his tongue fully against me, my hips writhe and he brings his hands up to hold them lightly so I don't lose my balance. Then he lets his hunger for me go completely and I feel it wash over me and through me as Edward lick and laps through my swollen and dripping folds hungrily.

He draws throaty cries and whimpers from me, his tongue working with purpose and need to build me. The tip of his tongue probing and circling around my entrance, flicking against it, making me writhe even more and he looks up at me to watch my body react to him like it's the most important thing he will ever see, like it's the most beautiful sight in the world to him. His gaze feels like heat on my skin and I don't need my eyes open to know he's watching, I feel it. His teasing is maddening, it feels so, so erotic,his tongue constantly brushes against my entrance, passing over it, pressing on it with a bit of pressure, but all of my squirming and writhing isn't getting what I want. "Please!" My voice is desperate sounding, heavy with lust and love intertwined.

I feel his lips twitch a bit, like that is what he's been waiting for me to say and he pushes his tongue slowly into me, pushing it up along my front wall as he drags it back out before pushing it firmly back into my pussy again, my entire body sighs in pleasure. His tongue begins to pump in and out of me, he curls his tongue and then lets it flatten, swirling it to brush against all sides of my inner walls as deeply as he can reach, constantly dragging it against my front wall as I become short of breath and my whole body flushes pink, building toward its release.

I writhe and moan against the top of my desk, I hear some things hit the floor but I could care less. My clit feels engorged and pulsing, begging for attention and I don't have to say anything this time, Edward knows. His right hand slides over and with his thumb he easily finds the swollen nub and strokes it in rhythm with his tongue pushing in and out of me. I am lost in pleasure and it takes less than a minute before my body is quivering and thrashing in release for him. I call out his name several times between moans and cries, as I become too sensitive, his tongue pulls out to lap up all the juices against my skin gently, humming softly at my taste against his tongue and using it to clean my body as I lay panting and trying to catch my breath, waiting for my head to stop spinning.

When he finally pulls back I bring my head up and open my eyes and he's licking his lips like the cat that got the canary. He smiles and leans in, kissing me and letting me taste myself against his tongue. I sit up more fully as we kiss, my hands moving into his hair and gripping as I maneuver myself closer to the edge and down on to his lap, straddling him in the chair.

I vary my kiss, tilting my head from side to side, nipping and licking, teasing his lips as my hands slide down and I tug on his shirt to untuck it. He groans against my mouth as my hands find his belt and I tug hard on it but it's playful before undoing it and then going to work on his pants getting them undone as well. I lift my body up a bit so he can lift his hips and I push my tongue into his mouth and kiss him hard as I tug his pants down enough to free his thick and straining cock.

I break my kiss and drop my lips down to his neck, nipping and licking against his skin as I wrap both of my hands around his cock, linking my fingers together to encompass it fully in my grasp, smiling when I hear him groan for me again. Edward's head falls back against the chair, giving me full access to his neck and throat, and as my hands stroke up his shaft and squeeze around his head, I lick over his adams' apple, and he gives me the most delicious sounding moan that makes me shiver.

My hands begin a firm, steady rhythm of stroking over his hard length, adding little tug on the end of each my strokes. I press my palms against his hard length and roll them back and forth like I'm lathering soap on my hands, rolling his cock between them to add sensations as I stroke up and down. I nibble and kiss on his neck, my tongue darting out to taste his skin. Edward's hip lift up, pushing his cock through my hands more firmly, begging me silently for faster as I comply. His head lolls a bit to side as he moan, his eyes are closed and I watch the pleasure cross his face. I'm captivated by the sounds he gives me, enamored by the way I can make him feel, the way he feels against my palms. My own breathing is heavier, matching his, my body bounces lightly as I stroke his cock firmly, never dropping my rhythm as I bring him pleasure.

Stroking. Squeezing. Twisting. I know his body so well and the moment he twitches, letting me know he's close, I ease up, I keep stroking but I make them softer, I slow a little and let him come down some. I drive him to the brink of insanity with my hands, listening to his sounds, feeling his body move for me, watching him. His eyes open, locking on mine, and his voice is low and dark, heavy with need and lust as he speaks "I love you, Bella."

My breath catches and then he grunts, his cock gets even harder and twitches and I know he's right there. This time I don't stop, I squeeze my hands, giving a firm tug at the end of my stroke and send him over the edge, feeling the warmth spread over my linked hands and shivering as I watch the pleasure in his eyes before he shuts them again.

In the end, he relaxes, his body almost limp against the chair and I lean against him, both of us panting for our breath and the warmth of love around us. He finally opens his eyes and smiles at me, kissing me softly. "We need to clean up" he chuckles and looks a little shy "Then we should go out to dinner and celebrate our house, what do you think?"

"I think that sounds perfect" I smile at him, a small blush on my cheek and I slowly extract myself from his lap.

Edward stands up, tucking himself back into his pants and we walk together to our room and the bathroom beyond to clean up. A bit later as we're dressing to go out, I feel the heat of his body come up behind me before I feel it. His arms wrap around my waist and he drops a kiss just behind my ear before whispering. "And then after dinner, we need to come home, because I have more plans to celebrate." He presses another kiss and steps away from me, my body protesting and a small whimper coming from me.

My heart is beating wildly as we walk out the door hand in hand to the car and I wonder just how long dinner has to take before we can come back home.

**o~o~o~O~o~o~o**

_Two Months Later ~ July_

_Emmett POV_

Huffing just a bit, I bring the last small box out to the SUV that Edward is loading up and hand it to him; he gives me a thankful nod and maneuvers it in before slamming the door shut and leaning back against the vehicle tiredly. I join him, looking out to the road, the moving truck already loaded and on its way with most of their belongings. I feel a lump in my throat, and I realize I'm not ready to say goodbye to my sister or my friend. But that is what I've flown home for my three day leave to do, help them get them packed and loaded and then to say goodbye.

"Hey, I've wanted to ask you something but I haven't had a chance to get you alone yet." I turn to him, my voice quiet though I know Bella is in the house and can't hear us.

Edward looks back at me. "What's up?"

"You're starting this whole new adventure- life together." I pause. "Why haven't you asked her to marry you?" It's something that has been weighing on my mind now since they announced their plans, I know that Edward loves her but she deserves the full package and I was a little concerned.

Edward suddenly straightens up and looks very serious, his eyes drift to the house where inside Bella is doing the last minute cleaning before they hit the road. "She's not ready yet." He says very quietly. "I have the ring and I've thought about it a million times, but she's not ready yet. She just went through hell and back a few months ago. Her private hell was laid out for strangers; look how hard she had to fight to regain her name, her life, her freedom. I know that she loves me, I know she wants this life with me and I want to marry her. But to her marriage is still something to be scared of. That ring she wore for so long was a symbol of bondage and pain to her. Someday I want to put my ring on her finger and I want her to see nothing but love when she looks at it. She still has some healing to do and when she's ready, I'll know, I'll feel it and at that moment, I will drop down to my knees and ask- beg if I have to, for her to be my wife."

His voice stays quiet throughout his entire speech and his eyes never waver from looking at the house. Any worries I had are immediately squashed as I hear the love for my sister in his voice and I understand what he says and respect him even more for knowing her as well as he does, for loving her and respecting her as much as he does. "You'll take care of her and you remember that just because you're farther away means nothing. You're still only a plane ride away from me kicking your ass if you hurt her." I try to make my voice sound more threatening but I fail. I fail because I know that he would never hurt her like that.

Edward chuckles lightly but when he looks at me, I know he knows how serious the threat is, underneath it all, that I trust him but I wouldn't hesitate if he did hurt her and he nods "I would rather hurt myself than ever hurt her."

"I know." I say gruffly as I see Bella coming out of the empty house, a broom in her hand, taking one last look around before closing the front door and then looking for me and Edward. We move up the driveway to meet her.

"All ready." she says softly and her eyes are brimming with tears as she looks at me. Edward looks at her, but knows that this is our moment together so he takes the broom gently from her hands and steps back as I step forward and wrap my arms around my sister and hold her tight.

"You guys take it easy on the road and make it there safe. Call me when you get there so I know you're okay." Bella sniffles against me, nods, and holds to me a little tighter.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Brother Bear. I love you so much." She whispers.

"I love you too, Sissy. This is a good thing; this is such a good thing, just remember that."

"I know it is, it's what I want so much. You take care of yourself so you can come visit us on your next leave okay? Promise me you'll take care of yourself." Her arms tighten around me and my big sister comes out in full force as she worries about me.

I kiss the side of her head. "I promise, now come on, you know I don't want big long sappy goodbyes. It's time to go get that man of yours and head off to your new life." I hug her tighter for just a moment, wishing I could stop time for just a bit, before gently releasing her.

She gives me one last smile and then steps into Edward's waiting arms, he wraps them around her and places a kiss on the top of her head and reaches his hand out to me. We shake and nod at each other in silent acknowledgement of our earlier conversation and then he turns and helps Bella into the car before going around and getting in the driver's seat.

Bella looks out the window and waves, I lift my hand in return and it stays lifted until they are well out of sight. I let my hand drop and turn to look one last time at the house where my sister found her happiness and I know in my soul she is where she belongs now. She is safe and she will be happy and loved and I could ask for nothing more for her.

**Little**** Footnote:**

_Every person that reviews, I will give you a little peek into the next chapter! Also, I'm looking for someone who is good with Photoshop, I am clueless when it comes to that but I have a couple of pics I would really love to use and I would love them even more if they could be Edward and Bella and not random models, Please contact me in pm if you willing to help. Until next time, lovelies. *waves*_


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